Thank you, GQ, for this brilliant and way too entertaining chart. (Click to enlarge)
I love how it connects Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Kimmel, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Remember that?
[Posted by Kathleen]
Tag Archives: celebrity gossip
six degrees of john mayer’s manhood.
Filed under blogging, celebrities, humor, music, news, pictures, pop culture, sex, Uncategorized, weird
mariah carey is practically a nun.
Oh huge news! Mariah Carey has spoken out about her decision to abstain from sex with husband Nick Cannon until marriage.
“It’s not that we had NO intimacy, we just didn’t have complete intimacy. It’s just me, and my feelings.
I definitely don’t want to push it on anybody else. But we both have similar beliefs, and I just thought that it would be so much more special if we waited until after we were married. And it was, and it still is.”
Aww, cute. Wait a second… didn’t they get married after just two months of dating?
Wow, those two months must have been really hard for them. Celebrities are so funny!
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, news, pop culture, random, sex, thoughts, weddings
michael jackson is an old man.
Michael Jackson turns 50 today. Out of sheer classiness, I am going to refrain from making jokes about young boys (but it’s difficult). But I will post his quote:
“I feel very wise and sage, but at the same time very young.”
Wise? Nah. Sage? For sure no. But he feels young? I believe him.
And just for kicks, here’s a slideshow of M.J. through the years. My my my, he’s changed:
http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/CelebrityCafePhotos/popup?id=793259
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, news, pop culture, random
david duchovny’s life imitates his art.
Your SWTCTW bloggers (and beloved friends) love the show ‘Californication’. For those of you who do not know the show, it’s basically Hank Moody (David Duchovny’s character) having sex with anything that walks. That sounds crass, but it’s a really witty, well-written show that actually has a plot. As you can imagine, I’ve been a leeeeeeeeetle preoccupied singing ‘Kumbaya’ with my fellow Democrats and have been neglecting all other news. So I was surprised/unsurprised to read that Duchovny is going into rehab for a sex addiction. Uh oh. That can’t be good. Here is D’s statement to People Magazine:
“I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction. I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family.”
He’s married to Téa Leoni. Shame on you for being a dirty boy, David. And it’s sad that life imitates art. But here’s the difference: Hank would nevah evah go to rehab for a sex addiction to try and get better.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, definitely not politics, news, pop culture, random, sex, TV
gwen birthed zuma nesta rock rossdale.
Another celebrity baby is born, another crazy name. Yawn. Kidddddddding. Kind of. Another boy for Gwen Stefani! World, get ready for Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. Interesting choice. But I do have to say that Gwen and Gavin sure know how to ensure their kids are badass. Rock as your middle name? Rock on.
UPDATE: Read about how the name was chosen here.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under babies, celebrities, news, pop culture
kerry’s not just a democratic partier.
Our former Democratic presidential nominee, Sen. John Kerry is also a real partier. Or so these pictures, dug up by TMZ, would suggest. But here’s the thing–I don’t believe what the pictures suggest.
Because let’s face it, if you’re black out drunk and you run into anyone, and I mean ANYONE you know, you’re going to make them take pictures with you. And they, by default, will appear plastered as well. If you don’t believe me, please refer to Mallory’s cry face photos. I don’t know how to put this delicately, but John Kerry also has a permanent case of the drunk eyes. It’s not his fault. So basically, I believe the statement from his office:
“As Sen. Kerry and two friends left dinner at the Straight Warf restaurant on Nantucket and walked down the dock, a large group on a boat recognized Senator Kerry and asked if they could have a photo taken. The group came off the boat and onto the dock, took a photo with Sen. Kerry and his friends, and then Sen. Kerry and his two friends immediately walked away. End of story.”
These biddies, according to TMZ, are sophomores and juniors in college. But they’re also constituents! And, it has been reported, one of them was drinking out of a (gasp!) penis straw. Sophomores and juniors, you say? Yeah, that sounds about right.
So here are some of the pictures. What do you think?
The girl in the green dress has made a spectacular collegiate showing in these photos. I’d personally like to extend my congratulations and sheer appreciation that she wisely chose to wear underwear that night. I’d also like to send my condolences to you, dear girl, because now everybody that goes on the internet knows you’re a sloppy drunk/the annoying girl that makes dumb faces in EVERY FREAKING PHOTO. (You all know the kind of girl I’m talking about.)
So despite thinking the photos aren’t that big of a deal, please, make all the jokes you want, because John Kerry looks like real Democratic, um, donkey. (Read: he looks like a huge ass.) These pict-chas are hysterical. If this was me and my girrrrrrls, helllllz yeah, I wouldn’t just Facebook ’em, I’d tag ’em too! Which means I’m serious.
And here is my final thought. Even if he is partying with a bunch of college sluts like a huge douche, whatever. At least he’s partying. Because we all know the Republican party is neither a republic, nor a party. Discuss amongst yourselves.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, politics, random
even stevens? nah, shia’s fairly tipsy.
Shia LaBeouf made a teeny bit of an oopsie–as in, a DUI. Side note, but trying to spell his last name makes me feel as if I’m typing while drunk. It never looks right, and it rarely is. I always have to Wikipedia that shit and then copy and paste. And don’t even get me started on trying to say it. Okay, back to “the news”.
A few nights ago, he was just cruising around in his truck with a friend (who happens to be a girl. Grrr.) and accidentally ran into another car and flipped his truck. Eek. Fortunately, everyone else involved was treated for only minor injuries, but Shia had to have surgery on his left hand and banged his knee up. Ouch. According to his PR person, who is for sure having the worst week ever, he’ll be back to filming Transformers 2 in a month.
This is not the first time he’s gotten in trouble for being plastered. He was arrested last fall for being a jackass at a Walgreen’s (nice work, buddy). He did, however, have a pretty cute mugshot. Even with glassy eyes. See?
Yeah, I’d, um, “date” that. Rawr.
This whole thing is devastating to me, because, let’s face it, the only reason I went to see the ridiculous aliens attack Indiana Jones movie is due to the fact that he was in it. (Sorry, Alicia.) I’ve got a thing for him, but this is not to his credit. I mean, I can’t fantasize about him driving us around in his truck along the California coastline (and me looking gorgeous) if I’m frightened that’s he’s so drunk he’ll drive us right off the edge. UGH.
Whatever, Shia. You got lucky this time. And everybody loves a bad boy, just don’t do it again.
Oh, and just for the irony, here is something he said on Letterman after his Walgreen’s fiasco:
“Drinking and driving is one thing, but drinking and shopping … it’s just as bad.”
Um, I’m going to say drinking and driving is worse, but maybe that’s just me.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, crushes, news
when our work’s done for us.
Just as Mallory posted a headline due to its six word memoir quality, I am going to do the same. It is now officially a regular feature at SWTCTW. This one, brought to us by fellow masters of snark, Page Six, is really quite good. It refers to the former (thank GOD) Mrs. McCartney’s publicist quitting on her. Michele Elyzabeth, her jilted mouthpiece, said:
On reflection and given the way I have been treated, I now have sympathy with much of what the British Press has reported about her.
Ouch, that sucks. Especially since the Brits (God love them and their humor/humour) are especially vicious when reporting the news and celebrity gossip.
Anyway, here is Page Six’s headline/six word memoir.
“Heather loses her P.R. leg, too”
Snap!
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, random, six word memoirs
tales from my morning news stalk.
Good mornnnnnnnnnnning! I have completed my morning news/gossip stalk, and because blogging about each of these would take all day I’m putting it all together in one glorious post. Don’t you judge me.
So now we find out that Jesse Jackson not only threatened the testicles of Saint Barack, he used the N-word too. Ohhh, no you did not! Here is what he said: “See, Barack been, um, talking down to black people on this faith-based – I wanna cut his nuts out. … Barack – he’s talking down to black people — telling n——s how to behave.” Bill O’Reilly, who broke the original story said they didn’t use this part because it was unnecessary. He called the person who leaked this (they don’t know who it is…yet) a “weasel” (that’s the pot calling the kettle black, Billy!) and then put the fear of God in us all but especially the poor sniveling soul that will eventually be homeless and miserable– “I have the waterboard over here. … We’ll find out.” As some of my friends say, “things that are unsurprising.” You can read what I had to say before we learned Jesse dropped the N-bomb here.
But speaking of Barack, he pulled in a mere $52 Million for this quarter. No big deal. The Wonkette headline made me giggle: Hope Rides In On A $52 Million Unicorn. I assume the unicorn reference came from JibJab’s new video, which you can watch if you click here. Thoughts? Not as good as the Bush/Kerry one from 2004. But whatev.
One woman went for 20 years not knowing she had two monstrous tumors. When I say monstrous, I mean it. The tumors were just removed and she is now 140 lbs. lighter. ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY POUNDS. Damn, girl. Maybe there are two tumors where my love handles are? I should get that checked out.
Tonight should be amazing for political dorks who love great American pastimes in DC. It is the yearly Congressional baseball game, where all the politicians look to appear cool and revert back to their high school days. That’s right, the Republican congressmen and the Democratic congressmen, in a rivalry almost as intense as the Red Sox and Yankees, play each other. This is usually humiliating for the Dems, as the Republicans win every year. BUT DEMOCRATS ARE GOOD AT SPORTS TOO, OKAY?!
In TeeVee news, Scrubs is coming back for another season! Hoooray! Katherine Heigl managed to keep her miserable character on Grey’s for another season.
And for movies, The Dark Knight opens soon. Read anything on it, and they tell you that Heath was amazing. HEEEEEEEEEATH. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. I can’t wait. Also, Mal posted about ScarJo’s singing, so I felt this is a little relevant: Defamer made a list of the Top Ten Unlikely Vocal Performances from Non-Singing Actors. Ugh, I HATE Tom Cruise. He deserves to be on no list other than Top Creepiest Person of All Time.
Happy news stalking!
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, movies, music, news, politics, pop culture, random, sports, TV
family feud: the brady bunch style.
Even the most perfect TV family is not so perfect- in real life. Florence Henderson, who played Mrs. Brady, and Christopher Knight, who played Peter Brady, are in a bit of a tiff. For those of you that aren’t VH1 whores like me and my friends, Christopher Knight met “America’s Next Top Model” winner Adrianne Curry (Tyra, girl, you messed that one up.) on “The Surreal LIfe”. They fell in love, apparently. “The Surreal Life”, by the way, is the most disasterous/repulsive of all celebrity reality shows. I’m willing to bet that 5/8 members have had a sex tape released on the internet. Yeah Mini-Me, I’m talking about you. The other beautiful coupling that has been derived from this show was Brigitte Nielsen and Flavor Flav. Give me a second, I need to go vomit.
Anyway, Knight and Curry went on to have their own reality show, “My Fair Brady”. To the genius that thought of the title: ouch. You slay me. And as you can imagine, hilarity, disaster and severe marital dysfunction have ensued.
So Flo told reporters last week that their marriage was a mistake and that they were pressured into it by the reality show, etc. She said, “They didn’t take my advice at all! And as you may have seen, they did get engaged and they did get married. Maybe I will counsel the divorce.” Let the record state that she is a certified hypnotherapist and the terrible twosome had asked for her help.
Naturally, Peter Brady is mad at Mommy. But guess what Peter/Christopher, old Flo (who now does denture commercials) is RIGHT. Adrianne Curry is a mess, and not in the hot Project Runway Christian Siriano way. And here is how you know things are really bad: he responded to his fake mom’s comments via his MYSPACE page. Ugh! Haha.
It is no secret Florence and Adrianne do not see eye to eye. In truth, I can empathize with both sets of views. But….in the struggle I have hoping one day these two women will bridge their generation and philosophical differences, calling my marriage a sham helps so very little.
I put forth the hope that opne day both Adrianne and Florence, both of whom have played an integral role in my life, will find a way to come together in a peaceful and respectful way. In the mean time, the sanctity of my marriage should not be called into question.”
Whatever, dude. You can’t expect to “marry” and reality TV train wreck and not have anybody watch or comment!
I’m anxiously looking forward to the rest of the Brady family getting involved. Man, this would have been a great episode.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, pop culture, random, TV
six words to change the world. 