Tag Archives: dumb crimes

michele is udderly insane. get it?

Michele Allen was just trying to have a normal Saturday night.  So she ended up in a cow suit, chasing children, peeing on porches and getting arrested  Needless to say, she was schwasted.

(Middletown, OH) — Saturday night, people in the 3100 block of Wilbraham Road called police to report a woman wearing a cow costume was chasing kids, and blocking traffic. Michele Allen also allegedly urinated on the porch of one neighbor.
When officers arrived, they told her to go home. But later that night, they found her again, in the 2400 block of Verity, standing in traffic. This time, officers say, Allen smelled of alcohol and swore at them.
She was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.
Allen plead guilty, Monday morning, in Middletown Municipal Court, and sentenced to a month in jail.

This is a true story.  Apparently, she showed up to the hearing still in costume.  Haha!

Many questions come up when one thinks about this story.  Oddly enough, the first thing that came to my mind was how did she pee?  From the udders?  Or did she pop a squat and break character?  DC correspondent Chris raised a couple of other good questions.  Was she drunk before she put on the cow costume?  Or did she get drunk and then decide to frolic about in a cow costume?

I question her judgment either way.

Silly Michele.  If you had only waited until Halloween, you probably could have gotten through the night at least without being arrested.  Hell, scaring children in a cow costume while drunk and peeing on buildings that don’t belong to you might even be considered normal–at least on a college campus.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under adventures, blogging, definitely not politics, fashion, humor, news, pop culture, random

i’d kill for bigger boobs, mom.

Here’s a good story for you.  Eighteen year old Nikita Lee Weis wanted to kill his mother.  Why?  So he could sell her stuff, and get the money to buy his girlfriend bigger boobs, duh.  Awwww!  How selfless of him!  His mother, Hyun Weis, was attacked with a baseball bat in her house on Thursday.  She spent one night in the hospital, but she’s okay.  But the police have arrested Nikita, the two kids he hired and his flat-chested girlfriend Sophia Nicole Alsept on suspicion of conspiracy to commit first degree murder.

So Nikita is a boobs man?

Really though, let’s take a second to acknowledge the absurdity of this.  This kid wants his girlfriend’s rack to be bigger badly enough that he would kill his mother?  Back in the day, when I used to say that I’d kill for bigger boobs, I didn’t mean it.  It was HYPERBOLE.  And hello, Sophia?  If that man buys your tatas he’s going to think that he owns them. Girrrrrrrrl that’s not good.  Especially if he kills his mama over them.  Just saying…

Children these days.  Geeeeeez.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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Filed under blogging, definitely not politics, family, news, pop culture, random