Author Archives: Mallory

by | July 1, 2008 · 12:08 am

coleslaw and some pumpkin pie, anyone?

Killer Tofu

In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a big fan of the New York Times, and in between important receptionisty phone calls, I like to peruse the website in an effort to make myself feel smarter. Because I’m a huge health nut (HAH!), I was drawn to this article on “The 11 Best Foods You Aren’t Eating Yet.” Let’s play a little free association game with the list:

  1. Beets: Whatever happened to Doug Funny? That was a great show. In the spring, a band came to my school and played a cover of one of The Beets’ songs, and that really made me happy. Also, did you know that there are people who go on Wikipedia and list all of the characters from a given TV show? Take a look at the list for Doug here.
  2. Cabbage: Mmm coleslaw and fish tacos. Cabbage and mayonnaise (hah, speaking of Doug) are the new peanut butter and jelly. No?
  3. Swiss chard: I haven’t the faintest idea what this is, but it makes me think of swiss cheese, which makes me think of my roommates, which makes me miss college.
  4. Cinnamon: The other day I found a bowl of atomic fireballs at work, and since my day had been so un-challenging in general, I decide to challenge myself to eat a fireball. Good god that think was hot! I barely finished it, but because I’m a dedicated eater who hates to lose any kind of contest, I prevailed.
  5. Pomegranate juice: I like this stuff. But did you know you can get a pomegranate martini these days? If you ever catch me drinking any kind of flavored -tini, smack me and pour the drink in my face, then order me a beer.
  6. Dried plums: Ha ha, see what they did there? They’re trying to trick you into eating PRUNES! Don’t be fooled!
  7. Pumpkin seeds: For some reason, I ate a lot of these when I was in Italy. I would get them at one of those adorable street stands, or at the massive totally American grocery store in my apartment building. I would eat them until my lips burned from all the salt (YUM) and the seeds had to be forcibly removed from my grip.
  8. Sardines: This is making me think of Popeye, but I think he just ate spinach. Hmm.
  9. Turmeric: Come again?
  10. Frozen blueberries: I know people say that frozen fruit is a delicious, healthy snack, but I like to keep my frozen desserts filled with chocolate and high in saturated fat.
  11. Canned pumpkin: “When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if not…mmmmm, boy!” I love Jack Handy.

That was fun, but now I’m hungry.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 30, 2008 · 11:31 pm

keep an eye on torres. again.

Dara

Like all good red-blooded Americans, I love the Olympics. The Summer Olympics have always been my favorite, since the days when my friend Anne and I set up a gymnastics course for our Barbies and got in big trouble for cutting off one of the doll’s hair so that she’d look more like Kerri Strug. I also love the Summer Olympics because I used to be moderately hardcore swimmer, and I’m pretty pumped because the Olympics Trials for swimming take place this week in Omaha, Nebraska.

I swam year-round for about six years, and looking back a couple years later, I’m shocked at my dedication. I was never an earth-shatteringly good swimmer; I was more of a solid member of a good relay team, and the closest I ever got to the Olympics was watching them on TV. Still, swimming takes a lot of practice, even for swimmers of my level. Back in the day, my summers were filled with two-a-day practices, which included about two hours of swimming each, plus some form of dryland training. Now if I manage to stay on a treadmill for 30 minutes I pat myself on the back. Sad, isn’t it?

The point is, after a mere six years of pretty consistent hard work, I was more or less burnt out and done with the sport. Which is part of why I’m floored by the story of Dara Torres.

The 41-year-old Torres broke her first world record in the 50 freestyle when she was 14, in 1982, and has been competing at the Olympic level ever since. That makes for about a quarter-century of really freaking hard work (with a couple of fake retirements thrown in). According to the New York Times’  profile of Torres, if she makes the Olympic team this year, it will be her fifth time on the team, making her the first American to compete in five Olympics AND the oldest female swimmer in the history of the Games. She’ll be competing against people who were born after she set her first world record. I’ll be lucky if I’m still able to stay afloat in a pool at 41. 

According to the article, Torres is crazy dedicated and super competitive, and it takes “a head coach, a sprint coach, a strength coach, two stretchers, two masseuses, a chiropractor and a nanny,” to keep her performing at an Olympic level. And did I mention she has a child? Just a few months after her daughter, Tessa Grace, was born in 2006, she raced at the Masters World Championships.

I’ll certainly be keeping an eye on Torres this week, along with her fellow old-timer, 33-year-old rebel Gary Hall, Jr. Both will be competing in the 50 freestyle, with the men’s finals on Saturday, July 5, and the women’s finals on Sunday the 6th.

Here’s a photo of Torres looking crazy in-shape with her daughter, Tessa:

Dara Torres and Tessa

 

And one of Gary Hall Jr.:

Gary

Good luck, you two crazy kids!

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 30, 2008 · 5:31 am

we’re talking brunettes, not fighter jets.

Beards and Glasses

My Australian friend Kate, whom I studied abroad with in Italy, recently wrote on my Facebook wall (when I am too old to not drop things like “Oh, she wrote that on my wall” in everyday conversation?) that I should keep myself entertained “with some good old kiwi (New Zealand) humour.” (She also says fun things like “bub” and “mad blog,” which I love.) Of course, she was talking about Flight of the Conchords, the musical comedy band that most of you have probably heard of. According to Wikipedia, they bill themselves as “formerly New Zealand’s fourth most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo.”

As Christian Landers points out, because I am a white person, I like musical comedy: “This style of humor involves a person or group singing a song but rather than singing about something serious, it has funny lyrics. It’s not any more complicated than that, but white people can’t get enough of it.” Landers cites Flight of the Conchords as a perfect example of musical comedy that white people like. And to anyone hoping to make friends with a white person, he offers the following sage advice:

If you find yourself at a corporate retreat where you have to put on a skit for the other employees in your office, it’s always a good idea to suggest doing a funny song. The rest of your group will get very excited and start work immediately on some clever lyrics. Do not worry about the music part, if you have more than two white males on your team, it is certain that one of them can play the guitar.

Wise man, that Christian Landers.

Anyway, on Kate’s recommendation, I started playing on YouTube watching various Flight of the Conchords videos, and naturally, in the process, I formed crushes on the two singers. (A bearded man and a nerdy guy with glasses? Who both can sing and play the guitar? Sign me up.) All of the videos are entertaining, although sometimes I feel like I’m just not getting the joke (wrong hemisphere, maybe?). The wannabe-peace-loving-hippie-with-a-sense-of-humor in me quite liked this one:

When I become president, this is going to be the foundation of my national security strategy: “If every soldier in the world put down his weapon, picked up a woman, what a peaceful world this world would be.”

I also love this one, “The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room”:

I’d like to think that I’m in the top three most beautiful girls on the street. Depending on the street.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 28, 2008 · 6:01 pm

no surprise that mccain lives here…

The price is wrong, bitch

According to the Phoenix Journal/NYT, controversy is erupting in Phoenix over the men’s-only grill at the Phoenix Country Club. There is a separate, far less comfortable dining room for women, and a main dining room for both men and women, but it’s closed between meals. Women can’t grab a beer after a round of golf, or talk to a client over drinks, in either room. (Come on, people, ladies like day drinking too!) Women and men alike have been speaking out against the archaic rule that forbids women from so much as entering the men’s grill, and as a reward for their progressiveness, they’re being harassed:

The targets of [the harassers’] ire were the women, and some men, who have dared to speak up against the club’s policy of forbidding women in the men’s grill room, a center of power dining in Phoenix.

Barbara Van Sittert, one of those women, said her husband, Logan, 73, has been heckled while playing golf and once found his locker defaced.

“They hooted and hollered at him and called his wife a whore,” said Mrs. Van Sittert, 72, a petite, quiet woman with an elegant white bob. “It was not warm and fuzzy.”

Wait, seriously? SERIOUSLY? I suppose I’m not shocked by the rule itself. My family belongs to a country club that still has separate dining rooms, and I’ve always thought that the old-fashioned rules of a country club are a little…extreme (for instance, cell phones are prohibited on the premises of my country club).  But it’s the reaction in this case that really shocks me. That a grown man would deface someone’s locker like an angry 9th-grade boy, or set up a website with the names and numbers of those speaking out against the sexism of the men’s grill (as one member did), is appalling.  

A lawsuit is in the works, but in the meantime,

the club’s board has not found the attention or legal proceedings enchanting. First, it amended its bylaws to state that any member who makes “derogatory or otherwise injurious comments in the media” is subject to suspension and legal fees, and ditto for those who sue. It also warned that spouses of dead members would no longer automatically maintain their privileges.

That’s great, isn’t it? Sorry your spouse died, and please don’t come back to the club again. Lord.

My sister also told me that one of the country clubs in Kansas City, near where she goes to school, still does not accept black members. As in, neither Tiger Woods nor James Blake could join the club.

Just a little something to think about. (Apparently, Saturdays are for anger here at SWTCTW.)

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 28, 2008 · 4:54 pm

who the hell is kit kittredge?

Oh man, I used to loooove American Girl dolls. Love love love. I had Samantha and Kirsten, and my sister had Addy and one of the Bitty Babies, and then once shit got modern, I got one of those dolls that was supposed to look like me, but actually it just looked exactly like Molly. All of my friends and I were obsessed with that stuff. Getting the dolls was awesome enough, but if your parents were SUPER cool, they would buy you a bedroom for the doll and more clothes and you would be the envy of the neighborhood. (I distinctly remember one Christmas where my dad was saving some special presents for last, and even though they were clearly shaped like large framed artwork, I convinced myself that it was somehow a whole bedroom set for Samantha that had just been flattened down for shipping. Surprise, surprise, the present was some kind of large framed artwork. For my mom.)

I was lucky enough to get a few of the accessories for the dolls, and my favorite was the hair curler set. You could set your little doll up like she was at the hairdresser’s, and painstakingly roll pieces of her hair into the rollers which NEVER WORKED, BY THE WAY. Ahem.

The point is, I used to love the American Girls, and I think the last new one to come out while I still cared was Josephina, a New Mexican girl growing up in 1824 (or so says the website). But now, there are like a million new dolls, and tons of new accessories and outfits you can buy, and there’s even a movie, starring that great little girl from Little Miss Sunshine (who, by the way, looks really different). The movie’s about one of the newer dolls, Kit, who grew up in the Great Depression and probably has some sort of scrappy best friend who helps her through some sort of life crisis that they confront even though they’re like seven. There’s a New York Times article that talks about how great this is for girls to have such a good role model and blah blah blah and I didn’t actually get through the whole article, but I’m sure you get the idea.  

Anyway, I guess I’m kind of freaked out that this essential aspect of my childhood has gone so…modern. (Although while trolling around the website, I did see that there’s a new hippie doll who grew up in the ’60s in Berkeley and wears one of those crocheted hats and probably got into drugs too early, and I’ve got to admit, that’s pretty cool.) I hope this all dies down by the time I have kids, because at $90 a pop for the dolls, plus hundreds of dollars for the bedroom sets, plus a trip to NYC to visit the American Girl studio, I may have to forgo all this nonsense and just get them Slinkies.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 28, 2008 · 3:05 pm

speaking of natashas…may i rant?

So Saturdays are super slow at the place where I’m receptionist-ing this week, and so they let us watch TV. As a throwback to my middle school days, when I religiously watched every VH1 Top Ten Countdown, I decided to watch some sort of VH1 countdown this morning. And it reminded me of something I’ve been needing to get off my chest: Natasha Bedingfield drives me nuts. Now, I know that everyone is obsessed with “Unwritten” and “Pocketful of Sunshine,” but I think they are crappy, irritating songs, and I’m sick of hearing them on the radio. (It’s like with my friend Anne, who hates the Beatles…if you sort of don’t like something, and then everyone else LOVES it, you’re bound to hate it even more.) Natasha Bedingfield’s songs are made for all-girl a cappella groups and middle schooler’s away messages (today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten…OMG LUV my GiRLaS…can’t wait 4 Jason’s party 2nite!), and that’s all. If they stuck to those forums, I would be safe.

And um, since when do the New Kids on the Block have a new song? It was just number one on the countdown, and I had no idea that they were back. I thought one of them was Ricky Martin.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 28, 2008 · 2:35 pm

hey, karen? you are the coolest.

Over winter break this year, a few of my friends and I holed up in our friend Doobie’s house for a wonderful few days of what we now call “Camp Nowhere.” His parents were out of town, so we had the house to ourselves and felt as excited as little kids who are accidentally left without supervision. Among other things, during these few days we all got addicted to the Showtime series Californication. Now I’d never so much as heard of the show, but in one day, we all became so addicted that we watched all twelve episodes in a row. The show has sex, drugs, a lot of snarkiness, and even some rock ‘n’ roll. What more could a girl ask for?

Over the past few days, I’ve been forcing Kelsey to watch the show, and I’m proud to say that now that she’s seen the entire season, she’s hooked. Hands down, the best person in the show is Karen, David Duchovny’s character’s ex-“wife” (they were never actually married). She is my new idol, and I think it’s universally accepted that she’s the coolest person ever. She’s got great hair, great clothes, she’s tall (we tall girls have to stick together, you know), and I’ll even concede that her tattoos are cool. Plus, her sunglasses have sent my friend Katie on a quest to find “Karen sunglasses.” Is that creepy? We don’t care. (Speaking of creepy, the lights in the office I’m working in just went off…dun dun dun…) And Karen is the perfect antidote to all of the horrible girls in the show, like Mia (WHORE) and Dani (also a whore).

Let’s look at how cool Karen is:

What up Ktray

Hi Hank

I want to be you

I WANT TO BE HER. Or at least I’d like to have all of her jackets.

Of course, Karen is a real person, and her name is Natascha McElhone, and she seems just as cool in real life as in the show. But in my stalking of Karen/Natascha, I discovered terrible, terrible news. Turns out, Natascha’s 42-year-old husband, plastic surgeon Martin Kelly, randomly dropped dead of a heart attack about a month ago. And to make it worse, Karen is pregnant with their third child. So, at the risk of sounding like one of those creepy fan blogs (although I suppose it’s too late for that…), send your happiest, most sympathetic rays of thought out to the McElhones. So sad!

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 27, 2008 · 9:16 pm

just six words and a picture.

The Israel Edition, courtesy of Sarah’s Birthright trip (and no, these words don’t count):

What’s a baby party without cigs?

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 27, 2008 · 8:59 pm

so, read any good books lately?

Librarians are sexy

Most people who know me are aware of the fact that buried under my fun, outgoing, beautiful, generally perfect exterior is the heart of a raging nerd. When given the opportunity, this nerd can go full force. (Most of my friends are like this, too, so I’m in good company.) In the summertime, when I have a lot more free time than I do during the school year, reading (second, perhaps, to drinking outside) is my favorite pastime. Maybe because I just finished a book that I absolutely loved, I feel like telling you people about some of my favorite books so far this summer. I’m adding my own cry-meter ranking for each of these books, because, while Kathleen medically can’t produce tears (seriously), I am gifted with the ability to cry at anything. I happen to think that it’s a good thing for a book to be so good that it brings me to tears. Some of my more notable cries: during an episode of Dancing with the Stars, when all the Spice Girls were there to cheer on Ginger Spice; during an episode of Lizzie McGuire; while watching the end of a marathon (with completely able-bodied runners, mind you); through the entirety of P.S. I Love You; etc. I once even fell asleep for all of Armageddon, then woke up during the sad part and immediately began sobbing. The point is, I cry a lot (I have an overactive heart, right Madeline?), so in honor of that I will be ranking these on a scale of one to five Christians (as in the lion, not the religious group; one being wet eyes and five being audible, full-body sobs). Here we go:

Water for Elephants, by Sara Gruen — Even though I prefer my Sarah’s with an h, I’ll allow this particular Sara. I finished this book last night, so of course it’s currently my favorite. In a few words, it’s about a circus. In a few more words, it’s about a great love story, an old man you’ll absolutely adore, an elephant that makes you wish that somehow you could actually have an elephant for a pet, and more. It’s a great read…not an insanely quick one, but not one you have to force yourself to get through. [4 Christians]

Infidel, by Ayaan Hirsi Ali — This is a pretty intense read, but it’s well worth your while. I’m fascinated by Muslim culture, so I’m a huge fan of books that deal with the topic (i.e. Nine Parts Desire, by Geraldine Brooks, and The Kite Runner and A Thousand Splendid Sunsby Khaled Hosseini…you may have heard of him). The book is the true story of the author’s life, from growing up in a strict Muslim family in Africa to escaping to the Netherlands and becoming a member of their parliament. Her writing is somewhat journalistic, but her stories are larger than life. It’s interesting to see Ayaan’s transition from a devout Muslim to a non-believer, and her reasoning behind that transition. An excellent, thought-provoking novel. [2 Christians]

The Secret Life of Bees, by Sue Monk Kidd — Lent to me by my friend Annie, this is one of those books that I’ve been wanting to read for a long time, and I’m glad I finally got around to it. It tells the story of a young girl growing up in South Carolina in 1964 who, with her black nanny, Rosaleen, escapes from her abusive father and is taken in by three black sisters. The young girl, Lily, learns all about beekeeping, and starts to learn more about her mother, who died when she was young. Because of the setting, this book reminds me of To Kill a Mockingbird. [2 Christians]

Firefly Lane, by Kristin Hannah— This sizable novel traces the lives of two best friends, Kate and Tully, through middle school, college, careers, and family life. It’s a really fast read, and — I think — a must read for any girl who’s pondered the career v. family dilemma. Great book for lounging poolside. [5 Christians]

Nineteen Minutes, by Jodi Picoult — I finally broke down an read a Jodi Picoult book. I resisted partly because I was being a book snob, but after my sister told me about the plot of this one, I decided to give it a shot. Picoult is a great, easy-to-read writer, and I loved this story about a school shooting in a small town in New Hampshire. It tells the story from a variety of perspectives, and I was impressed that Picoult makes you consider every character’s perspective. You’ll close the book empathizing with all of the characters, and you’ll think twice about the way our society handles school shootings. [4 Christians]

So uh, thanks for humoring my inner book critic. If you decide to take some of my recommendations, enjoy, and let me know what you think!

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | June 27, 2008 · 4:57 am

white owl, won’t you be mine?

My little sister is an undergrad at the University of Kansas (rock chalk!), and we’re going to have to disown her because she didn’t get her hands on this guy first:

White Owl

Dear readers, meet White Owl (the Casanova on the left). White Owl is beloved by Jayhawk fans and many consider him to be Kansas’ number one fan. My sister even tells me that Coach Mangino, who led the Jayhawk football team to their best season ever, thinks that White Owl was their good luck charm. According to my sister, White Owl likes to hang out on the KU campus singing and dancing and showing the students what they might be like after 45+ years of recreational drug use. He’s especially loved for his antics at basketball games (please notice how frightened the girl next to him looks):

But hang onto your hearts, ladies, because he’s off the market. After a month-long courtship, White Owl got engaged to Julia Lee, a KU undergrad who is (are you sitting down?) 39 years his junior. The two knew it was love after only one week, according to Julia, and even though not everyone understands their relationship (Julia’s poor, poor mother, for instance), those who know them well are happy for them. I hate to quote nearly an entire article (from the Daily Kansan), but I think their how-we-met story is worth sharing in its entirety:

The two have only known each other a little more than a month but White Owl said he felt they were destined to be together. He first noticed Julia at the end of last semester when she was standing around Wescoe Beach. White Owl said he sensed she was missing something in her life.

“I saw an injured spirit and I am all about helping people and being a light,” White Owl said, “I prayed that night that she would be sent to me somehow.”

White Owl’s prayers were answered. The next day, White Owl was a guest speaker in Julia’s “American Studies” class. White Owl talked to the class about believing in themselves and loving one another. After class, Julia told White Owl how much his message meant to her.

And the rest is history. They were inseparable from that moment on, and even though he’s been married twice before (and has two sons), White Owl says that he has not “felt this love as a person since [his] mother babied [him].” Want to see some photos of the happy couple?

Love

More? I thought so…

If you can’t attend their wedding in at the end of the summer — to which everyone is invited — hopefully you can catch them at Wakarusa Festival in Lawrence, Kansas…White Owl says the couple hopes to form a band and perform next year.

[Posted by Mallory]

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