Category Archives: politics

t minus two days until history.

I should be out celebrating the four-day weekend and impending inauguration of my dear Barry with the rest of the District, but instead I’ve gotten sucked into watching yet another House marathon. It seems that every Sunday night for the past, oh, twelve Sundays, I’ve been glued to the teevee watching the delightful drama of Gregory House and crew. It’s weird, because I’ve never watched an entire season or enough shows in a row to get in tune with the relationships between all the characters, but it’s such an addicting show that it really doesn’t matter. (And I’ve watched enough to gather that Cameron and House almost had a thing, or maybe they did have a thing? Where are those episodes?!)

Because I’ve been watching so much House, it’s always a huge shock to me when I’m reminded that Hugh Laurie is English. I mean, who knew he really sounded like this?

So much more likable! I wonder if he gets really, really sick of faking the American accent of a very angry dude. 

In other news, there’s um, some pretty exciting stuff happening this week. I’m not nearly as excited as I feel like I should be, except for random moments of joy where I’m all “Oh my god…next week at this time George Bush will no longer be our President.” Won’t you just feel calmer and happier knowing that he’s out of the picture? I know I will.

I’m one of those poor, common DC residents who doesn’t have tickets to any fancy balls and who doesn’t get to be close enough to the actual inauguration ceremony to ask Malia and Sasha if they want me to be their new babysitter. But still, I’m really freaking glad to be in DC right now. The sheer fact that we all get Tuesday off is exciting; it’s like we get a snow day and the rest of the country doesn’t. (Suckaaas.)

Of course, we do have to deal with the four bajillion people who are apparently coming for the Big Day. I’m a leetle nervous for that. As of now, my inaugural plans are to attend a cheesy Obama-themed party tomorrow night (think Barackli and Cheese and Sloppy Joe Bidens) and then brave the crowds with the rest of the world tomorrow. I’m still crossing my fingers that a front row ticket will turn up and I’ll get to hold Michelle’s mom’s hand throughout the ceremony. I’ll keep you posted.

In other other news, I get to see Joshua Radin in concert in NYC on Friday! So if things this week aren’t exciting as I want them to be, I can always try to get Joshua to fall in love with me this weekend. 

Sometimes my friends tell me I’m delusional. Sometimes I think they’re right.

[Posted by Mallory]

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joe the plumber, great american journalist.

plumber_add

As Mallory reported earlier, Joe the Plumber is now Joe the Reporter, reporting from Israel.  For Pajama Media, whatever that is. (I frequently blog from my bed, am I part of Pajama Media?)  Essentially, after watching one of his videos, I would ever-so-kindly, but bluntly, suggest that he stick to plumbing.  Let’s take a look at it, shall we?  Watch Joe the Buffoon give his version of the straight talk to the media (and be a huge horse’s ass) here.  Best part is how he says “I’m not the story”, (as he points to the dude with the Kenny G. hair in a ponytail.  That hair is newsworthy.) but clearly, he is.  And that’s how he likes it.

Somehow, this joker managed to get about two solid weeks of press attention.  The first time was just chance, but every time after that, it was because he wanted it.  Ooh, Joe is going on the campaign trail with McCain!  Ooh, Joe isn’t ruling out a run for Congress in 2010!  Ooh, Joe just got an agent!  Now, if he didn’t want publicity, why would he hire an agent?  After all, he’s just a regular guy!  My favorite Joe moment, up until now though, was after the election when Joe decided to backstab McCain and Palin.  Yup, that got him another 15 minutes of fame.

So here is the transcription of him confronting “The Media”. Dun dun dun…

JOE: The story here is people are being killed and the media’s slanting it and trying to make it Hamas is, uh, as far as, that Israel’s being bad. Do you believe Israel is bad?

Oooh!  Good question, Joe! Has Israel been naughty?

REPORTER: Do I believe it?

JOE: Yeah, do you?!

Do ya, punk?

REPORTER: I’m Israeli, so…

JOE: So answer the question!

Objection!  The reporter is badgering the…reporter!

REPORTER: No, I don’t think Israel is bad.

JOE: Do you think Israel has every right to protect itself?

REPORTER: Yeah.

[pause]

JOE: You do?!

REPORTER: Yeah.

It’s called preparation, Joe.  It’s quite simple.  You see, if you think of questions beforehand, you don’t have to stall and have awkward pauses.

JOE: Have you said that on air?

REPORTER: I’m just a reporter.

Yeah, Joe.  You really nailed this one.

Ahhh, and that is why I cannot be a reporter.  Because being able to have public opinions about things, such as Joe the Plumber, is just too much fun to pass up.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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a celebration of the final week.

Yes kids, it’s the last full week of George Bush’s presidency.  Let’s celebrate!  A big thank you to 23/6 for putting this little video together for us.  LOVE the background music.

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Don’t go getting all nostalgic on me now!  Dry your eyes!
[Posted by Kathleen]

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prince harry, harry, he’s quite contrary.

prince_harry

If this was American politics, we’d call it Pakigate.  But it isn’t. It’s British, so I don’t know what to call it other than completely and utterly stupid on the part of Prince Harry.  You know Prince Harry? Yes, as in the now-hotter-than-Prince William-prince.

(True story: When William was at his peak attractiveness–age 16– and I was at my peak boycrazyness–age 13– I had his poster on my wall.  Did I ever have a shot with him?  No.  In fact, there’s a long list of laws that tell you why I cannot.  Being American and Catholic are just the tip of the iceberg.  But I still had hope.  Don’t judge me, fools.  And on second thought, you should never marry someone who had your poster on their wall.  That’s just weird.  Tom and Katie, I’m talking to you.)

Anyway, Harry made an oopsie.  In a video, he called one of his platoon buddies his “little Paki friend”, which of course is not cool, and then he tells another he looks like a “raghead”.  Now, before he gets the title His Royal Highness Prince Harry the Racist and you get your royal britches in a twist, I want to not defend him while defending him…if that makes sense.  Our own American troops use language like that.  It’s not uncommon.  But it’s terrible.  Also, while you think good ‘ole ‘Arry might have his wits about him because HE IS THE PRINCE OF WALES, he’s done some dumb things in the past.  Like that time he wore a Nazi uniform to a Halloween party.  Or how he blatantly smokes pot at parties.  Maybe he isn’t royally brilliant, but that doesn’t make him a  racist.

But watch the video for yourself.  Do you think he’s just a dude, who happens to be a prince,  trying to fit in with his platoon?  Because that’s what it seems like to me.  Also, at the end you’ll feel like you know him a little better than anticipated after one of his buddies asks him a question, and he obliges with the answer.

Here is Harry’s apology:

“Prince Harry fully understands how offensive this term can be, and is extremely sorry for any offense his words might cause,” spokesman Patrick Harrison said in a statement.

“However, on this occasion three years ago, Prince Harry used the term without any malice and as a nickname about a highly popular member of his platoon. There is no question that Prince Harry was in any way seeking to insult his friend.”

No mention of the ginger pubes.

But we learn another fact.  Harry made this video three years ago.  Does that change things?

UPDATED:  The father of the cadet Harry made the remark about is furious and says his apology isn’t enough.  Also, Harry is in even more trouble with one of his own charities.  Click HERE.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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porn industry needs some economic viagra!

Ladies and Gentleman, in case you haven’t heard, we are in a serious economic crisis.  The banks are in trouble, the auto industry is in trouble, the sky is falling, and the once throbbing porn industry is now flaccid.  Hardy har har.

All joking aside (but not really), the porn industry has gone limp.  Now, its two top bananas (good title for a porn king, right?) are going to ask the Congress for a porn pullout put out bailout of $5 billion.  I am not making this up.  FIVE. BILLION. DOLLARS.  A sort of economic viagra, if you will.

Larry Flynt, grandpoohbah of porn and free speech, and Joe Francis, the creepy life ruiner that started Girls Gone Wild, will be going to Washington to petition Congress.  How cute!  Go ahead, laugh.  (Quotes from TMZ, the most trustworthy source of news EVER.)

Francis sees his industry like the big three automakers, only BIGGER: “Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation’s most important businesses; we feel we deserve the same consideration.”

Seems to me that Francis is one of those guys that lies about size.  Size of the porn industry, you sickos.  Get your heads out of the gutter!

“With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind,” Flynt says. “It’s time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America.”

Two things, Larry. Even though the economy is in shambles, people aren’t denying biology.  Secondly, and you can ask any 13 year old boy this, but it’s called the internet.  (Al Gore invented it.)  And usually, it’s free!  THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU DESERVE A BAILOUT.  What it means is that the times, they are a changin’.  You know, get hip, Larry!  Way back, I wrote a post about how people were excited for the new iPhone because it was apparently better for porn.  Gross, I know.  But the post is now the most viewed one every day.  People post links to free sites.  I am shocked and appalled that this sinning happens at our blog, but whatev.

Anyway, this porn bailout plot line is almost as ridiculous as an actual porn plot line.  Cue the cheesy music.

Does anyone else want a bailout?

[Posted by Kathleen]

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when our work’s done for us.

Um,

Joe the Plumber becomes war reporter.”

That is funniest six-word headline I’ve seen all year! Because it is a joke! Right? Right? RIGHT?!

Ha ha ha ha no. It’s not a joke. Our economy has tanked, a hockey mom who doesn’t know a predicate from a condom was selected as a vice presidential candidate, and Joe the Plumber is going to Israel to be a war correspondent. 

According to Wonkette and the Australian newspaper that penned that knee-slapper of a six-word headline, Joe the Plumber is headed to Israel on the behalf of Pajamas Media to report on the recent outbreak of conflict in the Gaza Strip:

Wurzelbacher said he was going to let “Average Joes” share their stories and get the real story of what is happening.

“It’s tragic, I mean it really is,” Wurzelbacher told Ohio television station WNWO.

“I don’t say that in any little way. It’s very tragic, but at the same time what are the Israeli people supposed to do?” 

Wurzelbacher said he was not concerned about heading into a warzone for a 10 days. 

“Being a Christian I’m pretty well protected by God I believe. That’s not saying he’s going to stop a mortar for me, but you gotta take the chance,” he told WNWO.

And then, as if he has been taking public speaking lessons from Sarah Palin herself, he continues:

“If given the opportunity to do some good however minute it may be, or could be something really good, you gotta take that chance. You have to do it,” Wurzelbacher said of his new job.

Excuse me while I go put on my nightgown

[Posted by Mallory]

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department of things that are unsurprising.

Kathleen and I are currently sitting next to each other on my couch, wearing matching J.Crew yoga pants, typing on our matching elitist white MacBooks, with our matching jaunty ponytails, watching The Daily Show and playing on the Internets. Could we BE any more DC right now? Or any more liberal? Or any more elitist? Maybe, but only if there was a life-size cutout of Barry sitting between us, wrapped in a down comforter.

[Posted by Mallory]

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nothing like stone for the holidays.

A few months ago, I ordered myself a Rolling Stone subscription on some sketchy website using my super sweet student discount. I never saw an issue of the magazine, so I figured I had been scammed. Little did I know, the magazines were somehow coming to my home address, so there was a stockpile of them waiting when I arrived in Denver at 3 a.m. last night.

Flight delays are fun, huh? I checked into the airport in DC at 12:30 p.m. and arrived in Denver well over twelve hours later thanks to the clusterfuck that was the Boston airport. Not that I’m really complaining. I had Dave Egger’s What Is the What with me, which provided many hours of distraction along with the perspective check of, “Hey, waiting in a climate-controlled airport with plenty of food and water for half a day is not even remotely bad when compared to walking through the Sudanese desert for months, starving and half-naked.”

In general, I’m just glad I was able to get home last night and didn’t get stuck for a few days. (I’m also glad that I wasn’t in the position of these poor people on a flight out of Denver last night.) Plus, my luggage never left Boston, so I’ve been able to justify not leaving my couch because, you know, I don’t even have any CLOTHES to wear in public.

Which leads me back to my real point: I love Rolling Stone. For starters, I always feel pretty damn cool reading it, a la William Miller in Almost Famous. But I really, erm, read it for the articles. I started with the oldest magazine so I could read them in chronological order (OCD, people. OCD), so I’m back in mid-November reading articles about the election and the bailout. Naomi Klein’s article on the bailout made me veddy veddy angry, and Matt Taibbi’s roundup of his favorite moments on the campaign trail made me even happier to be an elitist liberal. Take this quote, for instance:

“The collapse of the Bush administration left the Republican Party utterly bankrupt of ideological advantage. The Bush era made it impossible to sell the party as fiscally conservative ($10 trillion deficit), militarily superior ($12 billion a month fighting a handful of Arabs in sandals to a blood draw), or even as the party of ‘moral values’ (a raft of Republicans caught offering to suck off strangers in restrooms or texting little boys on the Internet).”

Politically correct, Taibbi is not. But still, GO BARRY.

So if you need me over the next few days, you can find me on my couch, in my high school pajamas, weeping into a Rolling Stone as I watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

[Posted by Mallory]

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ny’s governor paterson, snl’s latest buffoon?

This past weekend, SNL’s Weekend Update featured an interview with New York Governor David Paterson during which, Fred Armisen portrayed the legally blind head of state in a less than flattering manner.  I know, that’s hard to imagine for SNL.  Usually, they’re so kind to the politicians whose every character flaw they mercilessly thrust into the spotlight.  Two days later, Paterson’s office is none too happy about the skit which referred to the governor’s blindness in a mocking tone throughout the skit (again, SNL?  mocking?  really!?).

According to the New York Times, “Gov. David A. Paterson’s office criticized a skit on this weekend’s “Saturday Night Live” in which Mr. Paterson, who is legally blind, was portrayed as disoriented and buffoonlike.”  Hold on . . . “disoriented and buffoonlike” . . . I think they’ve done that before . . .

Before we proceed any further, internets, there’s something you should know.  Like Governor Paterson, I am legally blind.  Unlike Governor Paterson, I am only legally blind in one eye and can see almost perfectly out of the other with the help of some very expensive corrective lenses.  Yes, okay, his disability is far more severe and maybe it was a lot harder for him to go to school and maybe unfair accomodations for the visually impaired made him fail the bar exam BUT if I close my right eye I can only see large objects and colors–just like David Paterson.  AND I’ve been wearing glasses since I was four and one half years old and you know what?  Pre-schoolers are MEAN.  So are kindergarteners.  And first graders.  And you know what the only thing is that mean 4-7 year olds love more than a peer in glasses?  A peer with an EYE PATCH.  That’s right, folks.  I was forced to wear an eye patch.  Everyday.  To school.  And maybe three years of humiliation is better than a lifetime with a lazy eye but it STILL SUCKED.  Not only did it make me look silly but it made me walk into things and fall a lot and develop a life-long fear of “the ball.”  Softball, football, kooshball–I don’t care what it is PLEASE DON’T THROW IT IN MY DIRECTION.

Anyway, back to Governor Paterson.  He’s pretty blind and SNL made some jokes about this.  Now, the dude’s office is fahhhh–reaking out.  Which is strange on a few levels.  The first being that the governor is a pretty funny guy and is known for making jokes about his vision problems (I believe that’s called a coping mechanism).  The second being that if you watch the skit (and I’ve kindly allowed you to do so below) you may notice that the jokes are more about Governor Paterson’s cocaine use and hatred of New Jersey than his blindness.  Including my favorite moment when Seth Meyers asks the Governor what he has against NJ and he replies “unfortunately, a southern border.”  That’s funny.  And so are most of the other jokes where SNL pokes fun at Paterson’s inexperience and scandal-ridden career.  Yes, Fred Armisen does squint his right eye and let his left eye wander and yes, he does hold up the graph of unemployment rates upside down.  Will Ferrell does the same thing when he portrays President Bush.   For goodness sake–it’s satire, it’s overdone, live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!!

I think that the bigger problem here is that as the nation’s first legally blind governor, Paterson represents a group of individuals who are affected daily by prejudice and discrimination.  At an event in New York City Sunday night Paterson spoke on the issue without directly addressing the SNL skit saying,

“I run the place that I work in so I don’t have to worry about being discriminated against, I think,” he said. “But the point is that a lot of people who don’t get promotions and don’t get opportunities and don’t even get work are disabled in our society.” 

 That’s very true and I don’t mean to be insensitive but those people aren’t limited to the visually or physically impaired.  There are gays, blacks, latinos, women, etc. who are in the same position . . . and SNL makes fun of all of them.  But, oddly enough, it’s done lovingly and it often progresses the national dialogue.  That being said, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cringe once or twice when watching this skit and I don’t think SNL should be protected by a “but they make fun of everyone” clause.   I understand Governor Paterson’s frustrations (believe me), but at the end of the day he’s just another politician to be ridiculed on SNL.  Ultimately, he wasn’t picked on because he was blind but because he wasn’t supposed to become the governor, because he used to do cocaine and cheat on his wife, because he hates New Jersey, because he’s there.  Maybe years of being called “four eyes” and “Captain Hook” (which didn’t even make sense, I know) have made me impervious to vision-related taunts and I’m not being sensitive enough.  So please, watch and decide for yourself.  Is this more offensive than I’m giving it credit for?

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prop 8, the celebrity filled musical.

While the California State Supreme Court waits to hear three separate lawsuits challenging Prop 8 several celebrities have come together with “Funny or Die” to create “Prop 8, The Musical.” Starring John C. Reilly, Maya Rudolph/Kathleen, Allison Janney, Jack Black as Jesus and many more (does anybody else see Darryl from ‘The Office’ in the ensemble?) PLUS a special appearance by Neil Patrick Harris, the musical, while entertaining, argues that gay marriage is good for the economy. And, you know, civil rights (potato, potahto).

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[Posted by Madeline]

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