Ryan Seacrest was bit by a shark this weekend! Ha ha! The article is like three words long, so I think you won’t mind reading a good chunk of it:
The “American Idol” host said he was “about eight feet out” when he felt something swim by him.
“I thought it was a stick,” he said. “I wasn’t sure what had happened.”
Then, he said, “I saw it swim! He took a bite, and he left.”
Seacrest, 33, said the shark’s tooth “wasn’t a great thing to find. It was like finding a splinter!”
Although he said he was “in pain,” the “American Idol” host wasn’t hurt too badly, but said he “needed to take an Advil.”
So let’s get this straight: the shark just took a nibble, then swam away? All Seacrest needed to heal his shark bite was AN ADVIL?! I guess the shark wasn’t a fan of Seacrest’s other other white meat, which surely tastes like spray tanner and douchebaggery. Mmm.
Yeah, I don’t like Ryan Seacrest. I can’t say I hate him more than I hate seal-clapping, whiskey-in-her-water-cup Paula, but something about Ry guy drives me NUTS. I think it may be that he has one of those mouths which, when closed, looks like it’s hiding a set of hardcore braces. I can’t find a picture that really helps out my theory, but this one’s entertaining:
Oh, Ryan. Could you maybe stick to radio, so that we didn’t have to stare at that weird mouth of yours when we’re trying to get an American Idol fix? Maybe take Paula and your dawg Randy and just leave the show to Simon. He’s the only one worth listening to, anyway.
Although, come to think of it, I really do love to hate you.
[Posted by Mallory]