I thought after I graduated from college, I would become less of a Facebook fiend. Sadly, I’m in my sophomore year after graduation and I probably spend more time on the social networking black hole than ever.
I enjoy cyber-stalking on Facebook just as much as the next guy, but there are several types of Facebookers that drive me absolutely insane. This article categorizes them perfectly. Without a doubt, the Sympathy-Baiter is by far the worst, followed closely by the Chronic-Inviter.
By the way, if you read this article and believe yourself to be none of the above, there is a good chance that you are all 12.
True story: at my high school, seniors were allowed to go off campus for lunch. When you drove back into campus from your sweet ass lunch at Quizno’s or the cheap Mexican place, you would drive by all of the lowly underclassmen eating outside. Most seniors would take this opportunity to blare some sort of rap muuuuusick (what was popular then? Usher? Outkast?) and my friends and I vowed that we would never be that obnoxious (or at least not that particular brand of obnoxious). Instead, we would blare ridiculous, embarrassing music, like — you guessed it — Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” Those were the days.
I should have written about this yesterday, but I didn’t. So that’s that. When I first heard about it, I thought it was a joke. Former Congressman and Majority Leader Tom Delay is going to join the cast of “Dancing with the Stars”. Perhaps the title should be changed to “Dancing with the Fallen Stars”.
Do you all remember Tom “The Hammer” Delay? I’m a huge fan. No, really, I am. Do I disagree with pretty much all of his positions on the issues? You betcha. But I’m really a fan because he gave us one of the most classic and hilarious high profile mugshots EVER. Smile, Hammer!
Stop... Hammer time!
That smile really just lights up a room, doesn’t it? He looks thrilled.
In case you were wondering, he earned the nickname “The Hammer” because he was particularly fierce as the Majority Whip (the person who gets the party to all vote the same way) for the Republicans in 1995. He became the Majority Leader for the House of Reps in 2003. Then, all this stuff started happening. Perhaps there was a little violation of campaign finance laws, perhaps a little perjury. You know, no big deal. Well, actually, he was indicted, but it still hasn’t come to trial yet. Perhaps that will be part of his dramatic DWTS storyline?
So “The Hammer” will grace us with his dancing skillllllz. He says he and his wife love to dance, and his daughter is a professional dancer. When he was in Congress, Tommy was known for his outspoken opposition to the National Endowment for the Arts. Just throwing that out there.
He will be joined by a bunch of other regular people who were once famous. According to People:
The complete cast for Dancing Season Nine
Mya, singer
Melissa Joan Hart, actress
Michael Irvin, former Dallas Cowboy
Ashley Hamilton, actor, comedian, singer-songwriter
Aaron Carter, singer
Kathy Ireland, former supermodel-turned-businesswoman
Debi Mazar, actress
Natalie Coughlin, U.S. Olympic swimmer
Louie Vito, snowboarder
Chuck Liddell, ultimate fighting champ
Donny Osmond, singer
Tom DeLay, former Republican congressman
Macy Gray, singer
Joanna Krupa, model and actress
Mark Dacascos, Iron Chef personality
Kelly Osbourne, reality star
AARON CARTER?! I’m watching this every week. That is a completely serious statement. And just because I can, I’m going to leave you with the a video of my other favorite dancing Hammer:
Guys, did you think I forgot the Hump Day Cry Face??? That could be because I almost did, but it’s only before midnight here in fair D.C., so there’s still time! And I’ve got a good one for you. Here’s the description this week’s Cry Facer sent along with her photo:
This gem was captured via iPhone in a McDonald’s I had to drive TWENTY min off the highway to because I was lost but NEEDED it.
There’s more to that story, but I’m a good friend and will keep that to myself. Onto the photo:
She’s phenomenal, right? I planned to link to another photo of this fine lady doing another excellent CF, but turns out I haven’t posted it yet! I’m both ashamed of myself and thrilled that I have another gem to post, maybe next week. It’s like a double cheeseburger, but of CRY FACES.
In other news, I smashed my thumb rull hard with a hammer today while doing a little Bob Villa-ing around the apartment. Please join me in praying that my thumbnail doesn’t fall off.
Guess how long it’s been since a Hump Day Cry Face? A MILLION YEARS, that’s how long. Many people in my life have been reminding me that I suck at promoting my own Cry Face cause by doing a way better job than me of promoting my Cry Face cause. (This month, I’m bad at blogging and Cry Face. It can only go up from here!)
I’ll post some photos of my most loyal supporter next week, but this week, let’s take a look at an amateur Cry Facer, who was educated by some of the best fake best friends from home ever. I’ve been told that he wants to remain anonymous because he is an extremely important person, so let’s ignore silly things like names and focus instead on the CF:
Aw, Cry Face, I’ve missed you. Thanks to the original Critters for the tip and the constant support. When Cry Face makes it into an a book that sells at Urban Outfitters, you’ll get a shout out.
If you don’t know about these already, I haven’t been doing my job. And for that, I am sorry. I find these to be HILARIOUS. Here is the seventh installment of Auto-Tune the News. Hopefully you find it half as funny as I do. Oh, and below is the sixth installment, which is by far my favorite (Sarah Palin makes an appearance). The rest can be viewed here!
six words to change the world. 