Guys, did you think I forgot the Hump Day Cry Face??? That could be because I almost did, but it’s only before midnight here in fair D.C., so there’s still time! And I’ve got a good one for you. Here’s the description this week’s Cry Facer sent along with her photo:
This gem was captured via iPhone in a McDonald’s I had to drive TWENTY min off the highway to because I was lost but NEEDED it.
There’s more to that story, but I’m a good friend and will keep that to myself. Onto the photo:
She’s phenomenal, right? I planned to link to another photo of this fine lady doing another excellent CF, but turns out I haven’t posted it yet! I’m both ashamed of myself and thrilled that I have another gem to post, maybe next week. It’s like a double cheeseburger, but of CRY FACES.
Being that this is my first post of the day, I was going to say good morning, but it’s lunch time now. So I hope you had a good morning and a yummy lunch.
You’ve probs heard about the Montauk Monster by now (not to be confused with the Montag Monster, which is obviously Heidi from “The Hills”). Honestly, this thing looks like Satan’s deformed lap dog and would totally beat out any Chinese Crested Hairless for the world’s ugliest dog competition. Perhaps it can be entered next year posthumously? Anyway, this creature is quite the beast. I’ve been like the freaking Nancy Drew of the internet stalking this thing. Here’s the best news source I can come up with: an interview with the three girls that found it. First aliens, now this? I’m never leaving my bed again. For reallllls.
Surprise, surprise! The jobless rate (“Jobless”, by the way is a nickname a friend of mine gave me. He’s a meanie.) is now up to 5.7% for the month of July–which is a four-year high. But wait…we couldn’t possibly be in any sort of recession, right? Remember what McCain’s buddy said? It’s all in our heads. Now, I don’t have the numbers on this, but I’m going to go out on a limb and make a bold statement. As the unemployment rate rises, so does the number of bloggers. Yeah, I’d put some money on that.
OMFG, the grown ups don’t like Gossip Girl. There’s sex, drugs and drinking in it. In high school! GASP. Without going to school for millions of years and having a Ph.D, let me clear this up for anyone that is confused. GG is to teenagers what soap operas is to 50 year old women who have time to watch the teevee all morning and afternoon. People live vicariously through this stuff, and you’re a dumb-dumb if you don’t recognize that. Trust me, not all high schoolers are having good sex. You know you love me. Xoxo, Gossip girl.
Bon Jovi kind of saved Bill Clinton. Oh man, I don’t want to quote Bon Jovi songs and make bad jokes, so I’m going to spare myself the humiliation. Read the story if you care.
Watch out Segway, Toyota now has the Winglet. And it looks cooler. Oh man, if you’re in DC look out for the Segway tours. Those people look ridiculous. Hmm…I wonder if Bush can fall off of this too? Most likely. And, because it’s a Toyota, it probably gets better gas mileage. Question, is there enough space to put a tree-hugging, granola eating democratic bumper sticker on it? And does it have an iPod adapter built in?
I’m pretty open about the fact that I’m obsessed with the snarky political commentary site Wonkette. Recently, I’ve been loving their mockery of the American Family Association’s efforts to Boycott McDonald’s. (Background on Wonkette’s mockery here; link to the Boycott McDonald’s website here.) Basically, McDonald’s donated some money to the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, a bunch of self-righteous, intolerant people got angry, and these people decided to clog their arteries at another establishment. They are encouraging their fellow Christians to boycott America’s favorite fast food restaurant with persuasive, well-written comments like these:
“I`m sorry that you have made the decision that heterosexul folks such as i are not welcome in your resturants any longer. i will not argue your decision. By giving your resturants sapport to the homosexual groups you have told me my believes and lifestyle are not yours and i`m not welcome in your resturants anylonger.”
The group’s latest — and by far, most hilarious — weapon is this gem of a video:
Eh, we were always Wendy’s girls here at SWTCTW. Mmm, Baconator.
This morning, as I watched our country’s most legitimate television news show, The Today Show, Meredith Viera told me about a legal case that puts the McDonald’s hot coffee case of 1994 to shame. Fifty-two-year-old traffic cop Macrida Patterson is suing Victoria’s Secret over an injury she received FROM HER THONG. Her thong. Apparently, the rhinestone heart attached to Ms. Patterson’s “undergarment,” as her lawyer called it on the show, was attached by two staples. As Ms. Patterson was putting the thong on, one of these staples flew off and hit her in the eye, leaving her in “excruciating pain,” and in need of a dose of topical steroids. (By the way, the case was filed a full year after the incident occurred.)
Now, this story is funny enough as it is, but watching Meredith try to make a legitimate interview out of it was pure hilarity. And watching Ms. Patterson’s lawyer, Jason Buccat, trying to maintain some dignity while discussing the case was even better. (The defendant herself also seemed to be having a hard time keeping a straight face.) One of my favorite lines: When Meredith asked Macrida if this was the first time she’d worn the thong, Macrida replied with something along the lines of, “No, it was the second or third time I’d worn it. I have a lot of underwear from Victoria’s Secret so I don’t need to wear any of them too frequently.” The line that takes the cake, though, was from the mouth of proud lawyer Jason Buccat: “Victoria’s Secret does have its angels, but the devil is in the details.” How long do you think he spent working on that one?
I think the real lesson here is that rhinestone hearts do not belong on thongs (or on anything else, for that matter). If you’re rocking that kind of “undergarment,” you’re just asking for a corneal abrasion.