I imagine that if a six year old with a dirty mouth wrote some lyrics for me, and I attempted to rap them, this is what it would sound like.
[Posted by Mallory]
Category Archives: pop culture
six words has a guest post!
Hey all! How about a Sunday evening guest post? Inspired by the category of people/things not to be trusted on our About Us page, they developed the following list of the most notable celebrities who are NOT to be trusted.
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Celebrities Who Are Not To Be Trusted
There are certain celebrities who, quite frankly, leave me feeling a little uneasy. It may be that prolonged exposure to the limelight has had a deleterious effect on their sanity, or perhaps they’re just naturally odd. Whatever the reason for their bizarre behavior, one thing is certain: I woudn’t want to be put in a room with any of these seven nutjobs.
Joaquin Phoenix
Phoenix had a promising start as a young actor in films such as Parenthood and Gladiator, but ever since his bizarre appearance on the David Letterman show, sporting a hobo-esque beard and generally acting like a sociopath for most of the interview, Phoenix appears to have lost his grip on reality. His pseudo-documentary I’m Still Here solidified his status as certified creeper. The whole “am I going crazy or am I just pretending to go crazy” shtick didn’t fool anybody, and the movie was a deserved failure.
Katherine Heigl
Like many others, I was very impressed by Heigl’s performance in Knocked Up, and entertained hopes that she would pick up where Scarlett Johansson had left off in the sophisticated-and-beautiful-actress category. Unfortunately, it appears she is a complete diva on set and intolerable to work with. Beyond this, her habits of slandering and insulting the people who helped her get her career off the ground have made her quite a few enemies in Hollywood, and for good reason.
Tom Cruise
Little needs to be said about why Cruise made the list. His antics of the past decade include the infamous couch-jumping episode, his advocacy of Scientology, and above all, TomKat. The minute I heard that Katie wouldn’t be allowed to make a single unpleasant noise while in labor with her first child because of the Scientologist belief that it would cause psychological damage to the newborn, I knew my worst suspicions about Cruise were true.
John Mayer
It’s easy to be seduced by the sultry strains emanating from Mayer’s guitar, but it seems like every month there’s a new revelation about what a seedy character he is. Recent highlights include his interview with Playboy in which he famously uttered the n-word, claiming it was all right because he had a “hood pass”; in other words, that the white, affluent Mayer somehow had gangsta cred. To say about 50% of what comes from his mouth is offensive would be a conservative estimate.
Mel Gibson
Exceeding even John Mayer’s offensive capabilities is none other than Mel Gibson, whose controverisal film The Passion marked a turning point in his career from action movie hero to ultra-conservative anti-Semitic wacko. As if his depiction of Jews in The Passion wasn’t offensive enough, the recording of his anti-Semitic tirade while being arrested for drunk driving was the nail in the coffin.
Angelina Jolie
Angelina is the only member of this list I actually still have respect for, but that doesn’t mean I would trust her with my kids (if I had kids). Her romantic history includes a fling with Billy Bob Thorton that achieved record levels of creepiness, which were then completely destroyed by her confession of being romantically involved with her brother. That’s right, her brother.
Sarah Palin
I debated whether it would be right to add Sarah Palin to this list, but although ostensibly a “politician,” she’s really as much of a celebrity as everyone else on this list. I’m pretty sure I don’t need to go into the details of the hundreds of groan-inducing moments on the campaign trail running as vice presidential nominee in 2010. What’s remarkable is that she continues to hog the limelight two years after America decided they couldn’t bear the thought of her being a heartbeat away from the presidency.
K. Wallulis is a writer.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, humor, movies, music, politics, pop culture
can’t turn back now, i’m haunted.
While I can’t support T.Swizzle’s song from the 2010 VMA’s for reasons explained here, I can’t help but love her new album. No, it’s nothing new, but I love it for the reasons I love all of her stuff: It’s fluffy and great to sing along to and lets me indulge my inner 11-year-old girl.
But is it just me, or does “Haunted” sound a lot like Avril Lavigne?:
RIGHT? RIGHT?
In other news, I totally suck at trivia…I mean, I didn’t get a freaking MIGHTY DUCKS question tonight. But our team name was John Boehner’s Spray Tan, so that was fun. The fact that Boehner will likely be the next Speaker of the House? Less fun. The fact that Christine O’Donnell managed to get 40% of Delaware voters to vote for her? Downright mind-boggling. But that’s why God invented Taylor Swift. Back to listening to cheesy music and not thinking about real things!
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, music, politics, pop culture, the hill, YouTube
youtube clip of today: parrot dance.
Would someone mind telling me why I find the following video so entertaining? I mean, I just don’t love “Whip My Hair.” In the same way I’m creeped out by Justin Bieber, I can’t get over the fact that I’m listening to a NINE YEAR OLD sing about whipping her hair back and forth. That said, I cackled through this whole thing:
Happy Halloween weekend, little monsters!
[Posted by Mallory]
55 thoughts from some random dude.
So, I know I have seen this before, which means you probably have too. But it still makes me chuckle a lot, so here you go:
1. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
2. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
4. I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?
5. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
6. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
7. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
8. Do you remember when you were a kid playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
9. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
10. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.
11. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
12. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
13. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
14. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
15. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
16. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
17. Was learning cursive really necessary?
18. Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
19. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
20. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
21. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
22. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
23. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)…ummm…Goonies.”
24. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
25. While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
26. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
27. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
28. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
29. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
30. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
31. Bad decisions make good stories.
32. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
33. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
34. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
35. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….
36. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
37. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
38. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to fall after leaning your chair back a little too far.
39. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
40. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
41. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
42. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
43. When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
44. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
45. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
46. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
47. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
48. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
49. I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
50. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.
51. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…
52. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
53. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
54. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than with Kay.
55. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under humor, pop culture, random
marcel the shell with shoes on.
Guys, I know. I have posted like four times in the past year, Kathleen is officially Internet dead, I’ve missed 18 Google Holidays, all I post is videos, OUR PETS’ HEADS ARE FALLING OFF. But I don’t know…it’s hard to get out of a blogging rut! I don’t know how people with jobs and babies and stuff manage to blog and also exercise and feed themselves. It’s amazing!
My little sis just posted a link to this video on my wall, and it made me realize that I still haven’t posted this on the bloggy! I have, of course, seen it about a million times. (Sorry Mads…you’re way out of the loop.) When I recently visited Miss Mouse in NYC, we lounged in her bed and watched this maybe five times in a row. And then the day after that, I watched it about five times in a row with Debbie and Kels. I just can’t get enough. So if you’re like Maddy and have been living under a rock slash hiding from the world under your lima bean hat, allow me to introduce you to Marcel the Shell with Shoes On:
Happy Thursday, strangers!
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under blogging, humor, pop culture, weird, YouTube
run away fast as you can.
"I win, because I WIN." (Big Daddy? Anyone?)
Okay, so I’m 24 hours late on this — criminal in the world of social media — but can we talk about the VMAs for a second? And can we talk about how fah-reaking awkward Taylor Swift’s performance was? I want so, so badly to be Team Taylor. (After all, last year at this time I proclaimed myself FIRMLY on her side.) Kanye was a douche last year, no question, and I certainly still can (and often do) belt the lyrics of a Taylor Swift song as loudly and proudly as the average nine year old. But the girl needs to learn how to perform live, and she needs to get over the Kanye thing. If she hadn’t performed that horrible emo ballad that I’ll probably grow to love, she would have come out on top. She’d have been the bigger person. Instead, she gave us all the impression that she spent a year channeling her rage into a single song that she hoped would blow the world away last night. And sadly, it was a huge misfire. No one cared, and then Kanye came onstage and sang an awesomely tongue-in-cheek (I think?) song that I already have stuck in my head. Round two goes to the douchebag.
T.Swift, please pull yourself together. It’s starting to get embarrassing to publicly support you.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, music, news, pop culture, TV
today is a google holiday, hooray!
Today’s Google Holiday: The 71st Anniversary of The Wizard of Oz. This is a fun one, no? I loved that movie so much as a child, but I was also completely and utterly terrified by it. I have distinct memories of sitting in the basement of my old house, hiding under blankets whenever the Wicked Witch or those horrible monkeys were onscreen. Not much has changed; on the rare occasion that I watch a scary movie as an “adult” (HAHAHA), I just cover my eyes and plug my ears and then have nightmares for years. (Speaking of which, read this.)
What I was Googling: jordan. Why, you ask? BECAUSE I’M GOING THERE IN A WEEK! I’m like, really excited. I definitely want to blog while I’m there, though I haven’t decided whether I should do that here or make a new blog. Kathleen has a different blog for her travels, but I’m lazy, so do I want to do that? It’s not like we have much going on at Six Words these days. Any thoughts on the subject?
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under movies, news, pop culture, technology, travel
because everyone loves looking at puppies.
First, puppies casually being perfect:
And, second:
Oh, yeah, that’s just an adorable monkey carrying an adorable puppy away from a fire after a pipeline explosion in China. My heart can’t take that shit!
Speaking of shit, the girl next to me at work listens to the radio during the day. When you listen to the radio during the day, you hear some of the same songs over and over, like Katy Perry’s “California Gurls” [Ed. Note: really, with the “gurls”? How does that add to the song?]. I have heard “California Gurls” at least four times today, and while I used to enjoy the song for its airy pop wonderfulness, I’m starting to hate it. Four times in eight hours is way too many times. (But ask me again when I’ve been drinking, and dancing.) You really should read this, though.
I’m trying to blog more, kids. I really am! Send me good, motivational vibes. And funny things.
[Posted by Mallory]
attention readership: it’s free slurpee day!
Huzzah! Time to head over to the nearest 7-Eleven and get your free Slurpee– perhaps it will help you fight the heat. And if you live in DC with only one AC unit in your apartment, like yours truly, you need it.
Here’s the link to the store locator: http://www.7-eleven.com/locator.aspx
And I just figured this out while writing the post… want to know why today is free Slurpee day? Because it’s 7/11. JULY 11th! Ahh! So simple.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under news, pop culture, random
six words to change the world. 