So after many months of wondering what this whole Google Reader thing was, I decided to set up my page. For good measure, I threw in a bundle of celebrity news sites. And what a day for celebrity news! In case your Google Reader isn’t set up yet, or you don’t stalk celeb blogs, guess what?! Leighton Meester, best known as Gossip Girl‘s Blair Waldorf, has a sex tape. And it’s not with Chuck Bass. According to Perez and the Superficial and Pink is the New Blog and all of our faithful celeb bloggers, a couple-year-old sex tape of Leighton Meester is allegedly available online. My office computer is blocking most of the links, but it appears that this is pretty legit. Feel free to try to investigate a little more yourself. The Superficial has photos, and Tyler Durden’s linking to something, but I can’t even access his blog because it’s adult content. Ha.
I mean, I suppose something scandalous like this was bound to happen with someone from the GG cast. My typical frustration with stuff like this — and especially with stars who get all riled up when something scandalous is released — is, “If you are even moderately famous, why would you even consider making a sex tape of any kind? It WILL get out. So if you make one, be prepared for it to go viral. That’s just the way it works.” But with Ms. Meester, I almost feel sorry for her. She appears to have made this thing way before she was famous, and now it’s going to become this huge scandal and her grandma will think she’s a whore, or something. She couldn’t really have seen that coming. (That’s what she said?)
In just a few days, my dear partner Kathleen will be jetting off to South America to trek around the continent in ugly shoes. While she’s gone, we will have a surprise guest blogger take her place. (This probably isn’t a surprise to anyone who cares, but whatever; let us pretend we are important and have guest bloggers like Dooce does.)
This mystery guest blogger and I typically, um, BBM during Gossip Girl each Monday night. For those of you unfortunate souls who still have Razors, and those of you elitists who have iPhones, BBM stands for BlackBerry Messenger, which is Spanish for “The biggest time suck invented since G-Chat.” Unfortunately, last night this mystery guest blogger and I did not get to communicate during the episode, so she sent me an email with her thoughts. Yes, we are aware that we are both pathetic. And no, we don’t care. And yes, candy corn is only 13 cents a bag today at CVS.
Here are our mystery guest blogger’s insightful thoughts about last night’s episode of your favorite guilty pleasure:
I finally watched GG (fuck you, Verizon DVR) and thought I would share some of the thoughts I had with you since we couldn’t bbm:
Aaron? What’s your name? Doesn’t matter: creepster.org (that’s not real link–don’t click it)
Times Square? Right, because downtown hipsters LOVE Times Square.
“Plenty of women have been both lover and muse, like Picasso.” Serena, gramatically you just called Picasso a woman. And you would use his name since it’s the only artist you’ve ever heard of. En revanche, Blair’s writers hit it out of the park with their whole cubism line.
Dan–you suck at playing it cool. Way to throw your dad under the bus, asshole.
Spotted: lame-o product placement. Although I’m craving Vitamin Water already. I hear it goes great with vomit . . .
“I’m 18 and it’s a grown-up party.” PERFECT. That is exactly what a 17-year-old would say.
Yeah, S. You’re uncomfortable having your picture taken. I totally believe it.
Dan–crack the story? Kill the story? Where did you pick up that lingo?
“You have a glow, like Chinese lanterns.” Oh, Dorota.
I heart Blair’s lip color. And her skin is GLOWING! How does she make it do that?
Um, that huge Construction Work Thug’s e-mail address is LoveLace? I don’t think so.
I want to be on this show just so I can have all of this lingerie. Because . . . it would look so good on me.
Aw, Blair. Watching her introduce Dorota to Cindy Lauper brought a tear to my eye.
5.19.91. Dan would use such a lame title
HOLY SHIT. Chuck Bass was born in 1991?!?!
“I don’t know how it works in High School . . .” Excuse me, Aaron but you have three facial hairs. Shut up.
Oh NO! Rufus is singing! . . . 3 words.
Jenny is wearing Rosary beads as a necklace. NOT COOL.
I have a confession to make: I sort of love Blair and Chuck together. I often hate them on their own, but when they get together and tell each other to just “say those three little words,” those two evil Upper East Siders sort of melt my heart. I know. I’m embarrassed too.
Also, what the hell are you doing Little J? Whoring around with that model and the sketchball photographer? How do you go from innocent 15-year-old to black-eyeliner-wearing whore sexpot with bangs in ONE WEEK? Oh, that’s right. This is Gossip Girl. Plotlines can be inconsistent and absurd, and I’ll still watch. At least Nate’s still beautiful:
And now, because they’ve added a little poll feature to my blogging toolbox, let’s try a poll:
I mentioned last week that I was starting to get a leetle sick of Gossip Girl. The plot was getting sort of boring — and by boring I mean less deliciously crappy — and I was losing interest. But tonight, folks, my favorite guilty pleasure redeemed itself. There is so much new scandal and I love it!
Dan had a new girlfriend who sucked a lot and then the girlfriend turned out to be working for the Chuck Basstard! The Lord and the Duchess were hooking up! Jenny’s hair still looks so brittle that I’m worried she might be anorexic in real life! And, most importantly, Serena is eeeevil again. Mwhaha!
Also, Nate is still prettier than I ever hope to be…
Give me your eyelashes, fool!
In other news, I’m totally loving the new iPod song, “Bruises,” by Chairlift. I’m a sucker for a good song from an Apple commercial (right, KTray?).
Once something newsworthy happens that isn’t financial (because, remember, I just don’t understand that stuff. And I have no money to lose, so it’s hard for me to try to understand…), I promise I’ll stop writing exclusively about Gossip Girl.
Because I have a vagina (just like Sarah Palin!), I watch Gossip Girl. Whatever, we’re addicted to this kind of mindless crap here at SWTCTW. My roommate Sarah and I have been catching up with the new season via iTunes, and today we actually watched an episode in real time. I know, we’re impressive.
Now, it’s not like I expect Gossip Girl to blow my mind with intelligent plots and complex characters, but last season was delightfully scandalous and trashy and fun to watch, while this season is shaping up to be a glorified soap opera. I mean, they included a citywide blackout as part of the plot. As my roomie said, “Oh, right. Because those are SO COMMON.” Basically Chuck is starting to drive me nuts, as is Serena and her inappropriate outfits and inability to act. On the other hand, I’m sort of into the Nate/Vanessa subplot because they would produce the most beautiful offspring EVER. Oh, and also…did Dan not get WAY hotter?
Major emo alert on this next one…
Dan/Penn, call me. We’ll be tortured and emo together. I’m totally into that these days.
So I quasi-live blogged the show with the hottest cast EVER, quasi-not.
Quick thoughts:
Croquet, pastels and cocktails. It’s GG. And it’s on crack–and by crack I mean the Hamptons. Thirty seconds in and these crazy kids are already getting it on! God I missed this show. Rawr. WHY WAS I NOT THAT HOT AT 16? Or 17. Or 18. Or 19…this is getting depressing. Whatever.
Oooh Dunkin’ Donuts product placement on Rufus’ tour bus. My New England trained eye could spot a DD logo anywhere.
Drama with Blair and “Chuck Basstard” about a pin. What is this? 1950? LAME.
Speaking of Chuck. I think they’ve taken this “I’m Chuck Bass” thing a little too far. Taking good characters from the first time around and putting them on steroids for all subsequent appearances is a common mistake. I like to call it the Stifler Syndrome. In the first American Pie movie, Stifler was absurd yet oddly believable. And kind of funny. I mean, he does get peed on. With each AP movie, (AP 2, American Wedding) he became a caricature of himself and utterly obnoxious. He is practically the star of American Wedding. Teevee God (aka script writers and producers) help us. I WANT OLD CHUCK BACK.
Let’s take a second to acknowledge Serena’s hair at the White Party. She looked like a goddess, for sure. But the hair was so over the top. It looked like golden snakes wound in with the Jessica Simpson and Ken Paves lovechild hair extensions. Her hair = a hot tranny mess. Despite having hair of the Medusa persuasion, Blake Lively is stunning and I want to be her. (Blake and Penn–never ever ever ever break up. Ya’ll are the new Seth and Summer/Adam and Rachel. Don’t fail us like they did.)
I have a friend who believes Blair Waldorf is his soulmate. Best of luck to you, friend, because a) she’s not real and b) this bitch is back in full force. (Is it just me or did she look like she got into a nasty brawl with a spray tan booth? Ummm Blair it was the White Party, not the Orange and White party.) And dating a British lord who pretended to be an American that went to Princeton so that people liked him for his pretentious, rich American elitist self and not his pretentious, rich British elitist self? My mind is blown. First of all, this makes me yearn for the days when Prince William was still a dreamboat (sigh). But really, GG? You’re going to give us all false hopes that this tomfoolery actually happens? And that a British Lord wants me to like him for him and not just his title? Disney already ruined me. This might break me.
As Kristen Bell’s voice familiarly closed the episode with “You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl”, I have to say, I don’t think I did love this Gossip Girl. The scripts were never good, but this was dreadful. I love me some bad teevee shows and my expectations are wayyyyyy lower than they should be, but I at least expect the dialogue to be tolerable at best.
But the clothes were amazing. And I’ll still watch next week. Mission accomplished.
On another note, I am obsessed with the song played in the opening scene. It is my new favorite summer/end of summer (wahhhhhhh) song and I am embarrassed. I am embarrassed because one half of the band, Shwayze, is Mischa Barton’s ex-bf. Remember Cisco Adler? Yup. Now he can be known for something other than looking like the younger brother of Weird Al and being the former lovah of the worst character on the OC and a Keds spokeswoman. Basically this song is the 2008 version of LFO’s “Summer Girls”. Stop judging me, jerks.
Being that this is my first post of the day, I was going to say good morning, but it’s lunch time now. So I hope you had a good morning and a yummy lunch.
You’ve probs heard about the Montauk Monster by now (not to be confused with the Montag Monster, which is obviously Heidi from “The Hills”). Honestly, this thing looks like Satan’s deformed lap dog and would totally beat out any Chinese Crested Hairless for the world’s ugliest dog competition. Perhaps it can be entered next year posthumously? Anyway, this creature is quite the beast. I’ve been like the freaking Nancy Drew of the internet stalking this thing. Here’s the best news source I can come up with: an interview with the three girls that found it. First aliens, now this? I’m never leaving my bed again. For reallllls.
Surprise, surprise! The jobless rate (“Jobless”, by the way is a nickname a friend of mine gave me. He’s a meanie.) is now up to 5.7% for the month of July–which is a four-year high. But wait…we couldn’t possibly be in any sort of recession, right? Remember what McCain’s buddy said? It’s all in our heads. Now, I don’t have the numbers on this, but I’m going to go out on a limb and make a bold statement. As the unemployment rate rises, so does the number of bloggers. Yeah, I’d put some money on that.
OMFG, the grown ups don’t like Gossip Girl. There’s sex, drugs and drinking in it. In high school! GASP. Without going to school for millions of years and having a Ph.D, let me clear this up for anyone that is confused. GG is to teenagers what soap operas is to 50 year old women who have time to watch the teevee all morning and afternoon. People live vicariously through this stuff, and you’re a dumb-dumb if you don’t recognize that. Trust me, not all high schoolers are having good sex. You know you love me. Xoxo, Gossip girl.
Bon Jovi kind of saved Bill Clinton. Oh man, I don’t want to quote Bon Jovi songs and make bad jokes, so I’m going to spare myself the humiliation. Read the story if you care.
Watch out Segway, Toyota now has the Winglet. And it looks cooler. Oh man, if you’re in DC look out for the Segway tours. Those people look ridiculous. Hmm…I wonder if Bush can fall off of this too? Most likely. And, because it’s a Toyota, it probably gets better gas mileage. Question, is there enough space to put a tree-hugging, granola eating democratic bumper sticker on it? And does it have an iPod adapter built in?
First, people try and deprive the poor of the social services they so desperately need. Now, they’re trying to deprive the less fortunate of a cheeseburger from Mickey D’s. IS THERE NO JUSTICE IN THIS WORLD?! Read this article and let me know what you think. No, that’s not fast food I smell, it’s racism. Or rather, as blog God Christian Lander (My hero! Sigh) put it so delicately, white people knowing what’s best for poor people.
Okay, that’s all I got…for now. Stay busy at work, fools! I will continue to blog.
six words to change the world. 
