monkey boy prevails over roger federer.

You’re so getting the wrong idea about Kathleen and me with all this sports coverage, but hey, exciting stuff is on TV, and it is our duty as bloggers to watch and report. I’ve been casually following Wimbledon, so as a follow-up to Kathleen’s post about the wonderful Williams sisters, let’s talk about the men.

When I watch any sort of sporting event, I need to choose a team/person to cheer for in order to get invested in watching. For tennis, I like to select the more attractive player and then enthusiastically root for him. So when Roger Federer was playing against Marat Safin, I rooted for Safin:

In retrospect, I think I may have made the wrong decision, considering that my Google image search turned up a lot of these douchey model-like photos of Safin. Anyway, in the Federer-Nadal championship match, there was no question which player I’d cheer for. Sure, I’d rooted against Federer a few days before, but a moderately good-looking human (which Federer is) will always prevail over an actual monkey:


And yeah, that might be an unflattering photo of Nadal, but dude looks like a monkey. He even eats bananas as a mid-match snack. So for this match, Roger was my man. My sister and I watched the match from the gym, feeling kind of lame as we struggled to run for more than ten minutes while ol’ Roger and Rafa battled away for nearly five hours. After watching Federer come back from two sets down to tie things up and get into a fifth set, we thought that the match would be postponed until the next day because of the rain. We thought it was safe to step away from the TV and go to the pool, but no! As we were ordering lunch, we noticed that the match was still on, so it was back into the locker room to watch the rest.

Man, that thing was intense. Federer and Nadal have played each other in the past five Wimbledons, and even though Federer won each time (beating Nadal in the championship just last year), this sixth meeting was insanely evenly matched. The two went game for game until the bitter end, when Nadal finally broke Federer’s serve and went on to win. (And that’s no easy serve to break.) After about four and a half hours of play, the final score was a crazy 6-4, 6-4, 6-7 (5), 6-7 (8), 9-7. My sister and I were glued to the TV, chatting excitedly with all of the old ladies that came into the locker room to watch with us.

As much as I was rooting for Federer, I’m quite impressed by Nadal. The guy is only 22 years old, and he’s already played in six Wimbledons (not six finals — thanks to commenters Sinead and Em for correcting me on those facts). Sure, he looks like a primate, but I can’t even say anything snarky about that record. What have I done in my two decades of life? And I can’t do anything for four and a half hours, let alone bust my ass running around a tennis court. (I also have to admit that it was pretty cute when Nadal monkey-climbed his way through the stands to hug his parents…that got a tear or two out of me.)

When Federer put a cable knit sweater on over his sweaty tennis clothes about 10 seconds after the match ended, I forgot about Nadal and decided I was actually in love with Roger. Then I noticed that the sweater was monogrammed with his own little logo that was on the hats all of his supporters were wearing. Is that pretentious? I’m still undecided. Also, I discovered that he and his cute longtime girlfriend/fiancée/wife (I can’t figure it out) had a photo shoot with Annie Leibowitz featuring photos like this:

I’m sorry, but seriously, Roger? (See more of the slideshow here.) And then in my Wikipedia research, I discovered two more disturbing facts: he launched his own FRAGRANCE back in 2003, and he’s good friends with Tiger Woods. Sigh. Now I’m all conflicted. Anyone have any insights on Roger? Or Monkey Boy, for that matter? I’m just going to lie down and have a cold beverage.

[Posted by Mallory]


Filed under crushes, sports

31 responses to “monkey boy prevails over roger federer.

  1. mcparty

    concerning the cardigan:
    apparently John McEnroe did a spoof of Federer where he sat down and put on his shoes and cardigan while the song from Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood was playing…ha, silly tennis players.

  2. Sandra

    Your comments about Nadal are disgusting. The world is divided in 2 kind of people: those who are winners and those who just look at them with envy or disrespect.
    You figure the group you belong to. It is a good thing in a way, so that when someone gives you a nickname you will understand and not be offended by it.
    Of course Nadal went to hug his parents who were watching their son to play the Wimbledon final, instead you were in your neighbourhood gym with your sister and other ‘old ladies’ as you say, I guess your parents do not expect too much from you if they do not go to see you spinning in the gym.

  3. Etienne

    it would be good if the creator of this blog posted his own picture, but something tells me it would not be the real one ha ha ha
    I agree with Sandra, someone still using 11-year-olds school slang for talking about people is just a loser.
    I would love to see how far this blogger goes in life, his magnificient achievements……not many I’m afraid.
    I tell you what, re-read this in 10 years time and look at Nadal and look at yourself. Oh sorry…in 10 years the only ‘achievement’ for you will be this blog.

  4. Nadalist

    Yes darling, sit down and relax, have a cold beverage and some junk food. Writing this deep article must have left you exhausted.

  5. Beefchocolatecheesesaltgarlic

    Dear above three posters,

    I have a few responses to your posts. Initially, I just wanted to say to you that if you don’t have anything nice to say, you should just not say anything at all. Didn’t your parents teach you that? Then I became increasingly infuriated by your comments. First of all, Mallory didn’t even say anything that mean about monkey boy. She was quite nice, in fact (other than calling him monkey boy, which is a perfectly appropriate nickname). Secondly, “loser” is an incorrect term for Mallory. Quite the contrary, which you would understand had you read more of the blog or knew anything about her. Exhibit A: Mallory is a Phi Beta Kappa scholar from a very good college. If you are unaware of what PBK is, I’d recommend looking it up. You’ll probably be impressed. Exhibit B: Mallory will be attending Georgetown University (have you heard of it?) to get her masters in a really cool thing that will actually change the world. Exhibit C: “Loser” implies having no or few friends. Mallory, on the other hand, has a very large number of very cool friends (myself included, obviously). Exhibit D: This blog has almost 10,ooo readers. 10,000 people who want to read what Mallory has to say because she says clever things. 10,000 people whose minds now hold a little bit of Mallory’s wisdom. That’s a lot more than most people can say.

    So, to sum up this little rant, Mallory is very much not a loser. She is actually way cooler than most people, and she has already, in her mere 21 years, accomplished much more than most people will in their entire lives.

    I’ll leave you with another childhood adage: Mallory is rubber and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off of her and sticks onto you. Loser.

  6. Wow, this is all very funny. I have to put it out right now that I like Mallory too, and all you peeps need to chiiiiiiiiiiil da FUNK OUT. But I also think Nadal is hot, so she was wrong there. But it’s about preference really, aka would like some swiss miss cocoa or a little bit of sangria in your cup?…..ifyaknowhatimean. It’s sort of like the dilemma of wanting to hump Obama while simultanously respecting McCain as a politician as well. Sort of. Respect may be going to far.

    Sandra this whole….”you figure the group you belong to” has got me thinking. A) do you understand sarcasm B) I always wanted to name by daughter Sandra! (really) and C) I think there are three groups of people in the world: tennis players, stinky pants losers and bloggers (including blog wall commentators such as Sandra y angry Etenieeeeney.) The final group is one big happy family, and we might as well accept that we are all so lame, we can’t even be considered stinky pants losers.

    (Question: where does Andy Roddick fit in? Can one be a tennis player with stinky pants?)

    I’m at work and clearly becoming deranged.

    Now I’ll plug my own blog:

    I will close with this: Housesitter is the most underrated film of all time, and Mallory doesn’t deserve this heathen response. Mind your manners! KEVIN GARNETT FO LIFE.

  7. cubicleQT4U

    Nadalist, Sandra, & Etienne … which one of you is the major of Clowntown? Sorry, but your collective absurdity leaves me a bit confused.

    Nadalist: Were you expecting a deep article? Please, understand that the witty commentary that is this blog is meant to entertain you, not enlighten (although it at times does that as well).

    Etienne: I see that you’ve used sarcasm in your comment, so I see that you fathom the concept and therefor can’t even blame your meanness on a misunderstanding. So I guess you’re just miserable. and unhappy. I believe beefchocolatecheesesaltgarlic has covered Mal’s achievements, but I also wanted to throw in that she was also the president of her sorority and has a pair of legs that will make your mouth water (not that her shapely gams are an achievement per say, but worth of note)

    Sandra: Sooo… you’re making fun of Mal for going to the gym, while you sit on the computer and read strangers blogs? Hmmm, you’ll have to explain that one to me.

  8. Kathleen

    Here is something that I noticed when reviewing the comments on the blog. Nadalist, Sandra and Etienne are all the same person. (I discovered this by looking at the IP addresses…I am a HUGE nerd.) One person, three user names and three comments on one blog post. I think the term “loser” comes to mind. In light of this, my favorite part of the three posts is when Nadalist/Sandra/Etienne agrees with herself. Lame. Happy reading!

  9. drunkinarowboat

    I think I should add on my facebook interests: checking the comment wall to Mallory’s writing on the Federer/Nadal match. Perhaps a little lame? Maybe not though?

  10. curtainblog

    ooppss! If Mallory is so accomplished why she is not well known yet?
    Anyway…we were checking this blog here in Trinity College and we thought it would be worth a comment. We did not know that the blogger had hired an army to defend herself.
    Good luck with your life Mallory & co. I bet I will see your name someday written in gold.

  11. Sandra

    Do you know that different people can use the same computer? Well, don’t bother.
    – I was not aware that this blog was only for saying nice things about the blogger posts. I apologise, I did not know that critics were not admitted.
    – Re exhibit A: I am impressed already.
    – Re exhibit B: my brother went to Georgetown to study Politics after graduating Cum Laude in Oxford (England), so we know where it is.
    – Re exhibit C: I forgot than in the USA the term ‘loser’ means unpopular, I apologise for this mistake (in Europe we have a different concept), I am glad that Mallory has all these friends, including you, you must be supercoooool.
    – Re exhibit D: I am glad you got some transfusion of Mallory’s wisdom, good for you. I think she was offensive to Nadal calling him monkey, wise people accept critics and are respectful. Sorry, but this was not the case in Mallory’s
    Thanks for the little poem at the end of your comment, very touching. Mallory will be very proud!!

    I am not making fun of Sandra for going to the gym, I was just comparing her going to the gym with someone winning Wimbledon and making his parents proud. I did not know that you consider that strangers should not read other people blogs, I am more open minded.

    Bye people, do not worry, I will not get into this blog again, I am out of the circle…….

    And Mallory, I cannot wait to see how you are going to change the world…as your cool friend said.

  12. Trinity College in Dublin? What a beautiful place.

  13. JT

    So…nadal does look like a money. thats just fact. but he seems like a great monkey man. and an awesome player of tennis. so respect rich monkey man. (he may be slowly growing into his looks so…it could be sexy monkey man soon).
    I LOVED Federer’s little cardigan. like…loved it. And I kind of want to buy his little monogrammed stuff…well maybe not buy. if he gave me the cardigan. i would definitely wear it. 🙂 In the photo shoot…he does kind of look ..ugh. perhaps sliiiight misstep. A little to pretentious and…ugh. And why is his fiance/girlfriend/…manager? with him in the pictures? I like seeing her in the stands but need i see her in ads with the Fed? Once again, Roger, if you would like to give me your cardigan–not the sweaty one because who wants that?–I would totally wear it.

  14. Mallory

    Wow, people. WOW.

    I’ve been watching this whole comment battle from afar, because I’m on vacation with my family at the moment, but I think it’s about time I say a little something to defend myself.

    It seems that all of the angry Europeans missed this paragraph:

    “As much as I was rooting for Federer, I’m quite impressed by Nadal. The guy is only 22 years old, and he’s already played in six Wimbledons. Sure, he looks like a primate, but I can’t even say anything snarky about that record. What have I done in my two decades of life? And I can’t do anything for four and a half hours, let alone bust my ass running around a tennis court. (I also have to admit that it was pretty cute when Nadal monkey-climbed his way through the stands to hug his parents…that got a tear or two out of me.)”

    I think there was enough self-deprecation in there to keep everyone happy, and I CLEARLY respect Nadal. He’s amazing! And he loves his parents! I think that’s great, period. (And I can certainly handle criticism. It’s just that the criticism didn’t make much sense. But thank you, Sandra, because “YOU ARE A LOSER!!!” is now my new favorite quote. Ever.)

    The thing is, people sometimes look like animals. Nadal happens to look like a monkey (albeit an attractive monkey…he’s growing on me). My friend Alicia looks like a chipmunk; Walsh looks like a koala; Annie looks like an owl; and I look like a fox.

    To my “Army of Defenders,” your compensation is on its way. To JT, you are my new favorite commenter. Keep it up. Now I’ll go back to lying on the couch in my underwear, eating Cheetos, and wallowing in my own worthlessness, just as Sandra, Etienne, and Nadalist would like it.

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  17. Sinead

    Okay. So I am an avid, bordering on obsessive fan, of both Federer and Nadal. Naturally I disagree with some of the stuff you’ve said. But opinions that I disagree with aside, I’m actually here to complain about your facts. Seriously, if you’re going to do blog reports about a sport, make sure the facts relating to that sport are correct. Especially big things such as, oh, how many times a certain player has made the final of a tournament-

    Rafael Nadal has NOT been in six Wimbledon finals. Roger has, yes, but not Rafa. Rafa has been in the last three (2006, 2007 and 2008). Roger’s run started in 2003, and he won five years in a row before being upset by Nadal this year.

    Yes, I realise that I’m very late to comment on this blog, but whatever. I’m a nit-picker, and my annoying nature causes me to correct your mistake no matter how long ago you made it.

    And just for interest’s sake, Roger’s long term girlfriend/fiancee/wife? Just his girlfriend at the moment. Girlfriend and manager.

    Over and out.

  18. Em

    Roger did not meet Rafa in six Wimbledon finals, as Sinead correctly said. I am similar in that I feel the need to correct your facts, putting aside my own feelings about the players. Rafa has been to three. Roger has been to six. Rafa has PLAYED more than three Wimbledons, yes, but he has not been to six finals.

    Also, those little “monogrammed” things that Roger was wearing – they represent not only him but his foundation/charity. When his fans buy his RF / Roger Federer Foundation products, they support the charity too, not just him.

    The fragrance is a bit weird, yeah. But why not, when you are Roger Federer, your name on a cologne bottle will sell.

    Re. friendship with Tiger Woods – they both dominated their respective sports (Roger much more than Tiger in my opinion). Why not?

    I love both Roger and Rafa. I just think you should get your facts right before you have an opinion. that’s all.

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  20. Etienne

    I was wondering if Mallory has published something yet or if she has been discovered by an editor or something like that.
    Ha ha ha ha

  21. Beefchocolatecheesesaltgarlic

    “Bye people, do not worry, I will not get into this blog again, I am out of the circle…….”

    We were excited for you not to post here ever again. Don’t you have friends of your own to occupy your time? Get a life.

    And yes, Mallory does publish things, jerk. And she gets paid for it, too.

    Finally, I’ve been reading a fantastic book about the psychology of evil and bullying and what makes people be so terrible to each other for seemingly no reason at all. It’s called The Exception by Christain Jungersen. It may give you some interesting insight into your own mean psyche.

  22. Henry

    “Finally, I’ve been reading a fantastic book about the psychology of evil and bullying and what makes people be so terrible to each other for seemingly no reason at all. It’s called The Exception by Christain Jungersen. It may give you some interesting insight into your own mean psyche”

    Maybe this book will help you and Mallory to understand yourselves as this whole blog started with an evil comment and being terrible to other people like Nadal, making fun of him and comparing him with a monkey and, of course, in the middle of the “super-article” she had to mention herself and what she was doing at the time of the match. But you had a reason for doing it in this case, as he is by far more accomplished and better than you. So pointing out his faults nobody will look at your own.

    If you had really understood that book you wouldn’t have replied to Etienne comment.

    You get a life!!!

    I doubt

  23. Mallory

    Hi Henry,

    Thanks for the comment, I think? For starters, I haven’t read The Exception, so I can’t claim (and haven’t claimed) to understand it.

    I’m not going to re-enter what I see as a silly comment battle, but I will reiterate my position yet again: I said nothing bad about Nadal *except* that he looks like a monkey. I put him down in no other way; if you reread my post, you’ll see that I’m quite impressed by his athleticism, and I don’t pretend to be able to compete with that.

    Frankly, I think it’s fun and funny to decide what kind of animal a person looks like. In fact, at a holiday brunch with my family just yesterday, my aunt and cousins spent some time teasing me for looking like a fox. Henry, Etienne, et al., it seems we may never agree on the humor of that game, but I don’t think our disagreement goes much beyond that.

    In the spirit of the holidays, let’s all agree to disagree about the monkey thing, and intergalactically share some warm and fuzzy thoughts instead of all those nasty ones. Putting all that negative energy in the world just isn’t worth it, especially at this time of year.

    Le fox

  24. Henry

    Hi Mallory,

    Have a great Christmas and all the best for the new year!!

  25. Hi there! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my good old room mate! He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this page to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

  26. Jen

    Where is Mallory? Has she started to change the world already.
    I am sure she has, is she with all those talented people in th Occupy Movement ? ha ha ha ha

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