Category Archives: politics

let the lady show some leg!

People want a White House that isn’t stuffy and a president they can have a beer with, yet when the first lady dresses like a normal woman on vacation, the media screams “totes inappropes, Meesh!” Or something to that effect.

As you probably already heard, some people are hassling my girl Michelle for wearing shorts and showing her stems as she stepped off Air Force One.  They call her shorts “short shorts” and “disrespectful” and BLAH BLAH BLAH.  This issue really resonates with your Six Words bloggers, as both of us have been blessed with long femurs.

These are the shorts in question:

michelleobamashortshorts

Ummm… they look fine to me.  These are “short shorts”:

shortshortsNot the same, are they?

Our lovely and stylish First Lady is model height.  She’s 5’11. She’s going to have some lengthy gams.  So really, her shorts aren’t that short, her legs are just really long.  So lay off, you raging heightists!

Aren’t there bigger and better things to worry about anyway?  You know, like making sure the Republicans stop lying about health care reform.  Just a thought.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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dancing with the crooked, lying politician.

I should have written about this yesterday, but I didn’t.  So that’s that.  When I first heard about it, I thought it was a joke.  Former Congressman and Majority Leader Tom Delay is going to join the cast of “Dancing with the Stars”.  Perhaps the title should be changed to “Dancing with the Fallen Stars”.

Do you all remember Tom “The Hammer” Delay?  I’m a huge fan.  No, really, I am.  Do I disagree with pretty much all of his positions on the issues? You betcha. But I’m really a fan because he gave us one of the most classic and hilarious high profile mugshots EVER.  Smile, Hammer!

Stop... Hammer time!

Stop... Hammer time!

That smile really just lights up a room, doesn’t it?  He looks thrilled.

In case you were wondering, he earned the nickname “The Hammer” because he was particularly fierce as the Majority Whip (the person who gets the party to all vote the same way) for the Republicans in 1995.  He became the Majority Leader for the House of Reps  in 2003.  Then, all this stuff started happening. Perhaps there was a little violation of  campaign finance laws, perhaps a little perjury.  You know, no big deal.  Well, actually, he was indicted, but it still hasn’t come to trial yet.  Perhaps that will be part of his dramatic DWTS storyline?

So “The Hammer” will grace us with his dancing skillllllz.  He says he and his wife love to dance, and his daughter is a professional dancer.  When he was in Congress, Tommy was known for his outspoken opposition to the National Endowment for the Arts.  Just throwing that out there.

He will be joined by a bunch of other regular people who were once famous.  According to People:

The complete cast for Dancing Season Nine

Mya, singer
Melissa Joan Hart, actress
Michael Irvin, former Dallas Cowboy
Ashley Hamilton, actor, comedian, singer-songwriter
Aaron Carter, singer
Kathy Ireland, former supermodel-turned-businesswoman
Debi Mazar, actress
Natalie Coughlin, U.S. Olympic swimmer
Louie Vito, snowboarder
Chuck Liddell, ultimate fighting champ
Donny Osmond, singer
Tom DeLay, former Republican congressman
Macy Gray, singer
Joanna Krupa, model and actress
Mark Dacascos, Iron Chef personality
Kelly Osbourne, reality star

AARON CARTER?!  I’m watching this every week.  That is a completely serious statement.  And just because I can, I’m going to leave you with the a video of my other favorite dancing Hammer:

[Posted by Kathleen]

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youtube clip of today: attn #7.

If you don’t know about these already, I haven’t been doing my job.  And for that, I am sorry.  I find these to be HILARIOUS.  Here is the seventh installment of Auto-Tune the News.  Hopefully you find it half as funny as I do.  Oh, and below is the sixth installment, which is by far my favorite (Sarah Palin makes an appearance).  The rest can be viewed here!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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swf’s kidney for sale: just $10,000!

Am I right or just hopped up on Doritos?

Am I right or just hopped up on Doritos?

Today I went on a tour of the White House. I was very excited for said tour because, you know, BARRY, and I was certain that the entire first family would be there to greet me because I was touring in a pack of very important government interns. And oooh boy, what a letdown! That tour was BO-ring. I was sort of warned of that, but I didn’t believe that being in Barry’s house could possibly be boring. I was very, very wrong. The tour is self-guided, you see like four rooms, and there are bored tourists everywhere. I only learned two major things today:

1. Woodrow Wilson was a pretty good looking young man.

2. Barack and Michelle are still perfect.

I have a theory about most tourist attractions. I developed this theory while doing a whirlwind super-touristy tour of Italy with my family a few years ago. In a cultural tourist attraction — say, an art museum or a famous church or a site of ancient ruins — very few people really want to be there. I would estimate that 25% of visitors (if that) are genuinely interested in seeing the stuff; 25% of visitors feel obligated to see the stuff but are secretly really bored; and 50% of people were forced to go by someone in one of the other two groups. Now, I know this isn’t a revolutionary theory, but it’s still strange to think about. Why do we force ourselves to spend hours in museums that we genuinely don’t care about when we could be eating gelato and people-watching? Deep thoughts, people. Deep thoughts.

Speaking of the White House and politics and such, helloooooo New Jersey scandal! So juicy. Illegal sales of body parts? Is this real life? I hope someone tries to buy my kidney for ten grand this weekend while I’m in the Jerz. I’ll keep you posted on that.

[Posted by Mallory]

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flannel nightgowns, anxiety, and sarah palin.

sarah palinIt’s summertime, and she’s not actively running for national office anymore (*crosses fingers*), but Sarah Palin still makes me want to put on a flannel nightgown and eat Smartfood as I fume and read various articles about her increasing level of crazy. (You remember my flannel nightgown theory, right?)

I actually have work to do right now, and I actually want to do it, but I have to post something about her. We all know that she’s stepping down as Governor of Alaska, which is mind-boggling in and of itself, and we’re all hoping that she’s not doing this because she’s aiming for a 2012 Presidential run. And all of that makes me a little nervous/angry/delighted by the ridiculousness, but her resignation speech is truly a work of art. I’m sitting here with my officemate and we’re each reading lines to each other and trying not to break our computers. I’m too riled up, and not quite patient or clever or smart enough to break this gem down on my own, but thank goodness, Jezebel did for us! Do yourself a favor and read the whole thing, but for now, here are some of my favorite points of analysis:

Palin says: “So to serve the state is a humbling responsibility, because I know in my soul that Alaska is of such import, for America’s security, in our very volatile world. And you know me by now, I promised even four years ago to show MY independence… no more conventional ‘politics as usual.'”

Jezebel says: “Here Palin appears to be opting for a broad definition of ‘politics as usual,’ one that includes such outdated conventions as finishing out one’s elected term and completing the job one has promised to do.”

Palin says: “And then I thought – that’s what’s wrong – many just accept that lame duck status, hit the road, draw the paycheck, and ‘milk it.’ I’m not putting Alaska through that – I promised efficiencies and effectiveness!? That’s not how I am wired. I am not wired to operate under the same old ‘politics as usual.’ I promised that four years ago – and I meant it.”

Jezebel says: “Here Palin advances her bold thesis: that serving out the full term for which your constituents elected you is in fact an exploitation of those constituents. No doubt her time after resignation will consist entirely of delivering barrels of crude oil to impoverished Alaskan families and reuniting baby grizzlies with their mothers, and not of ‘hitting the road’ making public appearances in other, more influential states.”

Palin says: “Let me go back to a comfortable analogy for me – sports… basketball. I use it because you’re naïve if you don’t see the national full-court press picking away right now: A good point guard drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping her eye on the basket… and she knows exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can WIN.”

Jezebel says: “A more appropriate analogy for Palin’s actions might be stopping in the middle of the game, tossing the basketball over one’s shoulder, and then leaving the court to play an entirely different game, perhaps table tennis or curling.”

Deep breaths. I have gotten to the point where I seriously cannot respect anyone who respects her. (Doobie, you’re exempt. I know you just want her to be your Sugar Mama.) This speech is not just absent of any sort of political strategy that I can agree with, it’s absent of logic. IT MAKES NO SENSE. Does she not have speechwriters anymore? Who lets her get away with saying this shit out loud? Please, please, please let this just mean a scandal is about to be revealed and it will be the end of Sarah Palin as we know it. My fragile, anxious self can’t take any more of her, and I don’t think I’m supposed to wear a flannel nightgown to work.

UPDATE: Also, read this. Ain’t nobody in history like you, Sarah.

[Posted by Mallory]

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former competitive eaters are fat. unbelievable!

WEINER WARS

This just in from the Department Of Things That Are Unsurprising:  Ex-competitive speed eaters report weight gain, chest pain and clogged arteries.  Oh my!

CNN has a gripping piece on former competitive speed eaters.

“Any way you look at it, it’s not healthy,” Dave “Coondog” O’Karma, a retired competitive eater, said of his former hobby. “You do it once in a while, and it’s fun. I don’t think loading your body with fat and salt is healthy.”

After 35 years of gobbling hamburger, oysters, eggs, corn on the cob and even bull testicles, O’Karma listened to his family and retired from the competition.

Maybe his family was just upset that he gobbled bull testicles.  Moving on!

According to the article, the effects of speed eating hadn’t been tested before.  If I had to venture as to why, I think because everyone would know that it’s bad for you.  That’s common sense.  But someone just HAD to do a test on it.

n 2007, four University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine doctors who specialize in gastroenterology and radiology conducted an experiment on the stomach activities of a competitive eater and an average eater. The average eater ate seven hot dogs before he felt sick. Champion speed eater Tim Janus ate 36 hot dogs in 10 minutes before doctors intervened.

The doctors had to intervene!

If you want to watch people clog their arteries just for funsies, Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest airs tomorrow on ESPN.  Happy hot dog gobbling this weekend, folks!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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read emails between sanford and mistress.

sanford

Last Thursday The State, a South Carolina newspaper, published emails (allegedly) sent back and forth between Governor Mark Sanford and his mistress. The ones in this article were sent around the Fourth of July last year, which of course means only one thing: Mark Sanford hates America.

Take a look for yourself. These emails are just…embarrassing. They aren’t scandalous and juicy so much as they are boring. Make sure to look out for multiples references to the Cameron Diaz/Kate Winslet/Jude Law/Jack Black chick flick The Holiday, along the citation of a biblical passage. Mmm, hypocrisy on a Monday morning.

Thanks to intern Katie for the tip!

[Posted by Mallory]

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wowza, what a week we’ve missed.

Kathleen and I have been naughty, naughty bloggers. Everything huge that can happen in the world of blogging happened this past week — important people dying, political scandals…that about covers it — and we have not kept you up to speed.

What a week. So first Ed McMahon died, and we’ll let our bloggy friend Caroline cover that in her trademark wacky way. Then we lose Farrah Fawcett to the bright forever, and Shaq to the Cavs (and no, I will not pretend to actually care about that, but I have to throw it in there). Amid all of that, we have perhaps the most delightfully bizarre Republican-having-an-affair story in recent months. I mean really, Mark Sanford? I remember hearing about him being “missing” earlier in the week, and I was totally giving him the benefit of the doubt. Like, “Come ON people, the guy just needed to get in touch with nature and clear his head on the Appalachian Trail!” And even when that story changed to Sanford “clearing his head” in Argentina, I was all, “Okay, that’s a little weirder, but whatever man. Let the guy do what he needs to do.” But of course — of course — he was having an affair. We all should have known (and most people who aren’t as naive as I am did, I guess). Here’s a well-articulated article about Sanford’s hypocrisy and irresponsibility that I just stumbled upon.

Michael JacksonThen, as you all know, we lost MJ. Part of the reason I hesitated to post about Michael Jackson’s death is that I didn’t have any idea what to say about it, and I knew that there were plenty of other people out there saying important things, better than I could have (take Andrew Sullivan and Michael Thomas, for instance). When big celebrities like Heath Ledger and Natasha Richardson died, I was really sad, for reasons I didn’t quite understand. With Michael Jackson, it was different, and I think that’s in part because his entire life was just so sad and strange and depressing. When I heard that he died, I was surprised, but I also felt the same as I always had about him. Andrew Sullivan, in the article I linked to above, puts it perfectly:

…he had no compass to find [a normal life]; no real friends to support and advise him; and money and fame imprisoned him in the delusions of narcissism and self-indulgence. Of course, he bears responsibility for his bizarre life. But the damage done to him by his own family and then by all those motivated more by money and power than by faith and love was irreparable in the end. He died a while ago. He remained for so long a walking human shell.

Dead on, right? [Ed. note: In proofreading I noticed the interesting choice of the phrase “dead on.” Pun not intended, but I’m leaving it.] We lost a great talent, but I would imagine anyone who knew MJ felt they lost Michael Jackson the person long ago.

It gets nuttier, though. This crazy week just HAD to go out with a bang: Mark and Michael and Farrah and Shaq and Ed…not enough! Billy Mays had to go and die. Yep, that Billy Mays:

Billy Mays

Billy Mays of infomercial fame was found dead in his home this morning at the age of 50. (Some sources are saying he was 49, but according to his Wikipedia birthday, he was 50.) No foul play is suspected, and no one seems to know what caused the death. The only slight lead is that he had been in a minor plane accident the day before and was hit on the head with some luggage. We’ll keep you posted as we hear more about Mays’ death.

Let’s all hope for some much, MUCH better news in the upcoming week. We can really only go up from here, eh?

[Posted by Mallory]

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sesame street teaches us about marriage.

Here’s a cute clip that’s been going around the Interwebs lately.  What I love about it is how Sesame Street defines marriage as two people who hug and kiss, live together, love each other and are best friends. [Insert Bert and Ernie joke here. Ha!]  Does that scare you, NOM? The Sesame Street definition is simple, and probably the best one I’ve ever heard.  We are never too old to learn lessons from Sesame Street.  Thank you, Jesse and Grover!  (PS- How adorable is Jesse?!)

[Posted by Kathleen]

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some quick thoughts on sonia sotomayor…

sotomayorAlright, I know.  It’s “old news” (old being about two days), but I still wanted to weigh in.

In case you haven’t heard, my boy Barack named Sonia Sotomayor as his nominee to replace David Souter on the Supreme Court.  First things first, how do you say her name?  Mallory tackled that one!  Click here.  And now, my thoughts.

I’ve had a few days to digest this now, and I must admit, I’m a little let down.  I see the pragmatism, but I don’t see the promise of change.  I was really hoping for a strong logical and liberal voice on the court, and it seems that we are getting a left-leaner.  So the court remains 5-4, but barely leaning left.

Her record on choice is thin, and while I’m sure she will uphold Roe v. Wade, I’d like to see someone on the court who has demonstrated more conviction in her career.  Sure, she saved baseball, but what about our reproductive rights?  Hopefully she bats lefty. (GET IT?! HA!)

GOP hip hop gangsta Michael Steele had this to say about her (from CNN’s Political Ticker):

Indeed, Steele was mild in his initial jabs, calling Sotomayor an “interesting pick” with “overwhelming political overtones to it.”

Funny, Michael Steele.  That’s what most people would say about you!  SNAP!  But quite bluntly, B played it safe with this one.  The GOP is searching for something to hold on to that justifies them not voting for confirmation, and the fact that nobody really knows anything about her is making their task more difficult.

From what I’ve read, Sonia Sotomayor is one heck of smart lady.  She has an inspirational story of success (the projects in the Bronx to a SCOTUS nomination) and has an excellent reputation as a judge.  She was first appointed to Federal District Court in New York by George H.W. Bush and the Court of Appeals by Bill Clinton, so she’s had bipartisan support in the past.  Not too shabby.  And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention she’d be the first Hispanic Supreme Court Justice!  And just the third woman to ever sit on the bench.

I have no doubt in my mind that she will be a great judge, I was just hoping for a little more, I suppose.  I wanted him to make a statement.  Perhaps that’s for next time.  I trust you, B!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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