toby keith and political custody hearings.

Just when I start to feel down about politics, something like this comes along to brighten my day. Super patriotic American country music hero Toby Keith is a Democrat. WHAT?! (But I thought us Democrats hated America?) We’ve got Toby! We’ve got Toby Keith! And he likes Obama! YES! His voice of truthiness rings out like the Liberty Bell before it was cracked. And it is sweet music to my ears. Seriously, this is the first time I’ve appreciated country music since those crazy liberal ladies, the Dixie Chicks. Rawr.

Where I lived, it seemed as if Toby’s post 9/11 hit, “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American)” and “Drops of Jupiter” by Train were the only two songs the radio station owned. And that’s saying something about this song.

If you should choose to ignore all of the hard work that comes with posting a video in the blog and don’t watch it (what I’m saying here is that you SHOULD watch it), here are lyrics from the song that I find particularly humorous:

Now this nation that I love
Has fallen under attack
A sucker punch came flyin’
From somewhere in the back
As soon as we could see clearly
Through our big black eye
Man we lit up your world
Like the fourth of July.

And Uncle Sam put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty started shaking her fist
And the Eagle will fly, and it’s gonna to be hell
When you hear Mother Freedom start ringing her bell
And it’ll feel like the whole wide world’s raining down on you.
Brought to you courtesy of the red, white, and blue.

Justice will be served
And the battle will rage
This big dog will fight
When you rattle his cage
And you’ll be sorry that you messed with
The US of A
Cuz we’ll put a boot in your ass
It’s the American way

This masterpiece comes from a Democrat. A DEMOCRAT. The Democrats are taking back the country! And country music. Heyyyyyyo!

I joke about “taking back” country music, but in all honesty this brings up something I’ve wanted to talk about for a long time. I cannot stand how certain things, both political and non-political, “belong” to one party or the other. Yes, this next exercise involves some serious stereotyping–but don’t get your bright white political panties in a twist–I’m only making a point. Here are just some things that come to mind:

Republicans: Supporting the troops, pearls, freedom (not to be confused with freedom of expression), tax breaks, Chuck Norris (you can keep him), old people’s votes, Texas, big business and businessmen, oil, quoting the Bible, NASCAR, country clubs, veterans, money, pastel colors, business school, Joe Lieberman (apparently), country music, football, big trucks and other large gas guzzling vehicles.

Democrats: The environment, vegetarians (especially the vegans), DMB (RIP Leroi Moore), health care, females, the West Wing, getting out of Iraq, herbal tea, Apple computers, pointing out the bad economy, earth tones, liberal arts colleges, labor unions, Massachusetts, minorities of any kind (we love you), Hollywood, hope, the Toyota Prius, education, rhymes with smasmorshion, taking care of old people, MTV’s Rock the Vote, Al Gore.

We haven’t painted ourselves red, white and blue like Toby Keith wants us too–we’ve painted each other into separate corners. Seriously, when did these political custody hearings occur? I like pearls! And support the troops!

It’s a shame that being active in an environmental group flags you as a Democrat, or having a yellow “Support the Troops” ribbon sticker on your car makes you a Republican. Because, obviously, we all should care about both. We should care about everything in our great nation. Even NASCAR.

One last thing to add to the Democratic score board: blogging. Count it! And you best not disagree with me there. Because I’ll put a boot in your ass. It’s the American way! Thanks for the rhetoric, Toby!

[Posted by Kathleen]