This was passed along to me in the form of an email forward from an A-MAZING FAN-TASTIC Chicago correspondent. Seriously though, the six word title is no joke. I was in tears probably for twenty minutes because of this. I obviously passed it along to everyone I know. My buddy quickly became obsessed with it (and the popularity it brought him in the office), so he started digging around a bit. Well, it wasn’t just an email passed along. In fact, this comes from David Thorne, who is a well-known internet humorist. I have no doubt that this email exchange is real though– creating humor in every day life is kind of his thing. You can find more hilarity on his website, 27b/6. Okay, enough with the introductions. Read every word. Get ready to laugh.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster
Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.
This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone… possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out “Shannon, where are you?”
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster
yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
I never said I don’t like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham ‘Choose Life’ t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww
Dear Shannon,
I don’t have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend’s cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn’t have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww
Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww
I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says “I haven’t seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?” you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Please just use the photo I gave you.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Fine. That will have to do.
—-
You’re welcome.
[Posted by Kathleen]
six words to change the world. 
Amazingness. The people at my office now think I’m crazy.
Mr. Thorne…You are my hero!
Funny, I never laff like that ! So glad I was here alone. Thanks
Glad you liked it! Pass it along. We all deserve to laugh like that.
That sucked
I found the text (without pictures) on a different website and was giggling like a tween. Then I found this blog and saw the pictures… Holy Cats! To much hilarity!
Hilarious!!! I now have uncontrollable hiccups from laughing so hard!! This would make a great Television skit on SNL or something!!
crying. literally. that was ridiculously funny. at first i was all like… awww. funny-ish. but then the LOST poster with missy ever so small looking over the coastline (or whatever) and i lost it.
tears. down. my. face.
thanks. i totally needed that today.
may even have to link to this on my blog.
This would’ve been funny but for one thing: the person asking for help was sincere. A loved one was missing. She wanted help. Only a total a**hole would have taken this opportunity to have fun at the expense of someone who was worried and upset.
I would normally agree with you and I am a very compassionate person, however, I also have extremely strong work ethics. From what I gathered, she doesn’t. I feel bad that she lost her cat, but that’s not something that should be taken care of at work. David seems to know this and is just dragging it on further, knowing full well that she hasn’t done anything all day. If it was bothering her that much, she should have taken the day off and gone to Kinko’s and not wasted anybody’s work time. By his output and attitude, he probably gets his job done and can take the time to fool around. I hope she found her cat, but this was hilarious.
Might have missed the point here. While we’re moralizing about work ethic, let’s not put David on some pedestal. He blew more time and value than Shan while playing this little game. 1.) She takes a moment to write a note to him and then returns to work. 2.) He takes time to do the graphics work and write long stories to introduce each phase of his diversion. While she also planned to abuse the access to the company copier, he used his more expensive labor as a designer and the computing resources — hardware and licenses design software — for what amounts to personal work… much like the time I’m taking to write this comment. 🙂
Funniest thing I have read in a long time.. I posted it on my FB page and sent to everyone.. I’d love to meet Mr. Thorne!
RB in DC
Ha!!!! I think this post proves an important lesson–if you screw up something enough times and the deadline is drawing near, you’ll probably get to do it your way in the end. Something to think about the next time mom asks me to take a family member prom dress shopping….
This is absolutely hilarious. I am the proud ownee (not owner) of 10 cats, and would be quite devastated if one got lost, but what makes this funny is the fact that Shannon despite her grief and upset was so focused on having a graphic designer make a poster that she wasted 3 1/2 hours of two employees time to get it instead of doing it herself in 20 seconds — she had a computer, the photo, and knew what she wanted to say. I personally thought the first poster would have accomplished what she wanted, as would have the second poster. They were eye catching enough that people would have in fact stopped and looked at them — with much greater likelihood than the more traditional poster at the end.
So magical. Can you start a Church so I can join it? You are my new spiritual leader.
Way too funny! Had to post to my Facebook! Thanks I needed that:) Have a great weekend all!!!!
Boring idiotic humor, not funny at all.
You must be a lot of fun.
Zing!
Ahhh…..there’s one in every crowd.
This changed my world. Did picky Shan ever find her cat?
I showed it to a friend who immediately said, “This reminds me of the interactions we have with (our designer) and she’s absolutely right.
Fantastic. Jack and Larz, your lack of a sense of humor is its own punishment, I suppose, but even so get stuffed.
Pingback: Top Posts — WordPress.com
If you look at the dates on the emails it hasn’t even happened yet. Her cat will go missing on june 20 2010. Just let her know to put the cat in the cage on that day and all will be ok.
Exactly what calendar are you working with? On mine, July 10 occurs after June 20.
HAHAHAHHAHA.
omg i laughed so hard… tears in my eyes!!!
Really?
It was shit!
You liked it?
No wonder you’re single!
That was shit!
You probably eat a macdonalds burger and say “mmm, that’s definitely the best meal of my life!”
For me that sucked.
This is GREAT! If more people took the time to laugh. . . the world would not be in such a BAD place. Real or NOT! I enjoyed the time it took to read and have saved this piece for when I need another GOOD Laugh! Thanks for sharing this with all of us!
Pingback: Missy is Missing! « Your Moosey Fate
Good stuff!!….(oh…and the woman who is the owner of 10 cats needs to consider investing in Febreeze stock, spray on some FDS, and try and find herself a partner in life instead of infesting her home with replacement mates!). Absolutely NOBODY needs 10 of anything!!!
1st grade humor at best
Really?
That sucked.
“1st grade humor” my arse.
Bravo Mr. Thorne! Sarcasm at it’s finest!!
I didn’t get it.
Not even a smile
CRAP.
@TK, you suck.
T.K’s right,
Fuck you Robert, you twat
Look who’s talking Robert, look who’s talking.
Yeah, fuck you Robert, no one likes you
Fuck u Rob,
are we playing an ‘everybody say fuck u robert game?’ because fuck you, go find some real friends
I’m going to sulk to my mommy!
sorry, for not getting the joke.
YO mamma’s so fat she put on a yellow raincoat and people yelled TAXI!!
That’s funny.
Yo momma’s so dumb she got hit by a parked car!
And she stared at a juice carton for 2 hours just because it read ‘concentrate’
Whey!
GO read something else, (e.g. Harry Potter).
This sucked like it was written by shit
Fuck u all… ain’t even funny.
Finally i quit my day job, now i earn a lot of money on-line
you should try too, just search in google – blackhand roulette
system