Monthly Archives: December 2008

but you’ll shoot your eye out!

a_christmas_story

Yes, it is Christmas eve and I am blogging. What of it?  But I have to share this with the world.  In case you didn’t know, the best movie EVER is on the teevee for a solid 24 hours straight.  Twenty-four hours of “A Christmas Story”?  YES PUHLEASE!  I’ll watch it inbetween meals.  So turn on TBS.  This movie makes me laugh so hard I cry.  The scene with the leg lamp?  PRICELESS!

Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!

Also, in case you wanted to keep tabs on the big guy in red, the North American Aerospace Defense Command, or NORAD, has a Santa tracker going.  As of right now, he’s in between the South Pole and South America.  He best be getting to the US of A tonight!  Specifically, my house.

http://www.noradsanta.org/

Merry Christmas!  I hope Santa is good to you!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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nothing like stone for the holidays.

A few months ago, I ordered myself a Rolling Stone subscription on some sketchy website using my super sweet student discount. I never saw an issue of the magazine, so I figured I had been scammed. Little did I know, the magazines were somehow coming to my home address, so there was a stockpile of them waiting when I arrived in Denver at 3 a.m. last night.

Flight delays are fun, huh? I checked into the airport in DC at 12:30 p.m. and arrived in Denver well over twelve hours later thanks to the clusterfuck that was the Boston airport. Not that I’m really complaining. I had Dave Egger’s What Is the What with me, which provided many hours of distraction along with the perspective check of, “Hey, waiting in a climate-controlled airport with plenty of food and water for half a day is not even remotely bad when compared to walking through the Sudanese desert for months, starving and half-naked.”

In general, I’m just glad I was able to get home last night and didn’t get stuck for a few days. (I’m also glad that I wasn’t in the position of these poor people on a flight out of Denver last night.) Plus, my luggage never left Boston, so I’ve been able to justify not leaving my couch because, you know, I don’t even have any CLOTHES to wear in public.

Which leads me back to my real point: I love Rolling Stone. For starters, I always feel pretty damn cool reading it, a la William Miller in Almost Famous. But I really, erm, read it for the articles. I started with the oldest magazine so I could read them in chronological order (OCD, people. OCD), so I’m back in mid-November reading articles about the election and the bailout. Naomi Klein’s article on the bailout made me veddy veddy angry, and Matt Taibbi’s roundup of his favorite moments on the campaign trail made me even happier to be an elitist liberal. Take this quote, for instance:

“The collapse of the Bush administration left the Republican Party utterly bankrupt of ideological advantage. The Bush era made it impossible to sell the party as fiscally conservative ($10 trillion deficit), militarily superior ($12 billion a month fighting a handful of Arabs in sandals to a blood draw), or even as the party of ‘moral values’ (a raft of Republicans caught offering to suck off strangers in restrooms or texting little boys on the Internet).”

Politically correct, Taibbi is not. But still, GO BARRY.

So if you need me over the next few days, you can find me on my couch, in my high school pajamas, weeping into a Rolling Stone as I watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

[Posted by Mallory]

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six-pack santa, i’ve been naughty.

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The Beverly Center in LA  gives you two choices when it comes to your mall Santa.  Naughty or nice.  So you can go sit on bowl full of jelly Santa’s lap, or you can sit on six-pack Santa’s lap.  Meet Eli Wilhide, pictured above, this year’s Hunky Santa.  RAWR!  Only in California!  But I think this should be a feature at every mall.

And, just because I can, here is one of my favorite Christmas songs.  Sometimes it makes me produce tears.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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oh joy! the 18th bundle arrives.

We all have hobbies.  I like to think of mine as travel (because that sounds cool), but it’s probably reading US Weekly and the Huffington Post nonstop.  For Jim Bob Duggar and his wife, Michelle, I would venture to say that their hobby is having babies.  The Duggars just welcomed their 18th child into their crazy world.  Little Jordyn-Grace Makiya was born on December 19. Now I love babies.  I coo at every one I see.  I love the little clothes, the little shoes, etc.  Perhaps I’ll have one or two in my lifetime.  But my god, the thought of 18 babies WITH NO INTENTION OF STOPPING makes me a little queasy.  Yes, Jim Bob told the press “We both would love to have more”.  Sure, buddy.  Michelle Duggar has been having children for over 20 years.  And as if it couldn’t get any more bizarre, here are their names and ages.

Joshua, 20

Jana, 18

John-David, 18

Jill, 17

Jessa, 16

Jinger, 14

Joseph, 13

Josiah, 12

Joy-Anna, 11

Jeremiah, 9

Jedidiah, 9

Jason, 8

James, 7

Justin, 6

Jackson, 4

Johannah, 3

Jennifer, 1

Jordyn-Grace, 0

ALL J NAMES?  WHY WHY WHY? (Ginger with a J? Seriously?)  You could probably guess this by the freakshow nature and all the babies, but the Duggars have their own show on TLC.  It’s called ‘Seventeen and Counting’.  That’s original.  But will they have to change the name now?  This family seems a little strange.  I’ll take ‘Jon & Kate Plus 8′ anyday.  They are awesome.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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my confidence boosting present to you.

1217081mugyear5

Besides the holiday cheer and all that jazz, one of the things I adore the most about this time of year is the end of year wrap-ups.  It’s true.  I would watch the E! Channel’s “Top 20 Celebrity Haircuts with Bangs of 2008″ if it was on.  Really, I would.  But this is far more interesting than celebrity hair cuts with bangs, I hope.  Here is the link to the top 20 mugshots of 2008.  I’ve posted one of my favorites.  Doesn’t it just make you feel better about yourself?  Happy Holidays!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1217081mugyear1.html

Oh, and by the way…YAY SPIDERS FOOTBALL!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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who wants to be a millionaire?

Last night I met up with my friends for drinks and a movie. We were planning to see Four Christmases because, you know, it IS Christmastime. But we got to the theater later than we wanted to and decided to just see the movie that was starting soonest, Slumdog Millionaire. I had only vaguely heard of it, but all of the theater employees were all, “Um, it’s amazing.” And um, it WAS amazing. Here’s a trailer:

Everyone go see it right now.

[Posted by Mallory]

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’tis the season to be hungover.

Office parties, neighborhood parties, family parties.  Eggnog, champagne, whiskey (for the family parties), wine.  In the weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s the opportunities to be hungover grow exponentially.  If I remember my pre-calculus correctly (and there’s a good chance that I don’t) the graphical representation of what we’re now experiencing ends up looking something like this:

hangovers

It’s a rough six weeks.  Luckily, National Geographic would like to help.  They have kindly gathered information about “Hangover Helpers” from around the globe.  So if the Gatorade and Smartfood just aren’t cutting it you can try Romania’s recommendation and eat some tripe soup, because nothing says “anti-nausea” like a healthy serving of cow stomach.  In Poland they recommend drinking soured milk or very sour pickle juice.  I can’t imagine that that does anything other than make you vomit and if that’s the case, I’d rather take care of that Blair Waldorf style.  In Japan, they eat pickled plums to cure “futsuka yoi” or, “two days drunk” and in Mexico the drug of choice is a nice shrimp cocktail or seafood salad (the real kind, not the first-grader version).  The salad is appropriately named “Vuelva a la vida” or “return to life.”

My favorite “cure” is probably that found in the Netherlands: a big, tall glass of cold beer.  Although it’s usually hard to imagine drinking anything alcoholic when you wake up in the morning feeling like your head is on backwards, in my family we favor a little Irish Coffee to settle the stomach or, on really bad days, straight shots of Jameson, and it seems to do the trick (I wasn’t kidding when I mentioned that we’re a walking stereotype).

No matter your potion of choice, party on!  There are tons of antidotes to experiment with and you have plenty of opportunities to do so!  Plus, it’s Christmas and nothing says “praise be to the Lord, Jesus Christ” like too many glasses of eggnog.

[posted by Madeline]

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let’s see that torso fro, baby.

Upon stalking the internet in search of mindlessness to keep you busy at work (my job is hard, okay?!), I came across a story on TheDailyBeast about the return of chest hair.  I quickly skimmed the story, because I couldn’t justify spending my endless hours of free time actually reading about chest hair.  Okay, so maybe I did read most of it.  And let’s face it, I’ve written about hairy men before.  This stand out quote is stellar :

In these troubled times of war and craptastic financial news, are we yearning once again for leading manly men with comfortingly warm pelts in which to hide our anxious faces?

Haha.  Two things.  First, I cannot accept that craptastic is a word.  Second, does the writer have a legitimate point, as tongue in cheek as it is?

I actually just had a discussion about chest hair with our Argentina correspondent a few days ago over an ice cream.  Her feeling was that it’s unnecessary and gross. I feel that if you have too much of it, you are obligated to manscape.  I  also think it’s more of a personal preference thing than an indirect result of the failed Bush Administration and its policies of war and deregulation.  But hell, I blame Bush for nearly everything.  Why not this too?  Unless, of course, you think it’s a good thing.

But back to the story.  Along with the commentary, the writer provided a visual aid.  Click HERE for the slide show of chest hair.  And OMFG, Chuck Bass has chest hair?!  RAWR.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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santa claus is coming to town!

santaandreindeer

I’ve never had any trouble believing in Santa but for the Scrooges out there Larry Silverberg, a professor of mechanical and aerospace engineering at North Carolina State University, has conducted some research to further explain Santa’s magic.  His Christmas-spirit-lacking conclusion?  Advanced nanotechnology and an exploitation of the time space continuum help to explain some of Santa’s powers.

Silverberg says that Santa is exploiting the time space continuum when he makes his Christmas Eve voyage around the world.  A Christmas Eve voyage that actually lasts SIX Santa months.  Pardonnez moi?

“He understands that space stretches, he understands that you can stretch time, compress space and therefore he can, in a sense, actually have six Santa months to deliver the presents,” Silverberg told Reuters.

“In our reference frame it appears as though he does it in the wink of an eye and in fact there have been sightings of Santa, quick sightings, and that’s in our reference frame, but in Santa’s reference frame he really has six months”.

I suppose that makes it a little easier to believe (that is, if you didn’t already) that Santa can visit 200 million homes in just one night.  Silverberg said his research also indicates that Santa doesn’t carry all of the toys in his sleigh.  Instead, he grows the presents under the tree using nanotechnology or, more specifically, he turns irreversible therm0-dynamic properties into reversible ones to turn soot, candy and other natural materials into the presents.  Maybe that’s why we’re supposed to leave cookies for Santa.  Not because he’s so hungry (although now that we know it actually takes him six months the cookies make a little more sense) but because he uses them to grow our presents!

Some of Silverberg’s other research on Santa indicates that to determine whose naughty or nice, Santa uses giant antennas; the sleigh also has a GPS system of sorts and the reindeer are “genetically bred to fly, balance on rooftops and see in the dark.”

I still think Santa’s sleigh is fueled by Christmas Spirit and my biggest question remains, how does Santa eat all of those cookies and still fit through the chimneys?  Also, where does he vacation after Christmas?  I’d like to go there and buy him a drink.

If you’re still not convinced (you lousy non-believer, you) check out this picture from Iwasabducted.com  (a truly reliable source if ever there was one) of an unidentified flying object that looks eerily similar to Santa’s sleigh.

Honestly, do you need more proof than that?

[Posted by Madeline]

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smell it your way with bk.

This is for sure going to be the gift of the season.  The Tickle-Me-Elmo for the fat kids…err…or people that just love food as much as I do.  Now this may or may not be a joke, but it’s ridiculous any way and I’m going write about it.  You can now purchase a cologne from Burger King called Flame.

“The WHOPPER sandwich is America’s Favorite burger.  FLAME by BK captures the essence of that love and gives it to you.  Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”

Ummm.  Rawr?  I do love a good whopper.  In fact, I have many times stated on the blog that burgers were the reason for my failed vegetarianism.  So given that I love burgers, would I love the faint smell of flame-broiled meat on a man? Hmm. [Insert awkward joke about man meat HERE.]

Even if you are totally repulsed by this concept and want to vom, at least check out the Web Site, it’s funny.  http://www.firemeetsdesire.com/

And if you want to seduce me, maybe try wearing FLAME.  But if Wendy’s comes out with their own line, then go with that.  Especially if it smells like the Baconator.  Oh and you need to have a nice set of buns.  Get it?  Buns?  Burgers?  I’m done.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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