“I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It’s been about two months since I’ve worked out. And I just don’t have the time. Which uh…is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh…and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh…try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.” –Ellen DeGeneres
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under humor
A man, who had just been released from the hospital for injuries from a domestic dispute (aka his girlfriend hit him with a frying pan and a table leg), stole $50 from her at a local Walmart and attempted to escape on one of their motorized scooters. He didn’t get away. The end.
And while looking for an image for this post, I came across this little gem. It’s called the “CruizinCooler.” Jackpot.
[Posted by Shannon]
Hello, 2010! A lot of bloggers I know (okay, bloggers whose blogs I read whom I feel like I know even though I totally don’t) have been doing recaps of their years and reminiscing on all that happened, etc. etc. Things like that are really hard for me. Seriously. I have problems with nostalgia. I don’t look at old photos often because then I end up spending hours and hours and hours looking at them and feeling emo and yearning for old times and wondering where the time went and then I probably cry. So don’t expect a recap from me. Unless I find myself with hours and hours and hours of time and an excellent emo soundtrack and wine.
All that said, YAY for a new decade. How crazy is that? I’m not one to go gaga over NYE, but it’s frightening to think how long it’s been since 1999. In 1999 I celebrated New Year’s with my parents and I’m pretty sure I was wearing an unironically hideous wool sweater from The Gap. This year, I celebrated with more than a few cocktails (and cocktail weenies) and about 22 of my favorite people in the Poconos. It was amazing, and I have the beer stains on my pajama pants to prove it.
In honor of the new decade, I have to repost one of the greatest things created between 2000 and 2009. Ladies and gentlemen, Kittens Inspired by Kittens (posted first by Kathleen back in April 2009):
Never. Gets. Old.
(Side note: While attempting to watch that video because, like I said, it never gets old, my computer turned itself off. That happens to me sometimes while I’m watching YouTube videos or Netflix movies. Can someone who’s good at computers MAKE IT STOP?! Please?)
My friend Mouse (along with Ewok, owner of the following cat, and Barbie) did a few recreations of the video, and it’s one of the 14 billion reasons that I adore them:
We are in Hawaii!
We are eating pepper and chips!
We are wiiiine bottles!
Double head!
I'm at work!
Wrestling!
As long as things like this and friends like this stay around, I think the next decade will be faaaantastic.
[Posted by Mallory]
Cheers to 2010! I was pondering today what the nickname for the newest decade would be when I realized something…no one ever came up with a nickname for the past 1o years. Sure, the ’80s, ’90s, etc. kind of wrote themselves, but how is it possible that not one of the six billion of us could think of something to call ’00-’09 collectively? Come on people. Lets do better for the next 10.
On another (much more embarrassing) note, I shamefully admit that I was, yet again, sucked into The Bachelor’s premiere episode tonight. The Bachelor is now on its 14th season, not counting The (far superior) Bachelorette seasons. New Bachelor Jake was surprisingly less douchy than he was last year, but the majority of the 25 female contestants put all women to shame. Who watches this garbage? Oh yeah, me.
can you feel my rolling eyes?
This season promises to have just as much ABC Network-induced drama and fake-by-the-railing emotional breakdowns as any other season, so I’ll probably DVR every episode. Especially because the gossip is a contestant and one of the show’s producers were having an affair while taping was going on. Not even The Bachelor producers take this show seriously!
And one last thing, because Jake is a pilot – the title of this season is “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love.” ABC, FIRE your writers.
[Posted by Shannon]
Filed under celebrities, humor, pictures, pop culture, random, thoughts, TV
My sister and I were watching this show about multiples on TLC, and as we were watching, she turned to me and asked, “Do babies cry in the womb?” And…I didn’t know. I mean, I don’t know anything about babies! Maybe they cry and we can’t hear them because it’s muffled by the womb? Maybe this is a totally stupid question?
Obviously, to try to figure out the answer to this burning question, we Googled it. But first, we let “do babies” sit there in the search box so we could see what the average person asks about babies. And oh dear god, I haven’t laughed this hard in a while:
I can’t even pick my favorite. Are there REALLY that many people out there wondering if babies have kneecaps?! (And as funny as I find these questions, I can’t definitively answer many of them…)
UPDATE: Babies DO cry in the womb! (This is from a website called BabyCenter, and it seems legit):
Yup. MSNBC did a cool medical in depth a few years ago on what a fetus does while gestating. All of the doctors in the study agreed that there is ultrasound proof of late term fetus “crying” as a result of being startled. Of course there is no sound (as noise is produced by air moving across the vocal chords), but what they are doing is crying, complete with gulps and chin quivering. Pretty damn cool.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under babies, humor, technology, TV
Folks, I’m not just here to regale you with tales of my own awkwardness; I’m here to help YOU. In the spirit of the season, I want to share with you what I think is the perfect holiday gift for anyone still left on your list. I present the Ed Hardy Hair Dryer:
C’mon, can you think of a better way to start your morning than blow-drying your freshly gelled locks with this beauty? I didn’t think so. And at the sale price of $99.95 (!!!), how can you resist?
You’re welcome.
[Posted by Mallory]
I know I’ve been posting a lot of videos lately, but I’d like to think that they are a lot of entertaining videos, which makes it okay. To continue the trend, I show you the following, which is inexplicably one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen:
I found this video on my new favorite blog, Bulimia’s so ’87.
In other news, I COOKED SOMETHING TODAY. Like, used ingredients and pots and stuff and made soup. Real soup! Not the microwaveable kind! And my family ate it! Guys, I think this might mean that I’m closing in on the whole adulthood thing. Baby steps.
[Posted by Mallory]
My sister showed me this video last night, and I sat silent beside her as I watched the entire thing. When it was over, she turned to me and said, “What, so you didn’t think it was funny?!” And frankly, people, this thing is just too awkward for laughter. Or any reaction at all. Except ohdeargod I feel uncomfortable. See for yourselves:
[Posted by Mallory]
six words to change the world. 