I can hear hearts all over the world breaking. John Krasinski, who plays the oh-so-lovable Jim Halpert on NBC’s The Office, is officially engaged to Emily Blunt. The two have been secretly dating since November.
Today I learned what happens when I see a real live celebrity.
As you all know, I am a HUGE fan of The Office. Huge. This afternoon, as my friends Mouse and Katie and I were waiting at a crosswalk to walk into Central Park, Katie whispers “Steve Carell is on your left.” Being from Denver, I never see celebrities, and so I was a leetle disoriented by this comment. I looked to my left, and holy shit, there was Steve Carell! I stared, hyperventilated a little, and stared some more. It was most certainly him, and he was most certainly on a casual normal person jog. He would be. I nudged Mouse and told her to look at him. We whispered excitedly and stared blatantly. Obviously, none of us thought to say anything (I’d like to think he appreciated that), but he totally smirked and knew we were looking at him. Maybe he’ll blog about me tonight too!
Happy snow day for you east coasters! Here is a clever meshing of clips from The Office into a musical. I like it! I like it! I mean, I LOVE musicals (just ask my musical-hating college roommate…) and I LOVE The Office. Perfect? Plus, you’ll remember some of the scenes from the show and laugh out loud awkwardly to yourself. Or perhaps you are one of the unfortunate who had to go to work or school today. (I, by the way, am still doing neither.) Then, you will laugh out loud awkwardly to yourself around other people. Eek. Good luck with that.
[Posted by Kathleen. YES I KNOW IT’S BEEN AWHILE.]
So, what did you do late Thursday night? Put your passed out little Asian friend to bed at 8:30 p.m. and then stay up watching a cappella videos on YouTube? Oh and was your YouTube somehow in Spanish? That is so weird, because ME TOO!
Um, yeah. Maybe I’m becoming one of those creepy a cappella fanatics. Whatever, I just wrote a cover letter and writing a cover letter will drive a person to extremes like a cappella. My Upper East Side correspondent recommended that I listen to Straight No Chaser’s “Insomniac,” so obviously I listened to it on repeat for like a half hour. I will post a “video” that is really just audio with a TERRIBLE comic sans font title across the screen. Forgive me for that, but the audio is better than in other videos, and please know that I. HATE. COMIC. SANS.
Here’s another video of SNC (yeah, I’m using a cappella acronyms, OKAY?) singing Toto’s “Africa”:
I’ve added a new requirement for my future husband. Gentlemen: if any of you are tall and bearded and can cook, play the guitar, and sing, please email email@example.com, care of Mallory.
Finally, here’s Carrie Underwood singing the only other song I’ve ever truly loved in a cappella version. I couldn’t find an a cappella version on YouTube.
And yes, I know that 75% of you probably didn’t watch those videos, but posting them was more fun than editing my cover letter.
So after three glasses of wine, a delicious meal that someone else cooked for me, a gourmet cupcake, and 45 minutes of mediocre hilarity, JIM PROPOSED TO PAM! Yeah whatever maybe it was at a rest stop but it was perfect and I cried a little. Take a peek at the expert commentary I shared with my friend Doobie:
daniel: hey mallo bar me: DOOBIE DID YOU WATCH??!! daniel: uh, of course! me: i may have teared up a little daniel: im sorry, but that proposal was super lame me: aw see i liked it!
it was spontaneous!
in its own way! daniel: and totally weak me: oh whatever. daniel: girls
The moral of the story is that Jim and Pam are perfect, and Sarah Palin is the worst human alive ever.
UPDATE (or the reason Doobie and I are no longer friends):
me: sir you are now famous because you are on the blog daniel: hahahah woah, dont bring my future wife into the pictue
i would never propose to palin in that manner daniel: i would do her up right, and hide a ring in her box of ammunition during our Adirondack hunting expedition. Then, as she took aim at the mammoth polar bear, she would see the glint of the diamond and fall deeply in love with me. (after she took down the bear with a headshot)
According to a recent study, I could place the blame on Law and Order and all 17 of its spin-offs for the fact that I eat a lot. I’m not kidding. Law and Order, and other crime shows, apparently makes us eat a lot. I am an avid Law and Order fan–uh oh.
In the study, titled “The Sweet Escape,” researchers conducted four experiments revealing that “consumers who have been recently reminded of their own impending mortality” spend more on groceries — and actually eat more of those groceries.
Oooh, clever title. Anyway, Law and Order and others are the catalysts for reminding us of our own impending mortality? What? Whatev.
“We found that when people think about the fact that they’re going to die someday — not now, but someday — they want to consume more of everything,” says Naomi Mandel, co-author of the study and an associate professor of marketing at Arizona State University. “We find this with snacks and drinks but also all kinds of different foods: frozen foods, meats, vegetables, everything.”
And they connect this to Law and Order. I can’t believe they spent money on this study. I have, in my opinion, a better theory to explain the connection between snacking and Law and Order. None of this “impending death” mumbo jumbo.
Let’s look back to the experiments of scientist Ivan Pavlov. He is known for his work with dogs, making them salivate at the sound of a bell. Basically, it has to do with mental association. He would ring a bell and give the dogs food. Eventually, they would salivate at the sound of the bell with or without food present.
People like to snack when watching TV, right? So swap out a bell for the signature Law and Order gavel DunDun noise and take away the food…voila! We have been trained liked Pavlov’s dogs to feel hungry while watching Law and Order. And being that Law and Order is on 22 out of the 24 hours in a day, this training does not take long to do. Really, all it takes is one week of being sick and watching TV all day every day, or just a few weeks of watching one or two episodes a night.
That, my friends, is why we eat when we watch Law and Order. That is why Law and Order makes us fat.
Just for fun, here is Sesame Street’s parody of Law and Order: SVU, Law and Order: Special Letters Unit.
Oh, and just because The Office is the BEST SHOW EVER and Jim is dreamy, dreamy, oh so steamy and smart, here is his Pavlov’s dogs trick on Dwight:
You people may not know this, but I am an extremely mature human being. (Perhaps you gathered that from my previous posts.) In fact, I am so mature that last night I went out and had only ONE glass of wine! This is historic! Sure, I may have also eaten Smartfood for not one but two meals earlier that day, and maybe I stole the wine I was drinking from my mom, and maybe I drank my glass of wine while trying to one-up my new Denver friends with fratty college stories, but that is beside the point. And the point is, I drank in moderation and then went to work the next day. Which means I am basically an adult.
Speaking of work, guess what I did today? I know what you’re thinking, but I didn’t get a chance to end the war in Iraq or invent a kind of cheese that doesn’t make you fat (there’s always tomorrow). I did, however, get to stuff checks into envelopes for nearly six hours. The thing is, I was REALLY good at stuffing the checks into the envelopes. I don’t mean to brag, but other people actually complimented me on my speed. Just saying. Perhaps I’ll nix the grad school plan and find a way to use my envelope-stuffing skills full time.
Anyway, here’s a photo of my coworker and me taking a break:
After a grueling spring semester with no new episodes of The Office or Ugly Betty due to a writers’ strike that I only partially understood (although the picture above does a pretty good job of explaining things), it looks like actors may be poised to strike this summer. Now, I don’t know a whole lot about unions, or strikes in general (except my mom’s own experience with striking nurses a while ago, and all I remember from that is that she was pissed because she didn’t want to strike), but it seems like an actor’s list of grievances would pale in comparison to the grievances of, say, a coal miner. And on top of that, how do they expect people to survive without television? If I can’t hang out with Jim Halpert and Betty Suarez and Eli Stone, what I am I supposed to do? Talk to REAL people? Go outside?? This is the 21st century, people. We need our TV.
At least we have Netflix. Netflix and Blush Chablis.