Category Archives: Uncategorized

what the hell was she thinking?

Praise be to the goddesses of pop!  Britney’s back!

It seems that she has finally gained some perspective on her, um . . . hiatus, and she’s ready to explain all in an MTV documentary (also known as the “True Life” to end all “True Lifes”).  The documentary airs on November 30 but you can see the trailer here!

For the sake of her children and pop music as we know it, I’m glad Britty’s back.  I was by no means one of the faithful (holler, Walsh) who thought this day would come but I embrace it.  After all, I slow-danced to “Sometimes” in middle school, “Drive Me Crazy” still makes me covet Adrian Grenier, and “Toxic” got me through AP Bio senior year of high school.  So, welcome back Britney.  We salute you by sharing our favorite Britney moments with our SWTCTW friends and watching more trailers.

She looks so happy!

[Posted by Madeline]

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domino’s serves up slice of laziness.

Coming to you in thirty minutes or less: a coronary!  Tivo and Domino’s have formed a marriage of consumerism and now, Tivo subscribers will be able to order Dominos using only their remote control.  First of all, congratulations to Domino’s 19-year-old marketing intern, the obvious brain child behind this operation. 

Domino’s plan does make some sense.  When viewers fast forward through a Domino’s commercial, a pop-up ad will appear on their screen, through which they can place their order.  Although I see the point from an advertising perspective, personally, I don’t think I can support this.  I get embarrassed enough when I call Domino’s and, before I give them any information, they ask “Is this Madeline?  Guest-blogger extraordinaire at SWTCTW?”  HOW DO THEY KNOW?  It’s creepy and and a little humiliating and I don’t need them saying to each other “Madeline’s ordering pizza.  And she’s watching Gossip Girl for the third time this week.”  

Yes, I do think people think about my every move that much (duh, I write for a blog). 

Who knows though?  Maybe if I could order a masseur or a manicurist through the teevee I would feel differently.  What would you order?

[Posted by Madeline]

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madam secretary: bitches get stuff done.

Finally, it’s official!  Hillary Clinton is Barack Obama’s nominee for Secretary of State!  Technically we all “knew” this weeks ago but the journalism major in me couldn’t write about this until it was the real deal.

This is pretty awesome.  First of all, because Hillary is awesome.  Maybe she’s a little coarse but she’s also intelligent, visionary and deeply devoted to serving this country.  Plus, she’s BFF with Madeleine Albright, my idol and all-time favorite person ever.  So, if Hillary ever needs some extra advice she has one of the greatest Secretaries of State in her speed dial. 

Speaking of which, here they are, my two favorite Secretaries of State:0305

As this is, sadly, not a video you can’t tell that here Madeleine Albright is actually saying “you know, I think we should offer that delightful guest-blogger, Madeline, a job.”  And Hillary is saying “That is a wonderful idea!  I will call her right away.” 

Despite the fact that Hillary was the United States’ foremost ambassador during her years in the White House, visiting 60 countries with the mission of promoting American values and policy abroad (hmmm that sounds kind of like what the Secretary of State does . . .), there have been some distubing reactions to her nomination.  According to a Reuter’s article titled “Women see Clinton job as triumph, disappointment,” some women are still pissed that Hillary’s not the prez.  Do I think she would have made a great president?  Absolutely.  BUT LET’S MOVE ON (Hillary has). 

Most disturbing was this quote from Carol Jenkins, president of the Women’s Media Center in New York:

“Secretary of State has become the women’s spot — a safe expected place for women to be. In the ideal world, we’d see woman as Treasury secretary and throughout these ranks (of government).”

HOLD UP.  Now that three of the U.S.’s 67 (including Hillary) Secretaries of State have been women it’s a woman’s spot?  I was a liberal arts major so I could be wrong but I think that math’s a little fuzzy.  And hey, LADY!  You’re the president of the Women’s Media Center so what’s with the bad press?  Secretary of State is the highest cabinet position and fourth in the line of presidential succession.  Why are we insulting the position at all, let alone now that a woman is about to be in charge?  Seeing more women throughout government would be great but we’ll get there; and in the meantime let’s not insult those who are not only filling these positions but working to improve women’s rights around the world. 

And you know what?  If Secretary of State has become “the women’s spot” it’s for one reason and one reason only: bitches get stuff done. 

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[Posted by Madeline]

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new jersey bars: a survival guide.


I’m pretty proud of my New Jersey roots and most of the time I’ll defend the Garden State to whoever chooses to take issue with it on any given day.  Really, what’s not to love?  We have Bruce Springsteen, excellent driving skills, the beach, gardens, cranberry bogs, the Giants . . . I could go on.  But I won’t because this weekend, Jersey betrayed me.  I decided to make a rare venture out into the Jersey Shore Nightlife and I barely survived.  But I’m a trooper (a Jersey Girl, really) and I’m going to turn my brush with death into a guide for all of you.  Just because you might find yourself in a Jersey Shore bar some day; you might not know what you’re doing there but at least now you’ll know how to make it out alive.

I should start by saying that it’s my own fault, I should have known better.  I’m a local (and a snob), after all.  In the summers I would never think about going anywhere near the bars.  But it’s November,  I thought I would be safe.  I thought I would be surrounded by other locals, and we would be a big happy family, happy to have the Bennys out of our normal-sized hair and back where they belong.  Rule number one of NJ Bar Survival: Never let your guard down. 

I’ve experienced culture-shock before but never within two miles of my childhood home.  As soon as my friend, Aly, and I entered the bar we were surrounded by one giant stereotype.  The stuff of Jersey Shore legend: enough hair product to re-pollute the Hudson River, enough scantily-clad-when-they-really-shouldn’t-have-been women to make me go to the gym, HUNGOVER, the next day.  Worse, it was like everyone was speaking a different language.  None of the words ended in “ing,” most had an extra “r,” quite a few just ended in a guttural “uh” sound.  It seemed that all of the adjectives in the English language were replaced with “fuckin'” which is just impossible on so many levels. 

We hadn’t been there long when, despite the fact that our chests were fully covered and neither of us were wearing pants that laced up the sides, an extremely muscular “gentleman” came over to “chat.”  Despite evidence to the contrary, we’re nice people so we “chatted” in the made-up language of super-muscular dude.  Apparently, he was out with his boyz ’cause turns out his wife is a (bunch of expletives that we don’t use on SWTCTW).  Actually, she’s a stripper and last week he caught her “performing” for a complete stranger in their house . . . while their five-month-old son was sleeping in the next room.  While this is terribly sad and I feel for the guy and more importantly the five-month-old baby caught in the middle of it, stories like that should NEVER be followed with “maybe we could meet up sometime, can I have your number?”  Um, maybe when you figure this situation out and after you stop calling the mother of your child disgusting names.  Not really, but maybe.  I don’t really know what the rule is here.  STAY ALERT.  Which is basically the same as rule number one.

The next scenario is one that I’ve lived fairly often in my bar-going days.  The bar is crowded, you get bumped by a passer-by and in turn bump into the person next to you, a stranger.  You apologize, maybe flash a half-smile, they nod, and everybody moves on with their lives understanding that this is just something that happens in the world.  Unless the part of the world you’re in happens to be a Jersey Shore Bar.  So, I get bumped and I apologize, half-smile and all, to the girl that I bumped into as a result.  She rolls her eyes and turns back to her friends.  Okay, whatever.  Until another passer-by bumps me and I bump the same scary eye-roll girl again.  This time, I know that more than a half-smile is in order so I apologize and try and laugh it off but OH NO.  We will be having none of that.  The girl slams down her glass and storms off yelling “YOU KNOW WHAT?! YOU SAID THAT TWICE AND YOU BUMPED INTO ME TWICE!” 

How exactly does one respond to that?  “YEAH AND I MEANT IT BOTH TIMES!”  No, don’t.  Don’t respond.  Just remember rule number three: Don’t touch anybody.  Consider it a nearly-impossible challenge where failure brings terrible repercussions, like walking to school without stepping on the cracks in the sidewalks.  Did you get kind of dizzy looking down the entire time?  YES, but if you looked up and missed one of the cracks then your mother’s back would be broken and it would be ALL YOUR FAULT.  This is practically the same.  If you touch anybody, even if you apologize, you will end up covered in hair gel and pretty beat up.  Just say no to touching strangers (and yes, that’s what she said). 

So let’s recap.  Never let your guard down, stay alert and don’t touch anybody.  I can tell you that following these rules doesn’t make for a particularly enjoyable night so replace them all with: Take NJ Transit into the city.  Sorry, NJ Economy, but it’s the only way. 

[Posted by Madeline]

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now let’s see barack do riverdance.

Over the years I’ve been grateful to my Irish ancestors for many things; coming to America, skin so pale it’s see-through, an iron liver, Catholic guilt, etc.  So it’s not as if I needed another reason to be proud of my Irish heritage, but a little band called Hardy Drew and the Nancy Boys wrote this little ditty to celebrate Barack Obama’s election to the highest post in all the land and it’s fabulous.  They’ve been invited to perform at an inaugural ball in January and are currently recording their newest single “When President Obama Comes Home to Moneygall.” 

For those who may not remember, all the way back in month four of this now legendary 21-month long campaign, it was reported that some of Obama’s roots were planted in the small village of Moneygall, Ireland.  Moneygall, which has more pubs than traffic lights and a population of 298, was the home of the President Elect’s great-great-great grandfather Fulmuth Kearney, who left Ireland for the United States in 1850 at the age of 19.  

According to the Irish Times, the little village has already welcomed the first Obama tourists and the Taoiseach (Irish Prime Minister) Brian Cowen has extended an invitation for Obama to visit Moneygall and have a pint.    

With the job he has ahead of him, it can’t hurt Obama to have the luck of the Irish on his side.  So raise your pints because, faith and it’s a small world!, there’s no one as Irish as Barack Obama.

[Posted by Madeline]

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the best holiday you’ve never celebrated.

Dear readers, happy holiday!

No, I’m not talking about the fact that it’s practically Christmas by retail standards, or even Veterans Day (although that is certainly a worthy holiday in itself). Rather, I am talking about November 11. As in 11/11. And the exact moment of the holiday takes place at 11:11:11 on 11/11. You know how some people tell you to make a wish when the clock says 3:33? This holiday is like that, on steroids. 

Yeah, maybe it’s not very mature of me to celebrate such a thing. But everyone loves silly holidays. There are holidays for everything these days, so why not 11/11? My friend Katie and I “invented” the holiday back in 6th grade, and we’ve been celebrating ever since. Every 11/11 is a great day, but the biggest 11/11 of all is coming up in just a few years. 

You guessed it: 11/11/11 at 11:11:11. It will be like midnight on New Year’s, only BETTER. I promise you that I will be hosting a large party for the event, and you are all invited. (It will be on a Friday night, and there’s no way you ALREADY have something better to do, so I’ll know you’re lying if you say you can’t come.)

It’s funny, because back in sixth grade, when we invented this holiday, it was 1997, and 2011 seemed a hell of a long way off. It was. Strange how that works out. I’m not in the mood to get into a deep discussion about how time flies and how your perspective is so different when you’re 11 (AH! I just realized that we invented the holiday when we were 11!), so I won’t. 

Let’s just stick with Happy 11/11! Make it a good year.

[Posted by Mallory]

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barack’s a mutt, just like me.

In case you didn’t know, Barack Obama is the President Elect! AHHHH.  Anyway, B held his first press conference yesterday to discuss some really important issues…like Malia and Sasha’s new puppy.   Let me just say that I wrote about this awhile ago.  Malia needs a hypoallergenic dog.  The obvious choice here is the Chinese Crested Hairless.  Duh.  Perhaps the Obama family will read my blog post and agree with me. Riiiiight.  But anyway, B made a funny when talking about the dog.

With respect to the dog – this is a major issue. I think it’s generated more interest on our Web site than just about anything. We have two criteria that have to be reconciled. One is that Malia is allergic, so it has to be hypoallergenic. There are a number of breeds that are hypoallergenic. On the other hand, our preference would be to get a shelter dog but obviously a lot of shelter dogs are mutts, like me.

Nothing has ever made me happier.  Because, like President Elect Obama, I am a mutt as well.  But it’s not just about the identity politics.  This comment is exactly what America needs. A little bit of humor.  What I’m saying is lighten up, ya’ll.  Making lighthearted jokes is the best way to disarm the skeptics.

But back to the whole puppy thing.  I read an article on CNN that chronicles White House pets over the years.  Malia and Sasha should have aimed a little higher.  I mean, Calvin Coolidge had a pygmy hippopotamus named Billy.  True story.  Herbert Hoover’s son had a pair of gators that liked to chill on the White House grounds.  Benjamin Harrison had two opossums.  Sick.  A puppy will be cute though.  Especially if it’s a Chinese Crested.

So it’s obvious I’m on cloud nine.  Is there anything higher than cloud nine?  Because the next topic is about to put me over the edge.

If you read this blog every once in a while, you might know that I am obsessed with the best TV show ever, the West Wing.  During the cold years of the Bush administration, I’ve often pined for the Bartlet administration and all of its players.  Well.  I’m coming as close as I can to my West Wing dream.  Barack Obama has named Illinois Congressman Rahm Emanuel as his Chief of Staff.  Emanuel worked in the Clinton White House with West Wing consultant DeeDee Myers, who served as Clinton’s press secretary.  So CJ Cregg is based off of Myers, and…I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP…JOSH LYMAN IS BASED OFF OF RAHM EMANUEL.  Josh Lyman is coming back to the White House.  YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Rahm’s brother is also kind of famous.  Ari Emanuel is the founder of a talent agency and well-known talent agent and is apparently the inspiration for Ari Gold on Entourage.  I know. This is almost too much to handle.

So let’s recap.  Barack is amazing and addresses the race thing perfectly, there’s going to be a perfect puppy in the White House to complement the perfect family, and the West Wing is actually starting to become reality.

This is fantastic.  Now I’ll go back to writing about dumb stuff, I promise.  But I had to get this out.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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youtube clip of today: electric stimulus.

This is some of the craziest shit I have ever seen on the internet.  So it’s slow in the beginning, but hold on because things get wild after the one minute mark.  I am speechless.  Is this madness or genius?  Is it noise or music?  AHHHHH.  My brain is fried.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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palin and biden, according to snl.

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Tina Fey strikes again.  Happy Sunday.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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live blogging the vice presidential showdown.

9:01 –  Hi Gwen!  Looking foxy in teal.  We get it, we get it.  Let’s just get to it.

9:03 – Ooooh the bail out.  Joe is on message.  YESSSSSS.  I’m mesmerized by the chart at the bottom of the screen.  The positives soared for Sen. Biden.  Oh, here goes Sarah talking about parents at a soccer game. Do you have kids?  I had no idea!  But I thought you were hockey mom?  GET YOUR STORY STRAIGHT, LADY.  Both candidates went to bat for the top of the ticket right away.  Not surprising.

9:08 – She whipped out the maverick card.  “Git down, to gitting business done.”  Ugh.  She threw in the “all due respect” line, which we all means with no respect at all.  I don’t think that inferring Biden’s been in the Senate for too long is a good approach, Sarah.  Have you met John McCain?  And stop trying to steal the term change from the Change Master.

9:14 – She’s not going to answer the questions the way the moderator wants? If I were Gwen, I would have given her an eye roll and snapped my fingers in her face.  Straight talk, Sarah?  Answer the straight questions.  I’ve got a question for you.  Did dinosaurs and humans exist at the same time?  But we digress.

9:17 – Sarah, government isn’t the problem.  YOU are the problem with government.

9:21 – Biden made a funny about the bridge to nowhere!  And a great rebuttal about the health care system.

9:29 – Yawn.  I want to see them take the gloves off.  Maybe I’ll make myself a glass of chocolate milk.

9:30 – Oh goody!  CLIMATE CHANGE.  Well at least she acknowledges that it exists.  Biden corrects his coal gaffe of last week.  Thatta boy, stick it to them.

9:35 – Palin says the word “rape” and the ticker is showing a drop in favorability among women.

9:41 – Biden is hitting this war question out of the park.  I cannot believe that she just called Barack’s plan a “white flag of surrender”.  The fact that both of these candidates have children in the military and in the Middle East is huge.  It prevents cheap shots, for sure.  I’m staring at Palin’s potentially tatooed lip liner.  I’m kind of freaked out.

9:49 – Ever notice that sometimes Sarah Palin sounds like a leprechaun?  Where is she from again?

9:54 – Yawning again.  But wait!  A question about the Bush administration.  STOP GIVING THE CAMERA SEX EYES PALIN.

9:56 – Every time Biden said “George Bush’s”, I chuckled.  It sounded like George Bushish.  Which, in my mind, was twisted to George Bushit.  Teehee.

10:02 – Come on guys, get spicy.  But right now, Biden talking about helping Darfur is really inspiring.  He’s showing that he really knows what he’s talking about with foreign policy.  This guy knows what’s going on.  I wonder if Sarah Palin could point out Darfur on a map?  Stop talking about Alaska.  Nobody cares.

10:07 – My friend just said Palin is really into these “mom pep talks”.  Well put, sir.  Mom pep talks are not what we need though.  We need ideas.  We need someone who understands what’s going on.  Someone that reads the newspaper, perhaps.

10:17 – Defending Dick Cheney is not a strong position for Sarah Palin.

10:21 – Did Biden just choke up a bit while talking about being a single parent?  Awwww!  Make fun of him for running his mouth all you want, but this guy is genuine.

10:24 – Biden just nailed the Maverick thing.  He pointed out everything that John McCain has voted against.  That’s not being a maverick.  And he tied it back to the issues talked about at the kitchen table, just like Palin was talking about.  BRILLIANT.

10:29 – Palin’s closing statements.  Blah blah blah, Ronald Reagan, blah blah blah, her family.

10:31 – Biden reclaims the word “change” for Obama.  I’m feeling good.  God bless America.

10:40 – Naturally I want to call this for Biden.  And I think issues wise, he won.  He was is the better debater.  And I could tell he was holding himself back from the zingers that he’s so good at.  (On Rudy Guiliani: “There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence — a noun, a verb, and 9/11.”) I sort of wish he had let her have it a little bit more.

But here’s the thing about Palin– she didn’t have any egregious gaffes, which is what we were all wishing for.  Except calingl a U.S. General by the wrong name…and some other minor stuff.  Anyway, the standard was so low for her that all she really had to do was give an answer, use folksy language and bat her eyes.  I wonder what would have happened if she had been forced to do more follow up questions.  She was well-rehearsed, and it showed.  She was, after all, in beauty pageants.  Except that she isn’t really looking for world peace.

What do you think?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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