Author Archives: Mallory

how many things are we missing?

Now, we all hate cheesy forwarded emails. We did enough forwarding in sixth grade (sometimes even with snail mail! Remember chain letters claiming that six of your relatives would die unless you sent a new, clean pair of underwear back to the sender of the letter and forwarded the letter on to 13 people?) to last a lifetime. But occasionally a worthwhile FWD:  comes down the pike.  My real best friend from home, Kelsey,sent one to me yesterday (and yes, I passed it on). The text read:

Perception…something to think about…

Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007.

The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition. No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context? One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made…How many other things are we missing?

My first reaction was “Yeaaah RIGHT. I totally would have heard about this if it were true.” But with a little Google investigation, I realized that this story was, in fact, true. It was orchestrated by Washington Post Staff Writer Gene Weingarten with the help of Bell (obviously) and Amanda B. Kearney, senior property director for JBG Companies, which operates the arcade area outside the L’Enfant metro stop, where Josh played. (Metro regulations prohibited Josh from actually playing inside a station.) Before the story ran, Weingarten asked an expert what kind of reaction he thought Bell would get from the people walking by him in the Metro station:

Leonard Slatkin, music director of the National Symphony Orchestra, was asked [what he thought would happen]. What did he think would occur, hypothetically, if one of the world’s great violinists had performed incognito before a traveling rush-hour audience of 1,000-odd people?

“Let’s assume,” Slatkin said, “that he is not recognized and just taken for granted as a street musician… Still, I don’t think that if he’s really good, he’s going to go unnoticed. He’d get a larger audience in Europe…but, okay, out of 1,000 people, my guess is there might be 35 or 40 who will recognize the quality for what it is. Maybe 75 to 100 will stop and spend some time listening.”

So, a crowd would gather?

“Oh, yes.”

And how much will he make?

“About $150.”

Slatkin, of course, was very wrong. Hardly anyone recognized Bell’s talent. Nor did they notice that he’s quite pretty:

Joshua_Bell_-_The_Romantic_Violin

That’s sad in some ways, but mostly it’s just fascinating. I know for certain that I wouldn’t have recognized Bell as anything more than a street musician. I don’t know my music, classical or otherwise, well enough to distinguish between someone who can play a Bach piece pretty well and someone who is a musical genius. There are times when I appreciate the quality of the music I hear on the street, but I doubt that I would have been any more observant than the other frazzled commuters in L’Enfant that day.

This morning, as I walked out of Union Station, sweating profusely because I will NEVER get used to humidity, I looked around at the usual group of men crowded outside the exit. That man handing out The Washington Post Express…could it BE Gene Weingarten? The guy selling roses for $5…an award-winning florist?! The dude with the boombox playing some sort of religious program…JESUS HIMSELF?!

All kidding aside, it really does make you think. What could you be missing?

[Posted by Mallory]

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hump day cry face is BACK!

Guess how long it’s been since a Hump Day Cry Face? A MILLION YEARS, that’s how long. Many people in my life have been reminding me that I suck at promoting my own Cry Face cause by doing a way better job than me of promoting my Cry Face cause. (This month, I’m bad at blogging and Cry Face. It can only go up from here!)

I’ll post some photos of my most loyal supporter next week, but this week, let’s take a look at an amateur Cry Facer, who was educated by some of the best fake best friends from home ever. I’ve been told that he wants to remain anonymous because he is an extremely important person, so let’s ignore silly things like names and focus instead on the CF:

cry face crittahs

Aw, Cry Face, I’ve missed you. Thanks to the original Critters for the tip and the constant support. When Cry Face makes it into an a book that sells at Urban Outfitters, you’ll get a shout out.

[Posted by Mallory]

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oh, oh, the places you’ll go.

Soooo hey there strangers. In the past I’ve read a few blogs where the person writing said blog is all, “Oh my god, I am going to be so busy this month, look at my schedule,” and then proceeds to list everything they’re doing for the next four weeks. Which is, of course, the bloggy equivalent of an away message listing all of the papers you have to write. Which is, of course, REALLY irritating.

But people, I have been busy. And some people are good at being busy and still managing to do things like write on their blog and exercise and eat things that aren’t brownies, but it has become clear that I’m not that kind of person. Luckily, I’ve been good busy. As in, have gotten to go on several great trips to places I love and have done nothing about which I can complain. Still, the bloggy guilt has been weighing on me in a major way.

I mean, I got to spend a weekend here.

I mean, I got to spend a weekend here.

Most recently, I got back from a sorority reunion trip to Portland, Maine, where I went lobstering and cocktailed too much and ate too much and generally had too much fun. I got back to D.C. from that wonderful trip at 7:30 a.m. yesterday, and then I went back to my apartment and moved to a new apartment. And by moved I mean packed the rest of my stuff into trashbags and carried pillows while a sweaty Frenchman and a sweaty Bostonian carried my couch into their truck. Mmm, hiring movers. Then I packed another suitcase and now I’m in New Mexico for my very first grown-up business trip.

One of the perks of grown up business trips is that you get your own (!!!) hotel room. I am inordinately excited about this. It may only be a Holiday Inn Express, but I have my own teevee and my own bed and I can take over the whole sink AND I have free wireless. Did I also mention that I know no one in New Mexico, so at the end of the day I have no choice but to snuggle in my bed and blog? Yeah, that’s kind of nice too.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is, except to confess my guilt about the lack of blogging (three cheers for stubborn Catholic guilt!), and, in some way, to see in writing how cool the last month has been for me.

I often think about this concept: what if, ten years ago, someone gave you a snapshot or a brief video of a moment of your life right now? And you had no context and all you could see was what was going on right then and there, and wonder, “How on earth did I get there?” I had one of those moments tonight. I mean, I was sitting in a circle with a bunch of amazing people at least 15 years my senior in Albuquerque, New Mexico, passing around some sort of tribal object and talking about our hopes and aspirations for this workshop we were attending. What would 13-year-old Mallory have thought about that? I bet she’d be confused, and very, very curious.

Which is to say, you can’t imagine all the good things coming to you. You really can’t. (And yes, I did read that on the flap of a box of Sun-Maid raisins.)

[Posted by Mallory]

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happy national tequila day, dear readers!

Just another Public Service Announcement from your friends here at SWTCTW: it’s July 24, which means it’s National Tequila Day! Great holiday, right? Half of you probably don’t drink tequila anymore because of that one time in college, but for those of you lucky enough to still love the stuff, drink up! While you’re pounding margaritas, think of us and also of these wonderful songs honoring your favorite agave-based spirit:

(Follow up thoughts for that one:

1. Who goes out to drink margaritas at the Holiday Inn?

2. Joe Nichols is an exceptionally unenthusiastic lip syncher.

3. Really, with the naked grandma?)

And it just wouldn’t be National Tequila Day without this classic:

Cheers, folks! Don’t eat the worm.

[Posted by Mallory]

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swf’s kidney for sale: just $10,000!

Am I right or just hopped up on Doritos?

Am I right or just hopped up on Doritos?

Today I went on a tour of the White House. I was very excited for said tour because, you know, BARRY, and I was certain that the entire first family would be there to greet me because I was touring in a pack of very important government interns. And oooh boy, what a letdown! That tour was BO-ring. I was sort of warned of that, but I didn’t believe that being in Barry’s house could possibly be boring. I was very, very wrong. The tour is self-guided, you see like four rooms, and there are bored tourists everywhere. I only learned two major things today:

1. Woodrow Wilson was a pretty good looking young man.

2. Barack and Michelle are still perfect.

I have a theory about most tourist attractions. I developed this theory while doing a whirlwind super-touristy tour of Italy with my family a few years ago. In a cultural tourist attraction — say, an art museum or a famous church or a site of ancient ruins — very few people really want to be there. I would estimate that 25% of visitors (if that) are genuinely interested in seeing the stuff; 25% of visitors feel obligated to see the stuff but are secretly really bored; and 50% of people were forced to go by someone in one of the other two groups. Now, I know this isn’t a revolutionary theory, but it’s still strange to think about. Why do we force ourselves to spend hours in museums that we genuinely don’t care about when we could be eating gelato and people-watching? Deep thoughts, people. Deep thoughts.

Speaking of the White House and politics and such, helloooooo New Jersey scandal! So juicy. Illegal sales of body parts? Is this real life? I hope someone tries to buy my kidney for ten grand this weekend while I’m in the Jerz. I’ll keep you posted on that.

[Posted by Mallory]

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youtube clip of today: unusual entrance.

So today (technically yesterday, as it is now past midnight) was my birthday, and it was great. Relative to other recent birthdays of mine, “great” means “no major disasters occurred.” Let’s just say that my last two birthdays set the bar really, really low. But this year, I ate lots of yummy food and was reminded that I have lots of wonderful friends and family, and that’s what birthdays are for.

Then, as I was perusing my blogroll, I found this video:

It sort of made my already great day. I went from grinning to tearing up to outright weeping with joy by the end of the video. Guess 23 won’t be all that different from 22.

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under dance, family, humor, weddings

hiatus over, plus guest blogger intro!

Hello, long lost readers! I think that if I’m planning to be a serious blogger, I need to get better at letting you know when I’ll be on vacation and won’t be posting for a while, which was the case last week. I was in Denver for a few days, and then up in Vail with my extended family. There was lots of biking, cocktailing, eating, relaxing, and a little pong playing (we figured the best way to honor the three-year anniversary of my grandfather’s death was with a pong tournament, and thus the 1st Annual Toadie Memorial Pong Tournament was born. I think he’d have been proud). Basically, I got to look at views like this all week:

vail

You can understand why I didn’t want to be staring at a computer, eh?

I’m back now, though, and I’m ready to blog! It’s going to be a busy few weeks with at least three trips and one apartment move and one scary (23, ew) birthday, but I will be doing my best to keep up.

For today, I have a very important announcement: we are welcoming a new guest blogger, Miss Shannon Marie! (That’s not exactly her real name.) The best way to introduce Shannon is to say that she is my best friend from home, that we have caused a good amount of trouble together in various countries, and that we occasionally take pictures doing mature things like this:

shan intro

You may also remember Shannon from a Cry Face post a while back. Let’s give Shannon a hearty SWTCTW welcome, and look out for her very first post in the next day or so!

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under adventures, blogging, cry face, family, post-college depression

on why united is the worst.

unitedYesterday, I flew home to Denver from DC’s National Airport. Things were looking up, at first: my dad had a voucher for a free flight, so I got to splurge and get a direct flight home (this was HUGE); I had managed to pack for 10 days into a carry on (ladies, I’ll give you a moment to let this sink in. 10 DAYS!!!); and I got to the airport on time, with a smooth trip to security, and with magazines, a Weeds DVD, and a Chuck Klosterman book to occupy myself.

I was pretty thrilled about all of this, but I should have known that it was just a tease. I settled into my seat in the waiting area, inexplicably surrounded by only Chinese people, and munched on some snacks. Then, I casually — innocently — turned to verify my flight time, and it had been bumped back a full three-and-a-half hours from 5:26 p.m. to 9:01 p.m. Now, I’ve had my fair share of flight problems. Except when compared to the people who plunged into the Atlantic Ocean a few weeks ago, you might say that I have some pretty damn bad luck when it comes to flying. And here’s the thing: typically, I stay calm. I sort of like airports, and I like being able to be by myself and read magazines and people-watch guiltlessly. For some reason, however, this flight delay REALLY pissed me off. My BBM fest with my sister indicates this:

Me: Of course things couldn’t go too smoothly…My flight has just been delayed by 3.5 hours
Me: Mother fucker
Me: I’m so pissed right now
Maddy: What?? Are you serious. Is there another flight you can get on??
Me: I don’t know…I can go check but I don’t know how this stuff works since I used dad’s voucher
Maddy: I would go ask and just see that is ridiculous. Why? Is it bad weather?
Me: Not even a little bit
Maddy: It must be from wherever the flight is coming from
Maddy: I would go ask
Me: I WANT TO KILL SOMEONE [Ed. note: Ah, first-world problems]

More chatting, more chatting, and then I take melodrama to a whole new level:

Me: Ha yeah I just want to cry because this is probably the first direct flight I’ve taken in 5 years and I packed so well and of course something has to go wrong
Me: [Four letter word I’m embarrassed to publish]
Me: Maybe I will move to Denver and never travel outside of driving distance for the rest of my life
Me: And now Sarah Palin is on the cover of Time magazine on the TV in front of me
Me: I might explode [Ed. note: At this point I had considered typing something about wanting to bomb the airport, but I figured that the C.I.A. or the F.B.I. or whatever probably, somehow, monitors text messages for mentions of bombing airports]

And later…

Me: Oh snap I’m boozing. I forgot I can drink legally

The rest of our conversation continues similarly. My flight did that fun thing where it got delayed ten minutes at a time until it was at 9:45 p.m., and by that time, I was calmed down, watching Weeds standing up and doing minor yoga poses. I also ate the largest, most delicious sandwich of my life. Thank you, Potbelly (and Camille).

Things ended up being oookay, and around 9:45 they moved our gate and were RUSHING us to line up and have our boarding passes, like, totally ready, and out, and also definitely don’t use your cell phone or talk because we are getting on this plane NOW. We’re all eager and ready, and then they drop the bomb: “By the way, we are waiting on this one flight attendant, and if she doesn’t show, your flight will be canceled. But don’t worry! You guys have been great!”

This is when minor anarchy breaks out and people start getting really pissed. There’s that classic loudly chatty lady who’s all “What is this, the twilight zone??” and everyone chuckles appreciatively. I find myself surrounded by drunk adults (and I was sober — Weeds and Chuck K. won out over wine, oddly enough). I felt strangely awkward around these drunk adults. Being around drunk people my age while sober is one thing, but drunk adults? I felt like I was observing a different species. There was flirting (gasp!) among people with spouses, drunk businessmen, and a really obnoxious lady who seemed to fancy herself a modern day version of Kathy Bates in Titanic. I observed and smiled and laughed and made sympathetic comments where appropriate.

Luckily, we did end up boarding, and that rogue flight attendant was found. They didn’t let us get too calm, though; they hurried us on the plane, saying, “Seriously people, if you don’t sit down in the next six minutes, our pilots will become illegal.” Um, awesome.

Aaaand then I passed out for four hours and woke up, alive, in Denver. Good story, right?

The thing about miserable flying stories is that they’re a lot like wacky dream stories. Chuck Klosterman (it should be clear by now that I’m totally and completely in love with him, or at least his writing) talks about the strange truth about dream stories in Killing Yourself to Live. Every single one of your friends has a bizarre, or hilarious, or terrifying, or physic dream story at some point, and they always want to share it with you. The problem is that most dream stories are only truly interesting to the person who dreamed them. But when someone says, “Oh man, let me tell you about this insane dream I had last night,” you can’t stop them. You have to listen, and be amazed, and maybe counter with your own only-interesting-to-you dream story.

It’s the same with flying stories. Everyone has miserable flying stories, because airlines these days (with a few notable exceptions) suck. And you guys didn’t really care to hear that whole story, but I told you anyway. This is what happens when you have a blog, and three hours to kill, and a glass of wine. You’re welcome!

P.S. Last night, I had this crazy dream…my teeth fell out, and I had to fight Michael Jackson for the insurance check to get them replaced, and…yeah. You get the point.

UPDATE: The comments indicate that I am sooo not alone in my hatred of United. Loyal reader Beth F shared this wonderful video, which puts our collective anger to music:

[Posted by Mallory]

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flannel nightgowns, anxiety, and sarah palin.

sarah palinIt’s summertime, and she’s not actively running for national office anymore (*crosses fingers*), but Sarah Palin still makes me want to put on a flannel nightgown and eat Smartfood as I fume and read various articles about her increasing level of crazy. (You remember my flannel nightgown theory, right?)

I actually have work to do right now, and I actually want to do it, but I have to post something about her. We all know that she’s stepping down as Governor of Alaska, which is mind-boggling in and of itself, and we’re all hoping that she’s not doing this because she’s aiming for a 2012 Presidential run. And all of that makes me a little nervous/angry/delighted by the ridiculousness, but her resignation speech is truly a work of art. I’m sitting here with my officemate and we’re each reading lines to each other and trying not to break our computers. I’m too riled up, and not quite patient or clever or smart enough to break this gem down on my own, but thank goodness, Jezebel did for us! Do yourself a favor and read the whole thing, but for now, here are some of my favorite points of analysis:

Palin says: “So to serve the state is a humbling responsibility, because I know in my soul that Alaska is of such import, for America’s security, in our very volatile world. And you know me by now, I promised even four years ago to show MY independence… no more conventional ‘politics as usual.'”

Jezebel says: “Here Palin appears to be opting for a broad definition of ‘politics as usual,’ one that includes such outdated conventions as finishing out one’s elected term and completing the job one has promised to do.”

Palin says: “And then I thought – that’s what’s wrong – many just accept that lame duck status, hit the road, draw the paycheck, and ‘milk it.’ I’m not putting Alaska through that – I promised efficiencies and effectiveness!? That’s not how I am wired. I am not wired to operate under the same old ‘politics as usual.’ I promised that four years ago – and I meant it.”

Jezebel says: “Here Palin advances her bold thesis: that serving out the full term for which your constituents elected you is in fact an exploitation of those constituents. No doubt her time after resignation will consist entirely of delivering barrels of crude oil to impoverished Alaskan families and reuniting baby grizzlies with their mothers, and not of ‘hitting the road’ making public appearances in other, more influential states.”

Palin says: “Let me go back to a comfortable analogy for me – sports… basketball. I use it because you’re naïve if you don’t see the national full-court press picking away right now: A good point guard drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping her eye on the basket… and she knows exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can WIN.”

Jezebel says: “A more appropriate analogy for Palin’s actions might be stopping in the middle of the game, tossing the basketball over one’s shoulder, and then leaving the court to play an entirely different game, perhaps table tennis or curling.”

Deep breaths. I have gotten to the point where I seriously cannot respect anyone who respects her. (Doobie, you’re exempt. I know you just want her to be your Sugar Mama.) This speech is not just absent of any sort of political strategy that I can agree with, it’s absent of logic. IT MAKES NO SENSE. Does she not have speechwriters anymore? Who lets her get away with saying this shit out loud? Please, please, please let this just mean a scandal is about to be revealed and it will be the end of Sarah Palin as we know it. My fragile, anxious self can’t take any more of her, and I don’t think I’m supposed to wear a flannel nightgown to work.

UPDATE: Also, read this. Ain’t nobody in history like you, Sarah.

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under news, politics, post-college depression, thoughts

youtube clip of today: indie films.

I love indie films (and indie anything, really — for the Fourth of July, iTunes gave away 20 free indie songs and by God, it felt like Christmas!), but I am a little bit self-conscious of the fact that everyone loves indie films. Remember when Garden State first came out and it was like THE movie to be obsessed with? I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t listen to that soundtrack on repeat for most of the beginning of college. I’m thinking back about it, and pretty much every song gives me some sort of overwhelming feeling of nostaliga. “New Slang”? Laying out on a boat off the coast of Italy and just cold lovin’ my life. “I Just Don’t Think I’ll Ever Get Over You”? Emo nights falling asleep with my iPod (in, yep, a bunk bed) sophomore year of college. “Let Go”? Away messages before drunken college nights. I’d often make my AIM away message “drink up baby doll,” and I’m embarrassed because now I know that the lyrics are actually “drink up baby down.” What does that even mean, anyway?!

The point is, I like indie films and the music in indie films and the people in indie films. (John Krasinski, Zach Braff…I’m looking at you.) But I also love this video. It’s spot on:

Thanks to Miss Susannah for the tip!

[Posted by Mallory]

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Filed under crushes, humor, movies, music, pop culture