Category Archives: news

by | February 3, 2010 · 1:13 pm

do not pass go! stop cheating!

I'm repulsed.

To celebrate the 75th anniversary of Monopoly, the world’s most monotonous and dragged out board game, Hasbro has decided to punish us all by taking away the only thing that made it interesting … the cheating.  Goodbye dear, sweet, corrupt banker.  Hello micro chip and credit cards! No, I am not making that up.

According to pocket-lint, the new version is round and the coveted role of the banker is played by a soulless electronic console in the middle.  Noooooooooo!

No more cold hard cash when you pass Go. No more making it rain a rainbow of dollars to celebrate your minor successes.  Devastating!  It’s all credit now.  So when you do pass Go, you get $200 in credit, which you are supposed to invest in low rent properties?  Credit card companies are arguably just as corrupt as banks, if not more so, and HAVE YOU SEEN THE MARKET THESE DAYS? I digress.

It’s not like I was a huge fan of Monopoly– but as I’ve mentioned before, it did show me that I’m bad at math and hate business, so there’s some value to that.  It’s more that I hate it when companies try to modernize their most iconic products.  I nearly went off the deep end when they changed the game of Clue!  Poor Professor Plum is now a nerdy gamer. Alas, the winds of change are blowing and it’s giving me a chill.  On the bright side, Miss Scarlett remains skanky.

So for the sake of nostalgia, let’s play the old version before it’s too late.

I’ll be the banker!  And I want to be the wheel barrow.

[Posted by Kathleen]

Note: I missed blogging.  And the thought of not blogging the Olympics/my love for Apolo Anton Ohno made me depressed.  I’m back.  Again.

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by | February 3, 2010 · 9:49 am

today is a google holiday, hooray!

Google Holiday: Norman Rockwell’s Birthday. Our buddy Norman would have been 116 today, assuming I’m capable of doing math this early. You, of course, know Rockwell from such famous works as these:

Rockwell is about as iconic as you can get here in America, and I found it sort of sad to read (on Wikipedia, duh) that a psychiatrist once told him that he painted his happiness, but did not live it. Let’s hope that changed by the end of his life.

If you happen to be in Stockbridge, Massachusetts later today, stop by the Norman Rockwell Museum to celebrate.

What I was Googling: Krispy Kreme

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | February 1, 2010 · 9:59 pm

some thoughts on last night’s grammys.

I’m taking advantage of the two hours of Bachelor that stretch before me to catch up on a little blogging. (While we’re on the topic…nice turtleneck, Jake.)

Shall we talk about the Grammys? Until I got bored about three-quarters of the way in, I was impressed. The performances were mostly fun and I managed to stay engaged and entertained, which rarely happens when I watch awards shows. It didn’t hurt that the show was infused with some country flavor. Nice work, Grammy people! Zac Brown Band, Lady Antebellum, Jennifer Nettles: you blow me away. T.Swift: well, that was hard to watch. But I’m sure Stevie Nicks is a damn intimidating person to sing with.

Also, remember how there was a crazy cute little boy with Jay-Z and Rhianna?

I SOLVED THE MYSTERY! It was Solange Knowles’ son, so Jay’s nephew. Cuteness to the max.

You’ll also be pleased to know that I watched almost until the end of the show waiting for Lady Gaga’s finale performance and then realized (thanks, Internets) that she was the opening act and I just hadn’t turned on the teevee in time. So I watched some bootleg version of the performance on YouTube and called it a night. Sigh.

I’m going to turn my full attention back to rotting my brain via reality television, but I’ll leave you with my favorite performance of the night:

Country music, you make me feel whole.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | January 20, 2010 · 9:26 am

oompa loompas don’t sing in heaven.

About a week ago, through E.Lee, Mr. Luz introduced me to the Sleep Talkin’ Man. The Sleep Talkin’ Man is an ordinarily “mild-mannered” English man, Adam, who says some crazy shiz in his sleep. His wife, entertained by all of the sleep talkin’ craziness, decided to start a blog to share Adam’s ramblings with the world.

Now, I’m a really deep sleeper, and I’ve been known to do some sleep talking in my day. (Just ask my roommates, who have at least pretended to be amused when really they probably hate(d) me for it.) But the stuff I say can never compare to Adam’s comments. Here’s a sampling:

“My bagder’s gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!”

“Pork chops are most satisfying. Mmmmmmm. Dangle them from the ceiling.”

“Oompa loompas don’t sing in heaven. They tidy up the clouds.”

“Don’t… Don’t put the noodles and the dumplings together in the boat. They’ll fight! The noodles are bullies. Poor dumplings.”

“I’d rather peel off my skin and bathe my weeping raw flesh in a bath of vinegar than spend any time with you. But that’s just my opinion. Don’t take it personally.”

“I’ve got a badger, a dog, a cat, and a sack. Now that I’ve got ’em you can fuck off. All mine.”

I first heard about Sleep Talkin’ Man last week (how’s THAT for ahead of the curve?!), and now he’s getting some “serious” press in the form of British news shows and, this Friday, The Today Show. Go add him to your Google Reader and enjoy, and when the rest of the world starts talking about him on Friday afternoon, say “HA, old news.”

Also, some guy who was once naked in Cosmo beat some lawyer lady who is above campaigning in some important political race in Massachusetts. Sigh. This is something Kathleen would have covered in the good ol’ days, but now she has a “job” or some such thing. Instead, you can read funny things at Wonkette or serious things at the New York Times, or you can just put on your flannel nightgown and cry a little bit, like me. Your call!

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | January 19, 2010 · 9:45 am

today is a google holiday, hooray!

Today’s Google Holiday: Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday. I’m a little confused by this. MLK’s birthday is actually on January 15, and today isn’t Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Maybe Google is just leaving this one up for a few days. Can anyone confirm whether this Google Holiday was up yesterday (or Friday, for that matter)? Either way, heck yeah Martin Luther King. My friend EA had some nice things to say over at her blog, …and then it’s perfect. I especially liked this post, which includes a graphic I’d been meaning to post myself.

What I was Googling: lima (to get the link for the fundraiser announced below)

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | January 19, 2010 · 9:31 am

dc: doctors without borders fundraising event.

Friends of mine are involved with planning the following fundraiser for Haiti, so if you’re in DC and available, please consider attending:

That image may be a little difficult to read, so here are the details:

What: A Doctors Without Borders Fundraising Event
When: Wednesday, January 20 from 5:30 to 8:00 p.m.
Where: Lima (1401 K Street NW in Washington, DC)
Why: There will be a suggested donation of $5, and Lima will donate 20% of the night’s proceeds to Doctors Without Borders to help the aid efforts in Haiti. Plus, there will be drink specials and complimentary hors d’oeuvres.

Hopefully some of you DC locals can make it. Whether or not you can attend, please continue to send whatever you can (prayers, money, supplies, or otherwise) to the people affected by the earthquake in Haiti.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | January 14, 2010 · 9:36 pm

just six words and a link.

One blogger’s effort to help Haitians.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | January 12, 2010 · 9:05 pm

nbc, make up your damn mind!

NBC recently announced they would be moving the struggling  Jay Leno Show to 11:35, moving back Conan O’Brien’s Tonight Show and Jimmy Fallon’s Late Show until after midnight.  Conan finally put his foot down and submitted this statement:

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over “The Tonight Show” in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004, I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my “Tonight Show” in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the “Tonight Show” to 12:05 to accommodate the “Jay Leno Show” at 11:35. For 60 years, the “Tonight Show” has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the “Tonight Show” into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The “Tonight Show” at 12:05 simply isn’t the “Tonight Show.” Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the “Late Night” show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard, and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of “The Tonight Show.” But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet, a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the “Tonight Show,” I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

[Posted by Shannon]

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by | January 12, 2010 · 2:40 pm

this is such a great idea.

There is now a punctuation mark that you can use to indicate that you’re being sarcastic. It costs $1.99.

This is a joke, right? If you need a symbol to indicate when you’re being sarcastic, then you suck at being sarcastic (or your friends suck for not comprehending sarcasm). Telling someone you’re being sarcastic kills all the fun; it’s like when someone makes you explain a joke to them:

“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.” [E.B. White]

 And more importantly, as E.Lee so wisely pointed out, “That thing doesn’t even LOOK like sarcasm!”

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | January 12, 2010 · 9:51 am

i’m crying foul on mcgwire’s confession.

As you’ve probably heard, Mark McGwire recently admitted that he used steroids in the 1990s, which more or less nullifies his impressive 70-home-run season in 1998. While I’m all for honesty, his confession strikes me as inauthentic and somehow cowardly. I think it’s inauthentic because he made bullshit statements like these in his interview with Bob Costas:

Still, McGwire told Costas he “absolutely” could have broken the record without using steroids, pointing to his home run prowess going back to Little League. “That’s why it’s the most regrettable thing I’ve ever done in my life,” McGwire said.

[McGwire] added: “I don’t want to use it as a crutch, but there was no drug testing. I didn’t use it for strength. I used it to help me recover from injuries.”

I find it cowardly because there’s something frustrating about someone who does something they blatantly know is wrong with the hope/knowledge that one day they can apologize for it and all will be forgiven. I’ll make a few things clear: first, I’m sure McGwire was under a lot of pressure and that this steroid thing probably has caused him a lot of agony over the years; second, I know that he didn’t have to come clean, and that he is putting his reputation at risk with an admission like this; and third, I’m sure he’s not the only one who holds this secret. All that said, he was a grown man back in the ’90s and he knew that what he was doing was wrong. It reminds me of when someone apologizes to me for doing something wrong and I’m all WHELP, glad you’re sorry, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m pissed. “Sorry” isn’t always some magic get-out-of-jail free card that instantly erases all wrongdoing. NO, NO I DO NOT FORGIVE YOU.

And the funny thing is…I don’t care about baseball. I’m not sure why this is getting me all riled up.

What do you guys think? Am I overreacting? Giving him too much credit? Is this old news, since according to my officemate, Cardinals fans have known about this for years? Am I ignoring the real infuriating story of the hour, which is the announcement that Sarah Palin will be joining Fox News as a contributor?

[Posted by Mallory]

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