Tag Archives: drunk girls

from the creator of the smize…

Before we begin this post, an important statement from your favorite SWTCTW bloggers: “As of Tuesday, May 11, your fearless bloggers now prefer to be referred to as “intoxibellas”, for so many reasons. We will not answer to anything else. We appreciate your understanding and cooperation.  Thank you.”

The world as we know it changed today with the announcement of Tyra Banks’ new project, appropriately titled Bankable Books.  Professional smizer TyTy, who claims to be an avid fan of fantasy novels and says she shakes when she enters bookstores, has written (read: paid someone to ghost write) a new series of books that will whisk us away in to a magical land. I cannot even begin to explain… it’s better to post what she wrote.

The story happens in a make-believe place called Modelland – every girl in the world wants to go there because it’s where “Intoxibellas” are trained.  Intoxibellas are drop-dead beautiful, kick-butt fierce and, yeah, maybe they have some powers too.  (But I’m confirming NOTHING! Ha. You gotta wait for the book.)  The story follows a teen girl and her friends who find themselves magically transported to Modelland, even though they’re really not supposed to be there. (Okay, now, that’s ALL I’m saying!)

Modelland has always been a part of my mind and my heart.  As you might know, I step into a bookstore and I shake (really!) because I love books so much.  Ever since I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to pick up a new book and see what worlds the writers had created for me. I especially loved books with strong girls and women – you know, girls with guts, smarts and attitude – and then one day it came to me… MODELLAND!   I’m getting it ready for you through my new division called Bankable Books and now I’m shaking for a different reason…  I’m excited that you’ll be able to read about this magical world that’s been living in my dreams for so many years.

Ahem. That explains so much. Clever points for the name… Modelland (in case you were wondering, it’s pronounced like Model Land) must have been a real stretch!  Secondly, “intoxibellas” sounds like it could be Italian for “drunk girls”. Perhaps it is.  Is it, Mal? Gah, I don’t have all day so I’m going to stop before I really get going. Please share your thoughts on this in the comments section.  You owe it to the world.

I just hope the folks on the Nobel panel are taking notice of this literary contribution.

[Posted by Intoxibella]

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kerry’s not just a democratic partier.

Our former Democratic presidential nominee, Sen. John Kerry is also a real partier. Or so these pictures, dug up by TMZ, would suggest. But here’s the thing–I don’t believe what the pictures suggest.

Because let’s face it, if you’re black out drunk and you run into anyone, and I mean ANYONE you know, you’re going to make them take pictures with you. And they, by default, will appear plastered as well. If you don’t believe me, please refer to Mallory’s cry face photos. I don’t know how to put this delicately, but John Kerry also has a permanent case of the drunk eyes. It’s not his fault. So basically, I believe the statement from his office:

“As Sen. Kerry and two friends left dinner at the Straight Warf restaurant on Nantucket and walked down the dock, a large group on a boat recognized Senator Kerry and asked if they could have a photo taken. The group came off the boat and onto the dock, took a photo with Sen. Kerry and his friends, and then Sen. Kerry and his two friends immediately walked away. End of story.”

These biddies, according to TMZ, are sophomores and juniors in college. But they’re also constituents! And, it has been reported, one of them was drinking out of a (gasp!) penis straw. Sophomores and juniors, you say? Yeah, that sounds about right.

So here are some of the pictures. What do you think?

The girl in the green dress has made a spectacular collegiate showing in these photos. I’d personally like to extend my congratulations and sheer appreciation that she wisely chose to wear underwear that night. I’d also like to send my condolences to you, dear girl, because now everybody that goes on the internet knows you’re a sloppy drunk/the annoying girl that makes dumb faces in EVERY FREAKING PHOTO. (You all know the kind of girl I’m talking about.)

So despite thinking the photos aren’t that big of a deal, please, make all the jokes you want, because John Kerry looks like real Democratic, um, donkey. (Read: he looks like a huge ass.) These pict-chas are hysterical. If this was me and my girrrrrrls, helllllz yeah, I wouldn’t just Facebook ’em, I’d tag ’em too! Which means I’m serious.

And here is my final thought. Even if he is partying with a bunch of college sluts like a huge douche, whatever. At least he’s partying. Because we all know the Republican party is neither a republic, nor a party. Discuss amongst yourselves.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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