when our work’s done for us.

Okay, so I think the story behind this Wonkette headline is a leetle terrifying. First, take a look at the six-word masterpiece:

“Meth-Mouths Jailed In Obama Assassination Plot.”

Um, slighty scary, right? The backstory is that a bunch of strung-out crazies may have been plotting to kill our boy B at his acceptance speech at Invesco on Thursday night. According to CBS 4 News in Denver, so far four people involved in this assassination plot  — Nathan Johnson (pictured above), Tharin Gartrell (also pictured above), Shawn Robert Adolf, and Natasha Gromek (Johnson’s girlfriend) — have been arrested on drug or weapons charges:

One of those suspects spoke exclusively to CBS4 investigative reporter Brian Maass from inside the Denver City Jail late Monday night and said his friends had discussed killing Obama. 

“So your friends were saying threatening things about Obama?” Maass asked. 

“Yeah,” Nathan Johnson replied. 

“It sounded like they didn’t want him to be president?” 

“Yeah,” Johnson said. 

Maass reported earlier Monday that one of the suspects told authorities they were “going to shoot Obama from a high vantage point using a … rifle … sighted at 750 yards.” 


Sources told CBS4 police found two high-powered, scoped rifles in the car along with camouflage clothing, walkie-talkies, wigs, a bulletproof vest, a spotting scope, licenses in the names of other people and 44 grams of methamphetamine. One of the rifles is listed as stolen from Kansas.

The appropriately named Adolf was wearing a swastika and apparently has ties to a white supremacist organization, and Johnson told the CBS reporter that “He [Obama] don’t belong in political office. Blacks don’t belong in political office. He ought to be shot.”  Riiight, because intelligent white people like Adolf and Johnson are infinitely superior to PERFECT PEOPLE LIKE BARACK OBAMA. 

Now, I’m hoping these guys are just crazy and their brains are broken from a little too much meth, and that this isn’t actually some elaborate, well-planned assassination plot. Because the thought of that makes me very nervous. Hey Barack? Please, PLEASE don’t get shot.

[Posted by Mallory]

1 Comment

Filed under news, politics, six word memoirs

One response to “when our work’s done for us.

  1. Madeline

    I once lived with a meth-addict. They are by far the scariest people on the planet.

    I don’t mean to offend anyone, as meth addicts are people too and whatnot, and I’m sure that this girl was perfectly lovely when she wasn’t sleeping her way through entire fraternities in three days or less, writing scary notes on my mirror in red lipstick (aka “BLOOD”), or standing over me while I slept (all future roommates had to endure a night-light as a result of that), but after she became addicted to Crystal Meth . . . bitch was nuts. And she was a democrat! I can’t imagine how terrifying a meth-addicted Republican would be or, you know, a meth-addicted neo-Nazi.

    The moral of the story is: Kids, don’t do Crystal Meth. Just say NO (and then run as fast as you can in the opposite direction).

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