Category Archives: random

by | January 8, 2009 · 12:43 am

all hail the naked vail skier.

Picture your most humiliating nightmare.  Perhaps you are naked in front of a crowd.  Mine might involve looking like I was 13 again.  You’re thinking about it now.  Mortifying, is it not?  Well some poor dude in Vail lived a very imaginative nightmare.  Like the only funny scene from an unbearably unfunny Jim Carrey movie, he found himself dangling upside down from a ski lift san pants with his dangly parts totally exposed in the frigid cold.  Errr… here are the pictures.  You can’t make this shit up.

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HAHAHAHA

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And finally, he is showed some mercy.

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Stifle your laughter, fools!  The man suffered from exposure!  Okay, you can giggle, because it is comedy of the absurd.

According to the press release, he was suspended for about seven minutes.  NOT seven minutes in heaven, I’m sure.  Pantsless man, I know nothing we, your fellow Americans, can ever do will erase the pain of this ordeal, but I propose that any time you go to a bar, your drinks are free.  But you know who I feel worst for?  His kid.  Sitting right next to him.  Hahaha. oh dear.  Therapy much?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | January 6, 2009 · 5:51 am

you like my new fake bag?

louis-vuitton-neverfull

Every time I see a Louis Vuitton bag I just assume that it’s fake and you bought it on the street for 40 bucks.  I can’t tell if you paid the full price for it, and I don’t care.  Americans LOVE buying the fake stuff.  I bought a fake Longchamp bag in Turkey for 12 bucks.  (Because it was fake, I pronounced it Long Champ…like it SHOULD be pronounced.  Silly French.)  Anyway, whenever people would compliment my bag, I’d automatically tell them it was a fake.  I mean, why should I pretend like it was real?  That is my pet peeve about counterfeit items–when people act like they’re real.

My pet peeve is one of the reasons I have great admiration for a new shopping center in China.  This shopping center is all about counterfeit items and is totally unapologetic.  They proudly and purposefully spell things differently so as to avoid legal trouble, and it is HILARIOUS.  God love ’em.  For example, you can eat a pizza at a Pizza Huh.  Huh?   I mean, what?  No, not a Pizza Hut, a Pizza Huh.  Regardless, I’m sure you still have the shits “stomach issues” for hours post-gorge.  After your delicious fake pizza, you can enjoy a fake coffee at Bucksstar and buy a “Naik” sweatshirt.  Just do it!  No but seriously, would you do it?  For pictures and a legitimate news story, click here.

Are the Chinese on to something?  Is the answer to consumerism, or is it perpetuating it?  Whoa deep thoughts.  I need something mindless…maybe I’ll catch up on some GG.  You know you love me.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | December 25, 2008 · 2:05 am

but you’ll shoot your eye out!

a_christmas_story

Yes, it is Christmas eve and I am blogging. What of it?  But I have to share this with the world.  In case you didn’t know, the best movie EVER is on the teevee for a solid 24 hours straight.  Twenty-four hours of “A Christmas Story”?  YES PUHLEASE!  I’ll watch it inbetween meals.  So turn on TBS.  This movie makes me laugh so hard I cry.  The scene with the leg lamp?  PRICELESS!

Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!

Also, in case you wanted to keep tabs on the big guy in red, the North American Aerospace Defense Command, or NORAD, has a Santa tracker going.  As of right now, he’s in between the South Pole and South America.  He best be getting to the US of A tonight!  Specifically, my house.

http://www.noradsanta.org/

Merry Christmas!  I hope Santa is good to you!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | December 21, 2008 · 2:57 pm

six-pack santa, i’ve been naughty.

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The Beverly Center in LA  gives you two choices when it comes to your mall Santa.  Naughty or nice.  So you can go sit on bowl full of jelly Santa’s lap, or you can sit on six-pack Santa’s lap.  Meet Eli Wilhide, pictured above, this year’s Hunky Santa.  RAWR!  Only in California!  But I think this should be a feature at every mall.

And, just because I can, here is one of my favorite Christmas songs.  Sometimes it makes me produce tears.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | December 20, 2008 · 4:25 pm

oh joy! the 18th bundle arrives.

We all have hobbies.  I like to think of mine as travel (because that sounds cool), but it’s probably reading US Weekly and the Huffington Post nonstop.  For Jim Bob Duggar and his wife, Michelle, I would venture to say that their hobby is having babies.  The Duggars just welcomed their 18th child into their crazy world.  Little Jordyn-Grace Makiya was born on December 19. Now I love babies.  I coo at every one I see.  I love the little clothes, the little shoes, etc.  Perhaps I’ll have one or two in my lifetime.  But my god, the thought of 18 babies WITH NO INTENTION OF STOPPING makes me a little queasy.  Yes, Jim Bob told the press “We both would love to have more”.  Sure, buddy.  Michelle Duggar has been having children for over 20 years.  And as if it couldn’t get any more bizarre, here are their names and ages.

Joshua, 20

Jana, 18

John-David, 18

Jill, 17

Jessa, 16

Jinger, 14

Joseph, 13

Josiah, 12

Joy-Anna, 11

Jeremiah, 9

Jedidiah, 9

Jason, 8

James, 7

Justin, 6

Jackson, 4

Johannah, 3

Jennifer, 1

Jordyn-Grace, 0

ALL J NAMES?  WHY WHY WHY? (Ginger with a J? Seriously?)  You could probably guess this by the freakshow nature and all the babies, but the Duggars have their own show on TLC.  It’s called ‘Seventeen and Counting’.  That’s original.  But will they have to change the name now?  This family seems a little strange.  I’ll take ‘Jon & Kate Plus 8’ anyday.  They are awesome.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | December 20, 2008 · 3:09 pm

my confidence boosting present to you.

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Besides the holiday cheer and all that jazz, one of the things I adore the most about this time of year is the end of year wrap-ups.  It’s true.  I would watch the E! Channel’s “Top 20 Celebrity Haircuts with Bangs of 2008” if it was on.  Really, I would.  But this is far more interesting than celebrity hair cuts with bangs, I hope.  Here is the link to the top 20 mugshots of 2008.  I’ve posted one of my favorites.  Doesn’t it just make you feel better about yourself?  Happy Holidays!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1217081mugyear1.html

Oh, and by the way…YAY SPIDERS FOOTBALL!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | December 18, 2008 · 5:52 pm

’tis the season to be hungover.

Office parties, neighborhood parties, family parties.  Eggnog, champagne, whiskey (for the family parties), wine.  In the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s the opportunities to be hungover grow exponentially.  If I remember my pre-calculus correctly (and there’s a good chance that I don’t) the graphical representation of what we’re now experiencing ends up looking something like this:

hangovers

It’s a rough six weeks.  Luckily, National Geographic would like to help.  They have kindly gathered information about “Hangover Helpers” from around the globe.  So if the Gatorade and Smartfood just aren’t cutting it you can try Romania’s recommendation and eat some tripe soup, because nothing says “anti-nausea” like a healthy serving of cow stomach.  In Poland they recommend drinking soured milk or very sour pickle juice.  I can’t imagine that that does anything other than make you vomit and if that’s the case, I’d rather take care of that Blair Waldorf style.  In Japan, they eat pickled plums to cure “futsuka yoi” or, “two days drunk” and in Mexico the drug of choice is a nice shrimp cocktail or seafood salad (the real kind, not the first-grader version).  The salad is appropriately named “Vuelva a la vida” or “return to life.”

My favorite “cure” is probably that found in the Netherlands: a big, tall glass of cold beer.  Although it’s usually hard to imagine drinking anything alcoholic when you wake up in the morning feeling like your head is on backwards, in my family we favor a little Irish Coffee to settle the stomach or, on really bad days, straight shots of Jameson, and it seems to do the trick (I wasn’t kidding when I mentioned that we’re a walking stereotype).

No matter your potion of choice, party on!  There are tons of antidotes to experiment with and you have plenty of opportunities to do so!  Plus, it’s Christmas and nothing says “praise be to the Lord, Jesus Christ” like too many glasses of eggnog.

[posted by Madeline]

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by | December 18, 2008 · 5:36 pm

let’s see that torso fro, baby.

Upon stalking the internet in search of mindlessness to keep you busy at work (my job is hard, okay?!), I came across a story on TheDailyBeast about the return of chest hair.  I quickly skimmed the story, because I couldn’t justify spending my endless hours of free time actually reading about chest hair.  Okay, so maybe I did read most of it.  And let’s face it, I’ve written about hairy men before.  This stand out quote is stellar :

In these troubled times of war and craptastic financial news, are we yearning once again for leading manly men with comfortingly warm pelts in which to hide our anxious faces?

Haha.  Two things.  First, I cannot accept that craptastic is a word.  Second, does the writer have a legitimate point, as tongue in cheek as it is?

I actually just had a discussion about chest hair with our Argentina correspondent a few days ago over an ice cream.  Her feeling was that it’s unnecessary and gross. I feel that if you have too much of it, you are obligated to manscape.  I  also think it’s more of a personal preference thing than an indirect result of the failed Bush Administration and its policies of war and deregulation.  But hell, I blame Bush for nearly everything.  Why not this too?  Unless, of course, you think it’s a good thing.

But back to the story.  Along with the commentary, the writer provided a visual aid.  Click HERE for the slide show of chest hair.  And OMFG, Chuck Bass has chest hair?!  RAWR.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | December 17, 2008 · 10:34 pm

smell it your way with bk.

This is for sure going to be the gift of the season.  The Tickle-Me-Elmo for the fat kids…err…or people that just love food as much as I do.  Now this may or may not be a joke, but it’s ridiculous any way and I’m going write about it.  You can now purchase a cologne from Burger King called Flame.

“The WHOPPER sandwich is America’s Favorite burger.  FLAME by BK captures the essence of that love and gives it to you.  Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”

Ummm.  Rawr?  I do love a good whopper.  In fact, I have many times stated on the blog that burgers were the reason for my failed vegetarianism.  So given that I love burgers, would I love the faint smell of flame-broiled meat on a man? Hmm. [Insert awkward joke about man meat HERE.]

Even if you are totally repulsed by this concept and want to vom, at least check out the Web Site, it’s funny.  http://www.firemeetsdesire.com/

And if you want to seduce me, maybe try wearing FLAME.  But if Wendy’s comes out with their own line, then go with that.  Especially if it smells like the Baconator.  Oh and you need to have a nice set of buns.  Get it?  Buns?  Burgers?  I’m done.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | December 17, 2008 · 8:36 pm

no cake for you, little adolph.

A bakery in the Dirty Jerz has refused to make a three year old a birthday cake.  That’s terrible, you say. Right?  Well, not as terrible as what I’m going to tell you next.  The three year old’s name is Adolph Hitler.  Yes, as in the worst person ever.  The mini fuhrer’s parents, Heath and Deborah Campbell, named their child Adolph Hitler and then were appalled that the ShopRite bakery refused to write “Happy Birthday Adolph Hitler” on the cake.  I cannot get over this.  How can this be surprising to them?

I wonder if they’ll be surprised when he gets thrown into lockers and beat up in middle school, high school, college, life.

And you think little Adolph has it bad?  He has two sisters…ready?

Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie and JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell.

OUCH.  But back to the bakery and cake in question.

According to the news story,

A spokeswoman for ShopRite said that this was not the bakery department’s first run in with the Campbells – a similar request was denied two years ago when the shop also refused to daub swastikas on baked goods for the family.

Interesting.  But whatever you do, PUHLEASE do NOT call the Campbells racists!  They’re not racists!  Heath Campbell will tell you that Dolphie has black friends AND mixed race friends that even went to his birthday party.  Oooooh, it’s the “I’ve got friends that are x” defense.  Yeah, we’ve heard that one.  It’s like when Sarah Palin defended her hateful anti-gayness by saying she has gay friends.  This defense, we all know, is very weak.

“If we’re so racist, then why would I have them come into my home?” he asked.

I can’t answer that, but rather I ask the question “why would any parent let their child into the Campbells’ home?”

I blame Heath and Deborah completely, so despite having a terrible name, I hope Adolph had a good birthday.  And when he is old enough, I hope he has the desire and courage to change his name.  Maybe to Martin Luther King or something.  That would be awesome.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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