Our dear friend — let’s call her Corporate Barbie — had the most ridonk, legit Anne-Hathaway-in-The-Devil-Wears-Prada job ever. She survived a year and got promoted, and luckily her sense of humor emerged unscathed. Because this here blog is the quickest way to fame — of any kind, really — she penned this little number and asked that we share it with the masses. And I DO mean masses (hi masses! thanks for reading!). As Corporate Barbie explained, “I thought you might enjoy a piece I wrote earlier today. It is inspired by my life”:
Earlier today I mentioned to some friends that we should go to the movies tonight. I was under the influence of a “Mid-Friday Crisis” (MFC). Allow me to elaborate.
The MFC typically occurs between 11am and 1pm on Fridays after a Thursday night out, although it can happen at anytime. You know you are having an MFC when you look at your clock and think to your self, “Crap, I have to start being more responsible. It’s only 10:59 and I can’t order lunch yet because I just ate an egg sandwich. The day is not even close to over and I have so much to do that I inevitably will not accomplish.”
Once this thought enters your head, ideas such as “staying in on Thursdays” and “going to the movies on Fridays” immediately follow. And you are actually able to think they are good ideas.
Then you order a grilled cheese/chicken parm sandwich, someone mentions a cover band and the clock turns 2:45. The end of the day is in sight. The Black Eyed Peas “I Gotta Feeling” becomes the theme song to the soundtrack of your life and you can already taste the bad decisions and terrible dance moves you will be pairing with Yuengling and whiskey tonight.
It is safe to say that our resilience when faced with an MFC is the direct cause to why we are such messes.
I wish you all fun Fridays. I’ll be at the Whiskey Bar in Hoboken if any of you care to join!
[Posted by Mallory, but written by Corporate Barbie. (Maybe you think Corporate Barbie is meant to be offensive. It’s not, don’t worry. Corporate Barbie just has a tendency to look exactly like a Barbie in photos.)]
It seems like there’s a lot of good celebrity gossip out there right now, so let’s do a little roundup of the most interesting tidbits:
- Khloe Kardashian is going to jail for violating the terms of her probation for a DUI she got last year. I really don’t know anything about the Kardashians, except that their parents cruelly spelled all of their names with K’s. Surely Kriminal Khloe won’t actually go to jail for that long, but maybe she’ll have to wear one of those ankle bracelet tracker things! (I saw a guy a Target wearing one, and I was scared of him, but then he was really nice to his wife/girlfriend so I decided he was okay.) [The Superficial]
- Sienna Miller was caught kissing a married actor named Balthazar Getty! And she was naked! [AOL News]
- Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman broke up after five years together. So first Ryan and Reese break up (I saw a picture of Ryan with that homewrecker nanny the other day and it still caught me off guard), then Heath dies, and now America’s favorite funny couple have called it quits. Sigh. [People]
- Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone has lots of scandalous things to say about her in his book coming out this week, Life With My Sister Madonna. Notable among the life-ruining claims he makes: “Madonna hangs an 8-by-12-foot photo of herself in S&M gear and lying on a bed with dead animals in her home – in full view of the kids.” Um, ew. [New York Post]
- Okay I’m starting to wish I hadn’t started this post because I’m finding out lots of things that I just wish I didn’t know. Like Drew Barrymore and that cute, nerdy Justin Long guy from Dodgeball broke up. They seemed so wacky and fun! CAN’T ANYONE STAY TOGETHER??! [People]
- While I’m being a downer, can I mention that I’m still really upset about Anne Hathaway’s boyfriend turning out to be a huge sleazeball? Anne Hathaway is my number one Hollywood girl crush, perhaps because we look so much alike, and I not-so-secretly wish I was her character in The Devil Wears Prada, minus the horrible job but plus the scruffy boyfriend who makes me grilled cheese. Hang in there, Anne.
- Let’s end on a happy note, shall we? Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie had their twins! Yay for babies! Apparently the boy and the girl are healthy and everything’s great, except that their names are Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. Eek. That makes for what, 27 children for the Jolie-Pitts? [People]
[Posted by Mallory]