hey trouble, loan me twenty bucks?

According to the New York Times (old habits die hard…), crazy hotel/real estate lady Leona Helmsley is REALLY obsessed with dogs. And sort of seems to hate people.

Mrs. Helmsley is no stranger to headlines; after her death last August she shocked people by leaving $12 million to her dog, Trouble (pictured above). A judge later knocked that down to a mere $2 million ($100,000 of which goes to security for the Maltese, who was receiving death threats from, um, jealous strangers?), but the real winners here are dogs all over the country, who stand to benefit from an up to $8 billion trust that Mrs. Helmsley has donated to needy pups:

Her instructions, specified in a two-page “mission statement,” are that the entire trust, valued at $5 billion to $8 billion and amounting to virtually all her estate, be used for the care and welfare of dogs, according to two people who have seen the document and who described it on condition of anonymity.

All of that might make you think Helmsley is just a sweet old woman who really loved dogs, but you’d be wrong. She was known for her “sharp tounge and impatience with humanity,” and she earned the nickname “The Queen of Mean” after a trip to the big house in 1989 for tax evasion. Lady, if you had millions of dollars to give your dog, you certainly had enough money to pay your taxes. (Or maybe tax evasion’s just something that sickeningly rich people do for fun.)

Apparently, the lady’s totally batshit. Although she left tons of money to her precious purse dog, she left two of her grandchildren out of the will. And if that wasn’t enough, she threw two veeewy strange requests into her will: one, that her tomb be “acid-washed or steam-cleaned” each year (and you thought your job was bad) and two, that “two of her grandchildren’s $10 million inheritance [be]contingent on their visiting their father’s grave” and signing in at a registration book in the mausoleum.

I guess this country really has gone to the dogs (ba dum CHING!).

[Posted by Mallory]