Monthly Archives: October 2010

today is a google holiday, hooray!

Today’s Google Holiday: Happy Halloween (featuring Scooby Doo)!

What I was Googling: Thanks to Google’s new predict-y thing, I can’t get a good screen shot anymore, but I was Googling “Kamala Harris.” Interesting lady.

Hope you all had good Halloweens! Mine was excellent. Three costumes in 24 hours makes for an excellent Halloween, apparently. While I enjoyed both of my nighttime costumes, I think my rally costume — an XL adult onesie with a horse’s ass print on it — was my favorite. (Our signs said “Onesie Nation Under God.”) My friend took photos…I’ll try to get those up here on the blahg.

It was hard to hear things at the rally, but I really enjoyed the signs and the energy and Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert’s amazingness. And I mean, Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam live? HELLO?! Awesome. He played this:

A girl standing behind me shouted “Hey, this is the song from Remember the Titans!” when he began singing. Well, yes. Among other things.

Of course, Jon Stewart’s speech at the end made me all tingly inside and I kind of wanted to run up on stage and give him a hug and a high five. Unfortunately, at that time I was back inside eating pizza, so I kept doing that instead.

[Posted by Mallory]

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under adventures, humor, politics, technology

from the dnc: it gets better.

Okay, I know I already posted the YouTube clip of the day, but I can’t wait to post this. This makes me so, so proud to call myself a Democrat:

Nice work, DNC.

[Posted by Mallory]

Leave a comment

Filed under news, politics, thoughts, YouTube

youtube clip of today: parrot dance.

Would someone mind telling me why I find the following video so entertaining? I mean, I just don’t love “Whip My Hair.” In the same way I’m creeped out by Justin Bieber, I can’t get over the fact that I’m listening to a NINE YEAR OLD sing about whipping her hair back and forth. That said, I cackled through this whole thing:

Happy Halloween weekend, little monsters!

[Posted by Mallory]

1 Comment

Filed under animals, dance, humor, music, pop culture, YouTube

55 thoughts from some random dude.

So, I know I have seen this before, which means you probably have too. But it still makes me chuckle a lot, so here you go:

1. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

4. I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

5. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

6. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.

8. Do you remember when you were a kid playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

9. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

10. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.

11. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

12. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

13. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

14. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

15. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

16. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

17. Was learning cursive really necessary?

18. Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

19. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

20. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

21. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

22. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

23. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)…ummm…Goonies.”

24. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

25. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

26. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

27. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

28. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

29. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

30. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

31. Bad decisions make good stories.

32. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

33. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

34. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

35. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

36. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

37. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

38. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to fall after leaning your chair back a little too far.

39. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

40. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

41. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

42. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

43. When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

44. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

45. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…

46. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

47. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

48. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

49. I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

50. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.

51. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

52. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

53. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

54. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than with Kay.

55. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

[Posted by Mallory]

1 Comment

Filed under humor, pop culture, random

that’s right: hump day cry face.

I was walking home from happy (four) hour(s) tonight and happened to be checking my phone (while still totally being aware of my surroundings, and being very tall and intimidating to robbers and rapists) and I saw that I was tagged in a photo. And it was a Cry Face photo. And it’s Wednesday. And guys, it was a sign. So for this week, and hopefully for a while, I’m resurrecting Hump Day Cry Face. (I know. You don’t believe any of my promises anymore. But for at least this week, I swear I’ll stick to it.) Thanks to the Yangster, here you go:

See that? See how Cry Face ruins the whole photo? That’s power, man. And you know what else is power? Being able to get the entire cast of a teevee show to do Cry Face:

That’s right. Cry Face is officially famous. They ripped me off, but it’s okay because I finally started watching Modern Family and that shit is GOOD. (“This is my Vietnam. And I was IN Vietnam.”)

In other news, I got the mail just now and happened to notice that the latest issue of Health (which my mother sends me, thankyouverymuch) has Hilary Duff on the cover. HILARY DUFF! She was famous like ten years ago for Lizzie McGuire — a totally awesome show, clearly — and has been riding that wave ever since. It’s all very confusing for me, and that means it’s time for me to get in bed.

Goodnight, children…we have a few things in the pipeline, so don’t give up on us yet!

[Posted by Mallory]

1 Comment

Filed under celebrities, cry face, news, TV

marcel the shell with shoes on.

Guys, I know. I have posted like four times in the past year, Kathleen is officially Internet dead, I’ve missed 18 Google Holidays, all I post is videos, OUR PETS’ HEADS ARE FALLING OFF. But I don’t know…it’s hard to get out of a blogging rut! I don’t know how people with jobs and babies and stuff manage to blog and also exercise and feed themselves. It’s amazing!

My little sis just posted a link to this video on my wall, and it made me realize that I still haven’t posted this on the bloggy! I have, of course, seen it about a million times. (Sorry Mads…you’re way out of the loop.) When I recently visited Miss Mouse in NYC, we lounged in her bed and watched this maybe five times in a row. And then the day after that, I watched it about five times in a row with Debbie and Kels. I just can’t get enough. So if you’re like Maddy and have been living under a rock slash hiding from the world under your lima bean hat, allow me to introduce you to Marcel the Shell with Shoes On:

Happy Thursday, strangers!

[Posted by Mallory]

2 Comments

Filed under blogging, humor, pop culture, weird, YouTube

youtube clip of today: panda swag.

This video is frighteningly entertaining:

File under: Animals and Children That Have More Rhythm Than I Do.

[Posted by Mallory]

Leave a comment

Filed under animals, dance, humor, music, YouTube