I have a friend who loves bacon. Let’s call her Katie, because that’s her name. In college, we would make fun of her for sneaking scraps of bacon off of our plates when we weren’t looking. She once toyed with the notion of inventing bacon bread. Bitch really, really loves bacon. And she’d do a lot for bacon, but I don’t think she’d do this:
(That photo is officially the most awkward one I’ve ever saved to my Desktop.)
Ladies and gents — but really, just gents — meet the Bacon Bra. Taco Bell is putting bacon in its burritos, so why can’t some random woman wear bacon for a bra?
My friend Doobie alerted me to this wonderful new invention:
doobie: so you wanna see the best invention ever?
me: YES!
doobie: http://www.stylelist.com/blog/2008/04/11/bringing-home-the-bacon-bra/
me: oh. my. GOD.
doobie: hahaha awesome right?
me: okay, but the bacon is raw
so youd have to like peel it off a boob and fry it before you eat it
doobie: hmmm id just suck it up
me: and eat the raw bacon?
doobie: yup
Oh, boys.
[Posted by Mallory]
to cry face, smartfood, and pedicabs.
Because I miss my best friend, and because she is a phenomenal Cry Facer, and because I haven’t posted a Hump Day Cry Face for way too long…
I swear, she’s pretty in real life. And if a pretty person can look this ugly, well, that’s a good Cry Face.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under adventures, cry face, humor, post-college depression
when our work’s done for us.
Um,
“Joe the Plumber becomes war reporter.”
That is funniest six-word headline I’ve seen all year! Because it is a joke! Right? Right? RIGHT?!
Ha ha ha ha no. It’s not a joke. Our economy has tanked, a hockey mom who doesn’t know a predicate from a condom was selected as a vice presidential candidate, and Joe the Plumber is going to Israel to be a war correspondent.
According to Wonkette and the Australian newspaper that penned that knee-slapper of a six-word headline, Joe the Plumber is headed to Israel on the behalf of Pajamas Media to report on the recent outbreak of conflict in the Gaza Strip:
Wurzelbacher said he was going to let “Average Joes” share their stories and get the real story of what is happening.
“It’s tragic, I mean it really is,” Wurzelbacher told Ohio television station WNWO.
“I don’t say that in any little way. It’s very tragic, but at the same time what are the Israeli people supposed to do?”Wurzelbacher said he was not concerned about heading into a warzone for a 10 days.
“Being a Christian I’m pretty well protected by God I believe. That’s not saying he’s going to stop a mortar for me, but you gotta take the chance,” he told WNWO.
And then, as if he has been taking public speaking lessons from Sarah Palin herself, he continues:
“If given the opportunity to do some good however minute it may be, or could be something really good, you gotta take that chance. You have to do it,” Wurzelbacher said of his new job.
Excuse me while I go put on my nightgown.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under humor, news, politics, pop culture
who’s the girl wearing my dress?
I’m in love with this Regina Spektor song right now:
(And please excuse that really awkward freeze frame. I couldn’t find a good live version.)
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under music
department of things that are unsurprising.
Kathleen and I are currently sitting next to each other on my couch, wearing matching J.Crew yoga pants, typing on our matching elitist white MacBooks, with our matching jaunty ponytails, watching The Daily Show and playing on the Internets. Could we BE any more DC right now? Or any more liberal? Or any more elitist? Maybe, but only if there was a life-size cutout of Barry sitting between us, wrapped in a down comforter.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under blogging, fashion, politics, pop culture, post-college depression, technology, TV
behind the mystery lies a truth…
On this fine Sunday, I had the pleasure of seeing one Kathleen Shea Blogger. In fact, it was the first time we’ve been together since we began this here blog. We had brunch with our friends, chatted, had a naked pillow fight, etc. We also went to see The Reader with our friend Norah.
The Reader is the third movie I’ve seen in the past few weeks that I wasn’t originally intending to see. I saw Slumdog Millionaire because I missed Four Christmases, Seven Pounds because The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was sold out, and now The Reader because Milk was sold out. Someone’s really screwing with my movie schedule, but luckily I’ve loved each of these three movies.
I had some vague ideas of what The Reader was about, and I’d heard that it got good reviews. I’m no film buff, but I quite liked it, and I thought Kate Winslet, Ralph Fiennes, and newcomer David Kross were all phenomenal. It’s a twisted, sad movie, but I thought it was original and thought-provoking.
The questions of justice that the film brings up were most interesting for me. Modern law requires an assignment of guilt or innocence with no real middle ground, and this movie illustrates just how complex and contrived that requirement can be. My inability to come to terms with the whole black-and-white aspect of law is part of the reason I decided not to go to law school. I’m bad at making decisions to begin with, and even if assigned a side, I think I’d struggle to be 100% on that side. (There are exceptions, of course, and I’m oversimplifying our legal system, but you get what I mean. I hope.)
On a lighter, creepier note, I finally understood exactly what my cougar friend means when she looks at a younger guy and says she wants to give him a bath. Not that I don’t still find that statement totally creepy (you heard me, Cougar Friend), but I got a little embarrassed when I formed a huge crush on David Kross, the young Michael in this movie, and then discovered that he is only 18. Here’s the only picture I found of him where he looked as if he’d hit puberty (he’s on the left, clearly):
Yeah he still looks young. I feel dirty. But whatever, suburban moms totally have crushes on the Jonas brothers, right?
And let’s just pause and remember how fabulous Kate Winslet is, even when she’s just hanging around with her kid:
I’ve had a few strangers tell me I look like Kate Winslet, and I every time I see a picture of her or watch one of her movies I try and I try to force myself to see the likeness, and I simply don’t see it. The face is a stretch, and our bodies…well, let’s just say I don’t see it.
Here’s a preview for The Reader:
If you see it, let us know what you think!
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under celebrities, crushes, movies, pop culture, sex, YouTube
mohammed from johnny rockets sent me.
My wacky friend Colleen has a REALLY good feeling about 2009. It’s an underestimated year, she thinks, which means people will be blindsided by its goodness. (Except Colleen as she is totally anticipating the goodness.)
I have to agree with her. Or, I hope to agree with her. We’re coming out of a really shitty year overall, and it simply has to go up from here.
I had my first real New Year’s out last night (as in not a house party or random downtown adventures while underage). I know a lot of people hate New Year’s because of the pressure for it to be OMIGOD THE BEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR, and a lot of people simply hate the crowds. I totally get that, but I figured why not have at least ONE legit New Year’s before deciding to hate it.
Except I had a ridiculously good time last night. I went to a huge party that involved three bars, two DJ’s and a live band, an open bar, etc. etc. When I first arrived, I was freezing to death and couldn’t help but hate the crowdedness of it all. But once we discovered the room with dancing and beer that didn’t require a 20-minute wait and the fighting off of douchebags, we were set.
After midnight, we moved on to the live band and got hit on by creeps and bouncers and it was a wonderful time. I would, though, like to make a public complaint about the live band. They didn’t know/wouldn’t play any of the following songs:
“The Weight,” by The Band (too slow)
“Romeo and Juliet”, by Dire Straits (too slow)
“Your Love,” by The Outfield (THEY DIDN’T KNOW IT)
“You Shook Me All Night Long,” by AC/DC (they can’t sing that high)
I mean, REALLY?! And you call yourself a cover band?!
My New Year’s ended with Johnny Rockets’ french fries and milkshakes, which were UM-MAZING. If you’re ever in Georgetown, go to Johnny Rockets and ask for Mohammed. He dances and recommends great bars for you to go to after your meal. (We, um, didn’t take his advice.)
Here’s to 2009! In the wise words of The Walkmen, I know that it’s true, it’s gonna be a good year.
Let’s bring it in with the help of some mullets and bad dancing:
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under adventures, dance, drinks, music, YouTube
nothing like stone for the holidays.
A few months ago, I ordered myself a Rolling Stone subscription on some sketchy website using my super sweet student discount. I never saw an issue of the magazine, so I figured I had been scammed. Little did I know, the magazines were somehow coming to my home address, so there was a stockpile of them waiting when I arrived in Denver at 3 a.m. last night.
Flight delays are fun, huh? I checked into the airport in DC at 12:30 p.m. and arrived in Denver well over twelve hours later thanks to the clusterfuck that was the Boston airport. Not that I’m really complaining. I had Dave Egger’s What Is the What with me, which provided many hours of distraction along with the perspective check of, “Hey, waiting in a climate-controlled airport with plenty of food and water for half a day is not even remotely bad when compared to walking through the Sudanese desert for months, starving and half-naked.”
In general, I’m just glad I was able to get home last night and didn’t get stuck for a few days. (I’m also glad that I wasn’t in the position of these poor people on a flight out of Denver last night.) Plus, my luggage never left Boston, so I’ve been able to justify not leaving my couch because, you know, I don’t even have any CLOTHES to wear in public.
Which leads me back to my real point: I love Rolling Stone. For starters, I always feel pretty damn cool reading it, a la William Miller in Almost Famous. But I really, erm, read it for the articles. I started with the oldest magazine so I could read them in chronological order (OCD, people. OCD), so I’m back in mid-November reading articles about the election and the bailout. Naomi Klein’s article on the bailout made me veddy veddy angry, and Matt Taibbi’s roundup of his favorite moments on the campaign trail made me even happier to be an elitist liberal. Take this quote, for instance:
“The collapse of the Bush administration left the Republican Party utterly bankrupt of ideological advantage. The Bush era made it impossible to sell the party as fiscally conservative ($10 trillion deficit), militarily superior ($12 billion a month fighting a handful of Arabs in sandals to a blood draw), or even as the party of ‘moral values’ (a raft of Republicans caught offering to suck off strangers in restrooms or texting little boys on the Internet).”
Politically correct, Taibbi is not. But still, GO BARRY.
So if you need me over the next few days, you can find me on my couch, in my high school pajamas, weeping into a Rolling Stone as I watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under adventures, music, news, politics, pop culture, TV
who wants to be a millionaire?
Last night I met up with my friends for drinks and a movie. We were planning to see Four Christmases because, you know, it IS Christmastime. But we got to the theater later than we wanted to and decided to just see the movie that was starting soonest, Slumdog Millionaire. I had only vaguely heard of it, but all of the theater employees were all, “Um, it’s amazing.” And um, it WAS amazing. Here’s a trailer:
Everyone go see it right now.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under movies
six words to change the world. 