Author Archives: Mallory

everyone deserves music. and ice water.

As Kathleen mentioned, we are very sorry for being so delinquent the past few days. It may not seem like it, but blogging is stressful! Sometimes you just don’t want to blog, but then your millions of fans (or your sister) are all “Heeey why no blogging the past few days?? I’m angry! Write more!”

The reason for my lack of blogging is that I had a visitor this past weekend and was out actually living my life. Exciting, right? (I was extremely proud of myself for not looking at the blog for a full three days…normally I can’t last three minutes). My friend Katie was visiting from Maine, so we were running around doing lots of fun things. Most notably, we attended the Mile High Music Festival, which was absolutely amazing but also absolutely exhausting. Sitting out for hours in 95 degree heat is not exactly relaxing.

The first day of the concert, Kelsey, my sister Maddy, Katie, and I came — we thought — well-prepared, with snacks, flasks hidden under our dresses, and plenty of water. We didn’t consider the fact that water warms up pretty quickly when it has no ice in it, and so by about 2:00 p.m., our water was a few degrees away from boiling. From 3:00 to 4:00, I actually thought I might die. I was sort of limping from stage to stage, clutching my throat, and begging every beer man I saw for some of the ice that was keeping the beers cold. (“Please sir! Can I have some ice?!”)

Though my martyrdom was reaching epic proportions, I was aware that I wasn’t the only one at the concert who was dying of heat. It was very entertaining to see people fighting for the tiniest amounts of shade in the strangest of places: under a large pole, behind a row of porta-potties, beside a trash can, etc. People were getting desperate, man.

Luckily, things cooled off by about 5:00, and then everyone stepped away from the porta-potties, regained their senses, and focused on the music. It was about this time that we were upgraded to VIP tickets, which means we got free beer and wine, free food, a nice cool tent to sit in, and shuttle rides from stage to stage. Baaaaaller. Then we got to see Spoon, which got us all going (read: dancing like crazy, unashamed hippies). It was Michael Franti and Spearhead, however, that made the weekend for me.

Now, I’m not a huge Michael Franti fan. It’s not that I don’t like him; I just don’t know a lot of his stuff. But Katie, being the best fake hippie among us, wanted us all to go, and we obliged. His show was awesome. He had that intangible thing that only a few artists have that makes a concert truly kickass, whether or not you know the music. He had everyone in the crowd dancing like maniacs, and he was clearly having a great time, which makes a huge difference. After his performance, we were all blissfully happy and more or less remained that way for the rest of the weekend.

I won’t go through every single performance we saw over the course of the weekend (that could take a while), but let’s talk about John Mayer for a second.

The entire festival was extremely well-organized, and as part of that, all of the artists were very punctual. They started and ended exactly when they were supposed to, every time. So we’re all lounging around waiting for John Mayer to come on at 6:00 on Sunday, and at 5:30 people start cheering. We stand up and see that some dude has taken the stage and has begun to sing “Start Me Up.” We were confused. Our conversation went a little something like this:

“Wait, that can’t be John Mayer.”

“Yeah, why would he start so early?”

“And why would he be wearing a tank top?”

“And why would he open with a cover?”

“And since when is his entire left arm tattooed?”

“It must just be some random filler guy that they put onstage to kill time.”

“It really sounds like John Mayer, though.”

“Oh my god, is he wearing CAPRIS?”

The stranger onstage was, indeed, John Mayer, and he was, indeed, wearing a tank top, manpris, and black tennis shoes. Ouch. Other than the frightening wardrobe choice (where’s the womanly influence, Jen?), he was looking pretty good. Especially when he took his shirt off for the last song (sure, it was a little unnecessary, but who am I to complain?):

John, have you been working out?

Anyway…the concert was fabulous and you should all come next year. We’ll have a special SWTCTW section, with lots of ice and Coors Light.

Before I wrap this up, I have to recognize the two MVP’s of the concert. First, Mr. Michael Franti for reasons stated above:

Okay one more of him, courtesy of Katie, just because these are cool photos:

The second MVP award goes to Dave Matthews’ drummer, Carter Beauford, for being the jolliest human I have ever seen:

Carter, I dig you.

[Posted by Mallory]

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who has hobbies these days, anyway?!

I recently got an email from my grad school requesting some information for an internal “facebook” that will be passed out to faculty, staff, and other students. It asked for all the basic, easy stuff — undergraduate university, undergraduate major, favorite food — and then it hit me with a doozie: it asked for my hobbies. Uhhh…

I mean, who has hobbies anymore? In a perfect world, I’d be able to write “calligraphy, birdwatching, knitting, table tennis, and volunteering with refugees from Kazakhstan.” But folks, it ain’t a perfect world. If I were to be honest, I’d list “lounging, blogging, watching Jon & Kate Plus 8, drinking outdoors, eating, hanging out with friends, and, uhh, sleeping?” among my hobbies. Those don’t cut it, either. I turned to my sister for advice:

Maddy: Well, you like sitting.

Mallory: Maddy, I KNOW, but that doesn’t count. What about baseball games? I like baseball games! I’m watching one right now!

Maddy: You only like baseball games when you are eating a hot dog and drinking a beer and sitting in the Rockpile, where you don’t even have to watch the game.

Mallory: Touche. Ummmm…I’ve been, uh, running a lot lately…

Maddy: “A lot” might imply that you run marathons. You occasionally run for 20 minutes, and you hate every second of it.

Mallory: Concerts! I like going to concerts!

Maddy: [Rolls eyes.]

You see my dilemma. I settled on the following list of hobbies: reading (I really do like that! It’s generic, but whatever, beggars can’t be choosers); writing (I blog, and email my friends a lot); biking (well, see, I biked tons last summer and I think that if I put air in the tires, I’d actually use my bike a lot!); swimming (I used to be a swimmer in high school; now I enjoy sunbathing); and spending time with my friends (read: eating and drinking. A lot).

Sigh. Maybe my grandma can teach me to needlepoint.

[Posted by Mallory]

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maybe he just wanted unlimited breadsticks.

Fueling the belief that Colorado is a place where people ride horses everywhere and still wear bolo ties, yesterday a “young adult black bear” broke into a Circuit City in Colorado Springs. Seriously. (That’s him above, caught on the security camera.)

According to the local ABC affiliate, the bear was lurking around a nearby Fazoli’s (looking for some chicken parm, we can only presume), and when the restaurant’s alarm went off he freaked out and ran over to Circuit City. He then shattered the sliding glass door, hung out for a while and compared prices on flat screen TVs, and ran out. He’s still on the loose. Perhaps he thinks he can get a better deal at Best Buy.

[Posted by Mallory]

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even french dudes like cry face.

Dear readers, Happy Hump Day! Enjoy Kelsey’s French host brother’s Cry Face. And his jaunty hat. (Doesn’t he look distressed?! Maybe because we were forcing him to make an awkward face on the metro…)

[Posted by Mallory]

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the baseball game that took for-ev-eeer.

Wow, what an All-Star game! Since Kathleen and I are practically professional MLB commentators, we have a lot of insight on the game. Because we like you, we’ll let you see some of the wisdom we passed back and forth while we watched:

Kathleen: this allstar game is absurd
Mallory: im glad youre watching! its nuts!
Kathleen: seriously!
Mallory: that uggla guy is a huge fuckup
Kathleen: haha never in a million years would i have pegged myself as the kind of girl to watch a baseball game all by herself at 1 a.m., but here i am

And then Kathleen blew me away with this one:

Kathleen: i love jd drew right now

Then we got extremely sophisticated in our analysis. If you don’t know a TON about baseball, you may not be able to follow this:

Kathleen: francona was really cute…did you see him freak out?
Mallory: yes that was adorable! i love baseball!
Kathleen: i feel so american
Me: im not even sad…theyre all so cute!
i like that shaggy one on the rangers
kinsler?
something like that
hes cute

And just so you know, Kinsler IS cute. Which is probably the adjective he strives for. See:

Soooo anyway, in case you live on the east coast and maybe have a job that prevents you from staying up until 1:45 a.m. watching baseball, I’ll fill you in. After a grueling 15 innings and almost five hours, the American League won this year’s All-Star game, 4-3. It was so intense that Kathleen and I both stayed up and watched until the end! That’s impressive! Besides Dan Uggla committing like 300 errors, everyone played really well, and I don’t actually know what I’m talking about so I’ll stop here. Good job everyone! Go America! Goodnight!

[Posted by Mallory]

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at least she’s better than paris.

As most of you probably know, Scarlett Johansson is the latest actress to try her hand at singing. Here’s the official video for her first single, “Falling Down”:

Kinda weird, right? It’s not what I would have expected, and I have to admit…I don’t hate it. It’s almost wacky enough to be okay. Sure, the premise of the video is a leetle melodramatic, but all in all, I don’t think she totally embarrassed herself and ruined her career. If you forced me to listen to the song on repeat, I might change my opinion, but for now, I’m mildly in support of ScarJo’s singing career. What do you think?

[Posted by Mallory]

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again, john, rape is NOT funny.

We knew that John McCain once called his wife a cunt and likes to hang out with people who say inappropriate things about rape, but looks like our favorite presumptive Republican nominee also likes himself a good rape joke. According to Wonkette, 1986 is not just the birth year of your two fearless bloggers, but it’s also the year a story about McCain’s tasteless rape joke appeared in the Tuscon Citizen. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to laugh:

Did you hear the one about the woman who is attacked on the street by a gorilla, beaten senseless, raped repeatedly and left to die? When she finally regains consciousness and tries to speak, her doctor leans over to hear her sigh contently and to feebly ask, ‘Where is that marvelous ape?’

Because rape is nothing if not HI-larious.

[Posted by Mallory]

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tribute: to uncle kevin, yankee stadium.

Though I generally just support all Denver sports, I would consider myself to be a Yankee fan. It’s in my genes. My dad has always been a big Yankee fan (I’m actually not sure why, considering he was born and raised in Denver), and my mom’s whole side of the family is from New York. In fact, my mom and her four brothers grew up in the Bronx, not too far from Yankee Stadium. My mom’s youngest brother, my Uncle Kevin, is a die hard Yankee fan, and he truly appreciates the rare times he actually gets to go to a game in person.

My sister and I went to visit my Uncle Kevin about ten years ago, and he was determined that we experience a game at Yankee Stadium. I remember getting there, buying some souvenirs, and being introduced to what my uncle said was a quintessential New York baseball food: a soft pretzel with mustard on the side. (I still love pretzels dipped in mustard.) Then, to our disappointment — but much more so to my uncle’s — the game was rained out, and we didn’t get to see a single pitch.

Now that this is the last year the Yanks will play at their beloved old stadium, I’ll probably never get to see a game there. Still, I’m glad that I got pretty darn close, with someone whose passion for the game did the experience justice.

[Posted by Mallory]

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how about a little celebrity gossip?

It seems like there’s a lot of good celebrity gossip out there right now, so let’s do a little roundup of the most interesting tidbits:

  • Khloe Kardashian is going to jail for violating the terms of her probation for a DUI she got last year. I really don’t know anything about the Kardashians, except that their parents cruelly spelled all of their names with K’s. Surely Kriminal Khloe won’t actually go to jail for that long, but maybe she’ll have to wear one of those ankle bracelet tracker things! (I saw a guy a Target wearing one, and I was scared of him, but then he was really nice to his wife/girlfriend so I decided he was okay.) [The Superficial]
  • Sienna Miller was caught kissing a married actor named Balthazar Getty! And she was naked! [AOL News]
  • Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman broke up after five years together. So first Ryan and Reese break up (I saw a picture of Ryan with that homewrecker nanny the other day and it still caught me off guard), then Heath dies, and now America’s favorite funny couple have called it quits. Sigh. [People]
  • Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone has lots of scandalous things to say about her in his book coming out this week, Life With My Sister Madonna. Notable among the life-ruining claims he makes: “Madonna hangs an 8-by-12-foot photo of herself in S&M gear and lying on a bed with dead animals in her home – in full view of the kids.” Um, ew. [New York Post]
  • Okay I’m starting to wish I hadn’t started this post because I’m finding out lots of things that I just wish I didn’t know. Like Drew Barrymore and that cute, nerdy Justin Long guy from Dodgeball broke up. They seemed so wacky and fun! CAN’T ANYONE STAY TOGETHER??! [People]
  • While I’m being a downer, can I mention that I’m still really upset about Anne Hathaway’s boyfriend turning out to be a huge sleazeball? Anne Hathaway is my number one Hollywood girl crush, perhaps because we look so much alike, and I not-so-secretly wish I was her character in The Devil Wears Prada, minus the horrible job but plus the scruffy boyfriend who makes me grilled cheese. Hang in there, Anne.
  • Let’s end on a happy note, shall we? Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie had their twins! Yay for babies! Apparently the boy and the girl are healthy and everything’s great, except that their names are Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. Eek. That makes for what, 27 children for the Jolie-Pitts? [People]

[Posted by Mallory]

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nyt op-ed roundup of the day.

Okay, so I really just want to write about two particular New York Times op-ed pieces, but let’s go ahead and call it a roundup because that sounds more bloggy and professional.

The first article that all of you must read is Nicholas Kristof’s “It Takes a School, Not Missiles.” Kristof talks about Greg Mortenson, “a frumpy, genial man from Montana” who has made it his mission to build schools (mostly for girls) in Pakistan and Afghanistan. Mortenson is the author of the crazy popular book Three Cups of Tea, which I actually had not heard of until my grandma recommended it to me this weekend. I can’t wait to read it. I’ll give you one of the best excerpts from the article, and then I’ll let you read it yourself:

“I am convinced that the long-term solution to terrorism in general, and Afghanistan specifically, is education,” Lt. Col. Christopher Kolenda, who works on the Afghan front lines, said in an e-mail in which he raved about Mr. Mortenson’s work. “The conflict here will not be won with bombs but with books. … The thirst for education here is palpable.”

Military force is essential in Afghanistan to combat the Taliban. But over time, in Pakistan and Afghanistan alike, the best tonic against militant fundamentalism will be education and economic opportunity.

So a lone Montanan staying at the cheapest guest houses has done more to advance U.S. interests in the region than the entire military and foreign policy apparatus of the Bush administration.

Here’s a photo of Mortenson and some of the kids he helped:

The second article I want to share with you was written by this obscure guest columnist for the Times, a United States senator from Illinois named Barack Obama. Saint B’s article is about his plan for Iraq. The article is worth reading for all those people who say that Obama is just some young punk who has no idea what he’s talking about and is going to send the world spiraling into chaos. Again, take a look at an excerpt, then go read the whole thing:

As I’ve said many times, we must be as careful getting out of Iraq as we were careless getting in. We can safely redeploy our combat brigades at a pace that would remove them in 16 months. That would be the summer of 2010 — two years from now, and more than seven years after the war began. After this redeployment, a residual force in Iraq would perform limited missions: going after any remnants of Al Qaeda in Mesopotamia, protecting American service members and, so long as the Iraqis make political progress, training Iraqi security forces. That would not be a precipitous withdrawal.

Well put, Barry. Well put.

And I know I’m not particularly ahead of the curve in talking about these articles — they are the top one and two most emailed articles on the NYT right now — but in case you don’t frequent the Times, I wanted to make sure you could take a look. Happy reading!

[Posted by Mallory]

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