Our dear friend — let’s call her Corporate Barbie — had the most ridonk, legit Anne-Hathaway-in-The-Devil-Wears-Prada job ever. She survived a year and got promoted, and luckily her sense of humor emerged unscathed. Because this here blog is the quickest way to fame — of any kind, really — she penned this little number and asked that we share it with the masses. And I DO mean masses (hi masses! thanks for reading!). As Corporate Barbie explained, “I thought you might enjoy a piece I wrote earlier today. It is inspired by my life”:
Earlier today I mentioned to some friends that we should go to the movies tonight. I was under the influence of a “Mid-Friday Crisis” (MFC). Allow me to elaborate.
The MFC typically occurs between 11am and 1pm on Fridays after a Thursday night out, although it can happen at anytime. You know you are having an MFC when you look at your clock and think to your self, “Crap, I have to start being more responsible. It’s only 10:59 and I can’t order lunch yet because I just ate an egg sandwich. The day is not even close to over and I have so much to do that I inevitably will not accomplish.”
Once this thought enters your head, ideas such as “staying in on Thursdays” and “going to the movies on Fridays” immediately follow. And you are actually able to think they are good ideas.
Then you order a grilled cheese/chicken parm sandwich, someone mentions a cover band and the clock turns 2:45. The end of the day is in sight. The Black Eyed Peas “I Gotta Feeling” becomes the theme song to the soundtrack of your life and you can already taste the bad decisions and terrible dance moves you will be pairing with Yuengling and whiskey tonight.
It is safe to say that our resilience when faced with an MFC is the direct cause to why we are such messes.
I wish you all fun Fridays. I’ll be at the Whiskey Bar in Hoboken if any of you care to join!
[Posted by Mallory, but written by Corporate Barbie. (Maybe you think Corporate Barbie is meant to be offensive. It’s not, don’t worry. Corporate Barbie just has a tendency to look exactly like a Barbie in photos.)]
I’m spending this weekend with my college BFFAEAEAEAEs in Hoboken/Manhattan/Brooklyn and I will be chronicling some of the weekend’s adventures, naturally, on SWTCTW.
But before any of that, I’d like to relay a story from my college roommate, Mouse. Her boyfriend and a couple of his buddies — normal city folk who don’t hunt or fish or camp regularly — are experimenting with removing themselves from civilization and living in the woods (with no modern comforts) for a while. The experiment was supposed to last 90 days, and has eventually whittled itself down to one week. I mean, it happens.
I asked Mouse about the BF’s wildnerness status last night. She said that, in fact, she had gotten an unexpected phone call from the BF the day before. Though he wasn’t supposed to have access to things like cell phones, the BF and his buddies had to make an emergency trip to Milwaukee (they had been in the Wisconsin wilderness) to drop off some deer carcass. Um, yeah.
Turns out, the BF and his buddies had set up some snares to trap smaller animals to eat, and they accidentally trapped a deer. When they found it the next morning, it was still alive, but was suffering and had two broken legs. Somehow, these three city boys managed to put the deer out of its misery, skin it, and chop it all up. But rather than letting the portion of the carcass that three boys can’t eat in a few days go to waste (or feeding it to a bear, or whatever it is that you do with excess deer carcass), they decided to drive three hours back to Milwaukee to drop the deer off in a freezer.
Anyway, this side trip gave the BF the chance to call Mouse, and she asked him what he had been eating for the past few days, as the boys had been determined to not bring along any food. This boy, a regular city kid who likes buffalo chicken wraps as much as the rest of us, had eaten nothing but the following for the better part of a week:
- Two earth worms
- Four frogs
- One larvae
- A sparrow (eyeballs and brains and everything!!!)
A SPARROW? A sparrow.
This story made me enjoy today’s uhm-mahzing Thai lunch just that much more.
[Posted by Mallory]