So even though most of us (or maybe just people like me who don’t know much about ’80s hair bands) only know Bret Michaels from his addictingly bad reality show on VH1, apparently he really was, at some point, famous for being in a band. For reasons I haven’t quite figured out, he and his band, Poison, performed at the Tony’s last night, and at the end of the show, Mr. Michaels got clotheslined by his set. See for yourself:
My first I’m-clearly-going-to-hell asshole reaction was to laugh. A lot. Because who doesn’t love seeing people (especially people who are men who wear eyeliner and have ridiculous blonde hair and star in reality shows about falling in love in two weeks) fall? But apparently he might be hurt? Let’s hope he’s not, for the obvious reasons, but also because then we can laugh at this clip with less guilt.
America’s obsession with the Gosselins is getting ridiculous. Today, one of the top Googled searches is for Kate Gosselin in a bikini and these pictures are flying around the Interwebs like craaaaaaaaazy. Normally, I’d be a little weirded out by that kind of Google search (because it’s usually done by pervy dudes who live in their parents’ basement). But this one, I kind of get. I mean, the lady has had eight kids. Sick curiousity makes you want to look. By the way, TMZ calls her haircut the reverse mullet. Agreed. I HATE IT.
Here is what she looked like preggo and before she became a teevee MOMster:
So here is what she looks like, five years later, in a bikini:
Ah the wonders of a tummy tuck and a personal trainer. I’ll admit it, she is a pretty sassy mama of eight. Minus the HIDEOUS hair and attitude. Kate Gosselin, I give you the obligatory RAWR.
Today is a sacred holiday. It’s National Neil Diamond day. Let’s take a minute to appreciate how glorious this man is and the impact he has made on our lives.
What a fox. RAWR!
Ba ba ba! So good! So good!
Check out the outfits in this one. Neil Diamond is all that is man.
Oh dear God, take a look at this. According to a Billboard article (and last night’s episode of “I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!”), the male half of the media whore team known as Speidi just came out with a rap single. Yeah. The video is worse than you imagined:
In the Billboard article, Spencer waxes eloquent about his rap skillz, and on the fact that he is like totally the best white rapper ever:
“Honestly, I used to be the biggest Eminem fan on the planet, but the difference now is that he’s so paid. My hustle is the same as his was when he was 25, coming out with his first flow.” And he continues his harsh criticism of [Asher] Roth, whom he recently referred to as a “nerd” in an interview with MTV News. “I want to be the antithesis to Roth,” explains Pratt. “If he’s the good guy right now, I’ll be the villain. I’m more hated than Eminem ever was, so why can’t I be the hated rapper?”
Spencer, I don’t think you’ve ever had “hustle”. And “so paid”? Okay, Kanye West. (I obviously had to look that up…but I understand that “Gold Digger” line now!)
Spencer Pratt, please go away. Take your wife with you. WE DO NOT CARE.
P.S. If you insist on staying around, at least make your wife dye her hair a normal human color.
Despite the fact that I write for a blog that often focuses wacky celebrity gossip, and despite the fact that I’m a young person with plenty of access to and knowledge of technology, I often entirely miss major pieces of pop culture news. As in, some things on “I Love 2009” will be totally new to me. A few recent cases in point: I’m just starting to know the words to “Just Dance” — don’t talk to me about “Poker Face,” because I don’t know that I’ve heard it. I also don’t understand some basic Facebook commands. Yesterday, whilst Facebooking stalking (that I know), I clicked some button that was apparently the wrong button to get where I wanted to go. And I was flat out mocked by my companions, including my sister, who told me that she was ashamed to be related to me.
I’m not super concerned about things like this. I know that Lady GaGa wears weird apparatuses (apparati?) on her head, and I know how to use Facebook to find out which of my middle school friends are knocked up. That’s about all I need. But I have been hearing an awful lot about this movie called Up. In the past 24 hours or so, a bunch of people have been talking about it, and it’s gotten to the point where I can’t pretend to understand the references anymore. (Comments like “Oh, ha ha, yeah, the dog with the talking collar” or “Right, houses tied to balloons, genius” only work for so long.)
Being the modern day Nancy Drew that I am, I YouTubed that shiz, and here’s what I found:
Now, while that preview is cute, it doesn’t exactly make me want to leave work early, pick up some Red Vines, and run to the nearest theater to see the movie. I do have faith in Pixar, though (like Google and Mac, they seem to never screw up), and comments on Rotten Tomatoes are astonishingly good. And if the movie can make me cry within the first 15 minutes, as one Rotten Tomatoes commenter said Up did for her, you know I’ll be an easy sell.
My little sister was in town this weekend, and we were both up early so that I could get off to work and she could get to the airport. We were ready ahead of schedule and had the fortune of watching some of “The Today Show” — and of being reminded why watching the news can be really depressing. Today’s headlines include:
George Tiller, a pretty infamous late-term abortion doctor from Kansas, was murdered yesterdayIN HIS CHURCH. Where his wife sang in the choir and he was an usher. As Barry said, abortion (particularly late-term) is an incredibly divisive issue and the two sides may not be reconcilable, but this takes it way too freaking far.
GM officially filed for bankruptcy. I won’t even pretend to be able to explain the real economic impact this might have, but all those people on the teevee say this is a really big deal.
An Air France flight from Rio de Janeiro to Paris went missing. The plane, which had 228 people on board, went off the radar about three hours after taking off, and that’s not normal. Here’s hoping the plane was full of beautiful people and it will land on a remote island and everyone can live “Lost”-style until we find them and save them. UPDATE: The AP reports that debris presumed to be from the plane has been found in the Atlantic Ocean. So sad.
Celebrity news wasn’t quite as depressing, but there’s a lot going on there as well:
“The Hills” finale was on last night, and LC is OUT. Maybe I’m just naive, but I think it’s remarkable that she seemed to stay so normal throughout the show, and I’m glad that she’s getting out before she totally ruins her life. Via BBM (and Cosmo), my sister informed me that Lauren apparently got angry that the producers were taking over her life a leetle too much. In a world where cute people like Susan Boyle and seemingly perfect families like the Gosselins are ruined by reality teevee, it’s nice to see someone say (albeit after a few years), “No thanks. I’m done.” Oh and also Kristin Cavallari showed up.
Shit got crazyat last night’s MTV Movie Awards! Call me lovestruck, but I think Andy Samberg did a pretty good job hosting. But that nonsense with Eminem getting smothered by Bruno and storming away…and Kristen Stewart seemingly being blazed out of her mind…and Megan Fox managing to make herself look ugly…and I didn’t even watch the whole show!
Let’s hope the week calms down a little after this…
Hello, SWTCTW readers! Here is Chris’ weekly SYTYCD update!
Mallory brought up an interesting point – which is that some people may not be familiar with the summertime awesomeness that is SYTYCD. I’m not really sure how this could be the case and I’m too frightened to explore the deep dark world in which this scenario could be possible. So, taking her hypothetical point to heart, I’ve prepared a quick tutorial based on the dancing kid video she posted last week.
During the first weeks of the show, we are entertained with audition footage from various locations around the country. (Please resist any obvious comparisons here to American Idol.) If they were to audition for the show, Mallory’s dancing kids – we will call them Suzy and Steve because Mallory once told me how much she likes those names – would have stood in line at one of the audition spots, awaiting their big break. I think it is clear to all of us that Steve is really the shining star of the pair. Suzy is cut, her SYTYCD career is over. Now for Steve. He has got good musicality, but does he have what it takes to compete? Steve gets put in the choreography group to see if he can learn and perfect a routine with other dancers. He’s good, but I doubt we will be seeing him in Vegas. There’s not much for a 5-year old to do there anyway. That’s basically how the selection process works.
The four hours of SYTYCD we got this week marked the end of this audition process. Tyce Diorio is one of the judges for one of these auditions. Tyce is normally a choreographer for the show, and we saw this week that he is apparently a bitchy queen. You may think this is harsh, so to back myself up, cue bitchy queen montage (at exactly 30 seconds):
But enough about Tyce. One kid in the Los Angeles auditions named Nathan was probably one of the most impressive male auditions of the season. The problem: he is 17 and you have to be 18 to participate. The judges were so taken by his performance they gave him a ticket to Vegas for next season when he is eligible. Nathan was followed by a Stacy who literally danced like she had stuck her finger in an electrical socket. No ticket for Stacy. She should call Suzy to commiserate.
I will leave you all for this week with Sex. No, this isn’t a joke. And he was back this season as well… in a dance-off.
I realize there are no clips of good dancing in tonight’s post. Fret not, readers. We have an entire summer of SYTYCD watching together.
If everything goes according to plan, we’re going to have a weekly guest blogger give us a delightfully snarky recap of the night’s episode of So You Think You Can Dance. Meet Chris. He’s alright, I guess. Chris’ interests include interpretive dance, paleontology, a nice boxed wine (red, of course), lounging by his soon-to-be-open pool in his surfer dude shorts and Six Words to Change the World. What an introduction. Anyway, Chris we’ll be keeping us posted on So You Think You Can Dance season 5. And now, his inaugural post:
We’ve all been waiting for summer. Not for the warm weather. Not for the scantily-clad folks we see around town. Not because our apartment complex pool has opened. But because it marks the return of So You Think You Can Dance.
Hello SWTCTW! It’s Chris, your SYTYCD GB (guest blogger). That’s right. For the next however many weeks, I will be joining you on Thursday nights as your SYTYCD watch-party-guest-blogger-buddy, or SYTYCD WPBGB, as we say in the blogging biz.
I’m here for one reason – SYTYCD brings people together. Young and old, and even old and young. Minus Mary’s crazy screaming (there’s really no excuse for that nonsense), SYTYCD puts on TV the talent that we all think we possess at 12:30 a.m. on Saturday nights at the clubs (and P.S. I’ve seen the facebook pictures; we don’t really possess the talent).
I personally can’t wait for the episodes with the real dancing to start. Though I was a little offended by last night’s episode. Some of the moves they made fun of last night, I have spent weeks perfecting at the local bar…
I have a tendency to get emotionally invested in a competition very, very quickly. I can ask my dad who to root for in a college football game, and by the end I’m crying when the quarterback runs over to hug his mother. I can be watching Dancing With the Stars in French and by the end I’m giddy (and also probably crying) because the cute girl I liked won. I can also not see a single episode of American Idol but still, inexplicably, watch and care about the finale.
I forced my poor friend Jill to watch the singing part of the finale with me two nights ago. (In my slight defense, she DVR-ed it so we fast-forwarded through the cheesy parts or any moment where Ryan Seacrest talked.) Now that Adam guy has a set of pipes, and I was totally impressed by him, despite the creeptastic trench coat and smoke. But Kris Allen won me over. It’s a well-publicized fact that my favorite genre of music is Boys Playing Guitars, and he fits the bill perfectly. He’s just so earnest! And he plays instruments! And he has a cute wife! And anyone else think he sounds a lot like Adam Levine when he’s singing? He also gets an adorable smashed and crooked face when he sings — like John Mayer, but more endearing.
The point is, I teared up any time they showed Kris’s adorable family, then I realized that I would actually buy his CD (as long as “No Boundaries” isn’t on it, good GOD), so I was compelled to vote for him. That’s right, I totally texted in my vote. And he won! HOORAH!
I didn’t watch the results part of the finale, but this picture, courtesy of the NYT, is perfect:
Here’s hoping he doesn’t get famous and starting banging random groupies.
six words to change the world. 