Tag Archives: god

ernie chambers sues god, gets smited.

According to the AP, Ernie Chambers,  a state senator from Nebraska, filed a permanent injunction against God. Why in all of God’s great goodness would he do a thing like that?

He said God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”

And what do you think happened to him?  Locusts, struck down by lightening, etc.  The usual.  Okay so God didn’t smite him, but Ernie C’s lawsuit against God was thrown out by the judge.  Why?  Because God doesn’t have an address, duh.  Judge Marlon Park said, “Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice”

But Ernie the heretic went to law school.  (But never took the bar exam.) So he had a response to that too– “Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit.”  Well played, Ernie.

Apparently Ernie is a rebel in the state senate.  He doesn’t go to morning prayer.  If Ernie was a Catholic school girl, he’d totally be the slut that rolled her skirt.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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things have been kinda crazy lately…

Here is a quick news round up.

  • So that bailout thing everyone was talking about?  Yeah it failed.  And people are screaming about Nancy P’s speech.  McCain and company are saying that’s the reason it failed.  Well.  If any congressman changed their vote because they got mad over of a speech from Nancy Pelosi then they lack the mental clarity to be in Congress.  End of story.   But Congress is going to keep working on this.  Hopefully.  But some good news?  The market shot up 200 points this morning.
  • OH MY GOD, THE SCIENTISTS SAW SNOW FALLING ON MARS.  Are aliens real?
  • Have you ever read about those creepy purity balls?  No?  Click here.  So basically, you go to a ball with your dad, sign a covenant with the big guy to be a good girl, and then your daddy signs something saying he’ll be your protector.  Ugh.  It tells the story of one girl who promised not to kiss until she got married. Wowie.  What if her husband is a face licker?  What if he’s a tongue strangler? Dumb.  The headline of the story? “Virginity Pledges Can Work For Some”.  HAHA.  Not most.  Moving on.
  • And finally, shana tova, Jewish friends!  Happy New Year!  Kind of unfair that you get to have two new years and then eight days of presents instead of one, but I’m over it.  In case you haven’t seen this, here is Sarah Silverman’s video asking Jewish kids to get their grandparents in Florida to vote for Obama.  Kind of hysterical.  Could be offensive.  It’s Sarah Silverman.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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idk, my bff bxvi. dear god!

This is not a joke. You, or should I write ‘U’, can now get texts from Pope Bennie 16 (which looks like an AIM screenname, don’t you think?)! This is part of World Youth Day 2008, a huge Catholic festival for people that want to hang out, be cool and “get jiggy” with his mighty papalness. This year’s festival is in Australia- on the opening morning, “G’day Pilgrims!” scrolled across the welcome screen. Haha.

How would you feel if you got a text from Benedict? There’s just something that doesn’t seem right about it. I think I would feel uncomfortable seeing it slammed in between drunk and/or inappropriate text messages from my heathen friends (LOVE YOU GUYS! And I’m just kidding, they are absolute saints). Plus, it definitely puts a whole new meaning to the idea that the Pope is a direct line to God. And the Pope has a direct line to your conscience via cell phone? I couldn’t stand all the Catholic guilt!

Besides the obvious objections to getting text messages from the freaking pope, as someone who is way into copy editing and believes that you should be consistent in your writing, the first thing that struck me was that he didn’t abbreviate ‘people’ to ‘ppl’ and spelled out the word ‘you’ after using the letter ‘u’. On top of that, I am absolutely against text abbreviations. JP II would never have done this! JP, we miss you, buddy.

So the Pope is trying to reach out to young people. That’s cool. I get it. Kind of. I always thought the church liked to kick it old school (as in, not evolve with the times), but maybe BXVI is a little too cool for school. Remember his shoes? Forget the devil, this Pope wears Prada. And sends texties.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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sunday morning politicking is my favorite.

In my family, Sunday mornings are for discussing politics, watching CNN, Meet the Press (I MISS YOU, TIM) and other political talk shows. Actually, that’s every day. But Sunday mornings are particularly special. I am currently blogging from my bed and have no intentions of moving, so here is my commentary on a few things I found on the world wide web:

Those who know me know that I get serious birthday depression every year. I wonder how President Bush feels today, on his 62nd birthday. According to White House Press Secretary Dana Perino (oh girl, you are no C.J. Cregg), Bush “dutifully pretended to be surprised” when he was greeted with a chorus of “happy birthday” on Airforce One. I wonder if he “dutifully pretended to be surprised” when they found out there were no weapons of mass destruction, or any other one of the cover-ups that were proven to be deceptive…anyway, everyone deserves to feel free of all the havoc they cause the world on their birthday. So happy birthday to you, W!

The New York Times had a piece today about John McCain that I loved. In fact, the title was a six word memoir, and if I had no journalistic integrity, I would have just taken it for myself. But here it is:

McCain Battles a Nemesis, the Teleprompter.

Haha, how fantastic is that? Here are some of the highlights:

“He managed to limit the mechanical hand chops and weirdly timed smiles that can often punctuate his speeches.”

“I have set before the American people an energy plan, the Lex-eegton Project,” Mr. McCain said, drawing a quick breath and correcting himself. “The Lex-ing-ton Proj-ect,” he said slowly. “The Lexington Project,” he repeated. “Remember that name.”

In a town meeting in Cincinnati the next day, Mr. McCain would again slip up on the name of the Massachusetts town, where, he noted, “Americans asserted their independence once before.” He called it “the Lexiggdon Project” and twice tried to fix his error before flipping the name (“Project Lexington”) in subsequent references.

Oh, NYT, I love you so. Best of luck to you, Johnny. Should you be elected, which you will not be, what will you do during the State of the Union Address? We want Barack’s eloquence-which is exactly what we need as we try to reclaim respect from around the world.

Speaking of Barack, one thing that has been hitting the news circuit is Obama’s policy on religion and the White House. I am going to make no jokes about this because it’s no laughing matter-my boy B and I disagree on this. He wants to have an office of faith based initiatives, and my separation of church and state heathen pagan soul is screaming. Not because I think B will mess things up (he’s a saint), but just because I’m scared the people after him might. I’m all for faith based groups-they do amazing work for our country. But they’ve been doing a good job without having a major role in the executive branch thus far and can continue to do God’s work without one.

Slate.com, which I love, has a new fun function for all the political nerds out there- “Choose your own running mate“. I think I ended up with Evan Bayh. What are your thoughts?

Hmm…what else? Economy still sucks, gas prices are still incredibly high (my graduation money has been depleted. Wahhh.) and we are still at war. Not much to say about that.

Instead of ending on that depressing note, here is a picture to make you feel good:

They are perfect.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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repent, katy perry! hellfire’s gonna suck.

Katy Perry kissed a girl, and she liked it! That song is as catchy as “Umbrella” and as tacky as, well, “Umbrella”. I was going to post about how it may be the song of the summer, but upon reading Gawker, I found out some interesting gossip on Katy Perry…or should I say Katy Hudson? GASP! Way more interesting than what I originally had in mind!

Katy Hudson, Katy Perry’s former self, was a Christian rock singer. That’s right, CHRISTIAN rock. Oh sweet irony, you publicity whore! Here is my favorite aspect about the whole thing- she was interviewed by Seventeen Magazine (the magazine for all those under the age of 17 and who wish they were 17. When you are 17, you read Cosmo, duh.) and said some amazing about everyone’s favorite topic–sex.

Katy has a steady boyfriend, but she doesn’t believe in sex before marriage. “I know what it does to people,” she says. “One night my boyfriend and I went a little too far and I felt like I’d fallen so far away from God. I doubted myself and my strength. I was so weak at the time in my relationship with Christ.”

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, that sounds almost as bad as my Catholic guilt! Katy’s steady boyfriend now, by the way, is the lead singer from Gym Class Heroes. I wonder if he feels the same way? He did just give her a promise ring. Please note that a promise ring is not the same as a purity ring, which the Jonas Brothers all wear. Ha, oh Katy! If you repent now, you still could be saved!

Being the good little journalist that I am, I decided to not rely solely on Gawker’s reporting, but do some internet stalking/research of my own. My adventures led me into the world of Christian chat forums (eeeeek!) and even took me to the Web site of the 700 Club (ugggh, I feel dirty and repulsed). Here is what I found though. The Christians are pissed. Sweet, innocent Katy Hudson is now a slootbag! They are disappointed and praying for her. This pastor’s daughter (just like Jessica Simpson! But I bet Katy’s dad doesn’t stare at her boobs) has lost her way. Now, she’s drinking, kissing girls and hanging out with the gays! AHHH!

I feel so torn. My rebellious side wants to applaud her for having a personality and breaking free of the ridiculousness, and the other self-righteous part wants to shun her for being so fake. Dammit, Katy, why do you have to leave us all in purgatory?

Here is Katy before (bland):

Here is Katy now (rawr!):

I Kissed a Girl

Ur So Gay

[Posted by Kathleen]

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cry face WILL change the world.

Ladies and gentlemen, pimps and players, allow me to introduce you to the Cry Face.
 
Cry Face is a little thing a friend of mine invented accidentally back in high school when she was so cold that she actually felt like crying. Until my sophomore year in college, the Cry Face lay dormant, waiting to be released to the world. For no reason in particular, one night my friend Katie challenged me to get everyone I met that night to do the Cry Face. When we realized a) how ridiculous all people look while doing a Cry Face and b) how willing even strangers are to make this strange face and then be photographed, we knew this thing had potential. For the next few years, it was my personal mission to get as many people as I could to do Cry Face.
 
Boys wearing oxfords love Cry Face:

 
 
Asians love Cry Face:

The Crnkovich family (at their annual reunion) loves Cry Face:

Huge groups of people visiting Italian tourist destinations love Cry Face:

And you know what? I think even God loves the Cry Face (yes, that is the Vatican. I swear my dad is a good enough Catholic that he’s still protected from eternal damnation):

Okay, I think you get the idea. But don’t think there won’t be more where that came from. There are dozens of other photos waiting to be shared with the world.
 
When Cry Face first started getting big (and strangers began emailing me photos of their friends doing Cry Face), I started to think, hey, I could make a book of Cry Faces! It’s the kind of book that would be sold at Urban Outfitters, that customers would read and enjoy while waiting in line, but would never actually shell out the $14.95 to bring it home to put on their coffee tables. Thanks to Al Gore’s invention of the Internet, it is much easier to share Cry Face with the masses. My long-term goal? That you, you eventual millions of readers, will share your Cry Faces with Kathleen and me through this blog. Send us your best photos of you, your friends, your favorite celebrity, or your co-worker’s great-grandmother rocking the Cry Face. Extra points always go to large groups or those doing Cry Face in an inappropriate place (see Vatican, above). I swear, this thing’s going to change the world.

[Posted by Mallory]

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youtube clip of today. oh baby!

This child makes me want to have babies. Dear God, I cannot believe I just wrote that. No, but really, this kid is great. Why are baby videos so addicting?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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