This song better win an Oscar:
As should Jeff Bridges, also (obviously) for Crazy Heart. I mean, I actually don’t at all know what I’m talking about, but he was really, really good.
[Posted by Mallory]
Monthly Archives: January 2010
nbc, make up your damn mind!
NBC recently announced they would be moving the struggling Jay Leno Show to 11:35, moving back Conan O’Brien’s Tonight Show and Jimmy Fallon’s Late Show until after midnight. Conan finally put his foot down and submitted this statement:
People of Earth:
In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.
Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over “The Tonight Show” in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004, I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.
But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my “Tonight Show” in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.
Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the “Tonight Show” to 12:05 to accommodate the “Jay Leno Show” at 11:35. For 60 years, the “Tonight Show” has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the “Tonight Show” into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The “Tonight Show” at 12:05 simply isn’t the “Tonight Show.” Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the “Late Night” show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.
So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard, and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of “The Tonight Show.” But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet, a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the “Tonight Show,” I believe nothing could matter more.
There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.
Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.
Yours,
Conan
[Posted by Shannon]
this is such a great idea.
There is now a punctuation mark that you can use to indicate that you’re being sarcastic. It costs $1.99.
This is a joke, right? If you need a symbol to indicate when you’re being sarcastic, then you suck at being sarcastic (or your friends suck for not comprehending sarcasm). Telling someone you’re being sarcastic kills all the fun; it’s like when someone makes you explain a joke to them:
“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.” [E.B. White]
And more importantly, as E.Lee so wisely pointed out, “That thing doesn’t even LOOK like sarcasm!”
[Posted by Mallory]
i’m crying foul on mcgwire’s confession.
As you’ve probably heard, Mark McGwire recently admitted that he used steroids in the 1990s, which more or less nullifies his impressive 70-home-run season in 1998. While I’m all for honesty, his confession strikes me as inauthentic and somehow cowardly. I think it’s inauthentic because he made bullshit statements like these in his interview with Bob Costas:
Still, McGwire told Costas he “absolutely” could have broken the record without using steroids, pointing to his home run prowess going back to Little League. “That’s why it’s the most regrettable thing I’ve ever done in my life,” McGwire said.
[McGwire] added: “I don’t want to use it as a crutch, but there was no drug testing. I didn’t use it for strength. I used it to help me recover from injuries.”
I find it cowardly because there’s something frustrating about someone who does something they blatantly know is wrong with the hope/knowledge that one day they can apologize for it and all will be forgiven. I’ll make a few things clear: first, I’m sure McGwire was under a lot of pressure and that this steroid thing probably has caused him a lot of agony over the years; second, I know that he didn’t have to come clean, and that he is putting his reputation at risk with an admission like this; and third, I’m sure he’s not the only one who holds this secret. All that said, he was a grown man back in the ’90s and he knew that what he was doing was wrong. It reminds me of when someone apologizes to me for doing something wrong and I’m all WHELP, glad you’re sorry, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m pissed. “Sorry” isn’t always some magic get-out-of-jail free card that instantly erases all wrongdoing. NO, NO I DO NOT FORGIVE YOU.
And the funny thing is…I don’t care about baseball. I’m not sure why this is getting me all riled up.
What do you guys think? Am I overreacting? Giving him too much credit? Is this old news, since according to my officemate, Cardinals fans have known about this for years? Am I ignoring the real infuriating story of the hour, which is the announcement that Sarah Palin will be joining Fox News as a contributor?
[Posted by Mallory]
ellen, get out of my head.
“I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It’s been about two months since I’ve worked out. And I just don’t have the time. Which uh…is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh…and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh…try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.” –Ellen DeGeneres
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under humor
man, i just love stupid criminals.
A man, who had just been released from the hospital for injuries from a domestic dispute (aka his girlfriend hit him with a frying pan and a table leg), stole $50 from her at a local Walmart and attempted to escape on one of their motorized scooters. He didn’t get away. The end.
And while looking for an image for this post, I came across this little gem. It’s called the “CruizinCooler.” Jackpot.
[Posted by Shannon]
just six words and a link.
Filed under news
kate gosselin has a new hairdo!
Holy hairdo! Kate Gosselin’s got a new ‘do, and it’s…pretty:
Right? I mean, it’s all extensions, which freaks me out, but it’s DECIDEDLY better than the last styles she was rockin’. Apparently Kate also has a new man to go along with her long hair. Go Kate!, I think.
I’m still somewhat torn about all of this. It has been well-documented that I have lurved J&K+8 for a while now, to the point of delusion about their “perfect” relationship (ahem), but I can’t help but think that they REALLY were happy for a while there. At this point I feel bad for everyone involved, because I don’t think either Jon or Kate went into this with any malicious goals (or aspirations to ruin their own lives) in mind. It seems more realistic that their celebrity surprised them and then got out of control, as tends to happen with, oh, every celebrity.
There will always be a soft spot in my heart for the Jon and Kate crew, especially as long as the kids continue to look like this:
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, news, pop culture, TV
we are eating pepper and chips!
Hello, 2010! A lot of bloggers I know (okay, bloggers whose blogs I read whom I feel like I know even though I totally don’t) have been doing recaps of their years and reminiscing on all that happened, etc. etc. Things like that are really hard for me. Seriously. I have problems with nostalgia. I don’t look at old photos often because then I end up spending hours and hours and hours looking at them and feeling emo and yearning for old times and wondering where the time went and then I probably cry. So don’t expect a recap from me. Unless I find myself with hours and hours and hours of time and an excellent emo soundtrack and wine.
All that said, YAY for a new decade. How crazy is that? I’m not one to go gaga over NYE, but it’s frightening to think how long it’s been since 1999. In 1999 I celebrated New Year’s with my parents and I’m pretty sure I was wearing an unironically hideous wool sweater from The Gap. This year, I celebrated with more than a few cocktails (and cocktail weenies) and about 22 of my favorite people in the Poconos. It was amazing, and I have the beer stains on my pajama pants to prove it.
In honor of the new decade, I have to repost one of the greatest things created between 2000 and 2009. Ladies and gentlemen, Kittens Inspired by Kittens (posted first by Kathleen back in April 2009):
Never. Gets. Old.
(Side note: While attempting to watch that video because, like I said, it never gets old, my computer turned itself off. That happens to me sometimes while I’m watching YouTube videos or Netflix movies. Can someone who’s good at computers MAKE IT STOP?! Please?)
My friend Mouse (along with Ewok, owner of the following cat, and Barbie) did a few recreations of the video, and it’s one of the 14 billion reasons that I adore them:
We are in Hawaii!
We are eating pepper and chips!
We are wiiiine bottles!
Double head!
I'm at work!
Wrestling!
As long as things like this and friends like this stay around, I think the next decade will be faaaantastic.
[Posted by Mallory]
now taking suggestions for decade nickname.
Cheers to 2010! I was pondering today what the nickname for the newest decade would be when I realized something…no one ever came up with a nickname for the past 1o years. Sure, the ’80s, ’90s, etc. kind of wrote themselves, but how is it possible that not one of the six billion of us could think of something to call ’00-’09 collectively? Come on people. Lets do better for the next 10.
On another (much more embarrassing) note, I shamefully admit that I was, yet again, sucked into The Bachelor’s premiere episode tonight. The Bachelor is now on its 14th season, not counting The (far superior) Bachelorette seasons. New Bachelor Jake was surprisingly less douchy than he was last year, but the majority of the 25 female contestants put all women to shame. Who watches this garbage? Oh yeah, me.
can you feel my rolling eyes?
This season promises to have just as much ABC Network-induced drama and fake-by-the-railing emotional breakdowns as any other season, so I’ll probably DVR every episode. Especially because the gossip is a contestant and one of the show’s producers were having an affair while taping was going on. Not even The Bachelor producers take this show seriously!
And one last thing, because Jake is a pilot – the title of this season is “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love.” ABC, FIRE your writers.
[Posted by Shannon]
Filed under celebrities, humor, pictures, pop culture, random, thoughts, TV
six words to change the world. 
