Oh god this video made me cry watching it I was laughing so hard. And I physically have a difficult time producing tears, so that is a ringing endorsement. This guy REALLY loves wrestling. And it’s still real to him, DAMMIT!
Side note, this is for sure a YouTube video, but it comes from ebaumsworld.com. I just was discussing ebaumsworld with a friend about a month ago. Oh man, I miss it (it’s still around, it’s just not as good as the other ones). It was the predecessor to collegehumor.com and YouTube. Amazing. It makes me think of the good old days in high school. Okay, I’m done reminiscing. You are going to LOVE this video.
And just to add to KJT’s public internet birthday celebration (read: kind, loving humiliation), let’s honor Hump Day Cry Face with one of Katie’s first:
Bitch can EMT you back to life, then teach you how to do an epic first Cry Face.
The new Harry Potter movie trailer is up! Watch it right now.
Or, you can watch it on the big screen before Brendan Fraser’s new Mummy movie, which opens on Friday. But why in god’s name would you go pay $12 to see that? I love me some HP, but that is not worth it to me. I would never get those hours of my life back.
And here’s a picture of Harry from the new movie. Still looking good. He gets hotter with each movie.
This is a great pranking your significant other/one-upping their jokes youtube video. I mean, almost a million people have viewed it. That’s pretty good payback. The best, by far, is the Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel battle with Matt and Ben. WHY OH WHY DID YOU ALL HAVE TO BREAK UP?! Think about the children! (Like me).
Anyway, while you are watching, just know that no animals were harmed in the making of this. I only have one complaint: it mentions MySpace. And you all know how much I abhor the MySpaces.
By the way, if I see my precious Dr. Seuss in a video similar to this in the slightest, I’m coming after you. You know who you are.
Our former Democratic presidential nominee, Sen. John Kerry is also a real partier. Or so these pictures, dug up by TMZ, would suggest. But here’s the thing–I don’t believe what the pictures suggest.
Because let’s face it, if you’re black out drunk and you run into anyone, and I mean ANYONE you know, you’re going to make them take pictures with you. And they, by default, will appear plastered as well. If you don’t believe me, please refer to Mallory’s cry face photos. I don’t know how to put this delicately, but John Kerry also has a permanent case of the drunk eyes. It’s not his fault. So basically, I believe the statement from his office:
“As Sen. Kerry and two friends left dinner at the Straight Warf restaurant on Nantucket and walked down the dock, a large group on a boat recognized Senator Kerry and asked if they could have a photo taken. The group came off the boat and onto the dock, took a photo with Sen. Kerry and his friends, and then Sen. Kerry and his two friends immediately walked away. End of story.”
These biddies, according to TMZ, are sophomores and juniors in college. But they’re also constituents! And, it has been reported, one of them was drinking out of a (gasp!) penis straw. Sophomores and juniors, you say? Yeah, that sounds about right.
So here are some of the pictures. What do you think?
The girl in the green dress has made a spectacular collegiate showing in these photos. I’d personally like to extend my congratulations and sheer appreciation that she wisely chose to wear underwear that night. I’d also like to send my condolences to you, dear girl, because now everybody that goes on the internet knows you’re a sloppy drunk/the annoying girl that makes dumb faces in EVERY FREAKING PHOTO. (You all know the kind of girl I’m talking about.)
So despite thinking the photos aren’t that big of a deal, please, make all the jokes you want, because John Kerry looks like real Democratic, um, donkey. (Read: he looks like a huge ass.) These pict-chas are hysterical. If this was me and my girrrrrrls, helllllz yeah, I wouldn’t just Facebook ’em, I’d tag ’em too! Which means I’m serious.
And here is my final thought. Even if he is partying with a bunch of college sluts like a huge douche, whatever. At least he’s partying. Because we all know the Republican party is neither a republic, nor a party. Discuss amongst yourselves.
Hello, faithful readers! Let’s take a look at what’s going on in the world in brief, easy-to-digest tidbits. In no particular order…
Bono has been named the godfather of Brangelina’s new babies. Which is exciting, except that godparents don’t really do anything. [Rediff]
Wikipedia will soon be obsolete because Google just introduced their own, more legit online encyclopedia thinger: Google Knol. (I must say, they really dropped the ball on the name.) Now, when you want to avoid sifting though microfiches or — gasp! — books, you can get info about Joseph Stalin from an actual historian, instead of from that stoned kid in Oregon who got bored and decided to add facts like “He was a phenomenal dancer” to Stalin’s Wikipedia page. [ZDNet]
According to the folks over at book publisher Hachette, the cassette tape is officially dead. (They had a funeral for the tape. Seriously.) But how can it be dead when I still have a humongous radio in my room with not one but TWO cassette decks so that I can get all fancy and record from one to the other? HUH?! I will never give up my Ace of Base tapes. Never. [New York Times]
LifeStyles Condoms reportedly offered Miley Cyrus $1 million to be their rep. Poor Miley just can’t get a break. [AOL News]
Senator Ted Stevens was indicted today on “seven counts of failing to disclose thousands of dollars in services he received from a company that helped renovate his home.” Sometimes a guy just needs a wraparound deck and a new grill. [MSNBC]
Barack Obama and potential veep Governor Tim Kaine, of Virginia, are getting all hot and heavy, but in a secret way. [CNN]
Online game Scrabulous has been shut down “in the face of a lawsuit contending the game infringed on Hasbro’s copyrighted Scrabble game.” Uh oh. I never played Scrabulous, but I know a bunch of people who were obsessed and will be quite upset by this news. Back to Minesweeper, I guess. [The Mercury News]
You know the age-old debate of pop vs. soda vs. coke? Well, it’s over, because Wonkette says “pop.” See for yourself in this article on the interesting antics of Chuck Stepanek, a former Republican candidate for the Nebraska state legislature:
“According to court records, police say Stepanek drove under the influence of marijuana in Lincoln on May 29, 2007. Police said he was seen naked at a convenience store near South 27th Street buying a pop, then later at the Sid Dillon car lot, before getting into his car again and driving it into a light pole.”
Okay. I maybe just realized that the “pop” comment was actually from a quote from the local Lincoln paper, which makes sense, because Midwesterners and Coloradans like me (who are NOT Midwesterners, thankyouverymuch) tend to say “pop,” you nutty East Coasters tend to say “soda,” and the truly crazy Southerners say “coke” (which must really anger those Pepsi people). So actually this whole post is a big lie.
Still, this debate gets me fired up. I was ecstatic one time when I got to see Joyce Carol Oates read from High Lonesome and she said “pop” instead of “soda” in the excerpt. I was so excited, in fact, that when I went to get my book signed by Oates, I told her that I was thrilled that she said “pop,” and she was all, “Well, yeah, I was trying to make it seemed old-fashioned.” Which does not help my case.
You know what does help my case? This super-scholarly Web site that breaks down the geographic distribution of pop vs. soda vs. coke vs. other. (What could “other” be? Carbonated beverage? Soft drink?) The site’s impressive conclusion at the end of all this is the following:
People who say “Pop” are much, much cooler.
Ha ha! I WIN!
Also, can we talk about how Stepanek got high and then wandered naked into a convenience store? I’m no stranger to spending time in convenience stores (read: 7-Eleven) in an, er, altered state, but naked? I guess I’ll have to work up to that.
You know how there was always that weird kid that drank the pickle juice? Maybe it was you, maybe it was me, I don’t know (I was homeschooled, OKAY?!). But God knows I love pickles. Probably as much as pregnant women. No, I’m not prego.
So here’s a theory: if you take something you really love, and turn it into something else you really love, like a popsicle, it’s sure to be a success right? I mean, the beer pops sure are. So watch out eager world, here comes the treat we’ve been waiting for–Bob’s Pickle Pops. Gut reaction? Bleh. That’s right, frozen pickle juice that comes in packaging like pop-ice (the pesky little plastic ones that are so freaking hard to open). Imagine having pickle pops thrown into a cooler of pop-ices. “Oooh! Oooh! I want the green one!” Seconds later, gagging and vomiting ensue. Check out the Web site for the frozen pickle juice–it’s quite tacky and entertaining. Mal, the font on the Web site might beat out Comic Sans for the worst font of all time. Plus, I think it was once the font for my AIM when I was like 13.
And here’s something kind of funny. These were originally named Pickle Sickles (GROSS), and the mascot (is that what you would call it? Animated spokesman?) was named Pickle Sickle Tex. Now, my selective dyslexia (essentially, I read what I want to read) read that as Pickle Tickle Sex. Hmm. Interesting. I have a sick mind, get over it. And don’t act like you weren’t thinking the same things.
If you try these pickle treats, which are currently being promoted at public schools everywhere, let me know. Because the weird kid that drinks pickle juice that is still in there deep down is dying to know.
So whoever these guys are, the Bee-Boys (like B-Boys, get it?!) are awesome. I love their costumes, their dancing, everything. And DJ Honey? SMOKIN’. Kids, you best try and book him now for weddings, bar mitvahs and sweet sixteens, because he’s about to get HUGE.
Here is the best line from the whole thing: “Bees! Bees! Bees! Yo, I found some nectar!” Priceless.
These guys need to be on one of my favorite shows, America’s Best Dance Crew. Can you just imagine what the judges would say? Yes, you can, because if you watch the show at all, you know they’d say what they always say.
Mario Lopez: Well, you “bee boys” sure got this crowd buzzin’! I have rock hard abs and will be appearing in a musical on Broadway this summer, so let’s hear what the judges have to say!
Shane Sparks: Ya’ll are the SICKEST crew I have EVAH seen. Check out my choreography in the hottest new music video which will be featured on MTV–Y’all are the FUTURE of dance! Y’all didn’t do nothing that I wouldn’t do. Your choreography was hot. Y’all are killin’ it. Ya’ll just ripped tonight!
Lil’ Mama: You boys came on to this stage, and you really gave it to me and to every single person in here. Ya’ll really bring it and I respect that. You can check out my hot new single dropping this month. My lip gloss is poppin’. I’d like to show that one clip in slow-mo, mmmmmhmmm, you bring to the show next week what you brought this week and you have the potential to be America’s Best Dance Crew! Ya’ll’s costumes are HOT.
JC Chasez: As a member of the world’s most successful boy band group ever and an accomplished dancer with better technical ability than Justin Timberlake, I recognize the difficulty of your movements. But you’re a little sloppy, and last week I warned you to tighten it up. I mean, have you seen the “Bye Bye Bye” video? That is perfection. I’m a little let down by your performance tonight. You need more choreography. And that’s all I’m going to say, but just be careful. And for the record, I’m working on a hot, new, young, hip project, and it’s going to be flawless. I look forward to seeing what you do with this opportunity I have personally bestowed upon you.
Obviously the crowd boos JC because he’s the only one that puts any thought into what he says, pays attention to the technique, and gives constructive criticism (yet he still kind of sucks), but the hot girls that they ALWAYS place behind him are still going to hook up with him after the show.
So after getting sidetracked, let me summarize: I love this video and laughed out loud.
I’m not going to say what this video is ultimately about, because that spoils the good times you are sure to have watching it, but whoever came up with this concept has a piece of my heart. And the person who made this has his or her heart in the right place. Awwww!
six words to change the world. 