Category Archives: weird

by | December 30, 2010 · 7:46 pm

some thoughts before the new year.

It’s been a while since we last talked. Some things have happened! For instance:

  • I traveled to five states in one week.
  • I became obsessed with this song.
  • I won Nerd Prom.
  • Baby Jesus was born, again!
  • I ate a really good veggie burger.
  • I pretended to care about sports, like, three times. (My dad was impressed that I could describe a first down. Really, Dad? Thanks for the confidence.)
  • I got to hang out in Colorado for ten days with my pup and fam and two friends from home who are actually still in Denver.
  • I severely jammed and/or broke my toe. I was sitting upstairs in my dad’s office, minding my own business, and feeling annoyed that the Christmas socks I was wearing were toe socks. I HATE toe socks. Like pants are to your legs, they’re like prisons for your toes. Obviously, I pulled all of my toes out of the toe prison parts, so there was some extra material just flappin’ around. Then the doorbell rang, so I rang down the carpeted stairs, my feet slipped out from under me, and my right foot rammed into the wall. Then my dog started barking his head off in my face, and I almost murdered him. I had to answer the door all like, “Oh, hi, sorry, just fell down the stairs. No, I’m totally not about to cry. Haha, okay, thanks for the spiced nuts, neighbor.” Then my toe started to really hurt. Then I went on a pub crawl that involved a lot of walking. Then my toe turned sort of black. Then purple. Now it’s just sort of bulbous and can’t bend, so I’m fine, but REALLY MALLORY? You couldn’t walk for a week because you fell down the stairs wearing slippery Christmas toe socks?! Because I have a history of showing you my injuries for no reason at all, here’s a picture of the toe at its purplest. You’re welcome:

So Happy New Year’s Eve Eve, dear readers, and get excited: 2011 is going to be THE BEST YEAR EVER! You know why? It’s 2011! Which means 11/11/11 is finally coming! Which means I can have my gala! You’re all invited, so I’ll keep you posted. I seriously cannot wait.

Now I’m off to paint the town sparkly with Kathleeny.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | November 24, 2010 · 2:27 pm

youtube clip of today: the turbaconepic.

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all. Hope you get to stuff your faces!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | November 24, 2010 · 6:05 am

a hump day cry face remix?

So, this happened (at the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear, obviously):

…followed by this:

This, of course, has nothing to do with Cry Face, except in that it proves that I aim to never look attractive in public. (Speaking of which…read this blog.)

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | November 15, 2010 · 2:27 pm

youtube clip of today: baby monkey.

Not only do I want a baby pig, I now also want a baby monkey. They can be friends. Hey, did you know Christmas is 39 days away? (Hint hint.)

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | October 21, 2010 · 9:56 am

marcel the shell with shoes on.

Guys, I know. I have posted like four times in the past year, Kathleen is officially Internet dead, I’ve missed 18 Google Holidays, all I post is videos, OUR PETS’ HEADS ARE FALLING OFF. But I don’t know…it’s hard to get out of a blogging rut! I don’t know how people with jobs and babies and stuff manage to blog and also exercise and feed themselves. It’s amazing!

My little sis just posted a link to this video on my wall, and it made me realize that I still haven’t posted this on the bloggy! I have, of course, seen it about a million times. (Sorry Mads…you’re way out of the loop.) When I recently visited Miss Mouse in NYC, we lounged in her bed and watched this maybe five times in a row. And then the day after that, I watched it about five times in a row with Debbie and Kels. I just can’t get enough. So if you’re like Maddy and have been living under a rock slash hiding from the world under your lima bean hat, allow me to introduce you to Marcel the Shell with Shoes On:

Happy Thursday, strangers!

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | September 1, 2010 · 2:04 am

youtube clip of today: merengue dog.

This dog is decidedly a better dancer than I am:

But does anyone else find it a leetle creepy that this dude is getting all saucy with a golden retriever? (Or that this is being filmed in a strip mall parking lot with a bunch of the dancing man’s friends dressed up in ponchos from Party City?) Either way, thanks for the tip, Potski!

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | August 20, 2010 · 6:45 pm

and then i flew to jordan.

Guys, it’s really happening. I’m about to get on a plane to Amman. Before my friend — we’ll call her “Ling” — moved there, I probably had devoted four seconds of brain space EVER to thinking about Jordan, and now I’m going there. When I’ve told most people where I’m going, they say “Jordan? Like, the country?” Yep. The country. And I cannot wait.

Based on at least two and a half votes, I have decided to blog about my adventures right here at Six Words. HOW EXCITED ARE YOU?! To fill you in on what exaaactly I’m doing going to Jordan (like, the country), here’s some back story: My friend, Ling, was in my grad school program. [Ed. note: It’s funny to type that, because there was a girl in my grad school program whose name actually was Ling. Maybe we should have thought that one through before developing nicknames.] She got a kickass fellowship to move to Amman for nine months to study Arabic. She’s been there since January and knows lots more Arabic words than I do (I’ve got inshallah and habibi…we’ll see how far that gets me). Here’s a photo of Ling and I on Halloween last year (I was Bob Ross and she was my canvas):

This is actually what I'm wearing on the plane!

Our itinerary is fairly flexible, but the trip will include at least the following: living in luxury at a fancy hotel in Aqaba, on the Red Sea; putzing around Dahab, a laid-back beach town in Egypt; visiting Petra, one of the coolest places ever in the world according to lots of people; hanging out in Amman; etc. If I’m lucky, I might even learn two more Arabic words.

Even though I’m talking travel, it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t include some sort of wacky video from the Interwebs. Here you go. Somewhat inexplicably, I think that video is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Thanks for the tip, Mouser.

And now, to Amman! I’ll see YOU on the flipside!

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | July 8, 2010 · 2:12 pm

youtube clip of today: double rainbow.

Can you imagine having this much enthusiasm about a rainbow? Amazing. And hilarious. Best line: What does this mean!? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was a Will Ferrell sketch.

Enjoy! And happy Thursday, readership!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 8, 2010 · 10:47 am

lohan claims a human rights violation.

Oh, LiLo. A few people have passed this my way already this morning. Lindsay is now saying the “f*** u” written on her fingernail was a just a joke, and it had nothing to do with her court appearance. It is almost unbelievable, at this point, that she isn’t smart enough to realize that she is under a microscope and something like that would be seen. Anyway, the Lohan believes all of this criticism is unfair, and that she has been subjected to cruelty, so she took to her Twitter account to clear things up.

She essentially claimed that her human rights had been violated, and tweeted Article 5 of the U.N. Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Yes, really.

No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.

And then she quotes law professor Erik Luna:

“November 1 marked the 15th anniversary of the U.S. Sentencing Guidelines. But there were no celebrations, parades, or other festivities in honor of this punishment scheme created by Congress and the U.S. Sentencing Commission… Instead, the day passed like most others during the last 15 years: Scores of federal defendants sentenced under a constitutionally perverted system that saps moral judgment through its mechanical rules.”

Well, we all know she’s wrong. And I have a smarty-pants friend that made logical points to counter Lindsay’s rambling:

a.  She’s referring to the wrong body of law- this is a GA assembly resolution- the universal declaration of human rights is not binding to the US.
b. The International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights is binding to the US.
c. Our own constitution protects against cruel and unusual punishment.

Celebrities! Who would we mock without them?

After that, she posted a link to the Newsweek story on Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, an Iranian woman who will be stoned to death for adultery. Let’s all hope she isn’t comparing her situation to that human rights tragedy.

But in all honesty, I find it sad that LiLo’s delusional enough to think that she doesn’t deserve to abide by the court’s rules like the rest of us. Maybe this whole experience will do the girl some good. (But that’s been said before, right?)

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | July 7, 2010 · 11:13 pm

i laughed so hard i cried.

This was passed along to me in the form of an email forward from an A-MAZING FAN-TASTIC Chicago correspondent. Seriously though, the six word title is no joke. I was in tears probably for twenty minutes because of this. I obviously passed it along to everyone I know. My buddy quickly became obsessed with it (and the popularity it brought him in the office), so he started digging around a bit. Well, it wasn’t just an email passed along. In fact, this comes from David Thorne, who is a well-known internet humorist. I have no doubt that this email exchange is real though– creating humor in every day life is kind of his thing. You can find more hilarity on his website, 27b/6. Okay, enough with the introductions. Read every word. Get ready to laugh.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.


This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone… possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out “Shannon, where are you?”

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don’t like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham ‘Choose Life’ t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.

Attached poster as requested.

Regards, David.


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David.


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don’t have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend’s cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn’t have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.

I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David.


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says “I haven’t seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?” you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

—-

You’re welcome.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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