Um, hilarious:
[Posted by Mallory]
turn it up, turn it up.
I am in a MAJOR Van Morrison phase right now. Which maybe sounds lame, like “Oh, hey, way to be a few decades late.” But whatever. Van Morrison is summer music for me, and so the second it was nice out, I was cranking that shit up. Maybe if I keep listening for the next few weeks, I can trick myself into thinking it’s not still see-your-breath weather. I’ll let you know how that works.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under music, pop culture, thoughts, YouTube
joggers always find the dead bodies.
Let me tell you about what happens when I go running.
Before I go running, it’s typically a battle of Good Mallory versus Lazy Mallory. Good Mallory says “Hey! It’s nice out! When it’s nice out sometimes you enjoy the run for almost the first four minutes! Go do it!” Lazy Mallory counters with “But you were kind of sick yesterday! Don’t worry! Keep lying in your bed!” Good Mallory says “You don’t feel sick anymore, do you? Also, what time did you wake up today?” Bad Mallory sheepishly admits “Um, 1 p.m.” Then Good Mallory finishes it up with “EXACTLY. I win, you lazy ass. Go running.”
(It should go without saying that by running I mean jogging slowly for a short amount of time.)
So I turn off my schizo and head out for my run. There’s a nice little wooded path by my house, which is pretty flat and not that long (that’s what she said?). I go running there regularly (read: every other month).
For the first, oh, six minutes, things are going well. Nice temperature, I’m digging my On-The-Go playlist, etc. etc. Then some asshole rock jumps out and trips me, my right foot bends awkwardly under me, and I fall. Hard. My train of thoughts was as follows:
1. Hahahhahahahahahahahahaha.
2. Oh shit. What if this is one of those moments where nothing hurts and then all of a sudden you look and somehow your femur bone is sticking out through your shin?
3. If that were to happen, how would I get back to my apartment?
4. Hey, my knee is bleeding. Bad ass.
5. Did that guy with the dog see me fall?
6. Does this mean I can go home and lie on the couch?
7. Even better, can I call in sick at work for this?
8. I guess this is why uncoordinated people who hate running shouldn’t run.
Before the dude with the dog can get to me, I stand my sorry self back up and start hobbling away. Guy with dog looks at me with pity and is all “Uhhh, you okay?”
In the days since my devastating and life-threatening injury, my ankle has gone from normal looking to softball size to cankle-esque (EW) with a purpleish hue. And I’m rocking an ace bandage. It’s like I’m a real athlete! Also, I got to feel pretty justified doing nothing for the past few days. R.I.C.E., baby:
I understand that this is a crappy, generally useless photo. But hey, camera phones!
Throughout this whole harrowing process I’ve learned one very important lesson: mild injuries are WAY less fun when you don’t get to skip school for them.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under adventures, humor, sports
the hawaii chair trumps the snuggie.
Now I know all you Snuggsters are going to take issues with me on this one. But the Hawaii Chair informercial is WAY better than the Snuggie.
The “Oh my gosh! This is amazing!” girl…is she serious? Does she realize that she sounds like she’s…well, whatever. Honestly I could go on for ages about the hilariousness, but I’m going to let the master handle this one:
❤ Ellen!
[Posted by Kathleen]
when our work’s done for us.
Here is a story from the NYT:
“For Young President, Flecks of Gray“
Naturally, I think B looks fantastic. While the article makes it seem like it wasn’t necessarily a campaign decision to let him go gray, I think it was. Every detail of that campaign was discussed and analyzed. They wanted him to have a more experienced look, and it works for him.
Who is this Walt Frazier “No Play for Mr. Gray” joker anyway? Pssh. B is still foxy.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under blogging, celebrities, crushes, fashion, news, politics, pop culture, random, thoughts
dear readers, i present food porn.
My officemate Erica (who has her own fabulous food blog called Bacon Concentrate — check her out and make her famous!) introduced me to Tastespotting, the most wonderful blog ever. It just has lots of pictures of food! Basically, any food-lover can send in their own handiwork and have it displayed on le blog. Which is both wonderful and really, really torturous. Just ask my keyboard, which is now covered in my saliva. I feel like this site shouldn’t be safe for work. Here are some samples:
(Originally from kitchenmischief.blogspot.com)
(Originally from voodoolily.blogspot.com)
(Originally from latimes.com)
(Originally from spicyicecream.blogspot.com)
Yeah, you’re welcome.
[Posted by Mallory]
you went to school for what?!
I always hated when you’d ask someone what their degree was in and they’d say something like “procrastination” or “drinking”. Oh, haha, good joke, you are HILARIOUS. But imagine if you asked someone what they got their Master’s in and the response was “The Beatles”–and they weren’t making lame attempts at wit! That’s awesome! No seriously, you can get a Master’s Degree in “The Beatles, Popular Music and Society” at Liverpool Hope University in England. Ummm. Sign me up!
Here is the AP story:
LONDON — The city of Liverpool already has a Beatles museum and its airport is named after John Lennon. Now a local university says it rolling out a graduate program entirely devoted to the Fab Four.
Liverpool Hope University said Tuesday that its new master’s program, “The Beatles, Popular Music and Society,” would give students the opportunity to analyze music and culture through the band’s work.
“There have been over 8,000 books about the Beatles but there has never been serious academic study and that is what we are going to address,” said Mike Brocken, who is directing the program at the university, which is in the band’s hometown in northwestern England.
Brocken said students would be expected to study the Beatles’ songs, stardom, hometown and cultural impact through four 12-week courses and a dissertation.
Brocken said studying the band was really a way of examining society as a whole.
“If popular music is about anything, it’s about people,” he said. “If we look at popular culture, it simply provides us with a very complex mirror of ourselves.”
I think I just found the answer to the quarter life crisis.
Paul McCartney, no joke, was my first celebrity crush. Of course, I was smitten with the young Paul McCartney. I was also devasted when I realized the pictures were in black and white because they were taken 40 years earlier. Wahhhhhh.
Imagine the classes you could take! Please leave comments with your wittiest/best effort Beatles inspired class name. (I won’t judge you as long as it’s not like “Drinking and Procrastinating to the Beatles!” But–side story– I did, in fact, have a Beatles pregame once. Or thrice.)
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under blogging, celebrities, crushes, definitely not politics, history, music, pop culture, post-college depression, random
denver: last frontier of…unusual sculptures?
As I’ve mentioned a few hundred times on this blog, I’m from Denver. I’m pretty obsessed with my hometown and am quick to brag about it. Until recently, and besides Tom Tancredo, there wasn’t much about Denver that I was ashamed of.
Then last year, “Blue Mustang” made its way to the entrance to Denver International Airport. If you’ve ever flown into or out of DIA, you’ll remember this mustang, although you may only remember its “I-will-eat-your-soul” red-eyed death stare:
In that picture, it may just look ugly, but take my word for it: those eyes are downright terrifying when it’s pitch black outside and you’re on your way to a 5 a.m. flight.
As if the basic aesthetics of the mustang weren’t bad enough, there’s a horror story behind the making of it. The artist DIED when the mustang’s TORSO fackin’ FELL ON HIM:
Haters of this work say that “Blue Mustang,” as it is formally known, by the artist Luis Jiménez (killed in 2006 when a section of the 9,000-pound fiberglass statue fell on him during construction), is frightening, or cursed by its role in Mr. Jiménez’s death, or both. [NYTimes]
That mustang is a murderer! It’s even spawned a Facebook group supporting its removal. I mean sure, you could argue that the sculpture gets people talking, and that it’s bold. But in a city that’s not exactly, er, known for its art, do we really want this to be what people associate with Denver? (Not to mention one of the first or last things they see in the city.) I’d much rather my beloved Mile High City be known for one of its less creepy — but equally wacky and conversation-starting — sculptures. Here’s “Dancers,” which sits outside our Performing Arts Complex:
And my personal favorite, titled “I See What You Mean,” which is outside the Convention Center:
So, dear readers, what do you think?
[Posted by Mallory]
when our work’s done for us.
In case you hadn’t heard, your favorite libtard crook politican is writing a book!
Thank you, Chicagoist (via Wonkette, obviously) for this gem:
I’m counting darkside as one word, which makes this a phenomenal six-word memoir (literally! ba-dum ching!).
Blago, I hope your memoir is exactly as successful as Joe the Plumber’s “book.”
[Posted by Mallory]
happy square root day, you nerds.
Oh sweet celebration! Happy Square Root Day, ya’ll! Today (incase you forgot) is 03/03/09, so mathematically…√9 = 3, or 3² = 3 × 3 = 9. Stop judging me, I did not come up with this and I had to copy and paste the math from my source. I just like to keep you informed. Here’s what the mathematical mastermind, Ron Gordon, has to say about Square Root Day:
“Square Root Days are special because they’re so rare,” he said, with enthusiasm to the nth degree. “We only get a handful of them in a century. The last one was Feb. 2, 2004, and the next won’t be until April 4, 2016. They’re like calendar comets. You wait and wait and wait for them, they brighten up your day and then — poof! They’re gone.”
Nothing significant will actually happen on this day, as far as we know.
Luck is not associated with Square Root Day as it is with, say, a Friday the 13th (which we’ll have next week). The Rapture will not occur, and airplanes will not fall out of the sky like they didn’t on Y2K.
Now if you did the math and use your trusty TI-83 Plus, you could find out that Square Root Day only occurs sixteen times a century. The next one? 04/04/16, duh. And apparently you’re supposed to celebrate by cutting up root vegetables in the shape of square roots. Weird.
But in honor of all you math nerds and I suppose Square Root Day, I present to you this video of my favorite mathlete ever, the one and only Math Enthusiast/Bad-Ass MC, Kevin G.
[Posted by Kathleen]
six words to change the world. 