[Posted by Mallory]
Monthly Archives: November 2009
Happy Monday, y’all! I hope you all had gluttonous and drunken Thanksgivings, just as the Pilgrims intended.
On Saturday night after falling asleep circa 10 p.m. while attempting to research for a paper (RAGEEEEE), I had a really disturbing dream. There’s this newsletter that I’m supposed to be writing for one of my internships, and it’s been hanging over my head for months and stressing me out on a regular basis. I needed to get it done, oh, in September, so every time I think about it I get heart palpitations and feel like a bad person. Such a bad person, I guess, that in my dream I hired SARAH PALIN to help me finish the newsletter. SARAH. PALIN. I know what you’re thinking: “Mallory, she was a journalism major, and she did just write a book, in only a few months. The talent!” To which I counter with a very serious “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.” The only good part about this dream was that I got to boss Palin around while she furiously took notes.
In other much, much better news, my mom sent me a really cute video the other day. I’m going to preface the video by telling you that you should not be expecting Beyonce-esque choreography here. The reason I love this video (and why I cried so much) is that it’s just a bunch of normal people having a ton of fun for a really good cause. How great is that?
Speaking of crying, I saw The Blind Side on Thanksgiving. I haven’t cried that hard in a movie since probably a few weeks ago, but guys it was BAD. I was with Kelsey and her fabulous roommate A.J., and Kelsey and I were legitimately making a scene. This means I’ve now seen at least four movies that made me cry so hard that strangers in the theater stared and made comments. Awesome. (UPDATE: This local DC blog has a pretty good guest post discussing The Blind Side and Precious. I saw Precious last Friday and holy jeebus, it was depressing. Good movie, but honestly such a bummer that I’m not sure I’d recommend it to many people.)
And to continue the stream-of-consciousness: A.J. is a really good dancer. One time, he did almost the whole Single Ladies dance while I awkwardly jumped around nearby. The other day, I asked him how long it took him to learn that dance, and he was all, “Oh, that? What do you mean? I didn’t ever really try to learn it. I was just having fun!” Sigh. Don’t you just hate some people?
[Posted by Mallory]
This whole possible scandal with Tiger Woods has me scratching my head along with the rest of the world following the story. And yes, I know, none of this is any of my business and the media probably should give the guy and his family their privacy…but I can’t help but be intrigued.
Here’s the story as it’s being reported: Tiger was leaving his Florida estate at about 3:00 AM on Friday night/Saturday morning when he ran into a tree and a fire hydrant on his neighbor’s property. At some point, his wife took a golf club to the back of his SUV, allegedly to rescue him from the car because he was knocked unconscious in the wreck. The airbags of the SUV never deployed. He was then taken to the hospital with lacerations around his mouth and released in good condition.
Ok, let’s start a list of things that are strange about this story.
1. Why is Tiger leaving his home at 3:00 in the morning? While there could be a million logical explanations for this, he hasn’t offered up any so we are left to wonder. I would conclude he is either sneaking out of his house or he got in a fight with his wife and was bailing.
2. Apparently, if car airbags don’t deploy, the car probably isn’t going over 30 or so miles per hour. Do you really think that he would have been knocked unconscious going that slowly? Maybe, but it seems far fetched to me.
3. His wife was supposed to have knocked in the back window to rescue her husband. It seems far more likely to me that she may have been taking out her anger on the back window, especially if the infidelity rumors are true.
4. Tiger had cuts and lacerations around his mouth. Again, I’m not an expert, but how do you sustain those types on injuries from a car accident like this? It makes more sense that those cuts were inflicted by an angry wife.
5. The Woods family has refused to speak to the police or the media about the incident on several occasions. The media I completely understand, but the police? If they have nothing to hide, they’re certainly doing a great job acting like they do.
Tiger’s official statement leaves a lot to be desired for the wondering public. Tiger basically says he will not speak about the incident beyond the fact that he had a single car accident and his wife acted courageously. He says all the rumors are irresponsible and untrue.
I sure wish he would elaborate and I imagine this won’t go away unless he does.
Tiger apologized for his wrongdoings on his website without going into specifics. So it looks like he’s a filthy cheater after all. Tiger, I expected more from you.
[Posted by Shannon]
Thanksgiving is upon us yet again, and I’m currently at work hoping that we will soon get an email saying “LEAVE. NOW. EVERYONE. GOBBLE GOBBLE.” So far, no luck.
I was taking a look at my Thanksgiving post from last year, and I must say: not a whole lot has changed. I’m still thankful for all of that good stuff (like goat cheese and Michael Franti and not being pregnant). Yesterday in my Pilates class, while we were doing a move called “the teaser,” the instructor asked us to think only of things we were thankful for. No bad thoughts like “hot DAMN this is hard!” I thought that was kind of sweet.
This year I’ll be spending Thanksgiving here in DC with Kelsey and a couple other lovely people, and we are forgoing the traditional feast-and-family route in favor of Korean spas and fancy dinners. I’ll let you know how that goes.
While we’re at it, I’ve gotta confess: World, I am thankful for Jason Segel. Even though I’m very NOT thankful that he pulled this stunt at the Swell Season concert in LA rather than the one in DC. Asshole.
Eat lots of delicious things tomorrow, and be happy about all you’ve got going for you. Gobble gobble!
[Posted by Mallory]
I haven’t the faintest idea what stanky legs are, but I do know that this baby can dance:
Perhaps the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. And yes, Daily Julie, this baby has infinitely better moves than me, too.
[Posted by Mallory]
Oh, hello. Me again. Since the real job is getting in the way of my bloggy job, I’ve condensed a week’s worth of what I liked into one fabulous Friday post. Does that work for you? I sure hope so!
You all know how much I love stories about sci-fi weirdos (apparently the cool way to spell it now is SyFy. Anybody else notice that the Sci-Fi Channel changed its spelling?). Well, here’s a good one! Computational linguistics expert d’Armond Speers spoke only Klingon to his son for the first three years of the boy’s life. Ummm, WHAT? He claims it was an experiment to see if his son would learn it like any normal human language in the early developmental stages.
He just confirmed what every child already knows– you are an experiment, and your parents are trying to corrupt you and make you as uncool as possible.
Here is the best quote from the article:
As for Speers, who still gets nostalgic when he recalls singing the Klingon lullaby “May the Empire Endure” with his son at bedtime, the experiment was a dud. His son is now in high school and doesn’t speak a word of Klingon.
Stay strong, young Speers!
Like any good yuppie bleeding-heart liberal, I have an iPhone. We all know that there is an app for everything, but this new one is so hilarious and wonderful that I have to share it with you. It’s totally politically nerdy, but it’s a bobble head guide to every single member of Congress. Here is my favorite member of Congress:
Best 99 cents I’ve ever spent. Download Bobble Rep.
Speaking of politics, lots of good stuff going on, eh? Lieberman sucks more than ever and the women’s movement took two steps back no thanks to Rep. Stupak.
I also remain perplexed as to how people can manipulate the messages of Christianity in light of healthcare reform. To me, it seems that giving a little extra so our brothers and sisters will be able to be healthy and able to succeed in life is following that message. Yet even the Christian right wing (like my girrrrrrl, Michele Bachman) has condemned it as communism, fascism, Marxism and any other ism you can imagine that probably doesn’t make sense. Grrr.
Hey, speaking of Christianity– I know people are complaining about how early it’s coming, but sweet Jesus I love Christmastime. And I love the new Gap ads! Add being a Gap backup dancer to my bucketlist, right after being a Fanta Girl and a dancing iPod shadow.
In other news, Oprah is ending her show in 2011. I’m not too upset about this. She’s going to have her own TV station in 2011, and she’ll have 25 years of her show in syndication so I really don’t see the big deal. They’ll still be enough of O’s wisdom to go around.
Oh, and just in time for a junky fastfood lunch:
Okay, I think that’s it for now. Miss me, because I miss you.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s my best friend’s birthday! Her name is Kelsey, and sometimes she wears earmuffs with party dresses:
And that, among many, many other things, is why I love her.
Something I don’t love is oysters. I just discovered that today. I was convinced to try an oyster from the Sustainable Oyster Dude at Whole Foods (how do you like THEM samples), and even though I was skeptical, I was in a brave mood. I’m not a big shellfish person because, um, ew. We made lots of jokes about shooting it back — but not like vodka, haha! — and squeezing the lemon on the oyster — but not like you bite a lemon with tequila, haha! — and then I shot that oyster back and only the nasty juice came out, with some chunks of the shell. YUM. I was shell-shocked (pun originally not intended, but retrospectively fully intended) and feeling queasy, but I grabbed a plastic fork and ate that nasty little piece of oyster meat because I’M NOT A QUITTER. And now I want to throw up. The Sustainable Oyster Dude did not enjoy my jokes about needing a LOT of vodka or tequila before I do that again. He recommend a dry white wine. Some people are no fun.
Kelsey is not one of those people. She’s one of the fun ones, thank goodness. For that, among many, many other things, let’s wish Kelsey a happy birthday. Yay!
[Posted by Mallory]
My biology lovin’ boyfriend had tried to get me to watch this video for about a month. Each time he asked me if I’d watched it yet, I’d give some legitimate excuse, like “I’m so sorry, I just don’t have 5 minutes to spare in my unemployed day.”
Well, when I had run out of excuses and finally watched it, I was amazed…just as he promised I would be. The part where the octopus literally transforms himself (I guess its a him? How sexist of me) into the coral is so cool. I know it starts off somewhat slow, but watch it through to the end – I swear.
The website is also an interesting concept. This is an excerpt from the “About TED” page, because they said it better than me.
“TED is a small nonprofit devoted to Ideas Worth Spreading. It started out (in 1984) as a conference bringing together people from three worlds: Technology, Entertainment, Design. Since then its scope has become ever broader. Along with the annual TED Conference in Long Beach, California, and the TEDGlobal conference in Oxford UK, TED includes the award-winning TEDTalks video site, the Open Translation Program, the new TEDx community program, this year’s TEDIndia Conference and the annual TED Prize.”
Another bonus, checking out this website makes me feel intellectual again.
[Posted by Shannon]