Tag Archives: sarah palin

barbara bush’s guide to artful insults.

While filming a segment for Larry King, Barbara Bush delivered quite the artful insult to Sarah Palin (yes, this was reported a few days ago, but I JUST got my new Macbook power cord!). It’s the kind of thing you shiver from when reading, because it’s just so icy cold. I’m not condoning this behavior, but should you ever find yourself needing to tear someone down without calling them names, here is Barbara Bush’s guide to delivering a slap that really stings:

1. Show that you personally know your subject, giving whatever you are about to say some sort of validation.  (“I sat next to her once “)

2. Pay a flattering compliment, but one that doesn’t insinuate any real intelligence or skill.  (“She was beautiful”)

3. Remark upon something fairly insignificant, reminiscent of small talk.  (“I think she’s very happy in Alaska”)

4. Insert verbal dagger. Twist. And laugh lightly or smile, to make it appear more pleasant. (“And I hope she stays there”)

In the world of political mean girls (Carly Fiorina, Meg Whitman, Sharron Angle, etc.), Barbara Bush just pulled a Regina George.

Perhaps the former FLOTUS got underneath Palin’s skin, but you know Sarah Barracuda. She doesn’t retreat, she reloads. It was reported today that she sent a team to Iowa to search for a 2012 campaign office. So about that whole staying in Alaska thing… probably not going to happen.

But did Barbara Bush win this round? You betcha.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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six words has a guest post!

Hey all! How about a Sunday evening guest post? Inspired by the category of people/things not to be trusted on our About Us page, they developed the following list of the most notable celebrities who are NOT to be trusted.

Celebrities Who Are Not To Be Trusted

There are certain celebrities who, quite frankly, leave me feeling a little uneasy. It may be that prolonged exposure to the limelight has had a deleterious effect on their sanity, or perhaps they’re just naturally odd. Whatever the reason for their bizarre behavior, one thing is certain: I woudn’t want to be put in a room with any of these seven nutjobs.

Joaquin Phoenix

Phoenix had a promising start as a young actor in films such as Parenthood and Gladiator, but ever since his bizarre appearance on the David Letterman show, sporting a hobo-esque beard and generally acting like a sociopath for most of the interview, Phoenix appears to have lost his grip on reality. His pseudo-documentary I’m Still Here solidified his status as certified creeper. The whole “am I going crazy or am I just pretending to go crazy” shtick didn’t fool anybody, and the movie was a deserved failure.

Katherine Heigl

Like many others, I was very impressed by Heigl’s performance in Knocked Up, and entertained hopes that she would pick up where Scarlett Johansson had left off in the sophisticated-and-beautiful-actress category. Unfortunately, it appears she is a complete diva on set and intolerable to work with. Beyond this, her habits of slandering and insulting the people who helped her get her career off the ground have made her quite a few enemies in Hollywood, and for good reason.

Tom Cruise

Little needs to be said about why Cruise made the list. His antics of the past decade include the infamous couch-jumping episode, his advocacy of Scientology, and above all, TomKat. The minute I heard that Katie wouldn’t be allowed to make a single unpleasant noise while in labor with her first child because of the Scientologist belief that it would cause psychological damage to the newborn, I knew my worst suspicions about Cruise were true.

John Mayer

It’s easy to be seduced by the sultry strains emanating from Mayer’s guitar, but it seems like every month there’s a new revelation about what a seedy character he is. Recent highlights include his interview with Playboy in which he famously uttered the n-word, claiming it was all right because he had a “hood pass”; in other words, that the white, affluent Mayer somehow had gangsta cred. To say about 50% of what comes from his mouth is offensive would be a conservative estimate.

Mel Gibson

Exceeding even John Mayer’s offensive capabilities is none other than Mel Gibson, whose controverisal film The Passion marked a turning point in his career from action movie hero to ultra-conservative anti-Semitic wacko. As if his depiction of Jews in The Passion wasn’t offensive enough, the recording of his anti-Semitic tirade while being arrested for drunk driving was the nail in the coffin.

Angelina Jolie

Angelina is the only member of this list I actually still have respect for, but that doesn’t mean I would trust her with my kids (if I had kids). Her romantic history includes a fling with Billy Bob Thorton that achieved record levels of creepiness, which were then completely destroyed by her confession of being romantically involved with her brother. That’s right, her brother.

Sarah Palin

I debated whether it would be right to add Sarah Palin to this list, but although ostensibly a “politician,” she’s really as much of a celebrity as everyone else on this list. I’m pretty sure I don’t need to go into the details of the hundreds of groan-inducing moments on the campaign trail running as vice presidential nominee in 2010. What’s remarkable is that she continues to hog the limelight two years after America decided they couldn’t bear the thought of her being a heartbeat away from the presidency.

K. Wallulis is a writer.

[Posted by Mallory]

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let’s just call it beard friday.

Whelp, DC is back to work after a four-day (!) run of snow days. Luckily, I’m a lowly student/part-time employee so it’s just another lazy Friday for me. In theory, it’s not supposed to be lazy. Not at all. But there was…well…a lot of wine last night, and then the walking in the snow this morning, and this girl is sleepy. (My life is hard. I know.)

But there are some things to talk about in the blogosphere! First, Sarah Palin is an idiot and Stephen Colbert is awesome. I mean, we knew that, but that clip illustrates it yet again. The pure, unadulterated hatred I feel toward Sarah Palin actually scares me a little bit. Somebody. make. her. stop.

Speaking of making people stop, take a look at John Mayer’s interview with Playboy, if you haven’t already. Reading that thing is exhausting. I can’t imagine what it’s like inside his head.

It’s all okay though, guys. Because today is BEARD FRIDAY. That just means I’m going to show you these images:

If someone wanted to send me a bearded man with a bag full of breakfast sandwiches, I wouldn’t be upset.

[Posted by Mallory]

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man, don’t you just love someecards?

[Posted by Mallory]

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sarah palin is my unpaid intern.

Happy Monday, y’all! I hope you all had gluttonous and drunken Thanksgivings, just as the Pilgrims intended.

On Saturday night after falling asleep circa 10 p.m. while attempting to research for a paper (RAGEEEEE), I had a really disturbing dream. There’s this newsletter that I’m supposed to be writing for one of my internships, and it’s been hanging over my head for months and stressing me out on a regular basis. I needed to get it done, oh, in September, so every time I think about it I get heart palpitations and feel like a bad person. Such a bad person, I guess, that in my dream I hired SARAH PALIN to help me finish the newsletter. SARAH. PALIN. I know what you’re thinking: “Mallory, she was a journalism major, and she did just write a book, in only a few months. The talent!” To which I counter with a very serious “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.” The only good part about this dream was that I got to boss Palin around while she furiously took notes.

In other much, much better news, my mom sent me a really cute video the other day. I’m going to preface the video by telling you that you should not be expecting Beyonce-esque choreography here. The reason I love this video (and why I cried so much) is that it’s just a bunch of normal people having a ton of fun for a really good cause. How great is that?

Speaking of crying, I saw The Blind Side on Thanksgiving. I haven’t cried that hard in a movie since probably a few weeks ago, but guys it was BAD. I was with Kelsey and her fabulous roommate A.J., and Kelsey and I were legitimately making a scene. This means I’ve now seen at least four movies that made me cry so hard that strangers in the theater stared and made comments. Awesome. (UPDATE: This local DC blog has a pretty good guest post discussing The Blind Side and Precious. I saw Precious last Friday and holy jeebus, it was depressing. Good movie, but honestly such a bummer that I’m not sure I’d recommend it to many people.)

And to continue the stream-of-consciousness: A.J. is a really good dancer. One time, he did almost the whole Single Ladies dance while I awkwardly jumped around nearby. The other day, I asked him how long it took him to learn that dance, and he was all, “Oh, that? What do you mean? I didn’t ever really try to learn it. I was just having fun!” Sigh. Don’t you just hate some people?

[Posted by Mallory]

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john oliver needs his own show.

VS.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The following video brings together two of my favorite things:  John Oliver and ripping apart Sarah Palin. For more Palin-bashing fun, please refer to Kathleen and Mallory’s thoughts on the subject.

Excitement Over Sarah Palin’s Book Release

Enjoy.

Well, just one more.

[Posted by Shannon]

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how chris cillizza fixed my day.

So I had one of those days. Well, not really one of those days. Just one of those afternoons. I had a great morning, and then I left my apartment. It was MISERABLE weather in DC today, rainy and gross lie-in-your-bed weather, and my umbrella recently broke. If I were a rational human being, I would have bought an umbrella at the CVS that is literally across the street from my apartment, but I have a problem with boring umbrellas. I hate rain, so when it rains I want to at least have a cute umbrella to make things a little more bearable. This has led to me walking around in the rain umbrella-less for the past two weeks. I managed to get to campus and do some work without getting too wet or too angry about life in general, but then the computers were behaving badly. And then I needed a bagel. And when I went outside it was raining. And I had a frustrating phone call. And then I decided to walk to J.Crew to buy a cute umbrella. And then J.Crew had no umbrellas and I told them, “FINE, I’ll just go to GAP then!” And then my button (the essential middle button, mind you) popped off of my coat and I almost burst into tears. And then I paid $24 for a new (very cute) umbrella at Anthropologie, even through I know it will break, like, tomorrow, because it’s an umbrella from Antropologie. FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS, PEOPLE.

It was at this point in the day (circa 4:45 p.m.) that I thought maybe I should just call it a day, go back home, maybe pop some popcorn, and hide under my covers because my heat doesn’t seem to work yet. In a feat of exceptional courage, however, I pushed through. And I went to the event I was supposed to go to at 5:15, which was with Chris Cillizza from The Fix. (Feel free to give my title a high five for punniness now.) Guys? He is great.

I don't know the context of this picture, but I like it.

This is just a guess, but I don't think that's his real body.

As I watched him talk, I was like, “Hmm, I wonder if he’ll be my best friend.” He was smart and self-deprecating and had funky glasses and talked about his baby. I was obviously a goner. And he made an interesting point about the difference between voice and bias, which was interesting. As in, it’s one thing to call out Sarah Palin for objectively being an idiot (or, to use the example he gave, to commend her for rhetorically delivering a solid speech at the RNC), but quite another to condemn every Republican action simply because it’s a Republican action. In other words, there’s a difference between having an opinion and being partisan. Not that that’s what we do here at SWTCTW, but I appreciate his point. Mr. Fix also commiserated with me about the meanness of bloggy commenters (I obviously told him about the Great Monkey Debate of 2008), so that made me like him even more.

I think what I’m trying to say is that my day got better. Thanks, Chris Cillizza!

Big college reunion this weekend, which means our SWTCTW “correspondents” from all over the country will be flooding the District with inside jokes and obnoxious dance moves. Watch out, people.

[Posted by Mallory]

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youtube clip of today: attn #7.

If you don’t know about these already, I haven’t been doing my job.  And for that, I am sorry.  I find these to be HILARIOUS.  Here is the seventh installment of Auto-Tune the News.  Hopefully you find it half as funny as I do.  Oh, and below is the sixth installment, which is by far my favorite (Sarah Palin makes an appearance).  The rest can be viewed here!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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flannel nightgowns, anxiety, and sarah palin.

sarah palinIt’s summertime, and she’s not actively running for national office anymore (*crosses fingers*), but Sarah Palin still makes me want to put on a flannel nightgown and eat Smartfood as I fume and read various articles about her increasing level of crazy. (You remember my flannel nightgown theory, right?)

I actually have work to do right now, and I actually want to do it, but I have to post something about her. We all know that she’s stepping down as Governor of Alaska, which is mind-boggling in and of itself, and we’re all hoping that she’s not doing this because she’s aiming for a 2012 Presidential run. And all of that makes me a little nervous/angry/delighted by the ridiculousness, but her resignation speech is truly a work of art. I’m sitting here with my officemate and we’re each reading lines to each other and trying not to break our computers. I’m too riled up, and not quite patient or clever or smart enough to break this gem down on my own, but thank goodness, Jezebel did for us! Do yourself a favor and read the whole thing, but for now, here are some of my favorite points of analysis:

Palin says: “So to serve the state is a humbling responsibility, because I know in my soul that Alaska is of such import, for America’s security, in our very volatile world. And you know me by now, I promised even four years ago to show MY independence… no more conventional ‘politics as usual.'”

Jezebel says: “Here Palin appears to be opting for a broad definition of ‘politics as usual,’ one that includes such outdated conventions as finishing out one’s elected term and completing the job one has promised to do.”

Palin says: “And then I thought – that’s what’s wrong – many just accept that lame duck status, hit the road, draw the paycheck, and ‘milk it.’ I’m not putting Alaska through that – I promised efficiencies and effectiveness!? That’s not how I am wired. I am not wired to operate under the same old ‘politics as usual.’ I promised that four years ago – and I meant it.”

Jezebel says: “Here Palin advances her bold thesis: that serving out the full term for which your constituents elected you is in fact an exploitation of those constituents. No doubt her time after resignation will consist entirely of delivering barrels of crude oil to impoverished Alaskan families and reuniting baby grizzlies with their mothers, and not of ‘hitting the road’ making public appearances in other, more influential states.”

Palin says: “Let me go back to a comfortable analogy for me – sports… basketball. I use it because you’re naïve if you don’t see the national full-court press picking away right now: A good point guard drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping her eye on the basket… and she knows exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can WIN.”

Jezebel says: “A more appropriate analogy for Palin’s actions might be stopping in the middle of the game, tossing the basketball over one’s shoulder, and then leaving the court to play an entirely different game, perhaps table tennis or curling.”

Deep breaths. I have gotten to the point where I seriously cannot respect anyone who respects her. (Doobie, you’re exempt. I know you just want her to be your Sugar Mama.) This speech is not just absent of any sort of political strategy that I can agree with, it’s absent of logic. IT MAKES NO SENSE. Does she not have speechwriters anymore? Who lets her get away with saying this shit out loud? Please, please, please let this just mean a scandal is about to be revealed and it will be the end of Sarah Palin as we know it. My fragile, anxious self can’t take any more of her, and I don’t think I’m supposed to wear a flannel nightgown to work.

UPDATE: Also, read this. Ain’t nobody in history like you, Sarah.

[Posted by Mallory]

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when our work’s done for us.

Um,

Joe the Plumber becomes war reporter.”

That is funniest six-word headline I’ve seen all year! Because it is a joke! Right? Right? RIGHT?!

Ha ha ha ha no. It’s not a joke. Our economy has tanked, a hockey mom who doesn’t know a predicate from a condom was selected as a vice presidential candidate, and Joe the Plumber is going to Israel to be a war correspondent. 

According to Wonkette and the Australian newspaper that penned that knee-slapper of a six-word headline, Joe the Plumber is headed to Israel on the behalf of Pajamas Media to report on the recent outbreak of conflict in the Gaza Strip:

Wurzelbacher said he was going to let “Average Joes” share their stories and get the real story of what is happening.

“It’s tragic, I mean it really is,” Wurzelbacher told Ohio television station WNWO.

“I don’t say that in any little way. It’s very tragic, but at the same time what are the Israeli people supposed to do?” 

Wurzelbacher said he was not concerned about heading into a warzone for a 10 days. 

“Being a Christian I’m pretty well protected by God I believe. That’s not saying he’s going to stop a mortar for me, but you gotta take the chance,” he told WNWO.

And then, as if he has been taking public speaking lessons from Sarah Palin herself, he continues:

“If given the opportunity to do some good however minute it may be, or could be something really good, you gotta take that chance. You have to do it,” Wurzelbacher said of his new job.

Excuse me while I go put on my nightgown

[Posted by Mallory]

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