Ladies and Gentleman, in case you haven’t heard, we are in a serious economic crisis. The banks are in trouble, the auto industry is in trouble, the sky is falling, and the once throbbing porn industry is now flaccid. Hardy har har.
All joking aside (but not really), the porn industry has gone limp. Now, its two top bananas (good title for a porn king, right?) are going to ask the Congress for a porn pullout put out bailout of $5 billion. I am not making this up. FIVE. BILLION. DOLLARS. A sort of economic viagra, if you will.
Larry Flynt, grandpoohbah of porn and free speech, and Joe Francis, the creepy life ruiner that started Girls Gone Wild, will be going to Washington to petition Congress. How cute! Go ahead, laugh. (Quotes from TMZ, the most trustworthy source of news EVER.)
Francis sees his industry like the big three automakers, only BIGGER: “Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation’s most important businesses; we feel we deserve the same consideration.”
Seems to me that Francis is one of those guys that lies about size. Size of the porn industry, you sickos. Get your heads out of the gutter!
“With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind,” Flynt says. “It’s time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America.”
Two things, Larry. Even though the economy is in shambles, people aren’t denying biology. Secondly, and you can ask any 13 year old boy this, but it’s called the internet. (Al Gore invented it.) And usually, it’s free! THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU DESERVE A BAILOUT. What it means is that the times, they are a changin’. You know, get hip, Larry! Way back, I wrote a post about how people were excited for the new iPhone because it was apparently better for porn. Gross, I know. But the post is now the most viewed one every day. People post links to free sites. I am shocked and appalled that this sinning happens at our blog, but whatev.
Anyway, this porn bailout plot line is almost as ridiculous as an actual porn plot line. Cue the cheesy music.
Does anyone else want a bailout?
[Posted by Kathleen]
six words to change the world. 