Let’s talk for a bit about how strange and awkward I am. So the washer and dryer in my building only take quarters (yeah, those kind still exist), and this always presents a bit of a conundrum for me because I, um, have yet to get signed up with a bank in DC. I know, it’s not smart and I’m wasting money on ATM fees and yada yada, but it’s the truth. This means that when I need quarters, I can’t just go to the bank and get a roll; instead, my strategy is to go begging at various CVS’s and grocery stores. For the most part, this has worked just fine. Occasionally I have to go to a few stores, but with a couple dollars here and there and the quarters I find in my purses, I can manage.
Today did not go so smoothly. I first go to the CVS across the street and the lady is like,”Sure thing! I can give you a dollar!” Um, lady? It’s 2009! It costs $1.25 to do ONE load of laundry. And rather than begging her for more, I sheepishly walk away. Then I move on to the Dunkin’ Donuts next store. They have donuts! They must be nice! As I’m waiting in line, I decide that I should probably order an iced coffee, because that’s what people order from Dunkin’ Donuts, right? The problem is that I don’t drink coffee, so I paid three dollars for a drink I can’t finish, and THEY HAD NO QUARTERS. Boycott your local Dunkin’ Donuts! Don’t listen to Rachael Ray! Also, anyone want this?
When you’re on your way over to pick up the coffee, feel free to pick me up an iPhone so that I can upload normal-looking photos to my blog. Thanks!
After the Dunkin’ Donuts attempt, I decide to take a break, throw in the two loads of laundry I can afford, and smoke a cigarette. (Okay, I don’t smoke. But if I did I would have totally smoked a cigarette right then.)
My next stop was Safeway. Club soda, sure! I need club soda! As I wait in line to buy my club sode, I prepare my pity plea, and when I get to the register, I lay it on Danny: “Um, hi sir! I have a favor to ask! You see, I really need to do laundry, and see, I’ve been begging all of these stores for quarters, and no one will give me any. Look, I didn’t even want this iced coffee, haha! [Shakes iced coffee in Danny’s face.] So, um, if I give you some cash, will you give me some quarters??” And Danny’s all, “Sweetheart, you know that if you give ten dollars to the Customer Service lady, she can give you a roll of quarters?” And I’m all, “HALLELUJAH SAFEWAY IS MY NEW FAVORITE STORE!!!”
I walk over to the Customer Service lady, a 60-something woman, and she’s cold teasin’ me and says, “Aw Danny said I could give you quarters? Only for a fee!” And my natural response is, “I’ll give you a kiss!”
REALLY, Mallory? You’ll give the woman a kiss? Really?
Moral of the story: sometimes, when I whore myself out for quarters, I end up hitting on grandmothers. Happy Friday to you too!
[Posted my Mallory]
six words to change the world. 