Category Archives: six word memoirs

when our work’s done for us.

Okay, so I think the story behind this Wonkette headline is a leetle terrifying. First, take a look at the six-word masterpiece:

“Meth-Mouths Jailed In Obama Assassination Plot.”

Um, slighty scary, right? The backstory is that a bunch of strung-out crazies may have been plotting to kill our boy B at his acceptance speech at Invesco on Thursday night. According to CBS 4 News in Denver, so far four people involved in this assassination plot  — Nathan Johnson (pictured above), Tharin Gartrell (also pictured above), Shawn Robert Adolf, and Natasha Gromek (Johnson’s girlfriend) — have been arrested on drug or weapons charges:

One of those suspects spoke exclusively to CBS4 investigative reporter Brian Maass from inside the Denver City Jail late Monday night and said his friends had discussed killing Obama. 

“So your friends were saying threatening things about Obama?” Maass asked. 

“Yeah,” Nathan Johnson replied. 

“It sounded like they didn’t want him to be president?” 

“Yeah,” Johnson said. 

Maass reported earlier Monday that one of the suspects told authorities they were “going to shoot Obama from a high vantage point using a … rifle … sighted at 750 yards.” 

Also,

Sources told CBS4 police found two high-powered, scoped rifles in the car along with camouflage clothing, walkie-talkies, wigs, a bulletproof vest, a spotting scope, licenses in the names of other people and 44 grams of methamphetamine. One of the rifles is listed as stolen from Kansas.

The appropriately named Adolf was wearing a swastika and apparently has ties to a white supremacist organization, and Johnson told the CBS reporter that “He [Obama] don’t belong in political office. Blacks don’t belong in political office. He ought to be shot.”  Riiight, because intelligent white people like Adolf and Johnson are infinitely superior to PERFECT PEOPLE LIKE BARACK OBAMA. 

Now, I’m hoping these guys are just crazy and their brains are broken from a little too much meth, and that this isn’t actually some elaborate, well-planned assassination plot. Because the thought of that makes me very nervous. Hey Barack? Please, PLEASE don’t get shot.

[Posted by Mallory]

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just six words and a picture.

Here is the Chinese Gymnastics team is totally underage edition. (Note: Olympic gymnasts must be at least 16 in the year of the Olympics. Click here to read how China cheated) Below is all the evidence I needed. Haha :

Glitter? Yup. She is DEFINITELY fourteen.

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just six words and a picture.

Here is the Olympic beach volleyball edition:

Hopefully he’s got the midas touch.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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just six words and a picture.

This has been bothering me for quite some time:

One word for you, Miley: braces.

UPDATE: Instead of braces, did she maybe just get terrible veneers?

WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?! Anyone?

[Posted by Mallory]

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just six words and a picture.

The Katie Jane Tracy 22nd birthday edition!

You’re worth more than 1,000 words.

Happy birthday, KTray. One more thing:

[Posted with love from Kathleen and Mallory]

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when our work’s done for us.

Just as Mallory posted a headline due to its six word memoir quality, I am going to do the same.  It is now officially a regular feature at SWTCTW. This one, brought to us by fellow masters of snark, Page Six, is really quite good. It refers to the former (thank GOD) Mrs. McCartney’s publicist quitting on her. Michele Elyzabeth, her jilted mouthpiece, said:

On reflection and given the way I have been treated, I now have sympathy with much of what the British Press has reported about her.

Ouch, that sucks. Especially since the Brits (God love them and their humor/humour) are especially vicious when reporting the news and celebrity gossip.

Anyway, here is Page Six’s headline/six word memoir.

“Heather loses her P.R. leg, too”

Snap!

[Posted by Kathleen]

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just six words and a picture.

Barack Obama and Nicolas Sarkozy met today to joke around, exchange friendly shoulder-punches, compare pecs, and say some serious stuff about war.

Now get Carla and Michelle together.

[Posted by Mallory]

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when our work’s done for us.

Thanks to NYC Correspondent Annie, we are considering starting a new regular feature: great six-word headlines where the work is done for us. For instance:

“Japan’s newest growth industry: Asian tourists”

You can read the whole article here, but don’t bother. The title’s the only entertaining part. Keep an eye out for more of these, or send your own excellent six-word headlines to sixwordstochangetheworld@gmail.com.

[Posted by Mallory]

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just six words and a picture.

They make a fairly cute family.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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just six words and a picture.

Here is Mariah Carey (or should I say Mrs. Nick Cannon. How did that happen? Drumline was so good!) on the August cover of Elle Magazine. Wowie.

All hail the power of Photoshop.

[Posted by Kathleen]

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