I want to introduce myself to all of you as SWTCTW’s newest guest blogger. As an avid reader of SWTCTW, I appreciate all of Mal and Kathleen’s wit and I humbly admit it is a daunting task to attempt to join in. But enough sucking up to the originators — they have already given me permission to blog so here I go.
I am currently living the unemployed life, so I have too much time alone with my own thoughts. I feel compelled to share these thoughts and my current outlet to do so isn’t quite cutting it. I admit I have a habit of sharing too much information about my own life with complete strangers. I don’t flatter myself by believing these strangers care at all that I’m breathing, let alone care about anything I have to say, but once I get started, I find it practically impossible to stop.
My most recent and memorable victim was the poor pharmacy technician at Walgreens. I was there to pick up a prescription, which tradition tells us requires me only to give the employee my last name, verify my address, hand over some form of payment and get the hell out of there. Needless to say, I took it a step further.
I believe Mr. Walgreens asked me how my day was going. His crucial mistake. My reply went something like this:
“Oh, I’m ok thanks. I just got back from the doctor’s, well obviously [insert a laugh at my own ‘joke’ here. His response? Blank stare.] My problem actually is that I’m heading to Las Vegas tomorrow and unfortunately the medicine that I’m picking up now makes me really sun-sensitive so I’m trying to find a sun block that will work. You can see I’m very pale, so I need a strong sun block especially in Las Vegas! [Excuse the use of the ever-annoying exclamation mark, but it is necessary to attempt to convey my high-pitched squeal.] I’ve never been to Vegas, but I hear the sun can really get you out there. Do you know if sun blocks with SPF 70 are actually much stronger than sun blocks with SPF 30? [I don’t wait for a response, nor do I stop talking.] I read in Cosmo that the SPFs above 30 really don’t make much of a difference, but I really don’t want to get my medical advice from a fashion magazine, so I guess I’ll just go with the SPF 70, I mean, it can’t hurt, right? [No pause here either. Mr. Walgreens’ face has morphed from a blank stare to a look mixed with disbelief and a little bit of panic. He has no possible escape route and I am the only customer in sight.]”
At this point, I go into autopilot and, fortunately, so does my memory. I think I kept Mr. Walgreens hostage with my sun block scenario for at least another 4 minutes. I haven’t seen him again in my Walgreens travels, which only leaves the possibility that I sent him into early retirement.
The moral of this story is I hope to save my local Chicago community from my random ramblings by collecting my thoughts and organizing them for display on a public forum. Luckily for you, this particular space allows you to pick, choose, and skip through my ramblings. Poor Mr. Walgreens, he wasn’t so lucky.
[Posted by Shannon]