oompa loompas don’t sing in heaven.

About a week ago, through E.Lee, Mr. Luz introduced me to the Sleep Talkin’ Man. The Sleep Talkin’ Man is an ordinarily “mild-mannered” English man, Adam, who says some crazy shiz in his sleep. His wife, entertained by all of the sleep talkin’ craziness, decided to start a blog to share Adam’s ramblings with the world.

Now, I’m a really deep sleeper, and I’ve been known to do some sleep talking in my day. (Just ask my roommates, who have at least pretended to be amused when really they probably hate(d) me for it.) But the stuff I say can never compare to Adam’s comments. Here’s a sampling:

“My bagder’s gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!”

“Pork chops are most satisfying. Mmmmmmm. Dangle them from the ceiling.”

“Oompa loompas don’t sing in heaven. They tidy up the clouds.”

“Don’t… Don’t put the noodles and the dumplings together in the boat. They’ll fight! The noodles are bullies. Poor dumplings.”

“I’d rather peel off my skin and bathe my weeping raw flesh in a bath of vinegar than spend any time with you. But that’s just my opinion. Don’t take it personally.”

“I’ve got a badger, a dog, a cat, and a sack. Now that I’ve got ’em you can fuck off. All mine.”

I first heard about Sleep Talkin’ Man last week (how’s THAT for ahead of the curve?!), and now he’s getting some “serious” press in the form of British news shows and, this Friday, The Today Show. Go add him to your Google Reader and enjoy, and when the rest of the world starts talking about him on Friday afternoon, say “HA, old news.”

Also, some guy who was once naked in Cosmo beat some lawyer lady who is above campaigning in some important political race in Massachusetts. Sigh. This is something Kathleen would have covered in the good ol’ days, but now she has a “job” or some such thing. Instead, you can read funny things at Wonkette or serious things at the New York Times, or you can just put on your flannel nightgown and cry a little bit, like me. Your call!

[Posted by Mallory]