Category Archives: blogging

they heard the taco wedding bells.

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Forget the chapel, Paul and Caragh Brooks of Illinois entered the covenant of marriage sitting in a booth at a Taco Bell on Friday, Jan 9.  The courthouse was booked, and they needed another option.  No, I didn’t make that up.  “Going to the T-Bell and we’re gonna get married, goin’ to the T-Bell and we’re, gonna get married.” Okay, sorry, I had to do that.

Fatties like me customers continued to buy their 4th meal of the day while the ceremony took place.  The employees blew up balloons and displayed taco sauce packets that say “Will you marry me?”.  I didn’t know they made those, but that’s cute.  The bride wore a $15 hot pink dress.  The groom’s mother loved the ceremony.  The reception was held right there, with guests ordering right off the menu.  You know what I have to say about that? YUM!  All in all, the wedding costs the couple $200.

Now of course you want to know the ‘how we met story’.  Well, take a guess how they met.  Okay, now read this.

Caragh Brooks, 21, of Australia, met Paul Brooks, 30, on an Internet dating Web site. They already had the same last name.

The couple wrote back and forth and talked on the phone for nine months before Caragh Brooks moved to the United States.

Yup.

“We have the same brain, just in two bodies,” Paul Brooks said. “We think alike in virtually every manner. We have the same interests, viewpoints.”

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that one of those interests might be Taco Bell.  What do you know?  I’m right!

He proposed on New Year’s Eve and, because they like to spend time at the local Taco Bell, they decided to wed there.

Naturally, of course!

The best part of all?  This happened in a town in Illinois called Normal.  NORMAL.  Isn’t it ironic?  Don’tcha think?

As critical and quick to point out the abnormalities as I may seem,  I’m only kidding and I’m honestly really happy for them.  If you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, I guess it doesn’t really matter how you decide to do it.  These two are eccentric.  Also, they paid $200 for a wedding that I won’t ever forget…and I wasn’t even there.  Imagine spending $30,000 on the most cookie cutter wedding imaginable, and then having people groan about “another wedding” when they get the invitation.

You’ve got to give them some credit for having it their way.  Hold on. “Have it your way” is the BK slogan.  Maybe that would have been more fitting?  That aside, congratulations to Caragh and Paul!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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a celebration of the final week.

Yes kids, it’s the last full week of George Bush’s presidency.  Let’s celebrate!  A big thank you to 23/6 for putting this little video together for us.  LOVE the background music.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Don’t go getting all nostalgic on me now!  Dry your eyes!
[Posted by Kathleen]

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prince harry, harry, he’s quite contrary.

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If this was American politics, we’d call it Pakigate.  But it isn’t. It’s British, so I don’t know what to call it other than completely and utterly stupid on the part of Prince Harry.  You know Prince Harry? Yes, as in the now-hotter-than-Prince William-prince.

(True story: When William was at his peak attractiveness–age 16– and I was at my peak boycrazyness–age 13– I had his poster on my wall.  Did I ever have a shot with him?  No.  In fact, there’s a long list of laws that tell you why I cannot.  Being American and Catholic are just the tip of the iceberg.  But I still had hope.  Don’t judge me, fools.  And on second thought, you should never marry someone who had your poster on their wall.  That’s just weird.  Tom and Katie, I’m talking to you.)

Anyway, Harry made an oopsie.  In a video, he called one of his platoon buddies his “little Paki friend”, which of course is not cool, and then he tells another he looks like a “raghead”.  Now, before he gets the title His Royal Highness Prince Harry the Racist and you get your royal britches in a twist, I want to not defend him while defending him…if that makes sense.  Our own American troops use language like that.  It’s not uncommon.  But it’s terrible.  Also, while you think good ‘ole ‘Arry might have his wits about him because HE IS THE PRINCE OF WALES, he’s done some dumb things in the past.  Like that time he wore a Nazi uniform to a Halloween party.  Or how he blatantly smokes pot at parties.  Maybe he isn’t royally brilliant, but that doesn’t make him a  racist.

But watch the video for yourself.  Do you think he’s just a dude, who happens to be a prince,  trying to fit in with his platoon?  Because that’s what it seems like to me.  Also, at the end you’ll feel like you know him a little better than anticipated after one of his buddies asks him a question, and he obliges with the answer.

Here is Harry’s apology:

“Prince Harry fully understands how offensive this term can be, and is extremely sorry for any offense his words might cause,” spokesman Patrick Harrison said in a statement.

“However, on this occasion three years ago, Prince Harry used the term without any malice and as a nickname about a highly popular member of his platoon. There is no question that Prince Harry was in any way seeking to insult his friend.”

No mention of the ginger pubes.

But we learn another fact.  Harry made this video three years ago.  Does that change things?

UPDATED:  The father of the cadet Harry made the remark about is furious and says his apology isn’t enough.  Also, Harry is in even more trouble with one of his own charities.  Click HERE.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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george the lobster goes back home.

I can’t write something more clever than the NY Daily News lede, so here you go.

A monster lobster scored a one-way ticket out of a Manhattan restaurant Friday – and not on a fork.

After a few years of straight up chilling at the City Crab and Seafood restaurant in New York (and a petition from PETA), George, estimated to be between 80 and 140 years old (yeah, me too…) is being released.  It must be a slow news day, because this is hilarious:

George, unlike certain other celebrities, did not seem perturbed as a crew of photographers shot his picture before his grand exit.

“If he was upset, he’d be slapping his tail. His claws would be up and in a defensive posture,” explained Vaina.

“Can you lift up his butt, if he has a butt?” asked a photographer.

George will be transported to New Hampshire, and then finally released in Maine, where he is for sure bound to be caught by a crazy, old Maine lobsterman and sold for $7 a pound.  Yum.

George, GO BACK FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!  Live longer and prosper, little buddy!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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from macho men to femme: mantyhose.

mantyhose

MSNBC just did a piece on “mantyhose”, or pantyhose for men.  Now I’ve got absolutely no qualms about men wearing pantyhose, I just can’t for the life of me understand why they would want to.  They’re itchy, terribly annoying, and awkward to readjust.  Plus, they are a nuisance when you really have to pee.  But apparently, they’re good for something.  Like keeping you warm, giving you better legs (see above.  RAWR!), the control top, and making you miserable.  Come on ladies, I know I am not alone here.

I’ve never seen a man wear pantyhose.  Actually, I lied.  One Christmas way back, my aunt wrapped a gift and put the wrong tag on it.  My uncle was the proud receiver of a pair of pantyhose with snowflakes on them.  My uncle being who he is, gladly put them on and showed them off for the family.  Wow, I had blocked that memory out until now.  Oh, the horror!

Americans being the strictly socialized, prudish (thanks Puritan ancestors!) and oppressed creatures that we are, some are struggling with the gender roles.

“My wife was really uncomfortable at first — she was nervous about going out with me in public when I had them on,” said Andrews. “But then we went out and she saw that no one noticed or had any adverse reaction.”

Honestly dude, nobody is really going to notice unless you pair it with a skirt and a foxy pair of heels.

The companies that make mantyhose, like Comfilon, are doing their best to keep it manly.  But ya know… Anyway, I just LOVE the tagline from Comfilon.

“This is NOT your mother’s pantyhose.”

Haha, you think?

So add mantyhose to the list of things that belonged solely to women but are now shared with men.  Another example?  The murse, or man purse.  But here is my all time favorite:  The Brozilian.  A Brazilian wax for men.  How do you like dem apples? (The answer to that question is obviously ‘waxed’.)  I could go on and on about that, but let’s save that one for another day.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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porn industry needs some economic viagra!

Ladies and Gentleman, in case you haven’t heard, we are in a serious economic crisis.  The banks are in trouble, the auto industry is in trouble, the sky is falling, and the once throbbing porn industry is now flaccid.  Hardy har har.

All joking aside (but not really), the porn industry has gone limp.  Now, its two top bananas (good title for a porn king, right?) are going to ask the Congress for a porn pullout put out bailout of $5 billion.  I am not making this up.  FIVE. BILLION. DOLLARS.  A sort of economic viagra, if you will.

Larry Flynt, grandpoohbah of porn and free speech, and Joe Francis, the creepy life ruiner that started Girls Gone Wild, will be going to Washington to petition Congress.  How cute!  Go ahead, laugh.  (Quotes from TMZ, the most trustworthy source of news EVER.)

Francis sees his industry like the big three automakers, only BIGGER: “Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation’s most important businesses; we feel we deserve the same consideration.”

Seems to me that Francis is one of those guys that lies about size.  Size of the porn industry, you sickos.  Get your heads out of the gutter!

“With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind,” Flynt says. “It’s time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America.”

Two things, Larry. Even though the economy is in shambles, people aren’t denying biology.  Secondly, and you can ask any 13 year old boy this, but it’s called the internet.  (Al Gore invented it.)  And usually, it’s free!  THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU DESERVE A BAILOUT.  What it means is that the times, they are a changin’.  You know, get hip, Larry!  Way back, I wrote a post about how people were excited for the new iPhone because it was apparently better for porn.  Gross, I know.  But the post is now the most viewed one every day.  People post links to free sites.  I am shocked and appalled that this sinning happens at our blog, but whatev.

Anyway, this porn bailout plot line is almost as ridiculous as an actual porn plot line.  Cue the cheesy music.

Does anyone else want a bailout?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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the weirdest thing i’ve ever read.

Here at SWTCTW, we do our best to find the news– whether it be the most ridiculous, the quirkiest, the funniest, or just the plain old news, we’ll write about it.  And goodness gracious do I have a story for you.  Hands down, this is the MOST bizarre thing I’ve read on the internet.  And you all know I stalk the hell out of the internet just for funsies, so I’ve seen a LOT.  This story might make you taste the last thing you ate on its way up, so be warned.

Texas Death Row Inmate Pulls Out Eye, Eats it

I can’t even think of something snarky to say!  But I do have to ask, even with mental illness, what makes you look at your eyeball and think “that’s going to taste good!”?

Oh, sidenote.  While Google Imaging pictures of eyeballs, I came across a piece about eyeball tattoos.  Christ on a bicycle!  That’s disgusting!  But read it, you know you have a sick curiousity… and then store it away in your interesting-things-to-talk about-at-cocktail-parties file.  Or not.  Your choice.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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bennifer have nameless but beautiful child.

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Jennifer Garner popped out baby numero dos yesterday– a baby girl.  Little Violet is a big sister! Awwwww.  I wish that I could tell you the name of the no doubt bound to be gorgeous spawn of Jen and Ben (RAWR!), but alas, they either don’t have a name or it has not been revealed.  Usually celebrity baby names are great fuel for blogging, but I think these two like to go traditional.  What would you name their child?

UPDATED:  The baby’s name is Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck.  Maybe not as traditional as I expected! I like it!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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department of things that are unsurprising.

Kathleen and I are currently sitting next to each other on my couch, wearing matching J.Crew yoga pants, typing on our matching elitist white MacBooks, with our matching jaunty ponytails, watching The Daily Show and playing on the Internets. Could we BE any more DC right now? Or any more liberal? Or any more elitist? Maybe, but only if there was a life-size cutout of Barry sitting between us, wrapped in a down comforter.

[Posted by Mallory]

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youtube clip of today: heineken fridge.

I rarely find beer commercials funny, but this one did make me laugh a little.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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