Monthly Archives: August 2009

dancing with the crooked, lying politician.

I should have written about this yesterday, but I didn’t.  So that’s that.  When I first heard about it, I thought it was a joke.  Former Congressman and Majority Leader Tom Delay is going to join the cast of “Dancing with the Stars”.  Perhaps the title should be changed to “Dancing with the Fallen Stars”.

Do you all remember Tom “The Hammer” Delay?  I’m a huge fan.  No, really, I am.  Do I disagree with pretty much all of his positions on the issues? You betcha. But I’m really a fan because he gave us one of the most classic and hilarious high profile mugshots EVER.  Smile, Hammer!

Stop... Hammer time!

Stop... Hammer time!

That smile really just lights up a room, doesn’t it?  He looks thrilled.

In case you were wondering, he earned the nickname “The Hammer” because he was particularly fierce as the Majority Whip (the person who gets the party to all vote the same way) for the Republicans in 1995.  He became the Majority Leader for the House of Reps  in 2003.  Then, all this stuff started happening. Perhaps there was a little violation of  campaign finance laws, perhaps a little perjury.  You know, no big deal.  Well, actually, he was indicted, but it still hasn’t come to trial yet.  Perhaps that will be part of his dramatic DWTS storyline?

So “The Hammer” will grace us with his dancing skillllllz.  He says he and his wife love to dance, and his daughter is a professional dancer.  When he was in Congress, Tommy was known for his outspoken opposition to the National Endowment for the Arts.  Just throwing that out there.

He will be joined by a bunch of other regular people who were once famous.  According to People:

The complete cast for Dancing Season Nine

Mya, singer
Melissa Joan Hart, actress
Michael Irvin, former Dallas Cowboy
Ashley Hamilton, actor, comedian, singer-songwriter
Aaron Carter, singer
Kathy Ireland, former supermodel-turned-businesswoman
Debi Mazar, actress
Natalie Coughlin, U.S. Olympic swimmer
Louie Vito, snowboarder
Chuck Liddell, ultimate fighting champ
Donny Osmond, singer
Tom DeLay, former Republican congressman
Macy Gray, singer
Joanna Krupa, model and actress
Mark Dacascos, Iron Chef personality
Kelly Osbourne, reality star

AARON CARTER?!  I’m watching this every week.  That is a completely serious statement.  And just because I can, I’m going to leave you with the a video of my other favorite dancing Hammer:

[Posted by Kathleen]

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don’t let people happen to you.

If you don’t already read www.leloveimage.blogspot.com, you must start immediately. It’s all happy lovey photos and text. I’m a single person and I STILL love it, so everyone can love it, and everyone should love it. Love love love-ity love love. This text was posted the other day (can’t find the original source):

Another favorite:

Don’t you feel happier now? Good. Great. Happy Friday!

[Posted by Mallory]

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today is a google holiday, hooray!

Man, two Google Holidays in one week! I can hardly believe our luck. I think this means I am going to win the lottery tomorrow. (I did buy a ticket. If I get the $213 million, I’ll send you each a $20. You’re welcome.)

Today’s Google Holiday: Hans Christian Ørsted’s birthday. (Um, YAY?) Basically he began the study of electromagnetism, which means we can thank him for the fact that there’s light when we flick a light switch. Thanks, Hans!

What I was Googling: tube TV

tube tv

And really…if anyone knows what a tube TV is, please let me know. Google kind of failed me on that one.

[Posted by Mallory]

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c’mon baby let’s go boot scootin’.

At the risk of alientating some readers…

Y’all, Brooks and Dunn broke up! According to the AP, the duo talked about their decision to call it quits yesterday at the taping of a CMT (Country Music Television, dur…best country music video marathons ever) show. Don’t get excited about Destiny’s Child-style drama, though: this is an amicable split because they basically ran out of ideas. Kix Brooks and Ronnie Dunn say they “remain good friends and have never had a ‘good fight’ or even yelled at each other.” Aww.

Now, I think country music is awesome in pretty much all its forms. I know some people don’t agree, but I say those people are missing out. (Plus, I’m from Colorado, so cowboys are my people. I have genuine respect for men who can unironically pull off tight jeans, cowboy boots and hat, and a bolo tie.) Country music makes me feel safe and warm and cozy inside, and this song is one of my favorites:

Bye, boys! We — and by “we” I mean “I,” as I don’t think Kathleen would support the sentiments of this post — will miss you.

[Posted by Mallory]

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hump day cry face, super sized.

Guys, did you think I forgot the Hump Day Cry Face??? That could be because I almost did, but it’s only before midnight here in fair D.C., so there’s still time! And I’ve got a good one for you. Here’s the description this week’s Cry Facer sent along with her photo:

This gem was captured via iPhone in a McDonald’s I had to drive TWENTY min off the highway to because I was lost but NEEDED it.

There’s more to that story, but I’m a good friend and will keep that to myself. Onto the photo:

mouse cry face

She’s phenomenal, right? I planned to link to another photo of this fine lady doing another excellent CF, but turns out I haven’t posted it yet! I’m both ashamed of myself and thrilled that I have another gem to post, maybe next week. It’s like a double cheeseburger, but of CRY FACES.

[Update: Never mind, FOUND IT!]

In other news, I smashed my thumb rull hard with a hammer today while doing a little Bob Villa-ing around the apartment. Please join me in praying that my thumbnail doesn’t fall off.

[Posted by Mallory]

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today is a google holiday, hooray!

I love Google Holidays a LOT, so I’m starting a new regular feature where I get to tell you all when it’s a Google Holiday! I know, I know…you can figure it out yourself. But every time it’s a Google Holiday, I get really excited and want to tell everyone I know, just in case they haven’t seen it yet.

Today’s Google Holiday: The Perseid Meteor Shower (Up to 80 falling stars per hour! Viewing tips here.)

What I was Googling: come down the pike

perseid

[Posted by Mallory]

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how many things are we missing?

Now, we all hate cheesy forwarded emails. We did enough forwarding in sixth grade (sometimes even with snail mail! Remember chain letters claiming that six of your relatives would die unless you sent a new, clean pair of underwear back to the sender of the letter and forwarded the letter on to 13 people?) to last a lifetime. But occasionally a worthwhile FWD:  comes down the pike.  My real best friend from home, Kelsey,sent one to me yesterday (and yes, I passed it on). The text read:

Perception…something to think about…

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007.

The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition. No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context? One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made…How many other things are we missing?

My first reaction was “Yeaaah RIGHT. I totally would have heard about this if it were true.” But with a little Google investigation, I realized that this story was, in fact, true. It was orchestrated by Washington Post Staff Writer Gene Weingarten with the help of Bell (obviously) and Amanda B. Kearney, senior property director for JBG Companies, which operates the arcade area outside the L’Enfant metro stop, where Josh played. (Metro regulations prohibited Josh from actually playing inside a station.) Before the story ran, Weingarten asked an expert what kind of reaction he thought Bell would get from the people walking by him in the Metro station:

Leonard Slatkin, music director of the National Symphony Orchestra, was asked [what he thought would happen]. What did he think would occur, hypothetically, if one of the world’s great violinists had performed incognito before a traveling rush-hour audience of 1,000-odd people?

“Let’s assume,” Slatkin said, “that he is not recognized and just taken for granted as a street musician… Still, I don’t think that if he’s really good, he’s going to go unnoticed. He’d get a larger audience in Europe…but, okay, out of 1,000 people, my guess is there might be 35 or 40 who will recognize the quality for what it is. Maybe 75 to 100 will stop and spend some time listening.”

So, a crowd would gather?

“Oh, yes.”

And how much will he make?

“About $150.”

Slatkin, of course, was very wrong. Hardly anyone recognized Bell’s talent. Nor did they notice that he’s quite pretty:

Joshua_Bell_-_The_Romantic_Violin

That’s sad in some ways, but mostly it’s just fascinating. I know for certain that I wouldn’t have recognized Bell as anything more than a street musician. I don’t know my music, classical or otherwise, well enough to distinguish between someone who can play a Bach piece pretty well and someone who is a musical genius. There are times when I appreciate the quality of the music I hear on the street, but I doubt that I would have been any more observant than the other frazzled commuters in L’Enfant that day.

This morning, as I walked out of Union Station, sweating profusely because I will NEVER get used to humidity, I looked around at the usual group of men crowded outside the exit. That man handing out The Washington Post Express…could it BE Gene Weingarten? The guy selling roses for $5…an award-winning florist?! The dude with the boombox playing some sort of religious program…JESUS HIMSELF?!

All kidding aside, it really does make you think. What could you be missing?

[Posted by Mallory]

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here’s your freaky friday grab bag.

I don't know what bothers me more, the mutiple !!! or the comic sans font.  Whatever, TGIF.

I don't know what bothers me more, the !!!! or the comic sans font. Whatever, TGIF.

It’s freaky Friday, y’all.  While only one of these stories is really freaky, it’s so freaky that it dominates the non-freaky stories.  Let’s just get to the point:

  • Amy Wolfe, a 33-year-old unemployed church organist, loves carnival rides.  Well, actually just one.  No, she doesn’t just love it.  She like LOVE LOVES it.  Amy is an objectum sexual, meaning she falls in love with inanimate objects.  No joke.  And soon, Amy and her love, named the 1001 Nacht, will be machine and wife.  She and it are getting married. (I felt weird saying “they”.)  She plans on taking the surname Weber, after Nachtie’s manufacturer.  I promise you I am not making this up!  Read the story the Jezzies have on it, it includes UNBELIEVABLE video.
  • This falls under the just plain dumb and hilarious column.  Dennis Cretton isn’t supposed to drive anymore.  After a DWI, his license was revoked.  Dennis found what he believed to be the solution to his troubles.  He decided to drive his lawnmower to the gas station to get beer.  Fortunately for the world (and unfortunately for our friend Dennis), the police got a call reporting a man drunkenly weaving in and out of traffic on a lawnmower.  According to the story on MSNBC, he tried speeding away from the cops, and drove up onto his lawn. (I wonder who mowed the rest of it?)  He spilled his case of Milwaukee’s Best and ran into his house.  Needless to say, he ended up in jail.

Have a wonderful weekend everybody! I hope your daily dose of weird was satisfying.  More and longer posts next week, I promise.  XOXO.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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hump day cry face is BACK!

Guess how long it’s been since a Hump Day Cry Face? A MILLION YEARS, that’s how long. Many people in my life have been reminding me that I suck at promoting my own Cry Face cause by doing a way better job than me of promoting my Cry Face cause. (This month, I’m bad at blogging and Cry Face. It can only go up from here!)

I’ll post some photos of my most loyal supporter next week, but this week, let’s take a look at an amateur Cry Facer, who was educated by some of the best fake best friends from home ever. I’ve been told that he wants to remain anonymous because he is an extremely important person, so let’s ignore silly things like names and focus instead on the CF:

cry face crittahs

Aw, Cry Face, I’ve missed you. Thanks to the original Critters for the tip and the constant support. When Cry Face makes it into an a book that sells at Urban Outfitters, you’ll get a shout out.

[Posted by Mallory]

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oh, oh, the places you’ll go.

Soooo hey there strangers. In the past I’ve read a few blogs where the person writing said blog is all, “Oh my god, I am going to be so busy this month, look at my schedule,” and then proceeds to list everything they’re doing for the next four weeks. Which is, of course, the bloggy equivalent of an away message listing all of the papers you have to write. Which is, of course, REALLY irritating.

But people, I have been busy. And some people are good at being busy and still managing to do things like write on their blog and exercise and eat things that aren’t brownies, but it has become clear that I’m not that kind of person. Luckily, I’ve been good busy. As in, have gotten to go on several great trips to places I love and have done nothing about which I can complain. Still, the bloggy guilt has been weighing on me in a major way.

I mean, I got to spend a weekend here.

I mean, I got to spend a weekend here.

Most recently, I got back from a sorority reunion trip to Portland, Maine, where I went lobstering and cocktailed too much and ate too much and generally had too much fun. I got back to D.C. from that wonderful trip at 7:30 a.m. yesterday, and then I went back to my apartment and moved to a new apartment. And by moved I mean packed the rest of my stuff into trashbags and carried pillows while a sweaty Frenchman and a sweaty Bostonian carried my couch into their truck. Mmm, hiring movers. Then I packed another suitcase and now I’m in New Mexico for my very first grown-up business trip.

One of the perks of grown up business trips is that you get your own (!!!) hotel room. I am inordinately excited about this. It may only be a Holiday Inn Express, but I have my own teevee and my own bed and I can take over the whole sink AND I have free wireless. Did I also mention that I know no one in New Mexico, so at the end of the day I have no choice but to snuggle in my bed and blog? Yeah, that’s kind of nice too.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is, except to confess my guilt about the lack of blogging (three cheers for stubborn Catholic guilt!), and, in some way, to see in writing how cool the last month has been for me.

I often think about this concept: what if, ten years ago, someone gave you a snapshot or a brief video of a moment of your life right now? And you had no context and all you could see was what was going on right then and there, and wonder, “How on earth did I get there?” I had one of those moments tonight. I mean, I was sitting in a circle with a bunch of amazing people at least 15 years my senior in Albuquerque, New Mexico, passing around some sort of tribal object and talking about our hopes and aspirations for this workshop we were attending. What would 13-year-old Mallory have thought about that? I bet she’d be confused, and very, very curious.

Which is to say, you can’t imagine all the good things coming to you. You really can’t. (And yes, I did read that on the flap of a box of Sun-Maid raisins.)

[Posted by Mallory]

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