Can you imagine having this much enthusiasm about a rainbow? Amazing. And hilarious. Best line: What does this mean!? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was a Will Ferrell sketch.
Enjoy! And happy Thursday, readership!
[Posted by Kathleen]
lohan claims a human rights violation.
Oh, LiLo. A few people have passed this my way already this morning. Lindsay is now saying the “f*** u” written on her fingernail was a just a joke, and it had nothing to do with her court appearance. It is almost unbelievable, at this point, that she isn’t smart enough to realize that she is under a microscope and something like that would be seen. Anyway, the Lohan believes all of this criticism is unfair, and that she has been subjected to cruelty, so she took to her Twitter account to clear things up.
She essentially claimed that her human rights had been violated, and tweeted Article 5 of the U.N. Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Yes, really.
No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.
And then she quotes law professor Erik Luna:
“November 1 marked the 15th anniversary of the U.S. Sentencing Guidelines. But there were no celebrations, parades, or other festivities in honor of this punishment scheme created by Congress and the U.S. Sentencing Commission… Instead, the day passed like most others during the last 15 years: Scores of federal defendants sentenced under a constitutionally perverted system that saps moral judgment through its mechanical rules.”
Well, we all know she’s wrong. And I have a smarty-pants friend that made logical points to counter Lindsay’s rambling:
a. She’s referring to the wrong body of law- this is a GA assembly resolution- the universal declaration of human rights is not binding to the US.
b. The International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights is binding to the US.
c. Our own constitution protects against cruel and unusual punishment.
Celebrities! Who would we mock without them?
After that, she posted a link to the Newsweek story on Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, an Iranian woman who will be stoned to death for adultery. Let’s all hope she isn’t comparing her situation to that human rights tragedy.
But in all honesty, I find it sad that LiLo’s delusional enough to think that she doesn’t deserve to abide by the court’s rules like the rest of us. Maybe this whole experience will do the girl some good. (But that’s been said before, right?)
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, cry face, definitely not politics, news, pop culture, random, thoughts, weird
i laughed so hard i cried.
This was passed along to me in the form of an email forward from an A-MAZING FAN-TASTIC Chicago correspondent. Seriously though, the six word title is no joke. I was in tears probably for twenty minutes because of this. I obviously passed it along to everyone I know. My buddy quickly became obsessed with it (and the popularity it brought him in the office), so he started digging around a bit. Well, it wasn’t just an email passed along. In fact, this comes from David Thorne, who is a well-known internet humorist. I have no doubt that this email exchange is real though– creating humor in every day life is kind of his thing. You can find more hilarity on his website, 27b/6. Okay, enough with the introductions. Read every word. Get ready to laugh.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster
Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.
This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone… possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out “Shannon, where are you?”
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster
yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
I never said I don’t like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham ‘Choose Life’ t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
It’s a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don’t come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww
Dear Shannon,
I don’t have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend’s cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn’t have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww
Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww
I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says “I haven’t seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?” you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Please just use the photo I gave you.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Fine. That will have to do.
—-
You’re welcome.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under animals, humor, pop culture, random, Uncategorized, weird
just six words and a picture.
I feel irked by the fact that I am contributing to the clogging of the interwebs with more LiLo news, but alas, she’s just asking for it.
LiLo’s parting words, before jail time.
or
Read her lips, or rather, fingernail.
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under celebrities, humor, news, pictures, pop culture, weird
department of things that are unsurprising…
So, remember back around Christmastime when I posted about the best invention ever in the world? Which was a breakfast sandwich-making machine? And remember how none of you assholes bought it for me?
Well, turns out one of you assholes HAD bought it for me, almost a full year prior, in anticipation of my graduation. Two major observations here:
1. How great is the thought and planning that went into this gift? The idea was hatched more than a year before the gift was given, and was kept secret all that time! It still makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside to think about it.
2. My favorite gift that I received for my graduation from graduate school was a machine that makes breakfast sandwiches.
The rooms and I got to christen the breakfast sandwich machine a couple of weeks ago, and holy soy sausage, that thing is amazing. Try to imagine it: an average toaster with a sidecar that includes an egg cooker and a meat warmer. You can’t even picture it, can you? It’s beyond the realm of your imagination, isn’t it? Thank goodness Amazon can provide a photo:
Hello, lover.
Here’s how it goes: you pop your bread in the toaster, crack an egg into the world’s tiniest frying pan, place your meat in the meat warmer, press a button, and spend the next ten minutes staring eagerly at your breakfast sandwich machine and reading the instruction manual, which says hilarious things like “Remove toast, egg, and meat. Assemble into sandwich, or enjoy separately.” And then…it’s ready. And the egg looks just like those freaky perfect round ones from McDonald’s. And suddenly, all is right with the world.
It’s the little things, really.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under adventures, food, health
youtube clip of today: friggin’ twilight.
As much as it pains me to give one more second of publicity to the Jersey Shore kids, I feel obligated to post this… I did chuckle a bit. And as BuzzFeed put it, “Snooki’s acting shows way more range than Kristen Stewart’s.” See for yourself, readership!
[Posted by Kathleen]
Filed under blogging, celebrities, definitely not politics, humor, movies, pop culture, sex, TV, weird, YouTube
edith shain, the kissing nurse, dies.
Edith Shain, now famous for being the subject of “one of the most memorable photographs from World War Two,” died on Sunday at 91. You know the photo, right?:
Now I’ve seen this photo about a million times — and was among the 50% of college girls who had this poster up in her dorm room (there was a poster sale on campus, OKAY?) — but I never knew the story behind it. As I went to post this, I wondered if she ended up marrying that guy, or something equally adorable. Turns out, she didn’t even know him. According to le Wikipedia, “In August 1945, Shain was working at Doctor’s Hospital in New York City as a nurse when she and a friend heard on the radio that World War II had ended. They went to Times Square where all the celebrating was and as soon as she arrived on the street from the subway, the sailor grabbed her in an embrace and kissed her.” As one Gawker commenter pointed out, that almost makes the story more amazing; there Edith was, minding her own business, when all of a sudden she becomes part of this iconic moment, captured forever on film.
Rest in peace, Edith, and thanks for being such a good sport. Next time a stranger tries to give me a smooch on the sidewalk, I’ll go with it, and hope someone’s around to snap the picture.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under adventures, history, news, pictures, RIP
just six words and a link.
Comic Sans fights back. I die.
Thanks to E.Lee for the tip. For a reminder of how we here at SWTCTW feel about Comic Sans, see here, here, here, and here.
[Posted by Mallory]
Filed under humor, pop culture, random
six words to change the world. 
