[Posted by Mallory]
Tag Archives: rhinestone hearts
This morning, as I watched our country’s most legitimate television news show, The Today Show, Meredith Viera told me about a legal case that puts the McDonald’s hot coffee case of 1994 to shame. Fifty-two-year-old traffic cop Macrida Patterson is suing Victoria’s Secret over an injury she received FROM HER THONG. Her thong. Apparently, the rhinestone heart attached to Ms. Patterson’s “undergarment,” as her lawyer called it on the show, was attached by two staples. As Ms. Patterson was putting the thong on, one of these staples flew off and hit her in the eye, leaving her in “excruciating pain,” and in need of a dose of topical steroids. (By the way, the case was filed a full year after the incident occurred.)
Now, this story is funny enough as it is, but watching Meredith try to make a legitimate interview out of it was pure hilarity. And watching Ms. Patterson’s lawyer, Jason Buccat, trying to maintain some dignity while discussing the case was even better. (The defendant herself also seemed to be having a hard time keeping a straight face.) One of my favorite lines: When Meredith asked Macrida if this was the first time she’d worn the thong, Macrida replied with something along the lines of, “No, it was the second or third time I’d worn it. I have a lot of underwear from Victoria’s Secret so I don’t need to wear any of them too frequently.” The line that takes the cake, though, was from the mouth of proud lawyer Jason Buccat: “Victoria’s Secret does have its angels, but the devil is in the details.” How long do you think he spent working on that one?
I think the real lesson here is that rhinestone hearts do not belong on thongs (or on anything else, for that matter). If you’re rocking that kind of “undergarment,” you’re just asking for a corneal abrasion.