Yesterday, I gave in to two popular trends that I’ve been resisting for quite some time: I bought a Mac, and I began reading Skinny Bitch. Big day for me. I’ve been needing a new computer for oh, about two years, but because I am not what we call “technology savvy,” I avoided buying a new one for fear that I’d be so overwhelmed by all the features that I’d sob while pounding on the keyboard with one hand and shoving a Wendy’s breakfast sandwich into my mouth with the other. Speaking of breakfast sandwiches, unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few years (or were muffling your friends’ advice with the sound of crackling bacon), you’ve heard of Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin’s book Skinny Bitch. According to everyone in the world, it will make you become a vegan and weep at the sight of a hamburger. The thing is, I quite enjoy things like pepperoni pizza, dairy, diet coke, and Big Macs. Rory and Kim want me to stop eating those things, so it naturally took me a while to crack the book. But more on that later.
Back to my new friend, Mr. MacBook. Kathleen already makes love to her Mac thrice daily, and everyone else who owns one practically begs you to cross over to the Dark Side. But I wasn’t ready. I had mentally added “Apple computers” to the list of things I will never understand (along with cars, economics, the appeal of Rock Band, how to do my own hair and eye makeup, fax machines, etc.). Then it got to the point where my old, “trusty” Gateway computer could barely open Gmail without crashing, and I decided I had to make a decision. PC or Mac? Mac or PC? ARGHHHH!
I don’t know much about computers, so the technical stuff doesn’t faze me much. Here’s what I wanted: a laptop that was pretty, and a laptop could function while holding my bajillions of songs and photos. That’s all. I went back and forth for a while, and my friend Katie ultimately convinced me. Her MacBook had recently crashed (yeah, you thought that wasn’t supposed to happen, didn’t you?!), which initially sent me running back to the Dell Web site to pick out a nice navy blue computer. Then Katie told me that even though her Mac crashed, she would get another one again in a heartbeat. Plus, even though Macs can crash, PCs crash about a zillion times more. That was all I needed. I creeped around online for a little while, where my new debate became black MacBook or white MacBook? White MacBook or black MacBook? (And if you know me, you know that I am hopelessly indecisive and decisions like this are truly agonizing for me.) I finally settled on white (looks cuter in my bedroom — that was seriously part of my rational — and the letters on the keyboard won’t rub off), and then scampered off to the Apple store. Now here I am, assuming the “Kathleen,” blogging on my Mac from my bed. So far, no regrets.
Now about that scary vegan book. So far, I like it. I mean, you have to love a couple of girls who say things like, “Now don’t piss and shit yourselves, but…” Although they do look like skinny bitches (a brand of human I tend to hate):
Some of their claims seem a leetle out-there, but on the whole I think they’ve got a point. Is it likely that I’ll actually become a vegan? Um, no. I don’t know if I could live a life that didn’t include cheese, ice cream, or whiskey. But I’m halfway through the book, and so far I’ve decided to give up diet pop and at least try to not eat meat for a while. I’ve been working on the diet pop thing this summer anyway, and frankly, the book’s descriptions of slaughterhouses are enough to make even my father consider becoming a vegetarian. Luckily, I’ve become addicted to fake-meat breakfast sausage, and I’ve never been a huuuge meat-eater, so I may be able to stay on the bandwagon longer than, say, Kathleen.
So in a way, I’m now that girl. But I think I’m okay with it. I’ll keep you posted on my progress. If you catch me practicing Scientology or wearing Crocs, though, please feel free to institutionalize me.
[Posted by Mallory]