Category Archives: food

by | April 3, 2009 · 1:28 pm

come stand a little bit closer…

You should know, first of all, that I’m feeling much better today. It took some Kathleen mixed with some wine with a side of chips and salsa and Ben and Jerry’s and POOF, healed. (Well, mentally. The ankle still causes me to go on angry expletive-laden rants in my head as I walk through Union Station: “God damned ankle. You mother fucker. Could you MAYBE stop HURTING you little piece of shit?!” Ahem.) Last night I may have eaten upwards of 200% of the recommended daily value of saturated fat in the form of Peanut Butter Cup ice cream, and Kathleen and I may have been glued to the television for an entire hour-long David Blaine special, straight out of 1997, with Leonardo DiCaprio and his floppy hair hosting. It happens.

I only overslept by a half hour (okay, 50 minutes) this morning, which was an upgrade from the rest of the week, and this morning this song came on my shuffle:

How could my day go badly if it began with that song? I mean…

Any time I need to see your face
I just close my eyes and I am taken
to a place where the crystal mind and
magenta feeling taken shelter in the base
of my spine sweet like a chicka cherry cola

The magenta feeling has definitely taken shelter in the base of my spine. (What?)

HAPPY FRIDAY, KIDDOS!

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | March 5, 2009 · 3:13 pm

dear readers, i present food porn.

My officemate Erica (who has her own fabulous food blog called Bacon Concentrate — check her out and make her famous!) introduced me to Tastespotting, the most wonderful blog ever. It just has lots of pictures of food! Basically, any food-lover can send in their own handiwork and have it displayed on le blog. Which is both wonderful and really, really torturous. Just ask my keyboard, which is now covered in my saliva. I feel like this site shouldn’t be safe for work. Here are some samples:

bagel

(Originally from kitchenmischief.blogspot.com)

toast

(Originally from voodoolily.blogspot.com)

pork

(Originally from latimes.com)

cake

(Originally from spicyicecream.blogspot.com)

Yeah, you’re welcome.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | February 27, 2009 · 3:51 am

a little mitch makes everything better.

“With a stop light, green means ‘go’ and yellow means ‘slow down’. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means ‘go’, green means ‘whoa, slow down’, and red means ‘where the heck did you get that banana?'” 

Love him.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | February 26, 2009 · 9:27 pm

bright green, bacon, and born-again bloggers.

So I’ve been having a life/blog crisis. Here’s what’s up: I’ve been really busy this semester, as you may have guessed since I basically haven’t blogged since W. was president. I’m still pretty busy, but less overwhelmed by my busy-ness. I wanna get back to blogging.  Two of my friends at work have blogs, so we talk about them all the time. And my roommate will say things like, “Oh, did you hear about [insert weird news story here]? It’s the type of thing you guys would have blogged about.” PLUS, there are things in my life that happen that I feel the urge to tell about 200 friends and strangers. (Stats have been low lately, shocking.) The point is, I MISS BLOGGING.

I threw this idea out to Kathleen today, and she’s totally on board:

Me: i vote let’s start blogging again for real. i have a lil more time on my hands now, and i know you could use a break from job-applying and craigslist searching, and i miss it. LET’S DO IT GIRLFRIEND.

Kathleen: holler hey.  i like it.  FOR REAL. 

As you see, we are very important and articulate and passionate about our blogging. HOLD US TO IT.

Here’s an example of something that I feel the need to share with you, dear readers who still care about us: a few hours ago, I visited the site www.baconfreak.com (it’s, um, a long story?) and the following song lyrics came on, out loud, on my WORK COMPUTER, quite audibly, in my crowded office: “Just gimme my bacon…”

Then, a little bit later, I shadowed my officemate for a settlement conference. I didn’t know I’d be attending the conference, so I am wearing my basic business casual casual attire. Picture me, in a room full of 50-75 lawyers in suits, wearing bright green pants.  

 No, they weren’t quite that bright, and no, I was not wearing that wig. But still, it was awkward. Thanks J.Crew, you preppy assholes.

Ladies and gentlemen, if only for moments like these, I’m back.

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | February 1, 2009 · 5:23 pm

odds and ends for sunday afternoon.

Greetings, earthlings.  After the most exciting Saturday night ever (I ate half a block of cheese, apple slices, 3 pickles, a piece of pizza, BBQ chips, and a bowl of chili.  Don’t act like you’re not impressed.), I find myself slothing on the couch of fellow blogger Mal and dear friend Ms. Potter.  Naturally, I have been catching up on all the interesting news that I missed whilst stuffing my face with high sodium foods.  Here we go:

*Michael Phelps smoked a bong, oh my!  AND THERE IS PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE!  I’m not surprised.  He swims fast but in his spare time, he likes to move slooooooooooow.  Here’s the best quote from the story:

“He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits. Michael ended up getting a little paranoid, though, because before too long he looked like he was nervous and ran out of the place.”

Haha.  Five bucks the kid who said this quote was stoned out of his mind and giggled for hours after saying “the gold medal winner of bong hits”.  Here’s the picture.

phelps_516_0102_25518a

Whoopsies!  But in all honesty, this guy takes six drug tests a day, I hardly think he’s a pothead.

*Lisa Loeb got mawwwwwwwied!  She married Roey Hershkovitz, a teevee producer.  You can read the cute NYT announcement here.  Oddly enough, there’s no mention of her E! show, “#1 Single”, which chronicled her miserable dating life and her never-ending, desperate quest to get married.  Funny they didn’t mention it.  Eek.  Here’s a video of her actual number one single, “Stay”.  LOVE THAT SONG.  It’s so 7th grade angsty.  But congrats to LL and her man!

* If you watched the inauguration, you saw Aretha Franklin and her [insert adjective of choice] hat.  Her hat is historic enough on its own, apparently, because the Smithsonian Museum has requested it.

“I am considering it. It would be hard to part with my chapeau since it was such a crowning moment in history,” says the Queen of Soul. “I would like to smile every time I look back at it and remember what a great moment it was in American and African-American history. Ten cheers for President Obama.”

And then she went on about being a natural woman and all that jazz.  What do you think about her hat?

Inauguration Arethas Hat

So no SERIOUS news, just things I find interesante (that’s Spanish for “interesting” FYI).  I need to go eat sodium free foods.  I’ll post more exciting things later, I promise.  Happy Superbowl Sunday!  GO CARDINALS!  Honestly, I don’t care, but I’m rooting for them because running back Tim Hightower is a RICHMOND SPIDER.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | January 31, 2009 · 3:18 am

funny things found on the internets.

Enjoy an assortment of funny things found on the internets:

  • I never thought I’d say such a blasphemous thing, but this is better than Cry Face. Be sure to check out the “How To.”
  • Ha, I like this guy: “Not to be a dick or anything, Iguana, but you’re not a fucking dinosaur. I know you roam around showing off your scaly skin, beady little eyes, and your nose holes. And yes, I’ve seen your tongue. But let me ask you a few questions. Can I ride you? Do you have answering machine messages from Steven Spielberg? WERE YOU ON MY SHOES WHEN I WAS EIGHT???”
  • I’m embarrassed by how many people sent me a link to this. I’m also embarrassed that my boss told me today that if she ever needed to coax me out of a burning building (long story), she’d just get a breakfast sandwich and say “Maaaaallory…look what I haaave…” 

Bet your Friday night wasn’t as fun as mine!!!

[Posted by Mallory]

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by | January 29, 2009 · 3:48 pm

youtube clip of today: cadbury eyebrows.

This video is taking over the world wide webs!  No but seriously, people are loving this.  It is slightly hilaaaaaaarious.  When the girl whips out the balloon?  HA!  But it’s weird too.  Perfect for SWTCTW, no?  Now all I can think about is Cadbury chocolate.  YUM.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | January 12, 2009 · 3:41 pm

they heard the taco wedding bells.

vlcsnap-1605645

Forget the chapel, Paul and Caragh Brooks of Illinois entered the covenant of marriage sitting in a booth at a Taco Bell on Friday, Jan 9.  The courthouse was booked, and they needed another option.  No, I didn’t make that up.  “Going to the T-Bell and we’re gonna get married, goin’ to the T-Bell and we’re, gonna get married.” Okay, sorry, I had to do that.

Fatties like me customers continued to buy their 4th meal of the day while the ceremony took place.  The employees blew up balloons and displayed taco sauce packets that say “Will you marry me?”.  I didn’t know they made those, but that’s cute.  The bride wore a $15 hot pink dress.  The groom’s mother loved the ceremony.  The reception was held right there, with guests ordering right off the menu.  You know what I have to say about that? YUM!  All in all, the wedding costs the couple $200.

Now of course you want to know the ‘how we met story’.  Well, take a guess how they met.  Okay, now read this.

Caragh Brooks, 21, of Australia, met Paul Brooks, 30, on an Internet dating Web site. They already had the same last name.

The couple wrote back and forth and talked on the phone for nine months before Caragh Brooks moved to the United States.

Yup.

“We have the same brain, just in two bodies,” Paul Brooks said. “We think alike in virtually every manner. We have the same interests, viewpoints.”

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that one of those interests might be Taco Bell.  What do you know?  I’m right!

He proposed on New Year’s Eve and, because they like to spend time at the local Taco Bell, they decided to wed there.

Naturally, of course!

The best part of all?  This happened in a town in Illinois called Normal.  NORMAL.  Isn’t it ironic?  Don’tcha think?

As critical and quick to point out the abnormalities as I may seem,  I’m only kidding and I’m honestly really happy for them.  If you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, I guess it doesn’t really matter how you decide to do it.  These two are eccentric.  Also, they paid $200 for a wedding that I won’t ever forget…and I wasn’t even there.  Imagine spending $30,000 on the most cookie cutter wedding imaginable, and then having people groan about “another wedding” when they get the invitation.

You’ve got to give them some credit for having it their way.  Hold on. “Have it your way” is the BK slogan.  Maybe that would have been more fitting?  That aside, congratulations to Caragh and Paul!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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by | January 12, 2009 · 3:42 am

you thought the baconator was cool…

I have a friend who loves bacon. Let’s call her Katie, because that’s her name. In college, we would make fun of her for sneaking scraps of bacon off of our plates when we weren’t looking. She once toyed with the notion of inventing bacon bread. Bitch really, really loves bacon. And she’d do a lot for bacon, but I don’t think she’d do this:

bacon bra

(That photo is officially the most awkward one I’ve ever saved to my Desktop.)

Ladies and gents — but really, just gents — meet the Bacon Bra. Taco Bell is putting bacon in its burritos, so why can’t some random woman wear bacon for a bra? 

My friend Doobie alerted me to this wonderful new invention:

doobie:  so you wanna see the best invention ever?
me:  YES!
doobie:  http://www.stylelist.com/blog/2008/04/11/bringing-home-the-bacon-bra/
me:  oh. my. GOD.
doobie:  hahaha awesome right?
me:  okay, but the bacon is raw
so youd have to like peel it off a boob and fry it before you eat it
doobie:  hmmm id just suck it up
me:  and eat the raw bacon?
doobie:  yup

Oh, boys.

[Posted by Mallory]

  

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by | January 10, 2009 · 6:37 pm

george the lobster goes back home.

I can’t write something more clever than the NY Daily News lede, so here you go.

A monster lobster scored a one-way ticket out of a Manhattan restaurant Friday – and not on a fork.

After a few years of straight up chilling at the City Crab and Seafood restaurant in New York (and a petition from PETA), George, estimated to be between 80 and 140 years old (yeah, me too…) is being released.  It must be a slow news day, because this is hilarious:

George, unlike certain other celebrities, did not seem perturbed as a crew of photographers shot his picture before his grand exit.

“If he was upset, he’d be slapping his tail. His claws would be up and in a defensive posture,” explained Vaina.

“Can you lift up his butt, if he has a butt?” asked a photographer.

George will be transported to New Hampshire, and then finally released in Maine, where he is for sure bound to be caught by a crazy, old Maine lobsterman and sold for $7 a pound.  Yum.

George, GO BACK FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!  Live longer and prosper, little buddy!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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