Tag Archives: john mccain

joe the plumber says he’s “horny”.

As much as I hate to contribute to it by writing about it, I’m always interested when Joe the Plumber manages to extend his 15 minutes of fame– even if only for a millisecond.  How on earth does he do it?!  Well this new JTP blip on the media screen is fairly hilarious.  Thank you WashPo’s The Sleuth for the important news!  Joe recently spoke at the Media Research Center’s “DisHonors Awards”.  I know you’re DYING to know what that is; it sounds gripping!  Apparently all the people who hate democracy get in one room to slam the liberal media.  Doesn’t that sound fun?  Umm…boooooooring.  So good old Joe the Plumber/Journalist gets up there to accept some bogus award about really sticking it to the socialists.  Naturally, the neocons are clapping for this pure paradigm.  He eloquently expresses his humble appreciation:

“God, all this love and everything in the room – I’m horny,” declared Joe, whose real name is Samuel Wurzelbacher.

And cue the chirping crickets.  Rawr?

When you get that special feeling, Joe, you should just go on home, slip into something more comfortable (but really, is there anything more comfortable than the JTP flannel shirt?  I don’t think so!), light some cheap smelling candles, pour yourself a fine glass of boxed wine and run a nice bubbly wubbly bubble bath for yourself.  But for the love of all things holy and sacred, DO NOT tell your sexually oppressed conservative friends how you feel!

I was going to go off on a HUGE multiple-paragraph tangent about the so-called liberal media but I’m going to keep this as short as possible…aka one paragraph.  Guess what, folks?  The liberal media smear is spin concocted to protect the Bush Administration and its followers from the press.  By turning the American people against the press, the news stories– which contained the truth — were seen as biased and became irrelevant.  But reporting on the horrors of war and unveiling the lies of the government is not liberal bias, it’s the job of the press.  Take Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann out of the equation now, please, because they have equal and opposite forces named O’Reilly and Hannity.  We’re talking about the journalists whose names you do not know.  There is an unspoken vow among journalists to bring the truth to the people– a sort of Hippocratic Oath, if you will.  Challenging and questioning a president, Congress, the government, or taking on the rest of the media?  That is their function in society.  If the media were so liberal, we would have had a Democratic president years ago.  Trust me.  I’m appalled that the liberal media excuse and tactic is still being used and people are still buying it.  (McCain lost.  Sarah Palin sucked.  Get over it.  It was their fault.)  Now that Obama is president, the press will do its job to report everything that goes on.  In fact, Obama seems to be losing the media fight when it comes to selling his economic plan, is he not?  Not so liberal afterall…And I’m spent!

Now back to the important stuff.  A most appropriate music video in honor of JTP:

And one last uber-serious thought:  Has Akon ever sang about something other than sexytime?

[Posted by Kathleen]


Filed under blogging, celebrities, humor, news, politics, pop culture, random, sex, the hill, thoughts, Uncategorized, YouTube

vote vote vote for barack obama!

Dear readers,

It’s me, Kathleen.  Your long lost blogger.  I have not posted in a very long time and what I have posted in recent weeks has been fairly weak.  But that’s because I’ve been working to save the Constitution…no big deal.  Today, I hope you go vote for Barack Obama.  He’s a good man and he’ll make a wonderful president.  He is someone that understands our story.  He’s one of us. Please look at the pictures Mallory posted.  So vote.  And get your friends to vote.  It really does make the difference this time around.  And I’m going to ask you to take it a step further.  Don’t just vote for the captain, vote for the team.  This means electing the people that are going to help make B’s glorious vision a reality.  I’m talking about your House and Senate races here, people.

Today is going to be historic.  I cannot wait to wake up tomorrow and know that the world is a better place.

Catch you on the flip side.  I’m off to the polls.




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mccain for president, says ken layne.

My friends, you must read this. Ken Layne is my favorite Wonkette boyfriend and he is a genius:

This first decade of the 21st Century has not been very good for America. We have been terrorized at home, humiliated in war, humbled by Asia, surpassed by Europe, invaded by Mexico and laughed at by Canada.

We are also so much sicker and sadder and poorer than we were eight years ago.

The question, on November 4, is this: Are we man enough, as a nation, to admit things are just going to keep getting worse? Can we finally grimace into our national mirror and admit that we need someone to finish the job? Then let’s make John McCain, and then Sarah Palin, our president(s). Let’s do this right!

Experts say the United States is like a bus full of enraged cows teetering on the edge of a sea cliff, with swarms of bloodthirsty sharks circling the waters below. Tragically, the frightened and confused livestock are unable to tilt the bus over the cliff by themselves.

We can’t afford to prolong the misery. We can’t afford to elect some pie-in-the-sky character who appeals to our better instincts. We can’t afford to put aside ignorance and poverty.

We need to be pushed over that ledge.

John McCain for pre — okay I can’t even type that line, but you get the point.

[Posted by Mallory]

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hump day isn’t just for crying.

On this lovely little October Wednesday, I’d like to share some random thoughts with you. (Don’t worry…cry face is coming.) I haven’t posted in a while either, and it’s partly because my mom was here in DC to visit, and partly because my computer broke. (And I have to go to Arlington to fix it…THE HORROR!)

I had a lovely little weekend with the mother, and we got to do some touristy things and eat a lot and she took me to do this foreign activity — shopping — that we poor grad students (read: irresponsible grad students who’d rather spend their $75 weekly budget on overpriced gin and tonics than clothes) can’t do very often. (Random side note: a kid I don’t know very well who tends to be sort of loud and intense just looked over my shoulder and was like “OOH someone has a WordPress blog!” Which made me self conscious.) (Yes there are too many parentheses in this post.)

Um where was I? Ah yes, random thoughts. I’ve been in a weird mood for the past few days. Alternately introspective in a delightful, happy way and in a depressed, go-home-and-listen-to-Dashboard way.  First of all, I’ve been having lots of political debates with my family. In fact, I’ve argued with every member of my immediate family this week. My mother is still on the fence about the election, due to the fact that she has been brainwashed by my father. My sister is currently being brainwashed by her conservative Kansas friends to be “terrified of Obama.” My father has been palling around with McCain for years, but we recently got in an email debate about abortion, in which I threw out the cliche trump card…”Dad, what if I was raped and got pregnant?”

Things have been getting kind of heated, which has been giving me agida. Unfortunately, I often get so angry that I can’t articulate coherent thoughts. All I want to scream is “HOW ARE YOU PEOPLE RELATED TO ME?! JUMP IN THE TANK WITH ME AND BARACK!” and then make them carve Barack pumpkins while looking at pictures of Sasha and Malia.

Sigh. Let’s just say I had to wear my flannel nightgown last night.

I’ve also had lots of emo thoughts about some of the relationships in my life. I won’t get into the nitty gritty details, but I’ve come to a realization about what I value in a person. Above all, I value the following two qualities: authenticity and wackiness. I can’t stand people who are inauthentic, in all the forms that takes. And it’s not to say that I’m perfectly honest and perfectly myself 100% of the time, but I’d like to think that my core personality is fixed, and that I don’t radically change who I am based on who I’m around. Too many people do that. I hate that.

And then there’s wackiness. If you’re authentic and not wacky, I’ll probably respect you, but I won’t want to hang out with you. It’s like when people say “Well, so-and-so’s just really nice.” To which I respond, “Nice doesn’t cut it. Nice is fine. But nice is boring. I don’t want to hang out with nice.” If you’re not just a leeeetle wacky, it’s not worth it. Having friends with a little wacky in them is what makes it possible for me to still have friends even though I sometimes wear flannel nightgowns and say weird things and dance really awkwardly and am kind of a nerd.

If you’re wacky, authentic, and in the tank for Barack, I totally love you right now. Bring your flannel nightgown over. We’ll drink red wine and watch the Food Network and maybe have a dance party to old Aaliyah songs. It will be great.

If you’re not into any of the above maybe just look at the picture of Pam and Dwight and Jim until you’re so happy you almost cry. Even unauthentic boring people who love McCain deserve to feel happy once in a while.

[Posted by Mallory]


Filed under cry face, dance, family, music, politics, post-college depression, thoughts, TV

the most telling picture ever taken.

A picture is worth a thousand words, right, Johnny?  Doesn’t he look like a dinosaur? HAHA.

[Posted by Kathleen]


Filed under celebrities, humor, news, politics, pop culture, random, thoughts

talk to your parents about mccain.

Get it?  It’s like an anti-drug commercial?  Teehee.

And my obsession with Blake Lively thrives.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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roundup of rando ny times stories.

I’ve been neglecting the blog for a few days, but there have been several NY Times articles that I’ve wanted to post about. Let’s just do a roundup of the best ones:

  • It’s insulting — and unhealthy — to call elderly people by demeaning terms like “sweetie” and “dear.” Stick to the traditional, factual labels like “John McCain.” [NY Times]
  • An a cappella group from Indiana University has been reunited after ten years to sign a five-album record deal with Atlantic Records. Craig Killman, the chairman and chief executive of Atlantic, discovered the group on YouTube and smelled potential. The group, called Straight No Chaser, will be coming out with a holiday album at the end of October, and they may be touring with headliners like Josh Groban and Michael Bublé. Not too shabby for a group of guys who thought they’d never sing again. I’m not one of those ex-coeds who is obsessed with a cappella, I swear, but this story is worth reading. [NY Times]
  • Seriously, WHY ON EARTH would it be a bad thing for our president to be “elite”? I want my president to be about a million times smarter than me. I tend to have mixed feelings about Maureen Dowd, but she had a great column a few days ago. This paragraph alone is pure snarky genius: “Darn right. And that, doggone it, brings us to a shout-out for the latest virtuoso of Frontier Baroque, bless her heart, the governor of the Last Frontier. Her reward’s in heaven.” You betcha. [NY Times]
  • And a few days ago, this was the “On This Day in History” thinger at the end of my daily headlines: “On October 5, 1947, in the first televised White House address, President Truman asked Americans to refrain from eating meat on Tuesdays and poultry on Thursdays to help stockpile grain for starving people in Europe.” I’m not going to pretend to know a lot about anything, really, but there are still lots of starving people in the world, and still a lot of livestock in America that eat shit tons of grain each day. Basically, people around the world starve because we think it’s more of a priority to feed animals that we can slaughter and eat. Yes, I know it’s not quite that simple, but it’s worth thinking about. (And no, I’m not a vegetarian, but I’ve cut back my meat-eating by about 75% in the past month.) Just take a look at this fact from the 2004 book The New Consumers, by Norman Myers and Jennifer Kent: “If each American cut his or her meat consumption by just 5% (roughly the same as eating one less meat dish a week), that would save enough grain to make up the diets of 150 million malnourished people.” Chew on that one.
[Posted by Mallory]


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mccain sneers “that one”, misquotes TR.

Man, that was boring.  Awkward and uncomfortable jokes by McCain all went flat.  Insulting Tom Brokaw, jokes about hair plugs and balding (was that a swipe at Joe?).  The zingers were mediocre.  Then John McCain has the audacity to call B “that one”. OH NO HE DIDN’T.  I’m sorry, but I prefer audacity to come in the form beautifully bound hardcover book called “The Audacity of Hope”.  Ahem.  Here is the video:

What did he mean by “that one”?  What a demeaning term.  On top of flawed policies and rampant lies, John McCain lacks the manners and professionalism required to be the President of the United States.  Just picture him at the table with leaders from around the world.  Is he going to call someone he disagrees with “that one”?  Or perhaps he’d like to use another one of his favorite words, cunt.  He makes me so mad.

And he messed up a TR quote.  Again, OH NO HE DIDN’T.

“My hero is a guy named Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy Roosevelt used to say walk softly, talk softly, but carry a big stick. Senator Obama likes to talk loudly.”

Ugh.  Get it straight.

And for the love of all things good and pure in this world, Johnny, please stop calling me your friend. I am NOT your friend.  I wouldn’t even be your Facebook friend.

The majority of pundits and polls show that Obama won this debate.  I agree.  He holds the American agenda, and I will be so proud to call him our president.

Also, this is totally unrelated to the debate, but I find it to be an important fact since the candidates’ personalities seem to be on a pedestal in this election. Today, while Joe Biden was at the funeral of his mother-in-law, Sarah Palin was criticizing him on the campaign trail.  She’s a jerk.

Twenty-seven days until this election is ovvvvvah.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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live blogging the vice presidential showdown.

9:01 –  Hi Gwen!  Looking foxy in teal.  We get it, we get it.  Let’s just get to it.

9:03 – Ooooh the bail out.  Joe is on message.  YESSSSSS.  I’m mesmerized by the chart at the bottom of the screen.  The positives soared for Sen. Biden.  Oh, here goes Sarah talking about parents at a soccer game. Do you have kids?  I had no idea!  But I thought you were hockey mom?  GET YOUR STORY STRAIGHT, LADY.  Both candidates went to bat for the top of the ticket right away.  Not surprising.

9:08 – She whipped out the maverick card.  “Git down, to gitting business done.”  Ugh.  She threw in the “all due respect” line, which we all means with no respect at all.  I don’t think that inferring Biden’s been in the Senate for too long is a good approach, Sarah.  Have you met John McCain?  And stop trying to steal the term change from the Change Master.

9:14 – She’s not going to answer the questions the way the moderator wants? If I were Gwen, I would have given her an eye roll and snapped my fingers in her face.  Straight talk, Sarah?  Answer the straight questions.  I’ve got a question for you.  Did dinosaurs and humans exist at the same time?  But we digress.

9:17 – Sarah, government isn’t the problem.  YOU are the problem with government.

9:21 – Biden made a funny about the bridge to nowhere!  And a great rebuttal about the health care system.

9:29 – Yawn.  I want to see them take the gloves off.  Maybe I’ll make myself a glass of chocolate milk.

9:30 – Oh goody!  CLIMATE CHANGE.  Well at least she acknowledges that it exists.  Biden corrects his coal gaffe of last week.  Thatta boy, stick it to them.

9:35 – Palin says the word “rape” and the ticker is showing a drop in favorability among women.

9:41 – Biden is hitting this war question out of the park.  I cannot believe that she just called Barack’s plan a “white flag of surrender”.  The fact that both of these candidates have children in the military and in the Middle East is huge.  It prevents cheap shots, for sure.  I’m staring at Palin’s potentially tatooed lip liner.  I’m kind of freaked out.

9:49 – Ever notice that sometimes Sarah Palin sounds like a leprechaun?  Where is she from again?

9:54 – Yawning again.  But wait!  A question about the Bush administration.  STOP GIVING THE CAMERA SEX EYES PALIN.

9:56 – Every time Biden said “George Bush’s”, I chuckled.  It sounded like George Bushish.  Which, in my mind, was twisted to George Bushit.  Teehee.

10:02 – Come on guys, get spicy.  But right now, Biden talking about helping Darfur is really inspiring.  He’s showing that he really knows what he’s talking about with foreign policy.  This guy knows what’s going on.  I wonder if Sarah Palin could point out Darfur on a map?  Stop talking about Alaska.  Nobody cares.

10:07 – My friend just said Palin is really into these “mom pep talks”.  Well put, sir.  Mom pep talks are not what we need though.  We need ideas.  We need someone who understands what’s going on.  Someone that reads the newspaper, perhaps.

10:17 – Defending Dick Cheney is not a strong position for Sarah Palin.

10:21 – Did Biden just choke up a bit while talking about being a single parent?  Awwww!  Make fun of him for running his mouth all you want, but this guy is genuine.

10:24 – Biden just nailed the Maverick thing.  He pointed out everything that John McCain has voted against.  That’s not being a maverick.  And he tied it back to the issues talked about at the kitchen table, just like Palin was talking about.  BRILLIANT.

10:29 – Palin’s closing statements.  Blah blah blah, Ronald Reagan, blah blah blah, her family.

10:31 – Biden reclaims the word “change” for Obama.  I’m feeling good.  God bless America.

10:40 – Naturally I want to call this for Biden.  And I think issues wise, he won.  He was is the better debater.  And I could tell he was holding himself back from the zingers that he’s so good at.  (On Rudy Guiliani: “There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence — a noun, a verb, and 9/11.”) I sort of wish he had let her have it a little bit more.

But here’s the thing about Palin– she didn’t have any egregious gaffes, which is what we were all wishing for.  Except calingl a U.S. General by the wrong name…and some other minor stuff.  Anyway, the standard was so low for her that all she really had to do was give an answer, use folksy language and bat her eyes.  I wonder what would have happened if she had been forced to do more follow up questions.  She was well-rehearsed, and it showed.  She was, after all, in beauty pageants.  Except that she isn’t really looking for world peace.

What do you think?

[Posted by Kathleen]


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is this just a goldilocks dilemma?

I just read a balanced Newsweek article that’s worth reading, no matter which side of the fence you’re on. Here’s a quick excerpt:

The three tests of recent weeks—the vice presidential nominations, the conflict in Georgia and now the financial crisis—have raised, in a serious way not always evident in presidential politics, the key question: how would each man lead? Our view is that if you are among the 18 percent or so of undecided voters (the current figure in most national polls), we think you now have more than enough on which to decide. McCain and Obama see the world differently, and you can see how; they behave in their own skins differently, and you can see how. The drama of the autumn has served perhaps the noblest end we could hope for, shedding light on how each man would govern. McCain is passionate, sometimes impulsive and unpredictable; Obama is precise, occasionally withdrawn and methodical.

Do you want Mr. Hot or Mr. Cold as your president? It’s our choice, folks.

[Posted by Mallory]

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