I will never pretend that I actually pay attention to football, but I am biologically required to care about the annual CU/Nebraska game. This year’s was just devastating for real CU fans, and me.
Ralphie says: “Way to choke, Hawkins.”
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under animals, family, news, six word memoirs, sports
I know he died a while ago, but I was just reading a People magazine commemorative issue about Paul Newman, and I was reminded of how freaking awesome he was. I’m certainly thankful for him on this Thanksgiving weekend. Kathleen already posted a bunch of wonderful photos of him a right after his death, but let’s look at a few more:
Paul and Joanne were simply perfect:
And this quote is what prompted me to write this post:
We are such spendthrifts with our lives. The trick of living is to slip on and off the planet with the least fuss you can muster. I’m not running for sainthood. I just happen to think that in life we need to be a little like the farmer, who puts back into the soil what he takes out.
We love you here at SWTCTW, Paul.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, crushes, RIP, thoughts
You end a sentence/phrase with a preposition, your AP English teacher has a heart attack. You arrange a sentence/phrase so that it doesn’t end in a preposition, you sound like an elitist douche. When given the choice, I’ll obviously go for the latter.
Anyway, seeing that Madeline (the “guest” slash obviously permanent blogger) has beat me to breaking our dry spell, I was overwhelmed with Catholic guilt. Friends, it’s not that I haven’t wanted to blog in the past few days. I really have. It’s just that I’ve been too overwhelmed with work, to the point that blogging would have caused me even more Catholic guilt. So I cut my losses.
Now that I’m home on break, I have a little more time on my hands. In light of the upcoming holiday o’ food, I’ve decided to share a random list of some things for which I am thankful. In no particular order…
1. Stovetop stuffing. And while we’re at it, the cranberry sauce that looks like the can in which it came (now I’m super paranoid about the preposition thing, dammit). We’re not exactly fancy in my family.
2. Michael Franti. I saw him for the first time back in July, and I fell further in love with him when I saw him at the 9:30 Club in DC last Wednesday. Even if you think you wouldn’t like his music, I’d encourage you to go to one of his concerts. He has an amazing ability to put on the BEST SHOW EVER. His energy is just unbelievable. It didn’t hurt that he made me laugh, made me cry, and made me chant “Barack Obama” all in the span of three hours. And perhaps most impressively, Mr. Franti makes me feel like I’m a good dancer, even when I’m sober (!!!). Take a look at my favorite song off of his newest album:
If you don’t like that song, you should probably just give up on life. You clearly don’t have a soul.
3. While we’re thinking about him, Barack Obama. And Michelle, Malia, and Sasha. Also Joe and Jill Biden.
4. That my finger didn’t entirely fall off today at the nail salon. The entire story would call for a blog post in itself, but I’ll just say that it involved a bloody electric buffer, a sadistic manicurist, and sanitation standards that would have made a cockroach shudder.
5. My ability to entertain myself. My friend Rachel thinks that I could have my own reality show because of the embarrassing shit I do in the privacy of my own space. I’m not sure I agree with her (although, hey, people do watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta), but I am grateful for this skill of mine. The other day, for instance, I caught myself singing “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.” Out loud. In a British accent. Riiiight.
6. That I’m not pregnant.
7. That I’m not morbidly obese. (I honestly think about this on a daily basis.)
8. Goat cheese, breakfast sandwiches, salsa, bourbon, etc. etc.
9. The mountains.
10. Copper.
11. KBCO.
12. Cry Face:
13. All of you, dear readers.
14. The fact that I can make this ridiculous list, because it means that all of the important stuff (health of friends, family, etc.) are already there.
Happy Thanksgiving, SWTCTW readers!
[Posted by Mallory]
Thanksgiving is tomorrow! I hope that all of our lovely readers will get to spend it surrounded by friends and family and with yummy, delicious food. Ready for the guilt trip? Just like every year, this year there will be many individuals and families whose tables are empty and this year, there will be even more.
Nationally, demand at local food banks is up 25-40% as more middle class families, who used to be donors, are seeking assistance in this troubled economy. Donations have either stayed at the same rate or increased slightly but not enough to cover the increased demand. This will be a continued problem, through 2009, but the Holidays are a great time to start helping. Please visit Feeding America (formerly Second Harvest of America) to find a food bank near you and see how you can help. A lot of families rely on their local food bank to put food on their table so please, keep them in mind. Any donation will be greatly appreciated and will help to feed a family in need.
So that’s our PSA. We’ll get back to the snark shortly.
[Posted by Madeline]
I know what you’re thinking: “Six words, you have failed me.” It’s true, we have. Not Kathleen though, she has an excuse. Personally, I blame it on the fact that Gossip Girl was a repeat this week. WHAT is up with that? I missed you all terribly, internets, and I promise that this will not happen again.
Yesterday, I was driving all around Monmouth County, NJ (relishing in the fact that it only cost me TWENTY TWO DOLLARS to fill up my gas tank) and I experienced one of those moments that will make me cringe with embarassment every time I recall it for the next 80 years (I’m optimistic. And healthy). Over the years, I’ve entertained many friends while driving. Whether it be through new and creative ways of using boring old curse words or defying the laws of physics/the road, I think I’ve showed them a good time. HOWEVER, none of them have had the opportunity to experience what I tend to do when I’m driving by myself immediately after drinking a lot of coffee.
It is my firm belief that in another life I was a great performer and because in this life I suffer from both stage fright and being tone deaf, the only time I perform is in the car, alone. I know you’ve all done it too. However, unlike me you’re probably smart and reserve such performances for long drives on empty roads when few people will see you and not for WHEN YOU’RE STUCK IN TRAFFIC. I couldn’t help it though, because a really fabulous song came on and, although I fought it, the rhythm got me (DAMN YOU, Gloria!). I could lie and tell you that it was some really catchy new pop tune like Britneys “Womanizer” or that “Just Dance” song but we’re all about integrity here at SWTCTW so I’m going to come right out and say it: I was listening to a light radio station. I was listening to Bonnie Raitt.
. . . and I was really getting into it. Singing into my coffee cup, doing a little hair flip, making a fool out of myself and of course, I was busted. Some dude in the car next to me totally caught me at a particularly croony moment and laughed and laughed and laughed. I can’t say that I blame him, I looked like an idiot-but that was for my amusement only! I had to spend the next ten miles driving twenty miles below the speed limit so that my car wouldn’t catch up to his again.
It was terrible but you know what? That song is awesome. I wouldn’t lie to you, internets. Enjoy.
[Posted by Madeline]
Filed under adventures, blogging, dance, definitely not politics, music, random
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz had a beautiful, healthy baby boy. And they named him Bronx Mowgli. Yeah, that Mowgli. I’m all for creative names, but I think parents should consider the mockery factor. Ashlee and Pete didn’t seem to do that. Maybe Ashlee is displacing her anger about the misspelling of her own name onto her infant son.
Our Southern belle correspondent tipped us off to this wonderful story, and with the help of Marie Claire UK, we came up with a fun game. You know how you can make up your own porn name or soap opera star name? Well, now you can also make up your own Ashlee Simpson baby name. Here’s the formula:
[One slightly shitty U.S. city + One cartoon animal name]
Here are some examples:
Harlem Tarzan
Compton Simba
Watts Baloo
Scranton Shrek
Our fun new game will sweep the nation. Tell us your favorites in the jump.
UPDATE: FINE, due to some complaints from our favorite readers, let’s change this up a bit:
[One location in the U.S. + One cartoon animal name]
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under babies, celebrities, family, humor, music, news, pop culture
I’m sorry people. I know it’s about time that I stopped ragging on Sarah Palin (not necessarily because she doesn’t deserve it, but because it’s just not worth it anymore), but this video is simply too bizarre to not post. The following footage took place after Palin ceremonially pardoned a turkey. Please note the captions:
Every single caption in that video is priceless. I love that whatever intern was in charge of them seemed to just say, “Aw, fuck it. I’m going for broke.” My favorite caption, of course, is this six-worded gem:
“Turkey-Killing Fowls Palin News Conference”
Someone over at MSNBC totally reads our blog.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under animals, definitely not politics, humor, YouTube
Praise be to the goddesses of pop! Britney’s back!
It seems that she has finally gained some perspective on her, um . . . hiatus, and she’s ready to explain all in an MTV documentary (also known as the “True Life” to end all “True Lifes”). The documentary airs on November 30 but you can see the trailer here!
For the sake of her children and pop music as we know it, I’m glad Britty’s back. I was by no means one of the faithful (holler, Walsh) who thought this day would come but I embrace it. After all, I slow-danced to “Sometimes” in middle school, “Drive Me Crazy” still makes me covet Adrian Grenier, and “Toxic” got me through AP Bio senior year of high school. So, welcome back Britney. We salute you by sharing our favorite Britney moments with our SWTCTW friends and watching more trailers.
She looks so happy!
[Posted by Madeline]
Filed under celebrities, dance, definitely not politics, music, news, pop culture, Uncategorized, YouTube
Did you guys know about this?
EDGERTON, Wis. — When a 15-year-old comes into Wile-e’s bar looking for a cold beer, the bartender, Mike Whaley, is happy to serve it up — as long as a parent is there to give permission.
“If they’re 15, 16, 17, it’s fine if they want to sit down and have a few beers,” said Mr. Whaley, who owns the tavern in this small town in southern Wisconsin.
While it might raise some eyebrows in most of America, it is perfectly legal in Wisconsin. Minors can drink alcohol in a bar or restaurant in Wisconsin if they are accompanied by a parent or legal guardian who gives consent. While there is no state law setting a minimum age, bartenders can use their discretion in deciding whom to serve.
Thanks to Katie, our fake hippie correspondent, for the tip. Interesting article.
And phew, Alaskans didn’t re-elect a convicted felon. Congrats to Mark Begich, numero 58.
[Posted by Mallory]
Let’s talk about things that make us happy. Like any normal human, I love things like breakfast sandwiches and spooning and compliments and not wearing pants. Not necessarily all at the same time. (Although, now that I think about it…that would be REALLY great.) I also love when the exact thing you need to happen happens. Like you were craving an episode of Project Runway and there’s a marathon on. Or you’re running late and need the bus to be there, and it is.
Three of these great things happened to me today. First, I was sitting at my desk after staring at my computer screen (and being productive, actually) for hours, and I thought to myself, “I’m hungry. I should call Jill. Maybe she will eat with me.” And AT THAT EXACT MOMENT Jill called and offered to take me out for Thai food. No joke. Then I got to eat green curry, which I would consider bathing in if that wouldn’t be such a waste of delicious curry.
After lunch, I went back to work for a few hours and then headed to class. As I walked, I was thinking “I’m hungry again. I would like something made of chocolate.” AND THEN MY FRIEND MEG HAD BAKED BROWNIES FOR CLASS.
After class, I went to a meeting (where there was free pizza, huzzah!). I was dreading walking to the bus stop in the freezing cold, and my friend Ruth was all, “Hey, you headed home?” I assumed she wanted to walk with me. BUT THEN SHE OFFERED ME A RIDE. IN HER CAR.
I know, I know. Your head is spinning. But sometimes, it really is the little things. A lot of little things can make for one happy day.
And it doesn’t hurt to come home to an email from your aunt featuring these photographic pieces of joy.
[Posted by Mallory]
six words to change the world. 