Dear readers, Happy Hump Day! Enjoy Kelsey’s French host brother’s Cry Face. And his jaunty hat. (Doesn’t he look distressed?! Maybe because we were forcing him to make an awkward face on the metro…)
[Posted by Mallory]
the baseball game that took for-ev-eeer.
Wow, what an All-Star game! Since Kathleen and I are practically professional MLB commentators, we have a lot of insight on the game. Because we like you, we’ll let you see some of the wisdom we passed back and forth while we watched:
Kathleen: this allstar game is absurd
Mallory: im glad youre watching! its nuts!
Kathleen: seriously!
Mallory: that uggla guy is a huge fuckup
Kathleen: haha never in a million years would i have pegged myself as the kind of girl to watch a baseball game all by herself at 1 a.m., but here i am
And then Kathleen blew me away with this one:
Kathleen: i love jd drew right now
Then we got extremely sophisticated in our analysis. If you don’t know a TON about baseball, you may not be able to follow this:
Kathleen: francona was really cute…did you see him freak out?
Mallory: yes that was adorable! i love baseball!
Kathleen: i feel so american
Me: im not even sad…theyre all so cute!
i like that shaggy one on the rangers
kinsler?
something like that
hes cute
And just so you know, Kinsler IS cute. Which is probably the adjective he strives for. See:
Soooo anyway, in case you live on the east coast and maybe have a job that prevents you from staying up until 1:45 a.m. watching baseball, I’ll fill you in. After a grueling 15 innings and almost five hours, the American League won this year’s All-Star game, 4-3. It was so intense that Kathleen and I both stayed up and watched until the end! That’s impressive! Besides Dan Uggla committing like 300 errors, everyone played really well, and I don’t actually know what I’m talking about so I’ll stop here. Good job everyone! Go America! Goodnight!
[Posted by Mallory]
confession: i’ve never been to fenway.
Mallory and I are usually on the same side with everything, but alas, I have found a difference between us: she supports the New York Yankees. Being that this blog is 50% mine, I will keep things balanced (but not “fair and balanced” because Fox News and their deceptive slogan makes me sick to my journalistic integrity-loving stomach) and talk about the Boston Red Sox. (Haha I love you, Mal!)
Those who know me know that I’m far more likely to know political scores than baseball scores, but come on, I do live in New England. And my journey to being a Red Sox fan is not a long one, but before you judge me and call me a fair-weather fan, hear me out. I grew up with Cal Ripken, the Orioles and Camden Yards. But upon moving to New Hampshire from Maryland my sophomore year of high school (I had one girl say to me, “New Hampshire? Isn’t that, like, up north somewhere?” Yes hun, it is.), I quickly realized that loving the Red Sox was not just a passion some people have; it is a way of life.
It didn’t come easily, but after awhile, I began to slowly develop affection for the Sox much like Belle for Beast in the Disney classic, “Beauty and the Beast”. Sorry, I had to throw that in. I spent hours watching the games with friends, a pastime I would never have done as an O’s fan. So I started off slow, just watching the games and learning the personalities of the players. Now, I have lived in NH for six years-and because of this I consider myself to be on the same level as a six-year-old child when it comes to my love for the Red Sox. My dad bought me my first Red Sox hat last year! Hooray!
But Mal and I have one thing in common despite our different sides in one of the deepest and longest of rivalries: I have never been to a game at Fenway Park, just as she’s never been to a game at Yankee Stadium. It’s humiliating, but true. I yearn for the day when I can join pretty much every other New Englander and say that I went to Fenway and saw the World Series champions.
So, if anyone wants to help me on my journey, give me a call. Take me out to the ball game. I love hot dogs. And beers.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under definitely not politics, random, sports
at least she’s better than paris.
As most of you probably know, Scarlett Johansson is the latest actress to try her hand at singing. Here’s the official video for her first single, “Falling Down”:
Kinda weird, right? It’s not what I would have expected, and I have to admit…I don’t hate it. It’s almost wacky enough to be okay. Sure, the premise of the video is a leetle melodramatic, but all in all, I don’t think she totally embarrassed herself and ruined her career. If you forced me to listen to the song on repeat, I might change my opinion, but for now, I’m mildly in support of ScarJo’s singing career. What do you think?
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, music, YouTube
again, john, rape is NOT funny.
We knew that John McCain once called his wife a cunt and likes to hang out with people who say inappropriate things about rape, but looks like our favorite presumptive Republican nominee also likes himself a good rape joke. According to Wonkette, 1986 is not just the birth year of your two fearless bloggers, but it’s also the year a story about McCain’s tasteless rape joke appeared in the Tuscon Citizen. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to laugh:
Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, ‘Where is that marvelous ape?’
Because rape is nothing if not HI-larious.
[Posted by Mallory]
idk, my bff bxvi. dear god!
This is not a joke. You, or should I write ‘U’, can now get texts from Pope Bennie 16 (which looks like an AIM screenname, don’t you think?)! This is part of World Youth Day 2008, a huge Catholic festival for people that want to hang out, be cool and “get jiggy” with his mighty papalness. This year’s festival is in Australia- on the opening morning, “G’day Pilgrims!” scrolled across the welcome screen. Haha.
How would you feel if you got a text from Benedict? There’s just something that doesn’t seem right about it. I think I would feel uncomfortable seeing it slammed in between drunk and/or inappropriate text messages from my heathen friends (LOVE YOU GUYS! And I’m just kidding, they are absolute saints). Plus, it definitely puts a whole new meaning to the idea that the Pope is a direct line to God. And the Pope has a direct line to your conscience via cell phone? I couldn’t stand all the Catholic guilt!
Besides the obvious objections to getting text messages from the freaking pope, as someone who is way into copy editing and believes that you should be consistent in your writing, the first thing that struck me was that he didn’t abbreviate ‘people’ to ‘ppl’ and spelled out the word ‘you’ after using the letter ‘u’. On top of that, I am absolutely against text abbreviations. JP II would never have done this! JP, we miss you, buddy.
So the Pope is trying to reach out to young people. That’s cool. I get it. Kind of. I always thought the church liked to kick it old school (as in, not evolve with the times), but maybe BXVI is a little too cool for school. Remember his shoes? Forget the devil, this Pope wears Prada. And sends texties.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under news, random, religion, technology
tribute: to uncle kevin, yankee stadium.
Though I generally just support all Denver sports, I would consider myself to be a Yankee fan. It’s in my genes. My dad has always been a big Yankee fan (I’m actually not sure why, considering he was born and raised in Denver), and my mom’s whole side of the family is from New York. In fact, my mom and her four brothers grew up in the Bronx, not too far from Yankee Stadium. My mom’s youngest brother, my Uncle Kevin, is a die hard Yankee fan, and he truly appreciates the rare times he actually gets to go to a game in person.
My sister and I went to visit my Uncle Kevin about ten years ago, and he was determined that we experience a game at Yankee Stadium. I remember getting there, buying some souvenirs, and being introduced to what my uncle said was a quintessential New York baseball food: a soft pretzel with mustard on the side. (I still love pretzels dipped in mustard.) Then, to our disappointment — but much more so to my uncle’s — the game was rained out, and we didn’t get to see a single pitch.
Now that this is the last year the Yanks will play at their beloved old stadium, I’ll probably never get to see a game there. Still, I’m glad that I got pretty darn close, with someone whose passion for the game did the experience justice.
[Posted by Mallory]
how about a little celebrity gossip?
It seems like there’s a lot of good celebrity gossip out there right now, so let’s do a little roundup of the most interesting tidbits:
- Khloe Kardashian is going to jail for violating the terms of her probation for a DUI she got last year. I really don’t know anything about the Kardashians, except that their parents cruelly spelled all of their names with K’s. Surely Kriminal Khloe won’t actually go to jail for that long, but maybe she’ll have to wear one of those ankle bracelet tracker things! (I saw a guy a Target wearing one, and I was scared of him, but then he was really nice to his wife/girlfriend so I decided he was okay.) [The Superficial]
- Sienna Miller was caught kissing a married actor named Balthazar Getty! And she was naked! [AOL News]
- Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman broke up after five years together. So first Ryan and Reese break up (I saw a picture of Ryan with that homewrecker nanny the other day and it still caught me off guard), then Heath dies, and now America’s favorite funny couple have called it quits. Sigh. [People]
- Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone has lots of scandalous things to say about her in his book coming out this week, Life With My Sister Madonna. Notable among the life-ruining claims he makes: “Madonna hangs an 8-by-12-foot photo of herself in S&M gear and lying on a bed with dead animals in her home – in full view of the kids.” Um, ew. [New York Post]
- Okay I’m starting to wish I hadn’t started this post because I’m finding out lots of things that I just wish I didn’t know. Like Drew Barrymore and that cute, nerdy Justin Long guy from Dodgeball broke up. They seemed so wacky and fun! CAN’T ANYONE STAY TOGETHER??! [People]
- While I’m being a downer, can I mention that I’m still really upset about Anne Hathaway’s boyfriend turning out to be a huge sleazeball? Anne Hathaway is my number one Hollywood girl crush, perhaps because we look so much alike, and I not-so-secretly wish I was her character in The Devil Wears Prada, minus the horrible job but plus the scruffy boyfriend who makes me grilled cheese. Hang in there, Anne.
- Let’s end on a happy note, shall we? Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie had their twins! Yay for babies! Apparently the boy and the girl are healthy and everything’s great, except that their names are Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. Eek. That makes for what, 27 children for the Jolie-Pitts? [People]
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under babies, celebrities, crushes, definitely not politics, news
oh she’s just being miley! hmm…
That girl did it again! Miley, why haven’t you learned that Disney stars taking naughty pictures never turns out well? Did Vanessa’s super hot pictures to Zac teach you nothing?! Did your first couple of episodes with naughty pictures teach you nothing?! Well, since you all are a bunch of pervs and it’s kind of funny, here they are– the newest scandalous pictures hacked from sweet, innocent Miley. She’s 15. How those hackers do it, I will never know.
Miley, all I have to say is you are no Annie Liebovitz. Come on! The lighting is ALL wrong. And the poses? A little amateur, don’t you think? What would your best friend Leslie say? (Lame joke, sorry). Mallory and I were talking about this too–where exactly is she? A high school locker room, perhaps?
It must suck growing up and making mistakes when you’re in the limelight, but as our genius president, George W. Bush once remarked, “There’s an old saying in Tennessee – I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee – that says, fool me once – shame on – shame on you. You fool me, you can’t get fooled again.”
That should clear things up for you, M.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, random, sex
six words to change the world. 